Reject a boy to be his girlfriend

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Brigit

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hey everyone, I’m new in this forum. I want to ask how to reject a boy to be his girlfriend because I want to be lay celibate and because I promised to God to life-long celibate. It is a culture in my country, Indonesia, to boy ask a girl to be his girlfriend. I don’t want to be pride, but, many of boys has crush on me. Sorry for my bad english.
 
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@Brigit
In your country, is it the custom that a girl is required to give a reason for saying no to a boy?
If it is not, then say to him, “No, I do not wish to be your girlfriend”.
You do not need to explain why.
 
It is not required. But, maybe, he will ask why. I’m afraid that he will be angry at me. I remember when he tried to hug me, but I prevent him. After that, he talking bad about me with his friends.
 
Brigit said:
It is not required. But, maybe, he will ask why. I’m afraid that he will be angry at me. I remember when he tried to hug me, but I prevent him. After that, he talking bad about me with his friends.
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Perhaps he will feel sad, upset, or even angry for a moment. That’s okay. He will be alright. If you do not wish to be anyone’ girlfriend for any reason whatsoever, just gently say so & let the man deal with his own feelings. Men are strong enough to do this; we ladies needn’t protect them from upset feelings. That’s our motherly heart & God have it to us to comfort children, not “baby” grown men.
 
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Well, if he talks badly about you to his friends because you won’t let him hug you, he doesn’t sound like such a kind person, and enough of a reason to say no.

I would not want to be with someone who talks badly about me to others.

You have the right to say no, to a hug, to a relationship.
 
Brigit said:
It is not required. But, maybe, he will ask why. I’m afraid that he will be angry at me. I remember when he tried to hug me, but I prevent him. After that, he talking bad about me with his friends.
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This worries me, are you safe? This boy doesnt sound like some you should have any relationship with.

I understand not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings… but respect goes both ways. If he respects you as a person you should be able to just politely tell him you are not interested in being his girlfriend… and like @Tis_Bearself says if you need a response tell him you have dedicated your time to God.
 
Kind of reminds me of the early Christian martyrs, the women that consecrated their virginity. When they would refuse marriage, the men would turn them over to the pagan authorities. Maybe you should read more about them.
 
Zaccheus said:
@Brigit
In your country, is it the custom that a girl is required to give a reason for saying no to a boy?
If it is not, then say to him, “No, I do not wish to be your girlfriend”.
You do not need to explain why.
Click to expand...
Perhaps not, but it might be a kindness, to let him know that you don’t wish to, not for any bad reason, not because you don’t like him or find him objectionable, but because you wish to remain single and celibate for God.

I think that is kinder than just saying “no” and leaving him wondering why. It also bears powerful witness to the Faith.
annad347 said:
It is not required. But, maybe, he will ask why. I’m afraid that he will be angry at me. I remember when he tried to hug me, but I prevent him. After that, he talking bad about me with his friends.
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Anna has a point. Some young men don’t handle rejection well. But I still think that giving a reason — a very good one — is better than not giving a reason.
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Agree, “I do not wish to be your girlfriend. If you wish to have a girlfriend in the future, I would advise you to grow in kindness and charity.”
 
Brigit said:
It is not required. But, maybe, he will ask why. I’m afraid that he will be angry at me. I remember when he tried to hug me, but I prevent him. After that, he talking bad about me with his friends.
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Well then, the reason is “because you are an ignorant and rude boy, who trash-talks people when he doesn’t get what he wants.”

Sounds like he wouldn’t make a good boyfriend/husband even if you hadn’t dedicated your life to God.
 
I agree with you, but not every one is able to answer like this. It can also make the boy angry, and as for me, I would be afraid of his reaction.
 
Anicette said:
It can also make the boy angry, and as for me, I would be afraid of his reaction.
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If the OP is afraid of this boy’s reaction that’s a HUGE reason to end the relationship ASAP. If she’s afraid to do it herself, perhaps her father can call him. No one should EVER feel “scared into” a relationship!
 
Jen7 said:
If the OP is afraid of this boy’s reaction that’s a HUGE reason to end the relationship ASAP. If she’s afraid to do it herself, perhaps her father can call him. No one should EVER feel “scared into” a relationship!
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Definitely.
 
I already read them. Thanks @JHFamily. Sometimes, when I wanted to give up because of this situation, I mean to not become dedicated to God anymore, I just remember at them.
 
To add to what other people stated, do you have any big brothers to protect you? Have you learned any basic self-defense (which is more than just physical force, it’s also knowing how to avoid potentially dangerous situations)? Have you made your concerns know to school officials?
 
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