Reject a boy to be his girlfriend

  • Thread starter Thread starter Brigit
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no, I don’t have big brothers. I have learned few basic defense. I have not made my concerns know to school officials, because I’m scared and I don’t thing school will care with this.
 
You keep mentioning being scared. Please at least call a non-emergency police line for advice! I hope you don’t live alone. You are making me scared for you!
 
It could be that she is a charitable person who is just trying to be nice.
 
This sadly doesn’t always help though as police usually won’t do anything until a guy has physically threatened or stalk and even less so in some countries.

I remember a few months ago I was at a train station in a isolated country town in the evening/dinner time and a random guy (seemed possibly on drugs) started chatting me up.
I felt threatened as I was in an unfamiliar state + country town (catching interstate train) so I handled it poorly by making excuse about needing to leave to use toilet but it’s like he sensed my discomfort and took it as a personal rejection and then started calling me names/verbally abuse.

It seems like OP guy is insecure in this same way too and I think the best and safest way to deal with guys like this is to reject them gently and make them feel it’s not them personally but that you want to be religious and not marry.

It’s sad that as women we have to do these “tactics” to stay safe from some unpredictable men but I don’t know what else can we do?
 
Rozellelily said:
reject them gently
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Also if it’s a really uncomfortable situation you can reject them by putting yourself down (as in “ I don’t deserve someone like you, you’re so much smarter and more handsome than me, you deserve a much smarter woman. I’m so [fill in the blank with as many personality flaws as you can].”) Not exactly fun, but I had success with this method once with a guy who just would NOT take no for an answer. After about ten minutes of talking up all my own negative points he was like “you know, you’re right! I really am too good for you! I’m so much kinder, better looking, smarter, more fun, holier, etc etc etc…” He never bothered me again. 🙂
 
Brigit said:
…After that, he talking bad about me with his friends.
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That sounds like a pretty good reason NOT to be his girlfriend. If you choose to date in the future, only accept people that respect you.
 
Given how he has acted so far, perhaps have someone else tell him so you can avoid an unsafe position. They can tell him you are committed to the church and do not plan to date or marry, that you wish him well but you cannot date him. Perhaps a brother, friend, parent, or classmate can tell him for you.
 
God bless you Brigit on your faith. I agree that this boy is not a friend to you and not respectful.
 
Hey, people, the OP mentioned she’s from Indonesia. It’s a country, it’s not some municipality in the US. Notably, it’s a predominantly Muslim country with a lot of human rights issues and rampant and blatant problem with misogyny.
I understand that the girl may be scared and it might not be possible for her to easily rebuff the advances of a boy, especially in religious grounds. This is exacerbated if he’s Muslim.

We don’t know the whole situation, I’d be grateful if the OP posts some extra information.
 
The boy is not muslim. It is happened in catholic university. The university that I studied, most of the students are catholic. I’m not living in the area that has many fundamental moslem. I’m guessing that you read news about Indonesia, did you? @Marek
 
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Are there any student advisors you can talk to about what is happening?

This can constitute a hostile atmosphere if the boy is harassing you constantly.
 
Brigit,

Is this boy still asking you to be his girlfriend?

You are not responsible for another persons feelings but I still think because he seems sensitive to rejection you should let him down gently for your own safety.
 
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What do you think will happen to you if you tell her?

Do you think this boy will turn violent?

He can be violent even if you don’t report his behavior.
 
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