Rejected Absolution

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SFJ

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Good morning,
I’m very new to this forum so please bear with me. I could use a bit of advice. I am Roman Catholic. (I attended Catholic school. I can assure you that I was never taught canon law.) My relationship with God has been a rocky one but I made a conscious decision to become closer to Him about 2 years ago. I have been married to a non-believer for 18 years. We have 3 children all baptized in the Catholic Church. He does not stand in the way of my faith/beliefs.
I attempted to confess my sins last week after about 25 years. The priest was not from our parish and basically told me he would be unable to absolve me since my marriage isn’t acknowledged by the church. I went to the rectory office and requested to meet with our parish priest to help me get this all sorted out. I haven’t heard from anyone yet and it’s been almost a week. I had been receiving the Eucharist up to that point and honestly didn’t realize that I was in the wrong. I have since stopped and am anxious to right my wrongs and move on. My question is how long do I wait? Should I look to another parish? I’m scared because I have become so close to God these past few years and I’m finally ready to admit my sins and work past them but how will I do that with no support from my priest?
Thanks to those who take the time to read this and not ridicule me.
 
I’m sorry. Not remarried. Married to the same man for 18 years.
 
SFJ said:
I’m sorry. Not remarried. Married to the same man for 18 years.
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I’m wondering if a detail was left out. All natural marriages should be considered sacramentally valid until proven otherwise.
 
SFJ said:
I have become so close to God these past few years and I’m finally ready to admit my sins and work past them
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Be insistent about meeting with a parish priest.

Keep attending Mass.

Read your catechism. Situations like this often do not get sorted out overnight. Keep going to confession but focus on the present until you meet with your priest and get more direction.
 
The process should be relatively simple. There are ten steps or so to convalidation in the Church:

1.) Contact your local parish for an appointment with your pastor or his delegate to discuss the situation and determine what must be done.

2.) Obtain a new copy of the baptismal certificate for the Catholic party (or parties). Make that request to the parish where the person was baptized. If the parish no longer exists or baptismal records are unavailable, contact the Chancery office of that Catholic diocese for assistance.

3.) Begin collecting the necessary paperwork for the Pre-Nuptial Investigation.

4.) Participate in formational sessions with a mentor couple, priest or deacon in the parish to prepare you for sacramental marriage; take a Natural Family Planning Class (http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-act...natural-family-planning/find-an-nfp-class.cfm).

5.) As part of your formational sessions, you may be asked to complete a premarital inventory to identify strengths and areas for growth in the relationship.

6.) If married more than two years it is highly recommended that you attend a marriage enrichment weekend or event; not necessary, however.

7.) Determine the date and most suitable type of ceremony. For two Catholics, a nuptial Mass is suggested so that the first meal shared by the couple is the Eucharist, the source and summit of our faith. Plan a joyful get-together that will follow the liturgical service to celebrate the Church’s recognition of your marriage.

8.) Celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation and become actively involved together in your parish community.

All the best!
 
Keep calling the parish office and request an appointment with the priest.
 
The Church believes that marriages entered into by non-Catholics in their particular church, or wherever they may take place, are valid. In the eyes of the Church, even two atheists or agnostics who are married civilly before a judge or magistrate enter into a valid marriage.

Catholics, however, are bound to observe a certain form of marriage ritual in order that their marriage be valid. Canon law—the law of the Church—requires that Catholics enter into marriage by free mutual consent that is witnessed in a church by an authorised bishop, priest, or deacon and at least two other witnesses. Marriages in which one or both parties are Catholic and which are not witnessed by an authorised bishop, priest, or deacon, or which do not receive proper permission to take place in another forum, are considered invalid in the eyes of the Church.

This woman was brought up and is a Catholic and thus must have a convalidation performed.
 
anonymous51 said:
Catholics, however, are bound to observe a certain form of marriage ritual in order that their marriage be valid. Canon law—the law of the Church—requires that Catholics enter into marriage by free mutual consent that is witnessed in a church by an authorised bishop, priest, or deacon and at least two other witnesses. Marriages in which one or both parties are Catholic and which are not witnessed by an authorised bishop, priest, or deacon, or which do not receive proper permission to take place in another forum, are considered invalid in the eyes of the Church.
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Exactly. How do know this was not the case?
 
I’m not sure why he said your marriage was invalid, so perhaps there are details missing. But churches and their secretaries are busy, so I would go to the parish office during office hours and make an appointment in person. You might even see Father at that time if he’s free. Or stay after Mass and talk to him quietly for a couple of minutes after he’s greeted everyone and let him know you are trying to make an appointment to discuss xyz.

Is it possible that the priest you confessed to was mistaken about your situation? Don’t give up hope after one call not being returned. Just be a little more proactive in making an appointment.

Praying that you can get this resolved! Peace.
 
SFJ said:
I can assure you that I was never taught canon law.
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What a shame! 🙂 In seriousness, I would only suggest that you try to be as patient as is reasonable in terms of waiting for a response from your local pastor. If you get no response in this reasonable amount of time, call again or just show up at the rectory. If that yields no results, consider going to another priest.

Your marital status can be rectified, if need be, but how that happens is something I can’t predict.

Dan
 
From person experience in regards to making appointments with priests, just speak directly to Father face to face. You’ll never get anything if you call.
 
Hi. If you are Catholic and married outside the Church (while Catholic) without dispensation to do so, your marriage is invalid. This actually happened to me and can be corrected.

If your spouse is on board your marriage can be convalidated in a little marriage ceremony before a priest or deacon. If he won’t participate, there is still a process called radical sanation. I am not an expert on these, but your parish’s priest or deacon should help you deal with it. Try speaking to either after mass or be persistent with phone calls or emails. My priest quickly directed me to the deacon and the deacon was responsive. He verified that my spouse and I had never been civilly married to anyone else and convalidated our marriage.

I do know some couples who had the same issue and they had to go through marriage prep still, though their civil marriages were much newer and they had no kids at the time. Ideally yours can be resolved after a meeting or two with a priest or deacon or a representative and your marriage convalidated quickly.

During this time you should seek to refrain from marital relations with your spouse. If your intent is there and you’re working to get things resolved a priest can absolve you (I can’t speak for individuals, but it can be done if he feels you are properly repentant, working to act morally, and in the procedd of getting everything resolved. It was done for me). This can be a difficult time and conversation for your spouse if they are not supportive. Thankfully, my wife had just converted to Catholicism and I was just returning to the faith so we were on the same page.
 
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SFJ said:
Good morning,

I’m very new to this forum so please bear with me. I could use a bit of advice. I am Roman Catholic. (I attended Catholic school. I can assure you that I was never taught canon law.) My relationship with God has been a rocky one but I made a conscious decision to become closer to Him about 2 years ago. I have been married to a non-believer for 18 years. We have 3 children all baptized in the Catholic Church. He does not stand in the way of my faith/beliefs.

I attempted to confess my sins last week after about 25 years. The priest was not from our parish and basically told me he would be unable to absolve me since my marriage isn’t acknowledged by the church. I went to the rectory office and requested to meet with our parish priest to help me get this all sorted out. I haven’t heard from anyone yet and it’s been almost a week. I had been receiving the Eucharist up to that point and honestly didn’t realize that I was in the wrong. I have since stopped and am anxious to right my wrongs and move on. My question is how long do I wait? Should I look to another parish? I’m scared because I have become so close to God these past few years and I’m finally ready to admit my sins and work past them but how will I do that with no support from my priest?

Thanks to those who take the time to read this and not ridicule me.
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May I ask if this is the only marriage both of you have had and did you get married civilly only and not in a Catholic Church or any other Church?
 
Then [Jesus] told them a parable about the necessity for them to pray always without becoming weary. He said, “There was a judge in a certain town who neither feared God nor respected any human being. And a widow in that town used to come to him and say, ‘Render a just decision for me against my adversary.’ For a long time the judge was unwilling, but eventually he thought, ‘While it is true that I neither fear God nor respect any human being, because this widow keeps bothering me I shall deliver a just decision for her lest she finally come and strike me.’” (Lk 18: 1-6)
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Persistence, persistence, persistence.

To any clergy present, I know that priests fear God, just advising persistence.
 
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Hi SFJ,
While I personally am not an expert in this area, I’d like to encourage you not to be disheartened in this process. I’m reminded of St. Paul’s words to the Corinthians (1 Cor 7:12-16):

To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

May the Lord guide and comfort you during this process, and may you and your family continually grow in His love and peace.
 
This is the only marriage for both of us. We were married by a Christian minister outside of the Catholic Church. We have been together since the age of 16 and married at 22.
 
SFJ said:
This is the only marriage for both of us. We were married by a Christian minister outside of the Catholic Church. We have been together since the age of 16 and married at 22.
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I would sit down and discuss with a priest because we don’t know all details. However it seems like the convalidation route might be the way to go.
 
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