Rejection of a Daughter

[Augustine]

I close friend of mine is going through a rough path with his teenager daughter. He’s found out that she’s been lying to him about going to disreputable socializing sites, in particular when she’s with her mother. She’s not only kept going to such sites, which include pornography, gangs, drugs, etc, but now she’s been calling someone she’s met online.

He’s devastated, especially because her mother couldn’t care less about her daughter’s online activities. But he’s going overboard by threatening to turn his back to her. Even if it’s necessary to keep this tug of war for all his life, it’s better than seeing her crash and burn while doing nothing.

I can’t help but think that it’s almost textbook rebellion of a child in a broken home in search of attention, as crude as it seems: parents divorce, father and mother bring partners home when she’s with them, a parent becomes stable with a partner, daughter feels emotionally abandoned, daughter seeks revenge by disobeying as badly as possible.

How is it possible to break this vicious cycle?

May Jacinta, Francisco and Lucia pray for them.

 

[Trishie]

Hi Augustine, I think the Dad is conveying he can’t handle the pain and disappointment, and that he feels helpless because his wife won’t back him up in his serious concerns. He says he will trun his back, which isn’t to say he actually will, or will stick to that position. Conceivably it could be emotional blackmail or “tough love” intended to shock her into turning herself around, but you don’t seem to think it’s that.

As you say, it rather looks like she might be rebelling

“in search of attention… parents divorce, father and mother bring partners home when she’s with them, a parent becomes stable with a partner, daughter feels emotionally abandoned, daughter seeks revenge by disobeying as badly as possible.”

or simply because she is immature and is taking advantage of the laxity of her mother.

but also because she feels (has cause to feel perhaps?) that one or neither parent loves her enough, so why should she love herself much?

How does one turn it around. That’s the question to which her father can’t see an answer. If it is possible for the parents to agree on a strategy of greater supervision and more obvious manifestation of authentic love to her…but she may be enjoying herself too much to care or to listen.

You didn’t mention her age.

Augustine, if the parents can’t agree/if she won’t listen or respond anyway and perhaps only bolts if they try to enforce or urge wiser behaviour, what may be left is that awful position that many parents find themselves in…if she’s old enough…of having to let go and pray, but **continue faithfully to love and be seen to love **her, hoping she won’t make too much of a mess of her life before she comes back to a more healthy approach to life.

I’ll keep her and her family in prayer, that the Holy Spirit will give wisdom, authentic love, and conversion to the minds and hearts and souls of this family wherever needed.

Your own caring in this family situation does you credit and I’m sure you pray for them. Bless you, Trishie