Rejoining the Church

[ccmcmg]

I grew up Catholic and was fully received in the Church through the sacraments (Baptism, Confirmation, Confession, and Eucharist). Sometime around my early 20s I basically stopped going to Mass and pretty much just disregarded the church altogether. I later started going to protestant churches and have been doing that off and on to one degree or another over the past 18 or so years. So I never left my love for Christ at the door just my belief that the Catholic Church doctrine and practices held the keys. Recently I’ve started looking more closely at a lot of the Catholic’s church’s doctrine and realized that I am truly a Catholic at heart and should return to the Church.

…With this context in mind, here are my main questions. I greatly appreciate any doctrinally-grounded advice on this matter. I appreciate encouragement but really just need to know what I need to do to get myself and my family right before God and the Church according to Catholic doctrine so we can start enjoying the fullness of Catholic Church and ensure our place in Heaven.

1. How do I go about doing a confession for over 15 years of being separated from the Church and doing lots of sinful things? Seems like this is more than what would normally be covered in a normal Saturday confessional.

Thank you
Paul
Thanks

I am sure you will get plenty of doctrine, but I will give you the encouragement. As you can see from my signature, I recently returned to our Faith. I just want to encourage you to go to Confession. Go soon. Go regularly. That was the hardest part for me (and the BEST), and I emailed a priest from the parish we were going to join, just to get my feet wet so to speak. I explained (briefly) about being away from the Faith, and being nervous about my (probably extended) Confession. He was very welcoming. Lots of parishes have biographies that can help you find a confessor, or a deacon or priest to speak with that you might be comfortable with.

I do know that some parishes offer a “Welcome Home” series for returning Catholics, and others may also let you attend RCIA classes. My diocese is offering a wonderful adult Catechism class. I wish I’d had that faith-teaching as a child.

I have also began to pray the Rosary daily. I have missed maybe one day in over 2 months, and it has made a HUGE difference. I had maybe said the Rosary 10 times in the previous 43 years, now I love it! I have also had to un-learn my own preconceived notions about how prayer SHOULD be said, and just say it, and pray it.

Welcome HOME, and remember, it won’t always be easy, it may never be easy, but it WILL be worth it! If you want to chat with someone who has also recently returned, you know where to find me.

God Bless you, your wife, and your sweet infant!

Christina

 

[quiet52]

“paulbright” please remember you are being prayed for! For those of us who have helped people with irregular marriages to fully return to the faith, we have been privileged to experience and share much joy, and the strengthening of our Lord’s Church, when it happens! I am excited for you and your family. I know the process can be frustrating at times, but I hope you and your wife use this time to grow in your relationship with Jesus, and that you’ll know more and more how He treasures you!

… I was raised Catholic and received four of the seven sacraments however I can tell you that not until recently when I started to investigate on my own that it was ever clear to me that I was in a state of mortal sin by not getting married in the Catholic church. The last time I had attended church in my early 20s I was not even thinking about marriage so it just never occurred to me nor was it presented to me the Church’s doctrine on marriage (all I remember being taught is that it was not ok to have sex outside of being married).

…But in my case it’s not simply a matter of I left the Catholic church in order to get married in another church knowing full well that I would be living in sin according to Catholic doctrine by doing so.

…The honest truth is that I believed I was getting married in a way that was not sinful and it was never my intention to live in sin by getting married …All of which is part of the reason I have recently returned to seeking the truth found in the Catholic church’s teaching

Yes, it is sadly true that our clergy and catechists fail to teach all that they should about these things. When you find a pastor, I hope you will eventually find the courage to ask him if HE ever teaches this! It’s unfortunate that the Lutheran minister who officiated at your first marriage didn’t advise you – maybe he just assumed you already knew. The fact that you didn’t know, however, doesn’t change the process to straighten up your marriage situation. Please prayerfully forgive all of your pastors and catechists from long ago for not informing you!

Right now my problem is that I do not know any priests nor do I belong to any parish nor do I have any attachments to any parishes. So really I just need a place to start which I assume will be just picking any random parish in my area and making a phone call to set up a meeting with the priest to discuss all of this. However, my biggest fear is that it seems like so much is left up to the discretion of the individual priest (as someone mentioned that one priest might do this and another that) and that I won’t choose a priest that fully understands or cares to understand my situation. Which is why I wanted to solicit some ideas and get an idea of what Catholic doctrine had to say on the matter before I start subjecting myself to whims of a particular priest (and I say this very lightly as I know all priests do have to follow doctrine for the most part).

If you live among several parishes and don’t know which one to attend, then just choose one! In many dioceses in the U.S., bishops aren’t strict about the geographical boundaries of a parish. In fact, in my diocese, we don’t even know the boundaries. So, welcome back, “paulbright”! This will be an adventure for you! Part of being a practicing Catholic is to attend Mass every Sunday. Your pastor might even require you and your wife to attend his parish for a while before he’ll schedule your convalidation (one of those inconsistent “whim” things). Though it is extremely doubtful he will delay the process of getting the past marriages resolved.

And one last note, my current wife (who was baptized Catholic but never confirmed) was previously married to someone who was not Catholic at all. She also has been making this journey with me and is ready to join the Church and commit to raising our children Catholic.

If your wife was married did not marry her first husband in the Catholic Church with a dispensation (permission) from her bishop, then she would petition for a lack of form. It is not complicated – like you, she will need to provide a current sacramental record (from her parish of Baptism), the marriage license, and divorce decree. She would fill out the paperwork provided her. Everything would be sent to the diocesan Tribunal Office, and it does not take long for them to process it.
However, if she DID marry in the Catholic Church, things will be more messy. She would need to discuss possible grounds for nullity with the pastor, and go from there.
She can also discuss with the pastor what preparation the parish offers for the sacrament of Confirmation.
I am happy for the two of you, that you are journeying together!

At the end of the day like I said I just want to set things right with God and the Church. Jesus clearly says that all who repent their sins and walk in faith will be received into his arms. I’ve made my confession to him directly and he knows the condition of my heart regarding all of these things. Now I just need to make things right with His church so I can start living with the blessing of all the sacraments again. SOOOOOO I will continue to pray to Holy Spirit to guide my path and I welcome and appreciate your prayers as well.

Don’t forget the resolve you have now, during the “sticky” moments!
Yes, I will pray for you and your family. I hope your wife’s pregnancy will go smoothly!

 

[quiet52]

Well I just read our Archdiocese’s tribunal website pages and I can see that sorting all my (un)marriage issues out will be not be an easy task… Nor a cheap one and being I can barely afford to pay the cost to have one marriage nullified, I don’t see us getting all this worked out to the point where my wife and I can have a valid marriage for a long time. Like I said though, I’ll pray and I know God will come through one way or another. I made the mess so now I gotta endure whatever it takes to get it cleaned up

Because you were not married in the Catholic Church, you won’t be petitioning for nullity due to defect of consent, which is the longer and more expensive process. You will be petitioning for a lack of form. It is not complicated, and depending on the diocese, the fee is usually only $25-35.

So, the question would be what your wife needs to do, depending on where she was married with husband #1. If she needs to petition for nullity, the fee varies from diocese to diocese, but it’s usually several hundred dollars. However, if it is EVER a financial hardship for someone, the parish usually pays the diocese up front, and the petitioner can be asked to pay some of it to the parish, or pay in installments over time. Do not delay in beginning the process because of financial concerns! The Church wants to facilitate the full return to the faith for you and your wife!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Well I just read our Archdiocese’s tribunal website pages and I can see that sorting all my (un)marriage issues out will be not be an easy task… Nor a cheap one and being I can barely afford to pay the cost to have one marriage nullified, I don’t see us getting all this worked out to the point where my wife and I can have a valid marriage for a long time. Like I said though, I’ll pray and I know God will come through one way or another. I made the mess so now I gotta endure whatever it takes to get it cleaned up

Peace

Others have already stated that what you’ve got seems like “lack of form,” not a regular annulment. You actually didn’t marry your former wife, according to the Church, so it’s an easier and simpler process to go through, and all you pay is for processing of the paperwork. Assuming your current wife is in the same situation, with a lack of form, the process will not be difficult nor expensive. But you have to do it, so just know that we will be here and will be praying for you.

There may be times when you think, “I can’t do this! It’s too hard!” but remember the Apostles who stayed with Jesus when the tough times came. Hang in there and persevere and you’ll be back “home” where you belong in due time!



And hugs and prayers for your wife too!

 

[paulbright]

Just wanted to let you all know that I contacted the priest at the parish I grew up in and he’s going to meet with me soon. So please keep praying for us because things are certainly moving in the right direction.

Blessings
Paul

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Just wanted to let you all know that I contacted the priest at the parish I grew up in and he’s going to meet with me soon. So please keep praying for us because things are certainly moving in the right direction.

Blessings
Paul

Great! You will be in my prayers for sure!

 

[Gorgias]

sexual activity would not be moral until they are validly married.

This is true. Yet, it does not imply that a promise to abstain from sexual activity (until the marriage is regularized) is sufficient for reconciliation (or is part of an official ecclesiastical process), which is what you seemed to be implying.

 

[cwltexas]

Amen! All Priests act in persona Christi, and have the exact same authority over our sins. They consider it a priviliege to take our sins upon themselves and bear them up to the Father for destruction. If the penance we receive seems mild, what we have just experienced is the tender mercy of God. Just as the sailor believes “any port in a storm” we can also believe “any Priest in a sin”

Most parishes will have guides to reconciliation, which may be reviewed before the Sacrament is received. For paulbright, here is a website which was created for you: catholicscomehome.org/

And, welcome home!

As someone, who like the OP just recently returned to the Church, AM I EVER, EVER SO GRATEFUL for the bolded part of your statement! I was gone 32+ years, I had 3 computer print out, type written pages that my new Confessor, in a first meeting, had advised me to do in preparation for my “coming home” Confession and 14 pages of 10 commandments forms that I found on the internet, I had circled and checked off, well let’s just say way too many, I HAD BEEN REAL, REAL, REAL, REAL, REAL BAD for years. My Confession took right at an hour, face to face.

My penance, FOUR ROSARIES, 7 DAYS TO COMPLETE, ONE EACH OF THE MYSTERIES!!! Mercy is a BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL THING.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

As someone, who like the OP just recently returned to the Church, AM I EVER, EVER SO GRATEFUL for the bolded part of your statement! I was gone 32+ years, I had 3 computer print out, type written pages that my new Confessor, in a first meeting, had advised me to do in preparation for my “coming home” Confession and 14 pages of 10 commandments forms that I found on the internet, I had circled and checked off, well let’s just say way too many, I HAD BEEN REAL, REAL, REAL, REAL, REAL BAD for years. My Confession took right at an hour, face to face.

My penance, FOUR ROSARIES, 7 DAYS TO COMPLETE, ONE EACH OF THE MYSTERIES!!! Mercy is a BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL THING.

Welcome Home!

 

[paulbright]

14 pages of 10 commandments forms that I found on the internet.

What is this? Is there something on the web I can look at that might help or awaken me to some of the things I should be confessing? I mean I know all the obvious stuff (sex, drugs, rock n roll and the like) but I’m sure there are things lock away in my subconscious that I should be more aware of… Thanks for the story, it helps to hear from others in the same situation and have some idea of what I might be in for

 

[cwltexas]

What is this? Is there something on the web I can look at that might help or awaken me to some of the things I should be confessing? I mean I know all the obvious stuff (sex, drugs, rock n roll and the like) but I’m sure there are things lock away in my subconscious that I should be more aware of… Thanks for the story, it helps to hear from others in the same situation and have some idea of what I might be in for

Here ya go!

It is a downloadable and printable PDF file.

followthissite.com/list-of-sins.php

 

[paulbright]

Here ya go!

It is a downloadable and printable PDF file.

followthissite.com/list-of-sins.php

Great thanks! I got a lot of work to do… Whoa, gonna be a long list of things to flush from my consciousness and give up to God to dispense of accordingly.

So my next question is (for anyone out there) will my wife who has been baptized but not received any of the other sacraments, have to go through a long confession like this? She plans on doing RCIA so I assume that process will address this issue but just would like to know from others that may have gone through it.

Thanks

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Great thanks! I got a lot of work to do… Whoa, gonna be a long list of things to flush from my consciousness and give up to God to dispense of accordingly.

So my next question is (for anyone out there) will my wife who has been baptized but not received any of the other sacraments, have to go through a long confession like this? She plans on doing RCIA so I assume that process will address this issue but just would like to know from others that may have gone through it.

Thanks

Yes, if she’s never confessed, then part of receiving her First Eucharist is examination of conscience and reconciliation before receiving.

You can pray for and with her all throughout the process.

 

[Gorgias]

will my wife who has been baptized but not received any of the other sacraments, have to go through a long confession like this?

Well, the stress shouldn’t be on making a long confession, but on making a good confession. In RCIA, your wife will learn about the distinction between ‘mortal’ and ‘venial’ sin. Strictly speaking, it’s only necessary to confess mortal sin; while it’s praiseworthy to confess venial sin, too, it’s not a necessity. So, chances are, ya’ll’s confessions don’t necessarily have to be marathon sessions (although, if that kind of thing would help you feel completely forgiven, then that’s fine, too). ‘Short’ confession is valid confession, too…

 

[YoungTradCath]

paulbright, please empty inbox.

 

[paulbright]

paulbright, please empty inbox.

Ok, go…

 

[Elizium23]

Here ya go!

It is a downloadable and printable PDF file.

followthissite.com/list-of-sins.php

I would not trust anything from this site.

First, it lists an unapproved apparition with much information about it. It mentions the “papal prophecies” of St. Malachy (which as far as I know have been debunked.) This “list of sins” provided lists such things as NFP as mortal sins?! It contains reference to Fr. David Trosch, a discredited and suspended priest who advocated “justifiable homicide” against abortion providers. I would not trust such a priest who has ceded moral authority in this way and NFP is not a mortal sin, but is in fact a required class for many diocesan marriage prep courses; NFP is an approved, moral method of spacing births.

There are many examinations of conscience that are perfectly good and orthodox, but this linked page is not one of them.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Great thanks! I got a lot of work to do… Whoa, gonna be a long list of things to flush from my consciousness and give up to God to dispense of accordingly.

So my next question is (for anyone out there) will my wife who has been baptized but not received any of the other sacraments, have to go through a long confession like this? She plans on doing RCIA so I assume that process will address this issue but just would like to know from others that may have gone through it.

Thanks

Here is a good examination of conscience. Thanks to the previous poster who actually looked at the link that was give you previously. NOT a good idea to get our examinations from such a site!

Examination of conscience.

Here’s another, from EWTN,

EWTN Ex. of Consc.

 

[paulbright]

Here is a good examination of conscience. Thanks to the previous poster who actually looked at the link that was give you previously. NOT a good idea to get our examinations from such a site!

Examination of conscience.

Here’s another, from EWTN,

EWTN Ex. of Consc.

Sweet… Thanks for pointing out the errors in that sin list. One of the things my wife and I are drawn to about the Church is the accountability. Having been on the other side of the fence in terms of religious experiences, you’d be surprised just how easy it is in many denominations for a rogue pastor or laymen to take the train totally off track by way of their own interpretation or inspiration.

So this brings up another question: how does one know if a particular rendering of doctrine or teaching is or is not approved by the Church? I love the checks and balances and I’d like to know some strategies on how to weigh and test individual interpretations.In many protestant churches the check is put back on yourself to “look to scripture” which works some times when it’s clear BUT as you can see this doesn’t escape the original issue of individual interpretation going off in left field somewhere. You would be surprised how many times we’ve (my wife and I) have gotten the “because God told me to do it” or “that’s what the bible says” (e.g. how i interpret what it says even though I’m not a bible scholar or anything close to it!!!) response from people as a defense of their views or actions.

Again thanks!

 

[YoungTradCath]

So this brings up another question: how does one know if a particular rendering of doctrine or teaching is or is not approved by the Church? I love the checks and balances and I’d like to know some strategies on how to weigh and test individual interpretations.In many protestant churches the check is put back on yourself to “look to scripture” which works some times when it’s clear BUT as you can see this doesn’t escape the original issue of individual interpretation going off in left field somewhere. You would be surprised how many times we’ve (my wife and I) have gotten the “because God told me to do it” or “that’s what the bible says” (e.g. how i interpret what it says even though I’m not a bible scholar or anything close to it!!!) response from people as a defense of their views or actions.

Again thanks!

Well, you can read the Catechism of the Catholic Church. But keep in mind that dogmatic statements and doctrinal language are one thing, while teaching these things in catechetical situations are different, and putting these things “to use” in the real world are different still.

For example, I can quote Munificentissimus Deus where Pius XII dogmatically defined the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary in 1950:

For which reason, after we have poured forth prayers of supplication again and again to God, and have invoked the light of the Spirit of Truth, for the glory of Almighty God who has lavished his special affection upon the Virgin Mary, for the honor of her Son, the immortal King of the Ages and the Victor over sin and death, for the increase of the glory of that same august Mother, and for the joy and exultation of the entire Church; by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, of the Blessed Apostles Peter and Paul, and by our own authority, we pronounce, declare, and define it to be a divinely revealed dogma: that the Immaculate Mother of God, the ever Virgin Mary, having completed the course of her earthly life, was assumed body and soul into heavenly glory.

and that is the “infallible” text itself. Extremely powerful language, no? But is that understood? Maybe, maybe not.

If it isn’t, I can pedagogically tease that out and say, “Basically, that means that Mary’s body and soul Ascended/went up to Heaven after the end of her life on earth.” And that’d be correct.

So we shouldn’t always be skeptical of explanations of the teaching of the Church. But we should be educated well enough where we can guard and protect our faith from errors, whatever they may be and from wherever they may come.