Rekindle our marriage?

[gam3rchic]

Hey all,

I need some advice, especially those that have been married a long time. What are some tips to rekindle a marriage? We do love each other, but our days are so blah and our romance is, well, less than exciting to say the least. My hubby is tired all the time and all he ever wants to do is watch tv or movies. I get tired of sitting on the couch and want to do things, but he always says he’s “tired from work.” He works at a job where he sits, but he hates his job and I think it’s emotionally draining him.

Anyways, I just feel like there is no “spark” like there used to be, and we’ve only been married 3 years! Our anniversary is coming up and we are taking a trip, so I think that will help. But in the meantime, what suggestions do you have? Thanks in advance!!!

 

[whatevergirl]

Hey all,

I need some advice, especially those that have been married a long time. What are some tips to rekindle a marriage? We do love each other, but our days are so blah and our romance is, well, less than exciting to say the least. My hubby is tired all the time and all he ever wants to do is watch tv or movies. I get tired of sitting on the couch and want to do things, but he always says he’s “tired from work.” He works at a job where he sits, but he hates his job and I think it’s emotionally draining him.

Anyways, I just feel like there is no “spark” like there used to be, and we’ve only been married 3 years! Our anniversary is coming up and we are taking a trip, so I think that will help. But in the meantime, what suggestions do you have? Thanks in advance!!!

Hi gam;

I have been married for nearly 18 years, and yes, sometimes, it can become mundane…doing the day in, day out stuff. But, what keeps us excited…is finding the time to pray together. It really draws us closer as a couple, and also as a family, with our kids. I would try incorporating that into your daily routine, and also pick one night a week…where it’s absolutely not allowed for anyone to utter the words…‘i’m too tired to do anything, etc…’

Make that night your date night. Even if it’s fixing something at home, and eating dinner by candlelight…make one night per week, a special night for the two of you. One night might turn into two nights, and then pretty soon, it won’t need to be so planned. I am not much of a planner, but in your situation, it might take some implanting, if you will, of purposed romance…jotted on the calendar…to get out of the humdrum, and gain some sparks back in your marriage. It takes work. Our jobs take work. Our health takes work. The upkeep of our homes and cars take work. Our marriages sometimes need work, too.

God bless, and I’ll keep you both in my prayers.

 

[gam3rchic]

Hi gam;

I have been married for nearly 18 years, and yes, sometimes, it can become mundane…doing the day in, day out stuff. But, what keeps us excited…is finding the time to pray together. It really draws us closer as a couple, and also as a family, with our kids. I would try incorporating that into your daily routine, and also pick one night a week…where it’s absolutely not allowed for anyone to utter the words…‘i’m too tired to do anything, etc…’

Make that night your date night. Even if it’s fixing something at home, and eating dinner by candlelight…make one night per week, a special night for the two of you. One night might turn into two nights, and then pretty soon, it won’t need to be so planned. I am not much of a planner, but in your situation, it might take some implanting, if you will, of purposed romance…jotted on the calendar…to get out of the humdrum, and gain some sparks back in your marriage. It takes work. Our jobs take work. Our health takes work. The upkeep of our homes and cars take work. Our marriages sometimes need work, too.

God bless, and I’ll keep you both in my prayers.

Thank you so much for your response. That is so true about our marriages needing work sometimes, but I forget that fact sometimes.

Also about what you said about the day-in, day-out stuff…so true! We should have a “date night” once a week, I think that would really help. On days that we actually do go out and do something, we have such a good time together.

I just feel like we’ve lost our intimacy with each other, like we just live parallel to each other, not together kwim? Cuz when hubby gets home, we eat dinner, but then he goes to the tv and then I’ll usually go to the computer out of boredom or do a chore or too.

Also, I like the idea of praying together. That was something we used to do but got away from. That might be part of the problem.

 

[Eucharisted]

This is probably the wrong advise, but you should put on a corset, bust into the room and turn the TV off, and say, “Why are you on the couch when you can be on me?”

I also like the dating idea. Sounds fun!

 

[gam3rchic]

This is probably the wrong advise, but you should put on a corset, bust into the room and turn the TV off, and say, “Why are you on the couch when you can be on me?”

I also like the dating idea. Sounds fun!

I know that advice is meant to be serious, but I couldn’t help but get a laugh from it!

I’ve gotten similar advice before, but to be honest I’m a little shy to do something so bold. My hubby would probably love it though.

 

[Eucharisted]

I have a better idea!

You could do a romantic dinner. Cook for your husband, serve it, and eat it with him at the table. And write a loving note on his napkin too.

 

[Marie_Duffy]

“Date night” is a must. However, it doesn’t have to mean anything big. Sometimes we just go for a walk together: this gives us time to talk, and leaves us with more energy than the traditional dinner out. Since your husband has a sedentary job, he may need exercise.
Also (it sounds such a simple thing) how about watching TV with him if that is what he’s doing? Is he open to comments about what’s on?
Habits can be hard to break, but it is definitely worth it.
BTW we have been married 27 years now, and there were times when the going was rough.

 

[BamaRider]

This is probably the wrong advise, but you should put on a corset, bust into the room and turn the TV off, and say, “Why are you on the couch when you can be on me?”

I also like the dating idea. Sounds fun!

Dang.

 

[Salonika]

Hey all,

I need some advice, especially those that have been married a long time. What are some tips to rekindle a marriage? We do love each other, but our days are so blah and our romance is, well, less than exciting to say the least. My hubby is tired all the time and all he ever wants to do is watch tv or movies. I get tired of sitting on the couch and want to do things, but he always says he’s “tired from work.” He works at a job where he sits, but he hates his job and I think it’s emotionally draining him.

I’ll leave the rekindling tips to those who are married.

Agree your husband hating his job will be draining him. It may also lead to him getting to the stage where if the techniqiue to rekindle his marriage is suggested or offered to him he won’t see it. Or if he does he will be sceptical about whether it will work.

Some vocational guidance counselling might help - this could include exactly what he hates about his job, how to reduce the general dampening effect of a job he dislikes, how he can get the affirmation he needs when he has a job he hates, how realistic is changing aspects of his current job or changing his job.

 

[Teakafrog]

I’d suggest a Marriage Encounter. It’ll help you learn to communicate better with each other, which will help in every other aspect of your relationship. I also know the infertility thing can really be hard on a marriage, BTDT. So communication becomes even more important with that added stress. That, and keep your spiritual life connected too. I don’t remember, is your hubby Catholic? If so, make sure not only go to Mass together, but pray together at home, and do other things to strengthen your faith life, like adoration or going on a retreat together. It really helped us once we got on the same page spiritually.

 

[kage_ar]

Matthew Kelly “The Seven Levels of Imtimacy” would be a book to pick up.

In two decades, no date night here - so, I’m not in the “must have date night” crowd.

What drew you to each other, what did you do together? For DH and I, one of the things was long talks. We could talk for hours, all night long. We both still read, stay informed, and have lots to talk about.

Different things for different people.

 

[gam3rchic]

What drew you to each other, what did you do together? ** For DH and I, one of the things was long talks. We could talk for hours, all night long. **

This was for us too! We could talk for HOURS…we always communicated so well before.

Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it.

As for his job, he just needs to toughen out 7 more months than he can move to a different department that he would like. He works for a great company, unfortunately, you have to start at the bottom answering phones for 2 years. The company really likes him so I know it’s just a matter of time before he moves onto something he really likes with them.

He does want me to watch TV with him, more specifically movies, but I can’t watch movies every night! I dunno, I get tired of just sitting and watching things. It’s ok every now and then, but every night??? Drives me bonkers. :whacky:

 

[Augustine]

This is probably the wrong advise, but you should put on a corset, bust into the room and turn the TV off, and say, “Why are you on the couch when you can be on me?”

Do not this! You don’t have to present yourself as a whore to him! You’re better than that. No need to accessorize yourself with what “pros” use as though you had just come back from a night’s work at the nearest peep show. :tsktsk:

Just be yourself, a woman, his wife. If you want to be intimate with him, don’t appeal to his pornographic memories, rather invite him and make yourself available to his seduction.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

As for his job, he just needs to toughen out 7 more months than he can move to a different department that he would like. He works for a great company, unfortunately, you have to start at the bottom answering phones for 2 years. The company really likes him so I know it’s just a matter of time before he moves onto something he really likes with them.
**
Well that’s encouraging! It is always nice to have an end-date to things that are unpleasant:thumbsup:. Maybe do something encouraging for him that’s work related… could be taking special pics and framing them for his desk, putting love notes in his lunch or briefcase or pocket… even get a nice calendar for the wall (at home) and mark off one day each month in big red letters (6 months left, 5months left…etc).**

He does want me to watch TV with him, more specifically movies, but I can’t watch movies every night! I dunno, I get tired of just sitting and watching things. It’s ok every now and then, but every night??? Drives me bonkers. :whacky:

Can you work out a compromise? I am the type that could totally sit and watch tv/movies every night and not go bonkers lol. So if my hubby wanted to do something else and he came to me with “let’s do x on x nights and watch tv/movies on y nights” I could live with that

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Do not this! You don’t have to present yourself as a whore to him! You’re better than that. No need to accessorize yourself with what “pros” use as though you had just come back from a night’s work at the nearest peep show. :tsktsk:

Just be yourself, a woman, his wife. If you want to be intimate with him, don’t appeal to his pornographic memories, rather invite him and make yourself available to his seduction.

If she and her hubby were comfortable with that type of lingerie, it is really none of your (or anyone’s) business. Wearing a corset does not make a woman a prostitute

 

[Augustine]

Wearing a corset does not make a woman a prostitute

No, it doesn’t. But why should she mimick prostitues? Have you ever been to a peep show or to a house of ill repute? Have you noticed the men’s faces before a woman wearing one there? Are you sure a wife deserves that gawk from their husbands?

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

No, it doesn’t. But why should she mimick prostitues? Have you ever been to a peep show or to a house of ill repute? Have you noticed the men’s faces before a woman wearing one there? Are you sure a wife deserves that gawk from their husbands?

Hmmmm…no, i have never been to a peep show or a house of ill repute… neither has my husband So, if I decide to wear a corset for him, it is our business and the suggestion to the OP do so was not to lower herself to the level of a prostitute but to add some “spice” to their marriage.

 

[Augustine]

**…**to add some “spice” to their marriage.

Why, oh why, would you get spice from the nearest peep show? I just find it amazing how women fail to recognize their own spice, such as a pair of matching frilly underwear, a babydoll or even nothing at all.

What we men appreciate in our wives is that they are women, our women, our children’s mothers. We love their femininity, but perhaps the media inculcates in them that they must look like someone else to be attractive. Nothing could be more wrong.

 

[Salonika]

gam3rchic:

As for his job, he just needs to toughen out 7more months than he can move to a different department that he would like. He works for a great company, unfortunately, you have to start at the bottom answering phones for 2 years. The company really likes him so I know it’s just a matter of time before he moves onto something he really likes with them.

Gam- really pleased to read this. If there isn’t an end in sight to a difficult/unhappy work situation it can be very hard to keep any motivation there and home life suffers as well - as you well know.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Why, oh why, would you get spice from the nearest peep show? I just find it amazing how women fail to recognize their own spice, such as a pair of matching frilly underwear, a babydoll or even nothing at all.

What we men appreciate in our wives is that they are women, our women, our children’s mothers. We love their femininity, but perhaps the media inculcates in them that they must look like someone else to be attractive. Nothing could be more wrong.

**Don’t know where you think corsets come from, but any lingerie store in any mall will have them. And maybe for YOU corsets incite peep-show-lust, but certainly not all men.

My hubby can love his child’s mother (me) just fine in a corset (or other “sexy” lingerie item) because he still sees ME…not an article of clothing or some other woman (or prostitute or peep show performer…whatever)**

**Don’t assume that your problems are everyone’s problems.
**