Relations in Appreciation?

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LighthouseRon

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Over the weekend I bought my wife a new wedding ring for our 10th anniversary. We chose it together but the price came to more than we agreed to spend but she loved it so much I bought it for her. When we returned home she wanted to thank me by having relations. I turned her down and tried to explain I didn’t feel right about relations as a sign of appreciation, as she is not a hooker (very bad choice of words), but my wife. She went away hurt and I guess I can’t blame her as the way I phrased it was poor.

I’m looking for opinions here. Should I have lovingly accepted? Relations do not happen often between us and I have a hunch it won’t happen again for a while. At the same time I didn’t want to cheapen it by making it in appreciation of a material gift. Am I over thinking this? Do any married ladies have an opinion?

Thanks
 
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LighthouseRon:
Over the weekend I bought my wife a new wedding ring for our 10th anniversary. We chose it together but the price came to more than we agreed to spend but she loved it so much I bought it for her. When we returned home she wanted to thank me by having relations. I turned her down and tried to explain I didn’t feel right about relations as a sign of appreciation, as she is not a hooker (very bad choice of words), but my wife. She went away hurt and I guess I can’t blame her as the way I phrased it was poor.

I’m looking for opinions here. Should I have lovingly accepted? Relations do not happen often between us and I have a hunch it won’t happen again for a while. At the same time I didn’t want to cheapen it by making it in appreciation of a material gift. Am I over thinking this? Do any married ladies have an opinion?

Thanks
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I vote for over thinking…
 
It doesn’t have to be the end of the world. As long as things are fine between you two, it is just one of life’s little bumps.

But I have some thoughts anyway. You wrote “but she loved it so much I bought it for her”. In other words, you obviously wished to please her. She was probably responding to your desire to please her and your love of her, not the money.

I think a woman (or man) can be sensitive to it being implied that she is seeking relations for the wrong reason or that she’s cheap. It could have felt crushing that you thought that of her. Not that you did think that of her, but maybe she thought you did. She probably needs to feel comfortable with what you are thinking about her when having relations, so you are probably right it could cause a dry spell. You would know better than me.:yup:
 
Dear Lighthouse:

Please take this with all the charity with which it is offered…but are you nuts!!!

Clearly the lights were on, but no one was home when your wife came a-knocking. Apologize profusely for the ham-handed rejection of her affection and clumsy insult of her intentions and then pray you don’t have to buy her another ring twice the size of the original to make up for your major blunder!!!
 
Sounds to me like she was feeling attracted to you because of the way you handled the situations, showing so much love for her that you gave of your hard-earned money to make her happy. Sounds to me like she wanted to express the feeling of love and concern she had for you after spending the intimate time shopping for and recieving such a special and symbolic gift.

I really recommend this website (look all around it) and the book His Needs, Her Needs. It will help you to see where she was coming from. If you understood where her attraction came from (not from the material worth but the love and kindness you showed her throughout the process) then you would be more capable of accepting her expressing her love in her ways as well. And you just might have sex a little more often…
 
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Forest-Pine:
Sounds to me like she was feeling attracted to you because of the way you handled the situations, showing so much love for her that you gave of your hard-earned money to make her happy. Sounds to me like she wanted to express the feeling of love and concern she had for you after spending the intimate time shopping for and recieving such a special and symbolic gift.
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Good point. I never thought of it like that. Because of the lack of frequency in our intimate life I’ve started assuming she gets little enjoyment out of it, and the only reason she does participate is strictly for my enjoyment. She might have been experiencing a genuine intimate attraction for me. I probably should have built on that rather than squashing it.
 
I agree with the other posters about the reasons your wife was feeling in the mood. My dh and I often have relations in celebration. When we have purchased an item we really wanted for each other or the family we celebrate that physical success with an emotional and physical closeness. God has promised many rewards for devotion and hard work. Those rewards are not just spiritual.

Your wife was seeking spiritual and physical unity after receiving a gift of emotional unity. Remember, the marital act is a renewal of our wedding vows. Makes sense that receiving a ring in honor of the day you took those vows would remind her of consummation.

Good luck in your apology! I don’t know what to tell you there!
 
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