Relationship advice. Agnostic boyfriend

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I’m Roman Catholic, and he is agnostic. When we started dating I told him watching porn bothers me. He stopped. We are both into geek life like video games and anime, which another very small problem I have he likes anime like “kill-a-kill”, which yeah, if you’ve seen it you know.
But recently we started telling each other we love one another. Yesterday we got into a crying match more or less, where he said he still gets boners watching anime sometimes at scenes and still has the urge to look at other girls because it’s innate in men. I know I’m being a bit unreasonable, but it bothers me. Why if he loves me, does he still desire to look at other women?
 
Minipu said:
I’m Roman Catholic, and he is agnostic. When we started dating I told him watching porn bothers me. He stopped. We are both into geek life like video games and anime, which another very small problem I have he likes anime like “kill-a-kill”, which yeah, if you’ve seen it you know.
But recently we started telling each other we love one another. Yesterday we got into a crying match more or less, where he said he still gets boners watching anime sometimes at scenes and still has the urge to look at other girls because it’s innate in men. I know I’m being a bit unreasonable, but it bothers me. Why if he loves me, does he still desire to look at other women?
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As they say on another advice website, “Aim higher” and “MOA” (move on already).
 
All women have something inate in them from God that all men love and desire. When we truly love someone everything should be re-ordered properly. It takes a choice to always look at you and you alone.
 
You are lucky you have discovered his character now, when you are not married to him.

Please reconsider this relationship. How would you plan to move forward to marriage with an agnostic? How would you raise children? How would you deal with the numerous discrepancies between your value system and his?

He sounds quite immature. I am sure you are both young. But young is only for a while, married is forever.
 
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MichaelHowling said:
All women have something inate in them from God that all men love and desire. When we truly love someone everything should be re-ordered properly. It takes a choice to always look at you and you alone.
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This is great advice. Can I ask if this is coming from a woman or man? Honestly, your answer doesn’t matter either way it’s good advice, it’s something I thought myself. When I see something that could cause lust I turn away from it.
 
1ke said:
You are lucky you have discovered his character now, when you are not married to him.

Please reconsider this relationship. How would you plan to move forward to marriage with an agnostic? How would you raise children? How would you deal with the numerous discrepancies between your value system and his?

He sounds quite immature. I am sure you are both young. But young is only for a while, married is forever.
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I agree with you. His personality doesn’t match that of a typical guy tho, he is sweet to me. But these things he does shows me how he honestly thinks.
 
Xantippe said:
As they say on another advice website, “Aim higher” and “MOA” (move on already).
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Yes. No rush. Wait for the right one.
He sounds like someone who might only “temporarily” be good to you.
I wouldn’t consider him good boyfriend material.
 
I’m a 31 yr old man.

I have a wonderful wife. I can tell you I find other women extremely attractive. I’m currently in nursing school and I’m working with all kinds of pretty gals. I have one I truly love. I really, really care for her. A lot of what we guys deal with is an innocent thing at first…there’s no problem caring for another girl or being attracted by one. It’s a natural thing. But when you are in a relationship…everything has to be ordered properly. I love my friend in nursing school BUT I have to love her in the right order. My wife is my heart and I love her differently than ANYONE. I love close friends and others in different order.

Feelings are feelings…feelings have NOTHING to do with love. Love has to do with an act of the will.

I suggest for you and your boyfriend to look at “winning the battle for sexual purity” . AWSOME!!! helps you understand the order God put in place and what our sexuality is all about and specifically talks about masturbation as well.

God bless
 
Minipu said:
His personality doesn’t match that of a typical guy tho, he is sweet to me.
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You either have limited interaction with guys or are interacting with the wrong guys. That’s a pretty sad statement on the guys you’ve been going out with, actually.

There are PLENTY of guys out there who treat women well, are “sweet” to them, and are also compatible from a faith, marriage and family perspective.
 
MichaelHowling said:
I’m a 31 yr old man.

I have a wonderful wife. I can tell you I find other women extremely attractive. I’m currently in nursing school and I’m working with all kinds of pretty gals. I have one I truly love. I really, really care for her. A lot of what we guys deal with is an innocent thing at first…there’s no problem caring for another girl or being attracted by one. It’s a natural thing. But when you are in a relationship…everything has to be ordered properly. I love my friend in nursing school BUT I have to love her in the right order. My wife is my heart and I love her differently than ANYONE. I love close friends and others in different order.

Feelings are feelings…feelings have NOTHING to do with love. Love has to do with an act of the will.

I suggest for you and your boyfriend to look at “winning the battle for sexual purity” . AWSOME!!! helps you understand the order God put in place and what our sexuality is all about and specifically talks about masturbation as well.

God bless
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I know it’s okay to find others attractive some people are and it’s impossible not to notice. Is it alright if I ask more questions? If you don’t want to answer that’s fine, or if you’d rather Private Message that’s okay too.

If you could leave your wife for the other nurse would you? How should I feel when he becomes aroused during movies or anime with other girls? I know it’s not much men can do about it. I’m just unsure tho of how to feel.
 
:dts:
Minipu said:
I know it’s okay to find others attractive some people are and it’s impossible not to notice. Is it alright if I ask more questions? If you don’t want to answer that’s fine, or if you’d rather Private Message that’s okay too.

If you could leave your wife for the other nurse would you? How should I feel when he becomes aroused during movies or anime with other girls? I know it’s not much men can do about it. I’m just unsure tho of how to feel.
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So you’re considering continuing in a relationship with someone who is behaving this way?
Part of being mature is knowing that we choose our spouse for life.
“not much men can do about it”…
:rolleyes:
This guy is not boyfriend material. Many have expressed this already. If you are looking for permission to look the other way on this…you won’t get it from me, anyway.

*This is how you feel: *Thank you God, that he showed me his true colors before I ran off with him.
Aim higher.
 
No,I deffinatley wouldint.

As for him…if its leading him into temptation he should stay away from that stuff.
 
Love requires a choice and its a choice that you have to make over and over again.

I highly suggest you buy:
  1. Winning the battle for sexual purity
  2. Women, Gods masterpiece.
You guys need to talk. He needs to recongnize your feelings and insecuritys and I think its AMAZING he’s willing to be open to you with his sins… I caution…keep loving him and forgiving.
 
There’s nothing like a relationship with a man who shares your faith. At the deepest level of your soul, what do you have in common with an agnostic? How can he share in the most intimate part of your heart, who you really are inside?

You can find a man who shares your faith. You can find a man who respects you, someone who wouldn’t think of degrading himself and you by watching porn. Someone who respects you enough to control himself around other girls.

With respect to you…You are worth more than what this boyfriend is able to give you. Why settle? What does “sweet” mean when boyfriend’s behavior indicates disrespect?
 
Like qualities and quirks in those we find ourselves I relationships you and only you need to decide if this is a “deal breaker”. Decide if you can live with this for decades to come or even with the knowledge that when he isn’t he would effectively be suppressing portions of his personality in order to get along, as best he can.

I know this goes against most advice here, but it seems as if he is simply being honest. I want clear on whether or not he was referring to seeking out pictures and such of other women or if he meant random women around him in daily life. I don’t think that him finding other women interesting is an issue in and of itself. I for one also find other women interesting but they do not compare to the one I love. What counts is what he does or rather doesn’t do.

You will have to decide what you can deal with but if he simply finds them attractive but does not attempt to flirt or such then I don’t see the problem. From my pov it takes some strength to see others and forsake them because you value the woman you have even more.

The issue about his lack of faith is another issue in and of itself you should consider. How important is it that your future husband share your faith or belief in God? Can you accept that he it’s possible he may never believe? Is he respectful of your beliefs and can you be respectful of his unbelief? Would he be willing to let you raise children Catholic (if you choose to)?

It isn’t impossible or necessarily bad, but it depends on the individuals.

Regards,
HCH (agnostic recently married to a Catholic)
 
HerCrazierHalf said:
Like qualities and quirks in those we find ourselves I relationships you and only you need to decide if this is a “deal breaker”. Decide if you can live with this for decades to come or even with the knowledge that when he isn’t he would effectively be suppressing portions of his personality in order to get along, as best he can.

I know this goes against most advice here, but it seems as if he is simply being honest. I want clear on whether or not he was referring to seeking out pictures and such of other women or if he meant random women around him in daily life. I don’t think that him finding other women interesting is an issue in and of itself. I for one also find other women interesting but they do not compare to the one I love. What counts is what he does or rather doesn’t do.

You will have to decide what you can deal with but if he simply finds them attractive but does not attempt to flirt or such then I don’t see the problem. From my pov it takes some strength to see others and forsake them because you value the woman you have even more.

The issue about his lack of faith is another issue in and of itself you should consider. How important is it that your future husband share your faith or belief in God? Can you accept that he it’s possible he may never believe? Is he respectful of your beliefs and can you be respectful of his unbelief? Would he be willing to let you raise children Catholic (if you choose to)?

It isn’t impossible or necessarily bad, but it depends on the individuals.

Regards,
HCH (agnostic recently married to a Catholic)
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This is part of the problem I’ve told him from the start that I’m catholic and these are my views. He said yes, I will accept them, and try my hardest to be the best man for you. But, yesterday I was reading reddit and saw that he was clicking on the nsfw links as they were purple and not blue anymore. Which to me hurt and we talked about it and he said he wants to still look at other women and he can’t help getting boners in anime and movies he watches. He said he doesn’t go out of his way to look at it, just …

This is… I just don’t know. I know they are only pictures, but I fear it will eventually lead back to porn.
 
Minipu said:
he said he wants to still look at other women and he can’t help
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If he is older than 15, this is not a guy to give your heart to. This is an immature person who does not take responsibility for their actions. This is a person who, while he may do things to please you for a while, is a person who does not actually BELIEVE these things are wrong.

He may humor you for a while, but if and when he decides that is just too much work he will do as he pleases. He has no internal disposition towards virtue. He sees no point in it. He is not striving to be holy. He is merely avoiding something right now to keep you happy. Honey, that doesn’t last forever.

Yes, he CAN help it.

He chooses whether or not to look at these things. He chooses what he clicks on. The computer doesn’t just magically display images and force him to look at them.

Again-- NOT a person to get married to.
 
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