Relationship advice - an opportunity to love

[reclaimed]

My girlfriend, whom I love to death and plan to marry, is not a virgin. I am. She was involved in a bad relationship in high school and you can assume what that entails. She also made some bad decisions in college. That was last year, and I know she is a totally different person now. I have been friends with her pretty much since she started school last year. She’s making a true conversion to Catholicism and deeply regrets what she did. The problem is, I do too. I have these moments where these things she did really bother me, and I have a hard time with it. I really love her and I know she is different but I can’t get rid of these feelings. My questions to you are these: Is anyone else in a situation like this, how has it affected your relationship, and how do I turn this moments into an opportunity to love instead of alienate? I know these are some pretty personal questions so I’m not anticipating many answers to the first two, but if anyone can help on the third I’d appreciate it. Thank you.

 

[TheGarg]

My girlfriend, whom I love to death and plan to marry, is not a virgin. I am. She was involved in a bad relationship in high school and you can assume what that entails. She also made some bad decisions in college. That was last year, and I know she is a totally different person now. I have been friends with her pretty much since she started school last year. She’s making a true conversion to Catholicism and deeply regrets what she did. The problem is, I do too. I have these moments where these things she did really bother me, and I have a hard time with it. I really love her and I know she is different but I can’t get rid of these feelings. My questions to you are these: Is anyone else in a situation like this, how has it affected your relationship, and how do I turn this moments into an opportunity to love instead of alienate? I know these are some pretty personal questions so I’m not anticipating many answers to the first two, but if anyone can help on the third I’d appreciate it. Thank you.

first off, you need to face the fact that you have anger at these things, and this is because of expectations, and lack of control over these things.

I, by the way am an expert on anger, and have worked very hard at leaning about it, and using that knowledge to keep it in check.

if you don’t heed this advice, then let me break it down for you …

accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can, and pray for the wisdom to know the difference…

if you love her, and she is truely converted, then give it to Jesus, and love her…

I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, my straightforwardness, but i personally like the shortest route to a solution.

Peace of Christ be with both of you!!!

 

[skuld]

I sometimes think it it not one’s virginity that matters–it is one’s heart. This is probably not the most Catholic thing to say, but what does it matter what she did as long as she’s in love with you now? You can’t pretend that some things never happened, but you shouldn’t hold animosity toward them.

Yes, easier said than done, I know.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

I was on the opposite side of this problem, entering into my relationship with my wife. I had made stupid and irresponsible decisions with my body, and it was hard for her to deal with that.

My advice is this: human beings are sinners. Her sin is only alienating if you pretend that you are not a sinner. If you are honest with her, she has the freedom (however painful) to be honest with you.

Remember that “what God has made clean” IS clean. That is the meaning of forgiveness.

Now, it’s possible that she does not realize how serious these breaches of chastity were. If so, your personal emotions of hurt need to be expressed, to help her understand the severity of her sin.

Never, EVER hold it over her head, of course. The sin of pride is more damning than the sin of impurity, because the prideful “have already received their reward.”

But you knew that.

God bless you!

: Prodigal :

 

[Em_in_FL]

I was in an identical situation before we got married.

Let’s just say… time heals all.

If God has led you to this girl, then be open to her conversion and accept it as He would.

Try to avoid the “thoughts” of her past… they may only wretch your heart. Accept her conversion, and ask for God’s grace to deal with life’s past sins…
“and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us”…

Time and true love heals all… I can attest to that.

God bless.