Relationship advice please

  • Thread starter Thread starter lookingforhope1
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

lookingforhope1

Guest
Honestly, I know that I probably shouldn’t be posting this here, because the internet can only provide so many answers, but I really need some advice.

I have been dating this girl for half a year now. And up until the past few weeks, everything seemed to be going well. We are both Catholic, dating to marry, and help one another when we need it. To sum it up, I was happy.

However, it has taken me a while to admit to myself that it is probable (highly probable) that I suffer from some form of depression or OCD/scrupulosity. It is almost as if there is a little voice in my head, causing me to doubt things. About a month ago, I started having thoughts about being a priest (although I do not want to be one), so I said a novena to help discern my vocation. After a few days in, I felt a great peace with my relationship with my girlfriend, and decided that everything was good. I decided to devote more time to my prayer life, and felt really good about my spiritual state.

Here is where I think the OCD comes in. I am constantly afraid of disobeying God. I am having thoughts that even though I WANT to be with my girlfriend, that maybe I am not SUPPOSED to be. I have had intrusive thoughts before, but last week was my breaking point, and I haven’t felt normal since. I couldn’t focus on prayer, and felt like the devil was literally standing right next to me. My girlfriend, sensing something was wrong, asked me about things and about if I was sure that I wanted to be with her. And although I really do WANT to, I was unable to give a straightforward answer. I told her about what I was going through, and felt like a crazy person. This obviously upset her, and she asked me if I wanted to end things. I said no, because I didn’t think making that sort of decision in this emotional state was a great idea.
She was so patient throughout the whole thing, said she was asking for the saints to intercede for me and made me promise to pray about things. I feel guilty for bringing her into it, but I felt like she had the right to know. I’ve tried telling her that she doesn’t have to stick by my side during all of this, but she insists that she would wait forever for me.

I just don’t know what to do next. Has anyone ever been through this? I know that I should probably talk to a priest and maybe get a spiritual director or see a therapist, but I am scared. My family is the type that doesn’t really seem to think mental disorders and issues can be the source of problems and I am afraid to tell them about it. I don’t want to break up with my girlfriend, but why would anyone deserve to be with me during this time? I feel worse for her than I feel for myself.

Prayers would be appreciated

EDIT: The scrupulosity and intrusive thoughts have been going on for a while, actually before me and my girlfriend started dating. I honestly thought that I could overcome it without telling anyone, but this week was finally the week I snapped I guess
 
Last edited:
Do you have a Spiritual Director? They can be VERY helpful with this. Ask your priest if he would agree to this, or if he can recommend someone well versed in this. If you don’t want to ask him, go to a local Monastery or Retreat Center.They always have loads, as well as calling the Chancery, who should have a list of good. licensed SD’s.
God bless you.
 
Last edited:
I agree. I mentioned that I probably should talk to my priest. It’s just a very scary feeling, because I am constantly obsessing over this.
 
Cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to be very effective for OCD and intrusive thoughts; getting help sooner rather than later would minimize disruption to your life and relationships.
 
What to do next:

Get both a spiritual director familiar with scruples and a therapist who can assist with depression, OCD, compulsion, and intrusive thoughts.

This is not something that gets better on its own. The good news is, professional help is available.
 
Thank you all for the replies. Please continue to pray for me
 
I’m a twenty year old Catholic who also suffers from scrupulosity/OCD. Prior to seeing this post I have not made an account on this website. Your story is a mirror image of my own. Essentially the same thing happened to me. I was tormented with guilt about the relationship and obsessing over these thoughts. The relationship was and is very good, but I couldn’t shake the anxiety and guilt it caused. It was a whole other world of spiritual warfare (or it felt like it anyway). I even read a book about Jesuit discernment. If the thoughts are so obsessive I wouldn’t think they’re from God. I am not in your exact situation (but I can sure say it was really close), but I am now engaged to the woman who scrupulosity has tried to take away. On June 9th we’ll be getting married. Your are not alone in your situation, but don’t try to handle it on your own.
 
How old are you? I know you mentioned that your family doesn’t believe in mental disorders. Do you still reside with them full-time?
 
Will you leave her, when you discover she has serious issues to deal with?
If not, then why would you expect that of her?

See a specialist to get to the bottom of your fears, and keep her involved.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top