Relationship Advice

[Curlblon]

I’m a senior in high school and I’ve been dating a girl for almost nine months. She is my best friend, and I really do care about her. We have a lot in common as we both love music, share a decently strong faith, and do many different extracurriculars and church activities together. However, I am concerned about her looks. Her face/ hair looks very beautiful, but the rest of her body seems only ok. That said, I’m really not sure if her body looks good because she and I are both committed to being modest, so I haven’t really seen much of her body. This has been driving me crazy lately that I probably wouldn’t know how she looks unless I married her. Also, the relationship has been having some up and downs lately, with me feeling kind of “meh” about her sometimes, but really liking her at others. She always cares about me and feels really close to me. I realize that I have a perfectionistic personality though, so maybe things are all right and I am just wanting everything to be perfect. Could you give me any advice if this is normal or not? This is my first relationship. I don’t want to be leading her on if we don’t have a future together, but I feel strongly about her at the same time, and maybe it is just my constant evaluation of the relationship and her body that is ruining it.

 

[Julian0404]

You never once mentioned her “heart”. Who she is.
Clearly, your focus is so one sided at the moment, that I would even question “your” friendship - not hers.
Your hormones and whatever your perfectionist issue are, have taken over “you” and put you on the path of ending the relationship - don’t look to the forum for permission.

 

[Curlblon]

Ok, that was a bit harsh but I see your point. Who she is is a nice, helpful, and hardworking girl. She is always gentle and and exceedingly sweet around me, although she is grumpy sometimes, so I make a joke that she is grumpy and usually takes it in stride. She is quite the magnificent person really.

 

[Trishie]

Mmmm and are you perfect physically!?
Are you perfect?Are you wonderful all the time? Are you always exciting? Have you no faults? So what right to expect someone else to be perfect?

Nothing in the world is perfect, and nobody is perfect.
It is very sad that you think you might not have a future together, despite all the good things you see in her, just because her body may not be perfect.
If you were dating my daughter I think I’d be worried.

Such a degree of perfectionism is dangerous and assures unhappy marriages and unhappy children. Every single person in this world is capable of disappointing us, of being ‘ordinary’ and even boring, sometimes, of maybe putting on some extra weight, and of eventually growing old.

Unless you deal with the right of everyone not to be perfect, you face a lifetime of disappointment, and probably will cause others a lot of unnecessary sadness and hurt.
Perhaps you are very young and are caught up an unrealistic youthful idealism.
Why would anyone throw away a precious treasure just because they didn’t like the pouch that it was held in?

I hope you can get over this self-defeating attitude.
May God bless you, and this lovely girl.

 

[Curlblon]

Thank you for that advice. I suppose it is hard to figure out what is a relationship that will last a lifetime, and what won’t. Especially for someone with no dating experience like me.

 

[Trishie]

It’s good that you have high values in some respects, that you value what is good and beautiful, it’s just that we live in a real world where people and things are all flawed one way or another.

People who cannot walk would just be glad to have functional legs and if they didn’t look perfect, I don’t think that would matter too much.

And there is no ‘happily ever after’ in this world.
You could marry the prettiest, best-formed woman in the world, but she’s still have bad hair days, she still might put on weight, have zits, and her face will become more lined, she still might be hollow eyed and cranky when sleepless from dealing with a colicky baby, and she’d be cruelly hurt if you felt cold her her because of any of those things.

No one can feel excited by anyone all the time, and the initial attraction can wear off, but the attraction isn’t love.
Despite all the media portrays, attraction isn’t love, it more often than not is self-interest. Being ‘in love’ just means someone appeals to us, gives us warm feelings…but that isn’t love. Love is a choice that proves itself in bad times as well as good.
Love is when you choose to value someone even when all the imperfections are there to see.

 

[Equites_Christi]

My girlfriend and I have been dating a year, and when we were at nine months we were still in our senior year of high school.

You might want to ask yourself, why are her looks so important to you? It certainly doesn’t sound like they’re her only selling point. Modesty is a rarity today and you should consider yourself lucky to have found it. If she were incredibly beautiful, would this change your feelings about her? Why? What if she were incredibly beautiful but her personality was totally different?

I always knew my girlfriend was good looking, but when I started to fall in love with her…well, that was when she became the most beautiful girl in the world

 

[Trishie]

Thank you for that advice. I suppose it is hard to figure out what is a relationship that will last a lifetime, and what won’t. Especially for someone with no dating experience like me.

You speak with an open heart even though I did give you are hard time. Maybe I wouldn’t mind you dating my daughter!
Even if a person has had dating experience it isn’t often easy to know.
There isn’t a hundred percent certainty that any marriage relationship will last, or not have periods of difficulty.
I hope and pray you will have a wonderful lasting marriage with a good and wonderful Catholic woman, and that young girl seems to have a lot goings for her regarding you…so who knows!

And yes, it is natural enough for a young man to want to be proud of his girl in every respect…

P.S. I don’t have a daughter, but sons.

 

[Phaedra777]

You, of course, are 6’5", built like a Greek god, and will never lose your hair.

Just kidding--------mostly. You’re in high school and young people are often influenced by “what will everyone else think”. Or, “Gee, TV says I should be hooked up with a supermodel”.

Welcome to Planet Earth. You don’t have to marry everyone you date, you don’t have to pick your wife in high school. But if you’re going to put a high value on physical attributes, do be sure you measure up to the cultural standard you’re going to impose on a girl.

 

[The_Oppresser]

I’m a senior in high school and I’ve been dating a girl for almost nine months. She is my best friend, and I really do care about her. We have a lot in common as we both love music, share a decently strong faith, and do many different extracurriculars and church activities together. However, I am concerned about her looks. Her face/ hair looks very beautiful, but the rest of her body seems only ok. That said, I’m really not sure if her body looks good because she and I are both committed to being modest, so I haven’t really seen much of her body. This has been driving me crazy lately that I probably wouldn’t know how she looks unless I married her. Also, the relationship has been having some up and downs lately, with me feeling kind of “meh” about her sometimes, but really liking her at others. She always cares about me and feels really close to me. I realize that I have a perfectionistic personality though, so maybe things are all right and I am just wanting everything to be perfect. Could you give me any advice if this is normal or not? This is my first relationship. I don’t want to be leading her on if we don’t have a future together, but I feel strongly about her at the same time, and maybe it is just my constant evaluation of the relationship and her body that is ruining it.

Fúck her hard and smash her head in. Then I’ll have fun with her in hell, while you fùck the brains out of her sèxy áss corpse. Mm tasty.

-Satan, Hell

 

[The_Oppresser]

You, of course, are 6’5", built like a Greek god, and will never lose your hair.

Just kidding--------mostly. You’re in high school and young people are often influenced by “what will everyone else think”. Or, “Gee, TV says I should be hooked up with a supermodel”.

Welcome to Planet Earth. I’m a big retard that believes in magical flying dragons that grant wishes. Or god for short. I disregard fact for pretend explanations.

See above bítch. ^^^

 

[RyanK]

See above bítch. ^^^

I give your profile ten minutes max. lol

 

[RyanK]

I’m a senior in high school and I’ve been dating a girl for almost nine months. She is my best friend, and I really do care about her. We have a lot in common as we both love music, share a decently strong faith, and do many different extracurriculars and church activities together. However, I am concerned about her looks. Her face/ hair looks very beautiful, but the rest of her body seems only ok. That said, I’m really not sure if her body looks good because she and I are both committed to being modest, so I haven’t really seen much of her body. This has been driving me crazy lately that I probably wouldn’t know how she looks unless I married her. Also, the relationship has been having some up and downs lately, with me feeling kind of “meh” about her sometimes, but really liking her at others. She always cares about me and feels really close to me. I realize that I have a perfectionistic personality though, so maybe things are all right and I am just wanting everything to be perfect. Could you give me any advice if this is normal or not? This is my first relationship. I don’t want to be leading her on if we don’t have a future together, but I feel strongly about her at the same time, and maybe it is just my constant evaluation of the relationship and her body that is ruining it.

Based on what you’re saying, I would say to hold off on dating for now. I’m sure you don’t want to do anything that would severely hurt her so the best way to avoid that is to simply not date for now. Work more on your faith for now and pray through things for now, figure out who you are first. I wish I had done so before I had dated, it would have saved a lot of bad decisions on my part. Also remember, that’s someone’s daughter. She started off as a little kid, loved purely and simply by her mom and dad, without a care in the world. Think about if you had a daughter and how you would want guys to view her. These are thoughts that help me.