Relationship crumbling, family members ill, crisis of faith

[1ke]

It seems you came here to get someone to validate what you want to do rather than share observations that run counter to what you want to do.

You have not found anyone who supports this seriously red flag relationship and who won’t overlook the elements of desperation in your post and therefore we are all labeled judgmental.

 

[pvhc47]

Blockquote
You have not found anyone who supports this seriously red flag relationship and who won’t overlook the elements of desperation in your post and therefore we are all labeled judgmental.

I think you should note that I only ever labeled you judgemental and that’s because of your attitude. I’m sure you mean well, but that’s just the feeling I keep picking up from your posts.

I’m still not 100% sure what I’m going to do yet. I have taken all advice on board and feel that a continued relationship with this woman would be doomed to failure. I do want to speak with her again, though, at least one more time just for the closure and some answers.

 

[Norseman82]

Of course I agree with you’re saying to a degree. I’m just conflicted… I think I should wait another week or so and then try and contact her, even if it’s for the last time I think it’s the healthy thing to do because I really need the closure. I will tell her how much she’s hurt me and give her one last chance to own up to her actions and see if she’s willing to change for good this time. And she will need to tell me everything about her past, as well, because I just can’t deal with anymore lies.

The problem is that she has lied before - if she lies again, will you fall for it or see through it?

 

[TheLittleLady]

Mary Magdalene was not a prostitute. That is a myth.

God did command the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute, but, Hosea was a prophet.

Go to Confession. Receive Communion and amend your life. Work on becoming a Godly man. Godly men go to Mass. Your mother and grandmother want most of all to see you as a man of virtue and a man of strong faith. Become that man.

 

[TheLittleLady]

This woman is involved in crime. I promise you she is working for some very unsavory people who will not be happy if you become involved with this woman. The best thing you can do is find a group (Beyond the Streets is one UK group, I am sure there are more) that will help her safely get out of sex work and then pray for her.

Have you been buying her gifts, helping her with bills? If you have, stop that now. Donate to one of the groups that helps sex workers leave the life, donate in her honor.

This is not the fairy tale story you think you are in.

 

[pvhc47]

Blockquote
I promise you she is working for some very unsavory people who will not be happy if you become involved with this woman.

I doubt this. The entire website is designed so that the women are their own bosses. No pimps or anything like that.

Blockquote
This is not the fairy tale story you think you are in.

I never thought it was a fairy tale. Everyone has a past, and people do change. I had reason to believe she had changed and it’s turned out I was wrong.

 

[AdamP88]

I doubt this. The entire website is designed so that the women are their own bosses. No pimps or anything like that.

If you really believe this then you are incredibly naive. Those websites only make it easier for pimps and gangs to operate. If you want to ignore common sense well I’m afraid there’s not much anyone on this forum can do about it. You probably aren’t doing your granny and mother any favours by continuing this relationship either.

 

[pvhc47]

Blockquote
I doubt this. The entire website is designed so that the women are their own bosses. No pimps or anything like that.

Trust me, I am right about this. I did A LOT of research.

Blockquote
If you want to ignore common sense well I’m afraid there’s not much anyone on this forum can do about it.

I told you, it’s hard for me to think with anything but my heart in this moment. I’m not saying that’s a good thing, and I joined this forum because I wanted to hear all opinions.

Blockquote
You probably aren’t doing your granny and mother any favours by continuing this relationship either.

Frankly, this is a cheap shot. Yes, my mother isn’t happy about this…but my grandmother actually wants me to go after her one more time. She feels very sorry for her because her friend from years ago called Wilma Mccann was forced into prostitution as a last resort to stop her kids from being taken into care, and she ended up getting killed by the serial killer Peter Sutcliffe in 1975. He’s a notorious murderer over here in the UK (Google him if you’ve never heard of him before. A truly sick, twisted individual who killed 13 women and attempted to kill 7 others). Anyway, my grandmother wants me to tell her I love her and see if that changes anything.

 

[DarkLight]

Regarding this young woman, let me put it to you another way:

It’s not punishing or being mean to a person, to not be involved with them romantically. That’s actually quite normal. And it doesn’t sound like she is in a place right now where a romantic relationship is in her best interest. She needs help that you can’t give, and your best option is likely to provide her with resources to get that help. Trying to keep up a relationship at this time is likely to end in a situation that is not good for either of you.

 

[pvhc47]

Yes, that is very true. That’s why I’ve recently decided that a continued romantic relationship would be impossible (there’s just been too many lies)… But I don’t want her out of my life permanently. I feel as though it’s my duty to help her. I don’t mean duty to her, I mean duty to my own feelings, I suppose. I just don’t know how best to act on those feelings. Directing her to some organization that could help her wouldn’t work, as she’d just think I was looking down on her (and she’d also still deny that she’s working).

 

[pvhc47]

Blockquote
If you really believe this then you are incredibly naive. Those websites only make it easier for pimps and gangs to operate

I’m so sorry for doubting your wisdom, Adam… Because you were right. I thought I should let you all know about the latest shocking development.

As I said, I investigated the site my girlfriend works on thoroughly and even messaged a few escorts to ask for info (crazy, I know). They all told me that pimps and escort managers don’t operate through the site, and that they’d never dream of working for one… Well, I just received a threatening email telling me to stay away from my girlfriend (he used her escort name not her real one). The guy told me to stay away or else me and my mother would get hurt. What really disturbed me is that he knows that my mother was talking about Islamic terrorism on her Twitter page, so he must have been checking up on me and my family. He said my mother shouldn’t fear terrorists she should fear him, because if I keep pushing we’ll all get hurt. He then said for the sake of myself, my family and my girlfriend I should just walk away because “you don’t know who you’re messing with, chap”, as he put it…

I can barely process this… I need to think because this has changed everything. I knew that something didn’t add up but I never suspected this. I don’t even know how he got my email. Either she told him or he checked her email folder or something… What puzzles me, though, is that it isn’t as though I’ve recently contacted her. Nothing has been said between us since that day. Maybe he only recently found out about the fake booking.

What this man doesn’t understand is that this is only going to fuel me even more. I know it’s a terrible, horrific, dangerous situation to be in. I even feel guilty for burdening you all with this but I really have no one else to turn to because I can’t tell my family about this. I can’t back away now, though. I have no other choice. I don’t think he realises just how much I care for her if he thinks this will scare me away… Before anyone suggests anything, involving the police won’t solve anything at all. These sort of people have contacts everywhere.

I know many will disagree…but I believe this revelation has occurred to me because I prayed for it. Last night I knelt down at the end of my bed and asked God for the real truth behind this situation. I swore that if the truth was revealed I would change for the better (vowing to give certain vices up, make Christ the center of my life, etc)… And then this happens. But what does He want me to do with this information.

I won’t be replying for a while. I need time to think…

Please everyone, pray for me, my family and my girlfriend.

 

[AdamP88]

I know you said you wouldn’t contact the police, but really this is within their remit at this point.

I think you should reoprt it and then forget about the girl. That is your moral duty done. More communication from you will difinitely put you at risk, as well as your family and this girl. Hard as it may be to hear, she is part of something that is way over your head.

What do you think you can do in this situation?

 

[pvhc47]

I know what you’re trying to say, but it would only end up making things worse all around. I have no info on the guy at all, so probably only my girlfriend would get into trouble, as she’s the only one I could point them towards.

Also, as I said, these types have contacts everywhere. They could retaliate against me or my mother if I involve the police to stop me from going even further. They probably have my address and everything…

What do I think I can do?.. I don’t know. Get her away from them is the only thing coming to mind. I need to speak with her. I need to contact her in secret somehow and just continue from there…

Everything’s just so raw at the moment in my mind. I need time to process this. I’m logging out for now.

 

[Mi_Rose]

Now your family has been threatened. This was never a fairy tale where you got to be a white knight but read this again. Your family has been threatened. It doesn’t matter who gave what information to whom but you are being very selfish to put your family at risk.
Do not contact her again and yes do contact the police because your family is in danger.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Change your phone number, email address, social media access, etc. Same for your family.

Contact the authorities. This is not a game, at least contact one of the groups who helps people escape sex trafficking. They will have the best advice for you.

 

[pvhc47]

Hello everyone. Just wanted to keep you all in the loop of the latest developments because I don’t want any of you to be worried.

I didn’t tell my family about the threat, but I did speak with a friend. He convinced me to contact the police about it and I did. Predictably, they weren’t very helpful and didn’t seem to take me seriously even when I explained the situation, suggesting that the email could just be a prank by someone I might have told. They did say they would look into it further but that was all. They didn’t even send anyone out to look at the email themselves, only what I sent to them.

I’m still nervous, so I’ve persuaded my family to go away a week earlier than they were supposed to (they always go visit my great uncle at this time of year for a few days), so I’m here alone at the moment just in case anything bad happens.

I have found out more information regarding how pimps infiltrate the site by creating a fake escort account. I also think I’ve tracked down a contact of the man who threatened me by accessing my girlfriend’s online account. I plan on contacting him via online chat pretending to be a wannabe escort looking for a ‘manager’, as they call it…

I’ve tried contacting my girlfriend but her old phone number is unresponsive. I really need to speak with her about this just to know what’s really going on here, because I can’t be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. So my friend has agreed to set up a meeting with my girlfriend, pretending to be a guy looking for a prostitute. It will be an ‘incall’ booking, as they’re called, meaning that she will come to his house. He’s already made contact via the site and she said she wants to speak with him on the phone first (I’m guessing she wants to be sure it isn’t me again). He’ll speak with her on the phone and then when she arrives I’ll confront her inside the house and find out what’s going on, and exactly what she’s told the men about me and my family.

I know this all sounds crazy but I don’t feel I have a choice. I’ve taken steps to protect my family for now, but I need to get to the bottom of this.

 

[AdamP88]

You seem to think this is some kind of game. She’s not your girlfriend. Her number is no doubt unresponsive because her pimp has taken her phone to prevent her from contacting you. It’s likely she’s already been punished because of you. You are going to end up dead in a ditch, or at the very least be the recipient of a beating.
You should abandon this plan and give all the information you have to an organization that helps prostitutes. The only way she will leave this life is if she wants to herself.

 

[pvhc47]

Blockquote
You seem to think this is some kind of game

I am under no illusions regarding the severity of this situation. Why else do you think I convinced my family to visit my uncle earlier than usual?

Blockquote
She’s not your girlfriend.

Ex girlfriend, then. Either way, I have to speak to her.

Blockquote
Her number is no doubt unresponsive because her pimp has taken her phone to prevent her from contacting you. It’s likely she’s already been punished because of you.

I am aware of that, but don’t try and make me feel responsible. Her being in this position has nothing to do with me. I’m just trying to find out what’s really going on here and exactly who I’m up against it. And no, that doesn’t mean I intend to take on everyone like John Wick or Rambo. I need more information because I hope to get them all arrested. That’s the end goal here. Of course, it all depends on if my (ex) girlfriend wants to cooperate.

Blockquote
You should abandon this plan and give all the information you have to an organization that helps prostitutes. The only way she will leave this life is if she wants to herself.

Maybe so, but it’s too late now. I’m already involved. All it takes is for some idiot to make a prank booking and the pimp suddenly suspects me again, and then anything could happen. He’s being stalking my mother’s Twitter page, that means he knows everything (my mother is far too vocal about far too many things on Twitter). This plan is already in motion and I have no intention of stopping it because there is no danger. Why’s that? Because she’s going to my friend’s house for the booking, so that means she’ll be alone. All I want to do is speak with her. If she seems resolute that she doesn’t want to be helped then fine. I’ll just tell her to make sure to never mention me again to any of her ‘friends’ and that will be that. But I don’t think that’s the case. Because believe it or not…I think she’s in over her head, too, and I think it’s my duty to at least speak with her face to face about this.

 

[pvhc47]

Hello everyone. I know it’s been a while since I last posted but I think it’s only fair to inform you all how this shocking and upsetting situation came to an end (well, for now, anyway).

The fake booking my friend made never went ahead. Why? Because he was assaulted by two guys who were (apparently, according to an eyewitness) trying to steal his mobile phone. These things have been happening a lot recently in the area. These muggers usual use bikes, though, but these two thugs just hit him on the head from behind. Naturally, he was freaked out by this and became worried that it had something to do with the pimp who’d threatened me. When I told him how far things had progressed (that I’d created a fake escort account to lure the pimps out) he got angry and told me to leave him alone. I was annoyed with him, to be honest. I never asked for his help in this, he offered it. Yes, I didn’t tell him all the info but only because that wasn’t his business… I still don’t know if this had anything to do with the threat I received or not, but either way he wanted nothing to do with it anymore so he cancelled the booking.

Unbeknownst to him, though, I intercepted the message and deleted it before my (ex) girlfriend had time to read it and confirmed the booking (to get out of the phone call I said my phone had fell down the toilet and she bought it). I hid outside my friend’s house and when she turned up I was there to meet her. She freaked out and tried to run back to the taxi. I convinced her I only wanted to have one last conversation with her and that would be that. She agreed to talk so long as I paid her for her time and I agreed… So, we went to the local McDonald’s for something to eat.

For a while, everything was just so surreal. The conversation was so ordinary for the first few minutes or so that it actually upset me a great deal. The fact that we could slip back into a conversation so easily reminded me once again that there are so few people in my life who I can really talk with and be at total ease with (I’m not even at such ease with my friend or some of my more distant relatives). I told her to just quit lying because I knew the truth and she did open up somewhat. She basically admitted that she had been still working when we were together (she didn’t actually say the words, but still practically admitted it as she kept speaking in a hypothetical sense. “Let’s say I had been working, etc, etc”, stuff like that). When I realised we were getting nowhere I told her about the threat I’d received.

Gonna have to continue this in another post as I’m running out of room here.

 

[pvhc47]

She categorically denies working for a pimp. She claims to work only for herself. When I pushed her and actually showed her the message, she said a friend had sent it to make me back off. But this is rubbish. For one thing, I wasn’t contacting her. It wasn’t as though I were pestering her over and over again. I hadn’t messaged her since that day with the fake booking, so a friend had no business in doing something like this. Secondly, the friend would have to be really, really sick in the head to go to such lengths (finding out stuff about me, checking my mother’s Twitter account). And thirdly, she doesn’t have any real friends. I know her well enough to know that. And she never opens up to anyone, so a friend would never know all this info… No. It doesn’t add up and I told her so. I pushed again and said that my family could be in danger because of her and she responded. “You only have yourself to blame”.

If that isn’t confirmation of sinister forces behind the scenes then what is… As the time grew to a close she became emotional, saying that she doesn’t know what she’s doing with her life but that she doesn’t want to drag me down with her. She told me I would meet someone better than her who would appreciate me more for who I am and not cause me grief… I said that there are people out there who can help you but it was no good, she isn’t interested. She’s too proud to ask for help and the hole she’s dug herself in is too deep for me to get her out of, I see that now.

I agreed that we shouldn’t speak again but I couldn’t leave it like that. I gave her the Christmas present I’d bought her a week or so prior to when things went sour (18 carat gold earrings), and in the box I left a note saying that I’ll always be there for her if she truly needs my help and has no one else to turn to, and then a short plea for her to always remember that she will never be truly alone in this difficult world, no matter how dark the clouds above may be (I was meaning God as well as myself)… And that was that. I feel numb about it all at the moment, and that’s why it’s taken me a few days to get back to you all.

I thank you all for your words of wisdom and support through this. I know that things have ended sloppily and that I haven’t quite slammed the door completely shut, but looking back at it all I think I handled things as well as I could. You can’t truly understand looking at this from an outside perspective. For now, it’s over. My mind and soul is already beginning to heal, I can feel it. I only hope that with no more contact with her the person who threatened me will back away. I have deleted the fake escort account and only hope the IP address wasn’t traced to me (my friend suggested this when I told him)…

Once again, thanks for your support. I hope you all have a very blessed Christmas.

Merry Christmas and God bless.