T
thewanderer
Guest
OP, I’m just going to add my own perspective to this as an engaged woman who is also waiting until marriage. I am definitely attracted to my fiance and love him dearly, and he is very clearly attracted to and loves me as well, even though we are both absolutely 100% determined to wait for marriage. It really really is true that a decision to wait can be made by someone who is very interested in you. What it comes down to is a different perspective of what sexuality and marriage are. I know that for me, even if I weren’t Catholic, I would still want to wait until marriage, this isn’t just a matter of doing what ‘those celibate men’ tell us to, but is something I strongly believe in because of my views on sexuality and marriage. It is quite possible that your girl is beginning to see things this same way, or has always seen them this way but isnow becoming more determined to live according to the way she sees things.
I’m going to give a little backstory in case it helps you understand this worldview a little more. My father abused and cheated on my mother, when it became clear that a seperation was necessary she left and brought us kids with her half way around the world to keep us safe from him. She did not divorce him, she did not ever try to date anyone else. She did not speak angrily or bitterly about him to us, but instead just told us we needed to pray for him because he had taken a wrong path in life. She suffered so much because of him, including developing an illness most likely due to his abuse, yet she remained so commited to him and her vows of marriage that she refused to look for someone else or even speak angrily about him to us, her children. Now, as I grew older and I began to realize just how much she suffered and yet remained commited (and not at all in a naive way) I was absolutely floored by the unbelievable level of unconditional love and commitment she had shown towards him, and that she had shown to him precisely because of her marriage vows. I was overcome both by a recognition of how unbelievably good and beautiful such a strong commitment is, as well as by the fact that such a commitment is actually possible in this world, and I absolutely knew that if I ever married it would both be to someone who understood that this kind of commitment exists and would give me this level of commitment, and that I, in turn, would do the same. At the same time, the more that I thought about sexuality the more I began to see that the more commited a relationship it was kept for the more beautiful a thing it was too. I mean a casual one night stand, sure it might be pleasureable, but compare that to sex as an expression of your love for someone in a long-term commited relationship. So I of course took it to the next level, what about sex in the kind of relationship I talked about above, where both parties are so unconditionally commited to each other that even if they were severly wronged they would still refuse to even date anyone else (and not out of a naive pining for the one who wronged them, but out of pure commitment). It quickly became clear that that kind of sexual experience would by far be the best of all. After that, I really didn’t have much of a choice, why cheapen something that could be so beautiful by removing it from the context that makes it to be just so beautiful? I couldn’t do it.
It really is possible that your girl is starting to look at sexuality and marriage more in this light as well. Rather than her not being interested in you, this really could be a sign of her being so interested in you that she wants something better for you and with you. There really are people out there that are motivated by this, even if you haven’t ever met them before. Whatever the case is, good luck with it.
[ETA: Also, if you are interested in gaining a better understanding of the Catholic view of marriage and sexuality, I suggest you read Pope John Paul II’s works about it, both Theology of the Body and Love and Responsibility, they are rather long, but perhaps they will help you gain a better understanding of and appreciation for the Catholic way of looking on sexuality and marriage, it really is beautiful and positive, not puritan at all. ]**
I’m going to give a little backstory in case it helps you understand this worldview a little more. My father abused and cheated on my mother, when it became clear that a seperation was necessary she left and brought us kids with her half way around the world to keep us safe from him. She did not divorce him, she did not ever try to date anyone else. She did not speak angrily or bitterly about him to us, but instead just told us we needed to pray for him because he had taken a wrong path in life. She suffered so much because of him, including developing an illness most likely due to his abuse, yet she remained so commited to him and her vows of marriage that she refused to look for someone else or even speak angrily about him to us, her children. Now, as I grew older and I began to realize just how much she suffered and yet remained commited (and not at all in a naive way) I was absolutely floored by the unbelievable level of unconditional love and commitment she had shown towards him, and that she had shown to him precisely because of her marriage vows. I was overcome both by a recognition of how unbelievably good and beautiful such a strong commitment is, as well as by the fact that such a commitment is actually possible in this world, and I absolutely knew that if I ever married it would both be to someone who understood that this kind of commitment exists and would give me this level of commitment, and that I, in turn, would do the same. At the same time, the more that I thought about sexuality the more I began to see that the more commited a relationship it was kept for the more beautiful a thing it was too. I mean a casual one night stand, sure it might be pleasureable, but compare that to sex as an expression of your love for someone in a long-term commited relationship. So I of course took it to the next level, what about sex in the kind of relationship I talked about above, where both parties are so unconditionally commited to each other that even if they were severly wronged they would still refuse to even date anyone else (and not out of a naive pining for the one who wronged them, but out of pure commitment). It quickly became clear that that kind of sexual experience would by far be the best of all. After that, I really didn’t have much of a choice, why cheapen something that could be so beautiful by removing it from the context that makes it to be just so beautiful? I couldn’t do it.
It really is possible that your girl is starting to look at sexuality and marriage more in this light as well. Rather than her not being interested in you, this really could be a sign of her being so interested in you that she wants something better for you and with you. There really are people out there that are motivated by this, even if you haven’t ever met them before. Whatever the case is, good luck with it.
[ETA: Also, if you are interested in gaining a better understanding of the Catholic view of marriage and sexuality, I suggest you read Pope John Paul II’s works about it, both Theology of the Body and Love and Responsibility, they are rather long, but perhaps they will help you gain a better understanding of and appreciation for the Catholic way of looking on sexuality and marriage, it really is beautiful and positive, not puritan at all.
]**