Relationship Issues

[LoveJesus13]

My bf and I are both strong Catholics and I thank God for many things including the fact that we share our faith. Lately, I have been feeling uneasy and not at peace. For those who are currently in Catholic loving relationships, are things supposed to go smoothly MOST of the time? We’ve been having an issue with communication and time. He is older than me by several years and seems to be very busy. I told him before getting serious that I could wait to be in a relationship bc I knew he was so busy. He said he wanted me in his life and could make time for me so he continued to ask me to be his gf.

I have been feeling sad recently bc he had to go out of town for work and had to sleep overnight at his female co-worker’s house. She’s married but I don’t think husband is there bc he’s a pilot. She invited him to sleep there so he could save $.

It’s been bothering me because my bf and I already have communication problems. We rarely talk during the day.** What is the appropriate # of times to communicate?** We text a couple times and pray at night but when he slept over he told me he was going to bed and wasn’t going to talk anymore bc he had a long day.

That is always the case: busy! Long day! All these things going on. I feel like I can’t handle this because of past hurt and I want to break up with him. Should I? Isn’t a relationship supposed to be reciprocal? I give him a lot of time and he can’t even communicate with me when that’s the main thing I asked. Aside from this, we are faithful to God, we love each other and go to mass. I don’t know why God put us together if it was going to be this confusing or is this the devil making me doubtful and confused, what can I do to make myself be at peace? … Please help, I don’t know what to do. For those who are married now, was it smooth sailing with your spouse prior to marriage? I don’t want to feel this way and I just need help understanding if there are success stories out there who have gone through my similar confusion so that maybe I can be hopeful.

 

[underacloud]

are things supposed to go smoothly MOST of the time?

Yes, it should be smooth most of the time. Especially before you marry.

I have been feeling sad recently bc he had to go out of town for work and had to sleep overnight at his female co-worker’s house. She’s married but I don’t think husband is there bc he’s a pilot. She invited him to sleep there so he could save $.

This may be innocent, but if it bothers you he needs to know and respect that. If you don’t feel this arrangement is appropriate, and there are understandable reasons for this, you need to say so and his response ought to be respectful.

PS If he’s out of town for work, why isn’t his employer paying for accommodation?

I don’t know why God put us together…

Do you know that He did? Not everyone you date is who God put you with.

Don’t remain in a relationship because you think it is some destiny God has lead you to. No - you must work out whether this is a suitable relatsionship; a suitable future spouse. And if not, then you are wasting his and your time on it.

For those who are married now, was it smooth sailing with your spouse prior to marriage?

Mostly smooth. If it’s only ever smooth there could be other issues (refusal to address serious topics), but in general it should be mostly smooth.

It seems like at the moment it’s neither smooth nor addressing serious topics. Oh dear.

 

[SpeakKindly]

I’ve been engaged for a little over a year now, and I’m a man (just giving you where I’m coming from).

I think it’s completely alright to feel uncomfortable with him sleeping in the home of someone who is the opposite sex. At the same time, I’d also say that if he talked to you about it - as in mentioned his intentions and made sure you’re fine with it, then that is communicating.

I’ve learned that there’s no such thing as cookie-cutter relationships, every relationship involves different types of communicating. So don’t worry if it’s not fitting your expectations, worry if there are issues. If he’s busy, then I say that you should understand that it’ll be harder than others to communicate, but for his part, he should try to make sure to at least try talking with you.

My relationship with my fiancee is pretty smooth, we hardly ever have anything major, and communication is fine. That communication may be done differently than others, but it’s there and healthy.

I’d say that you should not settle for a crumbling relationship if you two can’t work it out, but I’d say that you two should try before throwing in the towel, state your concerns and see if he is willing to talk with you or something. If he’s not really interested, then take a break or something.

 

[crystal_waters]

LoveJesus13.

I can undestand why you feel uneasy about him staying at the co workers house…id feel exactly the same way, i wouldnt like it one bit…

A great rule of thumb is if its not appropriate for him to sleepover at your house then why should it be ok for him to stay at that womans home…it doesnt matter whether she is married or not…after all married women can have affairs.

If he goes out of town then for the sake of your relationship insist on him staying in a hotel…or some other cheap accomodation…

 

[ChurchSoldier]

We date before marrying because we get to see who the other person is and what they are like. People don’t really change after marriage, so it is important to ask yourself whether you are ok, or would be ok, with these activities once married. If not, then that would be your guide about the future of this relationship. Much better to make that determination now that after you are married.

Good luck.

 

[Lorelei12]

I, too, am wondering why his employer did not pay for accommodations, if he was taking a work trip? It doesn’t really make sense, and that would bother me too.

As for talking during the day, my husband and I do not now, nor did we really ever, talk to each other during the day while we are at work. (Unless there is a reason- we are trying to plan something, one of us has a question, whatever.) When we were dating, we would generally talk once per night and see each other once per week.

You don’t mention how much older he is, or how old you are. Do you also have a busy job, or do you perhaps have more time on your hands to dwell on him? I ask because not talking throughout the day isn’t something that really bothers me, but both my husband and I are busy and preoccupied with our jobs. However, if he’s not making some time generally every day to talk to you, at least after work, I would see that as a problem.

 

[CradleJourney]

That is always the case: busy! Long day! All these things going on. I feel like I can’t handle this because of past hurt and I want to break up with him. Should I? Isn’t a relationship supposed to be reciprocal? I give him a lot of time and he can’t even communicate with me when that’s the main thing I asked. Aside from this, we are faithful to God, we love each other and go to mass. I don’t know why God put us together if it was going to be this confusing or is this the devil making me doubtful and confused, what can I do to make myself be at peace? … Please help, I don’t know what to do. For those who are married now, was it smooth sailing with your spouse prior to marriage? don’t want to feel this way and I just need help understanding if there are success stories out there who have gone through my similar confusion so that maybe I can be hopeful.

If you are not happy with who he is and how he acts right now - then my advice is to leave and move on to another relationship.

While dating (married now 17+ years), things were mostly smooth - except for one communication issue that really annoyed me. Almost broke up, but took awhile to really look at the whole picture, and decided that the positive far, far outweighed the one negative. But I went into our marriage knowing this would never change - and it hasn’t. It still annoys me, but now it’s kind of a joke. Either I’ll realize I’m getting annoyed then laugh at myself because I knew what I was getting, or he’ll realize he’s doing it (AGAIN!) and attempt to apologize (even though he doesn’t understand what the problem is) which in turn makes me laugh - because for him to do what I’d “wish” for him to do would be pretty much like asking a fish to climb a tree - it’s just not who he is. The thing is, I adore the other 99% of him so that one thing really doesn’t matter - and after all, I drive him crazy with some of my behaviors too.

So it’s really up to you - is this something you can just shrug off as a quirk of his, or does it really upset you as it seems to be doing. And if it is, why would you want to deal with those upset feelings for the rest of your life. A relationship doesn’t have to be 100% perfect - but it should be something that brings you peace and joy almost all the time, imho.

Prayers and ((hugs))

 

[LoveJesus13]

Yes, it should be smooth most of the time. Especially before you marry.

PS If he’s out of town for work, why isn’t his employer paying for accommodation?

Do you know that He did? Not everyone you date is who God put you with.

Don’t remain in a relationship because you think it is some destiny God has lead you to. No - you must work out whether this is a suitable relatsionship; a suitable future spouse. And if not, then you are wasting his and your time on it.

It seems like at the moment it’s neither smooth nor addressing serious topics. Oh dear.

It’s more of a side business trip so his employer wasn’t involved. The lady was someone who’s also working on the endeavor with him. He didn’t ask me how I felt about it and I didn’t think it was anything to worry about until he told me we weren’t going to converse at night bc he had a long day.

Lorelei12, he is in his mid-30s. I don’t have a busy job like him but I still think we have to work on communication and bc of this issue, I don’t know how to fix our communication problem.

In the beg, we first thought God brought us together bc we met @ church and both active. Now I don’t know what all of this confusion means, is God saying to not be with him? Why can’t God’s will be loud and clear so I can do exactly what he wants me to do???

Thank u for all of your prayers and kind words. We haven’t talked yet and I will have to muster up the wisdom to speak to him, even if it means breaking up. Please pray for me.

 

[theCrow]

**I have been feeling sad recently bc he had to go out of town for work and had to sleep overnight at his female co-worker’s house. She’s married but I don’t think husband is there bc he’s a pilot. She invited him to sleep there so he could save $. **

This is the biggest red flag ever. You need to dump this guy, asap!

 

[Sunbreak]

He probably should have stayed at a hotel, rather than at the co-worker’s house, but it could be totally innocent.
As far as how much you have to talk during the day when dating - well, in the old days before the internet and cellphones, it wasn’t unusual for a guy to talk to you only once a week to make arrangements for the date that weekend. So, how often people who are dating have to talk is a matter of personal preference and schedules.

 

[ChurchSoldier]

It’s more of a side business trip so his employer wasn’t involved. The lady was someone who’s also working on the endeavor with him. He didn’t ask me how I felt about it and I didn’t think it was anything to worry about until he told me we weren’t going to converse at night bc he had a long day.

Lorelei12, he is in his mid-30s. I don’t have a busy job like him but I still think we have to work on communication and bc of this issue, I don’t know how to fix our communication problem.

In the beg, we first thought God brought us together bc we met @ church and both active. Now I don’t know what all of this confusion means, is God saying to not be with him? **Why can’t God’s will be loud and clear so I can do exactly what he wants me to do??? **

Thank u for all of your prayers and kind words. We haven’t talked yet and I will have to muster up the wisdom to speak to him, even if it means breaking up. Please pray for me.

What would loud and clear look like to you?