Relationship/Love: Different Styles

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Hello Everyone,

I just had a quick questions for those in relationships/marriage. Myself and my fiance have been together for 5.5 years (in a chaste relationship). We are getting married soon, and we are both very excited about that (as we have prayed/discerned about this for a long time… waiting until we were able to get married).

However, we have learned that we both have very different ‘love’ styles or languages. I am very touchy-feelly, and I love hugs, kisses, cuddling, everything!
He likes these things, but does not thrive off of them, as I do.

Any suggestions for how we merge these two differences… they have cause slight problems in the past…

Thanks.
 
what does he thrive off of?

maybe that information would help us help you

I just don’t understand how a man could not like kissing and cuddling, its the best…
 
Thanks for the replies… I’ve read the book… that’s how I recognized that we were different… but I still (we still) don’t know how to bridge these two styles.

He is more of a ‘service’ person… where he feels loved if I do something for him… yet, he very rarely lets me ‘serve him’. I often try to do nice things for him, but he finds it hard to modestly sit back, and accept my acts of service.
 
I don’t think you have a serious problem unless you make it one.

Many men (especially young ones) don’t fully understand how to read women. Many times, when his partner draws close to him for affection, and closeness, he confuses she wants sex. Well she might and she might not, its up to him to gauge which it is, and you don’t get a instruction book on how to do that. Its called, “getting to know your partner,” and that is best done with a strong emotional bond.

Y’all have been chaste for 5 years, it could be he has trouble seperating affection and sex, so he tends to avoid cuddling, because he doesn’t want to go down that road.

He may not fully understand these things till after y’all are married, where you will be in a postion to better communicate your needs.

From what you say, I’d guess y’all’s relationship is based on the mutual needs of love and trust. Relationships based on the physical, seldom endure because the first hint of trouble it falls apart. You can find anybody to take care of your physical needs, and people act accordingly. A good example of that is Hollywood. But finding someone to emotionaly bond with is much harder, and makes a stronger relationship, and non sexual affection is a big part of that.
 
raes said:
He is more of a ‘service’ person… where he feels loved if I do something for him… yet, he very rarely lets me ‘serve him’. I often try to do nice things for him, but** he finds it hard to modestly sit back, and accept my acts of service**.
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**He will have to learn how. He needs to understand that by not accepting your “gift” he is hurting you. Try to put it in terms he might understand. Like if he were to buy a loved one a present (something tangible) and they refused to accept it because it would make them feel bad. Illustrate just how selfish that actually is.

He make think he is showing you love by not wanting you to go out of your way but what he is really showing is rejection of YOUR love.

Guys are very direct thinkers (usually). You often need to spell things out very clearly for them to “get it”. Ask him, for just one week, to only say “thank you” when you do something for him. Practice makes perfect:thumbsup:
**
 
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