Relationship or Marrying a Hindu

[cathopologist]

Hi Mcanny,
I was a former Brahmin and converted to Catholicism many years ago. I am now happily married to a Chinese girl and we have a wonderful two-and-a half year old son. I just want to say that after our (civil) marriage, my wife started going for RCIA (she was a former Methodist) and she got baptized this Easter (we also took our vows in Church to have our marriage recognized). She is now a Psalmist in our parish! My son will be also baptized soon (hopefully by September).

Inter-racial and inter-faith marriages can work. It all depends on the person’s (whom you are marrying) upbringing. Speaking as a former Brahmin i can tell you that some Hindus don’t take abortion seriously. But if you explain how dear a life is to a Hindu i’m sure they’ll understand. Most Hindus (such as my family members), do not believe in killing an innocent being - that includes abortion. The trick is being tactful about your approach.

Phil, if you still follow this thread, i feel for you. Please don’t take their advices to heart. I have to admit, some of them are good, some really awful and judgmental. Follow your heart (but don’t go astray, eh? ). The ultimate choice is yours and yours alone. Pray and pray and bring her to church as often as you can. A little coercion (educate her on Catholic morals and faith) can help but do not overdo it. I wish you best of luck, brother.

In Christ ‡,
Lukas

 

[Dakota_Maverick]

I honestly have to say you should’ve asked that of God and yourself about 2.4 years prior to now.

Break it off and find a Catholic Girl so you can have a Catholic family.

Right now you have a Catholic/Hindu relationship and next will be a split Catholic/hindu family…your kids will be all too confused.

There are far too many other things that come up to “discuss”
and later it won’t be such amicable discussions - there will be intense feelings when you’re discussing children/holidays and etc.
Just as your Catholicism touches every aspect of your life, now it will even more so in the future.

You need someone who can share your faith because it touches everything else.

You risk losing what you have, yourself as well.

 

[skycastles79]

I think if you love each other you should get married. The fact that you are from different religions should not scare you out of the relationship. Indeed this might even be a way God can eventually bring her into Christianity. If I were you and I was sure this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, I would marry and always remember to pray to God that if it is His will, that she convert. Telling her to convert would not probably prove useful. But constant prayer for this intention could with time bring results. Good luck and I wish you both the very best.

 

[Mike_Dye]

I think if you love each other you should get married. The fact that you are from different religions should not scare you out of the relationship. Indeed this might even be a way God can eventually bring her into Christianity. If I were you and I was sure this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, I would marry and always remember to pray to God that if it is His will, that she convert. Telling her to convert would not probably prove useful. But constant prayer for this intention could with time bring results. Good luck and I wish you both the very best.

Yeah, What the heck, Were only talking about hitching up. We might be able to bring the whole family into the faith and if not we can always let them worship in the Hindu religion. They can then really have some choices. Same faith partners have what seems insurmountable problems. Just wait and see how happy life will be after children in a really mixed life together.

 

[lifelong]

Hi to those who have responding to this thread.

I would like some feedback, if you don’t mind.

I’ve been dating a Hindu guy orginally from South India for about 2.5 years now and we’ve been talking seriously about marriage. I’m a bit older than Phil8888 (I’m 38) and the idea of intermarriage concerns me. I don’t want to be niave.

I’ve talked to a preist about this (not at length) and his advise is that intermarriage is difficult but not impossible. But, I’m more curious to hear from those of you that have posted lately who have lived through it. At times I think I’ve conquered the concerns ( I know I have not, this is why I’m writing), so please tell me the truth if these things matter and what am I missing:

1. My boyfriend and I have had very clear discussions on how religion wlil be treated in our family. He thinks about converting, but said to me one day that “he does not know how to let go of everything that has ben taught to him” He prays regularly as do I and he promotes my prayer as I do his. We both agree that it is our conerstone. When I pray aloud to Jesus he holds my hand and prays with me.
2. He has agreed that our children (hopefully we have some…I’m 38) should be raised Catholic and that he will attend mass with us. His only request is that his religious differences are treated in a manner that his own children do not reject him because he prays to idols.
3. I’m very lucky that his parents and siblings adore me, Catholic and all. They are very progressive this way, so I do not expect push-back from them. My parents are trying their best. They adore him as a person, but they are very concerned that he is not catholic.

I’ve was brought up that marrying a Catholic is the only way. Hence the conflict. Yet, this man is the kindest, most wonderful person I’ve ever met and we make sense in so many ways. I’m not saying he is “perfect” …cause he’s not and neither am I.

I guess I feel that intermarriage is difficult because of the conflict it can cause on childeren. But, also mostly because it is important to be unified when praying and how to overcome life’s struggles, etc. If one person is reaching to God for support or for love in general and the other is not, the marriage is going to struggle. But if one is reaching for Jesus and the other is reaching for God (my boyfriend believes in one god…just that it comes in many different forms), if feels like it makes sense.

So, what else should I know?

thank you in advance.

 

[skycastles79]

I think God brings together not only people of similar cultures and religions but also those who are from different backgrounds and beliefs. My opinion is that if he is such a good person as you say, and if in addition to this, he is so respectful of your beliefs you should marry him. Love is the most important cornerstone of Christianity and nothing should matter more to us than this supreme virtue. We should embrace it with hope and faith. It sometimes calls for running what might be perceived as risks and also it inevitably involves coming out of our comfort and putting aside the predictability of our lives. Nonetheless from what you describe, your boyfriend is even willing to convert and his family has accepted you. So in a way this makes things much better than in other cases. I think one should follow one’s heart and conscience and not necessarily go by what is predicted by the majority of the people. If God called you to love this man then I think you should trust in Him and take the big step. I wish you the very best and I have a hunch that you are going to be very happily married to this person.
Best,
skycastles79

 

[lifelong]

Thank you for your very kind words and support, Skycastle.

 

[neophyte]

…Anyway, I know I have gone on a long time, but basically, my question is what you think of this relationship. Should I continue it, knowing that I love her a lot and we are very good together? Also, with the seemingly low chance of her converting. Thanks everyone for your help.

Before I became a Catholic, I married a lovely Jewish girl. She’s every bit as wonderful as your girlfriend sounds, and I had the same struggle you are having.

God indends marriage to be a sacrament, an institution through which we receive grace and help each other grow towards God.

Your marriage to a non-Christian will not be a sacramental marriage, you will not receive all of the graces that God wishes you to have and you will know it. Even if she agrees to raise the children as Catholics, you will be painfully aware of a distance between you.

In her parlance: you can’t help her on her path, and she can’t help you on yours.

 

[RunningDuck]

I have been dating a very beautiful and lovely girl who happens to be Hindu. I am a devout Catholic and have been studying my faith for several years now and feel I am well versed in it. I accept all the teachings of the Church. I am wondering about my relationship with this girl, which has been going on for over 2.5 years. We are in love and see each other nearly every day, and talk on the phone for many hours.

She is a great person and she loves many things about me, including my religiousness and spirituality. She is also a spiritual person, however, she is Hindu, and practices Hindu spirituality. She enjoys discussions about religion, and has a great deal of respect for Jesus, and my beliefs. She knows a lot of the Bible, and attended Catholic school. I would say she knows more about Catholicism than a lot of Catholics.

I know that I am allowed to marry a Hindu, in fact, religion is ultimately not a factor when marrying in a Catholic Church, as long as certain issues are addressed. My question is whether I should pursue this relationship, as a strict Catholic. Although I haven’t done much towards this, I would like for her to convert so that things would be easier. This is difficult, for several reasons. One reason is that her family is from India and are serious Hindus and she does not want to go against them by converting (her mother does not want her to). Also, as a Hindu, she is more difficult to dialog with than another Christian or monotheist. Hindus, as Peter Kreeft has stated, do not necessarily accept the law of non-contradiction, meaning they do not see things in a black-and-white way, the way Christians do. They see any life as a pathway, no matter how much evil a person is committing, that person is simply on their own path. Also, to her she emphasizes the similarities of religions, rather than the differences, and therefore does not really see the need to convert.

Anyway, I know I have gone on a long time, but basically, my question is what you think of this relationship. Should I continue it, knowing that I love her a lot and we are very good together? Also, with the seemingly low chance of her converting. Thanks everyone for your help.

In the Bible 2 Corinthians 6:14 says:

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?"  (KJV)

That applies to you.

 

[rtconstant]

I’ve read your post and I have to say that I feel for you. I myself am in love with a Muslim girl. She is the first girl that I’ve dated outside of the faith and strangely she has been the by far the best companion I’ve every had. Ironically we met at a Catholic College. So I won’t be the one to discourage you from finding love with a non-Christian.

That being said there are difficulties. Culture can be a major factor in and of itself. A hindu girl’s family may not want her to marry you not only because you’re not hindu but possibly also because you are not an Indian from their particular region. That doesn’t make things impossible, but it can be frustrating especially for her.

I knew a Tamil girl who fell in love with an American boy during medical school. Her family was up in arms about it, until they had a grandchild and then it was all over. You may not have this particular problem as Indians like anyone can cover the range in tolerance. Still keep it in mind.

My girl doesn’t care what other Afghans think about her, but she is careful with the reputations of her brother and sister and so we don’t eat and shop at places where Afghans work and such. Which is annoying to say the least.

As to religion, I’m blessed because she will go with me to Church and interestingly seems to find Catholicism the most welcoming religion. As a woman from Afghanistan she’s had her share of being abused and she lays the blame at the feet of Imams. I don’t try to pressure conversion but I’ve tried from the beginning to show her that I’m serious about my Faith, and happily she admires that quality.

While I think that some others have been unfair with you, they do bring up valid points. Eventually religion is something that you will have to deal with. While you should absolutely not try to pressure a conversion, you should be clear when the time comes that you want your children raised as Catholic. You also may want to tell her you want a Catholic wedding. If the union is blessed by God then things will work out.

Constantly pray for God’s guidance in this. I personally have no reason to doubt that God could have brought this woman into your life. However, even if that is the case you still have very real obligations as a Christian. I wish you the very best.

 

[godidlove]

I want to say a Hi to the one who started this post.

Hi friend. Nice to hear u decided to marry. I just want to ask one thing. Do u TRULY LOVE the Girl whom u have mentioned in this forum. She may be a HINDU, MUSLIM, JEW whatever it may be…

If you truly in Love with her. Go forward. IF YOU HAVE THE WILL THERE IS A WAY…

Stay positive., being a catholic is really GOOD. But if you truly love someone you are GREAT. Even jesus will not be against your marriage. Dont hear the LOOSER words.
Trust in JESUS and trust your LOVE.

LOVE means not the feeling that i mean. TRUE LOVE is commitment…

IF YOU ARE SURE ABOUT YOU. Dont wait for paul and peter to decide your LIFE…

Jesus loves and accepts GOOD SOULS…

I am a HINDU., who took jesus AS MY GOD…

I am in LOVE with a CATHOLIC GIRL. I spoke with her family and my family.

they trust my LOVE and my FAITH…

Be a Man of confidence and speak to their parents dude… Dont ask someone else to decide your future…

I spoke with the PRIEST. He is on my side…

LOVE must be true and eternal, then no challenges are that big and GREAT…

LOVE WINS ANYTHING… .EVERYTHING…

JESUS loves and HE WILL MAKE YOU IN LIFE AND LOVE…

ALL THE BEST…
WILL PRAY YOU BROTHER…
GOD BLESS YOU…

 

[crazzeto]

Religion is a huge thing not to be minimized as most today would. I would strongly weigh whether or not this Hindu woman will impead either your spiritual growth, or the formation of whatever children you might have (marriage), or whether she will tempt you to commit mortal sin (usage of ABC? I’m not sure what the Hindu position on this is. It’s a big problem in Protestant/Catholic unions).

Make sure you consider all the angles, because you must seek the kingdom for you (and your family) first.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

If we go off a poll of the four Catholic Hindu marriages in my family it really isn’t going to work out. One couple separated, two couples had a partner commit suicide and one converted to Hinduism…

A house divided against itself can not stand, it will become all one thing or the other, if not it will collapse…

In greatest sorrow, I regret to inform you that this marriage is a bad idea

 

[commoncents]

I can’t believe this is even an issue to be honest. If you love the girl, marry her. Her beliefs might be different than yours…oh well. Inform future kids about both of your stances on religion and that should be that.

Also keep in mind that this forum is extremely conservative and does not reflect the average Catholic view.

 

[crazzeto]

I can’t believe this is even an issue to be honest. If you love the girl, marry her. Her beliefs might be different than yours…oh well. Inform future kids about both of your stances on religion and that should be that.

Also keep in mind that this forum is extremely conservative and does not reflect the average Catholic view.

This is a recepe for failure, because you act is if all faiths are equal. They are not all the same, they are not all equal, they are not all merely one point of view among many.

Incidently, I doubt the OP posted because he wanted what some would put forward as being “the POV of the average Catholic”. People come here because they want good advice actually founded on the teachings of Christ.

 

[PennyinCanada]

Hi there, this is my first post. I had to say that when I was in my 20’s, and learning about the Catholic faith, I only dated young men who were Catholic, plus interested in learning about being Catholic and how it applied to them now that they were adults. There were men who asked me out who weren’t Catholic and I politely declined. One man was Catholic and recently divorced, I declined. Not even one hour of coffee with them.

Once your heart is deeply involved in a person, it’s kind of too late, isn’t it? We’ll look for all kinds of ways to make crooked paths straight. I saved myself a lot of grief, I suspect. I found my St Joseph husband and we are so blessed to be together for 21 years.

I know young adults in their 20’s who made time to learn about their faith, learn apologetics, the teachings of the church, the holy fathers. Some married like minded people. Some are in their late 30’s now, still single.

I have told them that the Catholic spouse the God had in mind made other choices. How sad. It drives me crazy that a person who loves their Catholic faith has continued on a dating path with a non-Catholic or non-Christian person. If only they knew the channel of grace that would be open to them for their entire married life with a committed Catholic spouse, they wouldn’t be trying to fit a square peg into a round hole so desperately.

One man in our parish got married at 36, waiting on God to bring that special wonderful Catholic spouse into his life. His waiting proved not in vain, meeting a lovely young woman who also loved the church. They are currently married 6 years and have 3 darling, adorable boys. I was moved to tears recently when I saw daddy holding his little son at the water font, and the little fella carefully dipped his fingers in and carefully made the sign of the Cross on his daddy’s forehead. What joy. It’s a joy I wish for all those single Catholics wondering where their future Catholic spouse was hiding. Wait on God and don’t go down the detour.

 

[system]

Hello, I know you have received all too many messages since your first post but I hope you read this one. My heart went out to you when I read your post. I nearly began crying when I saw a few of the responses. I found your post, not because I usually frequent the site (which I just discovered this evening) but because I was googling the catholic stance on this situation, which happens to be my own as well. I am around your age and have dated, on and off, a Hindu guy. So much of your story lines up with mine. His family is traditional and he was born in India but he respects my boundaries, my religion, lets me talk with him about my faith, and occasionally goes to mass with me. Though marriage is still a few years in the future, we have talked about it and agreed to raising the kids catholic and following all catholic stances of practices within the marriage.

I am telling you all of this to show that I truely understand what you are going through. This has been such a struggle for me as well. I love and need God more than anything in the world but I don’t feel like my relationship with this guy is in any way harming that. He pushes me to be a better person and I feel like God very often speaks through him.

Everything happens for a reason and God puts people in our lives for a reason- whether that reason is for marriage or a lesson of spiritual growth (or both). It is different in each situation like these and can only be determined through a continual conversation and steadfast relationship with God. A very good piece of advice a spiritual advisor gave me recently was to ask your significant other to pray with you. Try to make God the third person in the relationship. That is what a marriage is after all.

Don’t lose hope, whether you are meant to marry this sweet girl or not, whether she converts because of you, stays a devout hindu, or maybe even converts years later, God never gives us more than we and He can handle together.

When at loss for where to start, pray for your girlfriend and maybe even to St. Monica whose husband converted to catholicism due to her fervent prayers after his lifetime of a pagan religion.

Listen to God above anyone. I’ll keep you in my prayers tonight if you do the same for me