Relationship Post-Mortem :(

  • Thread starter Thread starter fons_vitae
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
F

fons_vitae

Guest
About two months ago, I and my then-girlfriend (of only about three months) downgraded our relationship to that of just good friends. I’ve heard that such a state is impossible and that you need at least six months to cope, but we had only been together such a short time prior. Things are going alright for us now, but…

The reason I post this is because I was the one who initiated the breakup, and I worry that I did it for shallow reasons 😦 (i.e., my physical attraction for her lessened, I noticed minor irritations that one supposedly doesn’t notice while still infatuated in the first months of a relationship, etc.). The thing is, if I was becoming ambivalent about our romantic future, was I really “the One” or anything close to it for her at this point in time?

We both still talk about non-romantic issues (“more of an intellectual relationship,” as she’s observed), but we’re still both in romantic Limbo. I guess I just want to know if I did right by her, if that’s possible :(…
 
Monicad said:
What you should keep your eyes out for though is this: there is the possibility that she has romantic feelings for you and is hanging out with you as your friend, in the hopes that things may blossom into romance again. If that is the case you may need to re-evaluate your friendship so you aren’t stringing her along unfairly. Hope this helps a little, God bless.
Click to expand...
This is as good point to consider, since you are the one who ended the relationship. If you are going to be friends at all, neither one of you can have feelings for each other and it might be too soon.

You did nothing wrong in breaking things off, in fact if you know you’re not interested in continuing things you did the mature thing. However, something to think about is that no matter who you end up with, you will begin to notice “irritations” about her. She’ll be irritated with you too. This is normal. In the future, if a woman is worth it to you, you will want to continue the relationship in spite of these things.
 
Lorelei12 said:
However, something to think about is that no matter who you end up with, you will begin to notice “irritations” about her. She’ll be irritated with you too. This is normal. In the future, if a woman is worth it to you, you will want to continue the relationship in spite of these things.
Click to expand...
That’s the thing–I shouldn’t have been getting so skittish that early on if things were meant to be ^^;…
 
TheRealJuliane said:
That might say more about YOU than about HER.

🤷
Click to expand...
I agree with this- fons, you seem to have this idea that a certain amount of time must go by during which you are so infatuated with one another, you’re blinded to the other’s faults. Infatuation typically is not healthy nor does it serve anyone well in a marriage. If you were noticing your ex-girlfriend’s faults and still didn’t want to be with her, that’s okay, but if you continually get “skittish” because you have this idea that a certain amount of time must go by before you notice anything negative, you may sabotage future relationships.
 
If you are of an age or approaching the age where you might consider marriage, then possibly you could consider not getting romantically involved with a young woman until you know her better. It seems a bit unfair to get romatically involved and then start to notice annoying things about her, doesn’t it?
 
fons_vitae said:
About two months ago, I and my then-girlfriend (of only about three months) downgraded our relationship to that of just good friends. I’ve heard that such a state is impossible and that you need at least six months to cope, but we had only been together such a short time prior. Things are going alright for us now, but…

The reason I post this is because I was the one who initiated the breakup, and I worry that I did it for shallow reasons 😦 (i.e., my physical attraction for her lessened, I noticed minor irritations that one supposedly doesn’t notice while still infatuated in the first months of a relationship, etc.). The thing is, if I was becoming ambivalent about our romantic future, was I really “the One” or anything close to it for her at this point in time?

We both still talk about non-romantic issues (“more of an intellectual relationship,” as she’s observed), but we’re still both in romantic Limbo. I guess I just want to know if I did right by her, if that’s possible :(…
Click to expand...
I don’t buy into the “intellectual relationship” thing or, for that matter, in the more-often-than-not misunderstood Platonic love concept.

Friendship is possible but those Platonic whatevers sound like an intermediate category and that’s a bad thing.

Anyway, you may need to rethink your opinion of that girl and of the relationship (or rather potential relationship).

If your chief worry is, ‘will I find better/equally good,’ then let her go already. But if your worry is more about being too quick (or too cautious maybe) in cutting the relationship for reasons the significance of which you think you exaggerated heavily at the time, then you need to spend some time thinking.

Also, loss, as well as the Investment Syndrome, inevitably kick in. You miss that which you lose even if you decide to let go of it for good and sufficient reasons. This is similar to the grass is greener on the other side problem.

You need some good thinking and a responsible decision.
 
Phew, this place never spares their posters the tough love, does it?

brushes off ashes and cinder
 
chevalier said:
If your chief worry is, ‘will I find better/equally good,’ then let her go already. But if your worry is more about being too quick (or too cautious maybe) in cutting the relationship for reasons the significance of which you think you exaggerated heavily at the time, then you need to spend some time thinking.
Click to expand...
Already did.

We’re both focusing on other things… I was just hoping to get an opinion from this board, and I definitely got it :S…
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top