Relationship Question

  • Thread starter Thread starter SMA_12
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

SMA_12

Guest
From a Catholic relationship perspective, in a serious relationship, is it appropriate to hang out alone with another member of the opposite sex late at night, or is it disrespectful to your partner.

If its not appropriate, would the following situation be an exception:

The person you are alone with is an old friend that you havent seen for a couple years. Its the only chance you’ll get to see them for a month or two, as you will be leaving town in the morning. Your partner has never met this friend before.
 
This is a matter of prudential judgment and discernment between the two people involved.
 
It depends. The Church doesn’t ban people from spending time with the opposite sex but if you believe that tiredness may impair your judgement or if it could be an occasion of sin then it’s up to you to act on that.

My fiancee works five miles away in a neighbouring town and I would often cycle to meet her after work and ensure she gets home safely. I generally try not to hang around too late. There’s also the fact that if you’re hanging around or spending the night neighbours might begin to think you are doing more than that and you could be causing scandal.
 
Idk about church teaching but it is against the code of dating. As the above poster stated. You don’t want to be with someone from the opposite sex especially with someone who your not in a relationship with bc it could lead to trouble.
 
I think in most cases unless you suffer from scruples or something extreme if you have to ask it is No Bueno.

Now the question can be how far outside datability is this person? To be shallow, if you are a 10 and this person is a 2… well then you probably know that you have no temptation etc. If those numbers drift closer together than meh…

Or the great “you have nothing to worry about”

“Oh he is ugly?”

“No… he is really attractive, I just dont like his personality, just friends”

“You didnt like me when we met…”

Yeah any “in” can go from crack to wide open door in real life…

So physical rule out, major age, maybe dual married. Starts to get less risqué. But random opposite sex hangout of similar people…higher level of risqué.

And I put it in these terms if you are a man, pretty women are wily and seductive when they feel an inclination…

If you are a woman, for us guys turning “I am not interested” into a new girlfriend is our greatest skill 😛
 
LethalMouse said:
And I put it in these terms if you are a man, pretty women are wily and seductive when they feel an inclination…

If you are a woman, for us guys turning “I am not interested” into a new girlfriend is our greatest skill 😛
Click to expand...
:confused: Unfair to pretty women! Not all attractive women are genetically programmed to be ‘wily and seductive’ and they don’t go around feeling inclinations towards every Tom, Dick and Harry they encounter!

For the record, I know a few women who have cheated on their husbands with someone else’s husband. All are educated, sensibly and modestly attired and (to my mind) actually a bit dull. Beware the woman in beige, my friend!!!😃
 
Rose71 said:
:confused: Unfair to pretty women! Not all attractive women are genetically programmed to be ‘wily and seductive’ and they don’t go around feeling inclinations towards every Tom, Dick and Harry they encounter!

For the record, I know a few women who have cheated on their husbands with someone else’s husband. All are educated, sensibly and modestly attired and (to my mind) actually a bit dull. Beware the woman in beige, my friend!!!😃
Click to expand...
Pretty subjectively, ie: the man in question would be willing to couple with them if not just for a night… yes they don’t have to be a movie star, but just attractive enough to the guy. This could be a 500lb woman hanging with a 400 lb guy etc…
 
Rose71 said:
:confused: Unfair to pretty women! Not all attractive women are genetically programmed to be ‘wily and seductive’ and they don’t go around feeling inclinations towards every Tom, Dick and Harry they encounter!

For the record, I know a few women who have cheated on their husbands with someone else’s husband. All are educated, sensibly and modestly attired and (to my mind) actually a bit dull. Beware the woman in beige, my friend!!!😃
Click to expand...
If they are “dull” is it possible their main motivation was the thrill of the forbidden?
 
Why would you take the chance of upsetting the person you are courting? If you do not know for a fact that they are unconcerned, don’t do it. Meet the person in public, at the very least, or bring another friend who has also not seen them for a long time, or bring your partner so they can be introduced.

If you have the time in advance, ask your partner the question and plan on deferring to their comfort level. Otherwise, you are pretending to be more “serious” than you are ready to be.

I would not make this about whether this friend is someone you have found sexually attractive in the past or not. As the old saying goes, there is not a scraggly horse out there but that you can find a scraggly bush to tie it to. Anyone, under the right circumstances, can be sexually attractive. Make your protocols according to their state in life and yours. Nothing good is going to come from giving others a rating on their capacity to be a near occasion of sin, for many reasons. (I’ll leave that exercise to the reader, LOL.)
 
LethalMouse said:
That is one of the biggest fears of the simple, their tendency to seek out “extra” validation and thrill…
Click to expand...
If they understood what was forbidden about the forbidden, that wouldn’t be an issue, and they would know that guilt outweighs the thrill. And if they had any love at all for the one they married, such betrayal would never enter their minds.

As for the OP, everyone wants to honor (prior) friendships, but people also want to be the only important person to their one important person. Everyone has to work out the particulars within reason.
 
UpUpAndAway said:
Or at least the most important person to their own most important person.

And as 1ke said, matter of prudential judgment.
Click to expand...
A valid distinction which I accept. 👍

But I do think that for some people the demand may rise to the level of ‘only’. 🤷
 
SilverShadow22 said:
But I do think that for some people the demand may rise to the level of ‘only’. 🤷
Click to expand...
That’s probably true, although I would not willingly accept it in my own marriage. “Only” excludes a lot of people who are in general also important: children, parents, siblings…

Making someone The Only One Who Matters is also a lot of pressure to put on another person, but that’s a topic for a separate thread (assuming it’s discussion-worthy in the first place).
 
SMA_12 said:
From a Catholic relationship perspective, in a serious relationship, is it appropriate to hang out alone with another member of the opposite sex late at night, or is it disrespectful to your partner.

If its not appropriate, would the following situation be an exception:

The person you are alone with is an old friend that you havent seen for a couple years. Its the only chance you’ll get to see them for a month or two, as you will be leaving town in the morning. Your partner has never met this friend before.
Click to expand...
I would only do it if my partner came along. Otherwise, I would meet this friend in a public place (such as a coffee house) and make it a brief get-together. I would still invite partner along.
 
SMA_12 said:
From a Catholic relationship perspective, in a serious relationship, is it appropriate to hang out alone with another member of the opposite sex late at night, or is it disrespectful to your partner.

If its not appropriate, would the following situation be an exception:

The person you are alone with is an old friend that you havent seen for a couple years. Its the only chance you’ll get to see them for a month or two, as you will be leaving town in the morning. Your partner has never met this friend before.
Click to expand...
It depends. It’s relational. It isn’t objectively, inherently disrespectful, but whether it has that effect or not will depend on a number of things, such as your culture, the personalities involved, trust levels, any previous trust issues between the couple, any romantic past with the friend, any mutual attraction.

[EDIT: I cut the rambling.]
The person you are alone with is an old friend that you havent seen for a couple years. Its the only chance you’ll get to see them for a month or two, as you will be leaving town in the morning.
Click to expand...
Sounds like a legit practical reason to me, at least as far as having a boyfriend goes, any occasion of sin or scandal being separate issues that I’m not addressing.

That friend being a previous boyfriend or crush could obviously change things a bit.

Also, you can ask your boyfriend if it’s going to make him uncomfortable. Is there any specific reason why you’d rather not do that?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top