relationship troubles

[brgregmack]

So, apparently things haven’t been going as well as I thought. My girlfriend and I have been fighting for the last couple days over my seeming inability to support her the way that she needs. Our last couple conversations keep going in circles. She feels like I don’t understand her at all, and now that I think about it, I don’t feel like she’s understood me as well as she thought she has. Apparently she’s been feeling this way for the last couple months, and I’ve had no indication of it until now. She doesn’t want to even talk to me anymore until I have some idea of how to move forward.

Any ideas?

 

[Caroline723]

You don’t say how old you are or how long you’ve been dating her. If you’ve been dating for a few months, you are probably at that point where the relationship starts to take work, because it is starting to go deeper. You are at a crossroads: 1) one or both of you believe are incompatible and the relationship has run its coarse; or 2) you both want to stay together and put the work in. The second option has to be mutually agreed upon or one of you is in for much heartbreak.

 

[brgregmack]

I’m 23, she’s 20, and we’ve been dating for seven months. However, I feel like it’s taken work already coming from my background of addiction which she knows all about. I’m beginning to suspect that she’s a bigger part of the problem than she realizes, and that’s not to deny in any way shape or form my responsibility in the current dynamic. I think she even hinted at it last night in saying that maybe she has unrealistic expectations of me, expectations which I’ve tried to get out of her so I can make an effort to meet them, but have no idea what they are.

One idea that I have is that we each write down what we think we understand of the other person is and then discuss what we’ve gotten both wrong and right. Does that sound like a good idea?

 

[starryheart]

I’ll be praying for you both.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’m 23, she’s 20, and we’ve been dating for seven months. However, I feel like it’s taken work already coming from my background of addiction which she knows all about. I’m beginning to suspect that she’s a bigger part of the problem than she realizes, and that’s not to deny in any way shape or form my responsibility in the current dynamic. I think she even hinted at it last night in saying that maybe she has unrealistic expectations of me, expectations which I’ve tried to get out of her so I can make an effort to meet them, but have no idea what they are.

One idea that I have is that we each write down what we think we understand of the other person is and then discuss what we’ve gotten both wrong and right. Does that sound like a good idea?

It couldn’t hurt. At 20, she’s very young, and at 23, you’re still young yourself. What is this “inability to support her” that she speaks of? Support her in what specific ways? That’s what you need to get out in the open. Communication is the foundation of any relationship. Guessing games will never work.

What’s her family background like? Has she had problems with them? Look carefully at this because these issues have a way of coming up again and again in intimate relationships.

 

[PatriceA]

I’m 23, she’s 20, and we’ve been dating for seven months. However, I feel like it’s taken work already coming from my background of addiction which she knows all about. I’m beginning to suspect that she’s a bigger part of the problem than she realizes, and that’s not to deny in any way shape or form my responsibility in the current dynamic. I think she even hinted at it last night in saying that maybe she has unrealistic expectations of me, expectations which I’ve tried to get out of her so I can make an effort to meet them, but have no idea what they are.

One idea that I have is that we each write down what we think we understand of the other person is and then discuss what we’ve gotten both wrong and right. Does that sound like a good idea?

Sounds like a plan. She’s not giving you much to go on anyways. You can’t have an idea of how to move forward if neither of you know where you are coming from or where you are now. I think its a bit irresponsible on her part to say she doesn’t want to talk until YOU come up with something. You sound like you didn’t see this coming, so if she’s been sitting on this for months, I would think she has more ideas on what she wants to have happen but is forcing your to take the responsibility of the relationship problems.

At least if you write things down, you can get a clearer picture even if she doesn’t want to talk or refuses your idea.

 

[SamH]

It couldn’t hurt. At 20, she’s very young, and at 23, you’re still young yourself. What is this “inability to support her” that she speaks of? Support her in what specific ways? That’s what you need to get out in the open. Communication is the foundation of any relationship. Guessing games will never work.

What’s her family background like? Has she had problems with them? Look carefully at this because these issues have a way of coming up again and again in intimate relationships.

Agreed. Some people expect their partner to make them happy. They fail to realize first they have to be happy with themselves.