Relationship with someone off-limits!

[AdriannaJean]

Hi,

Just looking for some advice here. Is everyone familiar with the “unwritten” rules about who you can and cannot date? Like you can’t date an ex’s friend/family member or a friend/family member’s ex?

Ok so let’s lay out a scenario here. Amy and Laura are sisters. Amy starts dating a guy named John and Laura starts dating a guy named Bruce. John and Bruce become best friends. Amy becomes good friends with Bruce and Laura becomes good friends with John, platonically of course.

Then both sets of couples break up. John and Bruce are still best friends and Amy and Laura are obviously still sisters. Laura and John lose contact but Amy and Bruce become very close friends and find out that they are perfectly compatible and want to start a relationship. The relationship would in all likelihood be a lasting one.

Laura is ok with Amy dating Bruce, but doesn’t particularly like him (Laura and Bruce were not right for each-other at all!!) but John is still very angry about his breakup with Amy.

What should Amy and Bruce do?

 

[musicality]

Let me start off by saying that I don’t think the “unwritten rules” are absolute rules… They’re more just common sense for avoiding potential conflict or awkward situations. (And I look at them from a male perspective.)

So a few of the rules:
-You cannot date your (best) friend’s ex.
-You cannot date your ex’s sister.
-You cannot date your ex’s best friend.

So, Bruce were to follow the rules, he would not date Amy.

The problem with these rules is that they fail to take into account the complexities of relationships. There are many situations in which one can break these rules without causing any upheaval.

 

[jwashu]

These are just made up rules that someone did when they went through a bad breakup…

If they love each other and are right for each others… go for it!

 

[OLHope]

Wow, I am glad I wasn’t the only one in high school that grew up with “the rules.” I personally would stay away from dating all the connections, too. As though the sister did not mind, that is fine, but it will be awkward for some time for her to adjust having him there, as they are family, it can blow over. The other guy will have to manage his anger, but it will not be an issue as he is not directly family, however any strong friendship bonds could dissolve. If the sister had real concern for the matter, I would take that into consideration. I would not want to lose a sibling over that. Just my 2 cents.

 

[AdriannaJean]

Thanks for the advice everyone. To add another layer of complexity (like the story needs one, right it already sounds like Days of Our Lives) John and Bruce are room-mates. Does that change your advice in any way?

 

[OLHope]

Thanks for the advice everyone. To add another layer of complexity (like the story needs one, right it already sounds like Days of Our Lives) John and Bruce are room-mates. Does that change your advice in any way?

Oh boy, well let us know how the sands through the hourglass keep running on this one.

 

[chevalier]

I believe the only rules that should apply are marriage impediments. Other than that, it’s the human penchant for superfluous regulation. Some people just feel better if they make up or follow some societal rules.

 

[AdriannaJean]

Well I think Amy and Bruce are going to take it super slow and see where it goes. There is no point in causing unnecessary drama if they go on a few dates and decide just to be friends. And Amy is going away for 2 months soon and then moving away. So if it lasts through that I think they’ll go public because if the relationship can withstand that, then what can’t it deal with?

 

[Dtmccameron]

Hi,

…
What should Amy and Bruce do?

:banghead:

Get…married…have 5+ kids…put Mary in each of their names…

Why does John matter anymore, oh, right. Him and Bruce. But they had a falling out, didn’t they? Doesn’t matter, but if it did, and since this is a hypothetical, Bruce and John ought to duel to the death for…Amy, was it? For her honour!

Then, the other gal should join a convent, and Bruce, live out his days as a hermit attempting to find peace after the blood he’s spilt, despite the fact that it was John who pushed him into it, and actually, in a freak accident, fell upon Bruce’s blade!\

Amy, now a millionair heiress, spends her days in quiet luxury in Paris, donating million to the poor and orphans, and even sets up a society to take in the battered women and widows. (The widow’s need not be battered. I suppose Amy might as well set up a seperate society for them while she’s at it).

And ***that ***is what they should do.

 

[AdriannaJean]

:banghead:

Get…married…have 5+ kids…put Mary in each of their names…

Why does John matter anymore, oh, right. Him and Bruce. But they had a falling out, didn’t they? Doesn’t matter, but if it did, and since this is a hypothetical, Bruce and John ought to duel to the death for…Amy, was it? For her honour!

Then, the other gal should join a convent, and Bruce, live out his days as a hermit attempting to find peace after the blood he’s spilt, despite the fact that it was John who pushed him into it, and actually, in a freak accident, fell upon Bruce’s blade!\

Amy, now a millionair heiress, spends her days in quiet luxury in Paris, donating million to the poor and orphans, and even sets up a society to take in the battered women and widows. (The widow’s need not be battered. I suppose Amy might as well set up a seperate society for them while she’s at it).

And ***that ***is what they should do.

Well I suppose that would be a dramatic end to a dramatic beginning

 

[Belgarion]

When everyone is happily married with kids…they’ll look back on it and they won’t care.

Go for whoever makes you happy, and if anyone is ANYONE’S true friend, it’ll be ok…Now, or in the future.

 

[Emily2009]

i love this!!!

:banghead:

Get…married…have 5+ kids…put mary in each of their names…

Why does john matter anymore, oh, right. Him and bruce. But they had a falling out, didn’t they? Doesn’t matter, but if it did, and since this is a hypothetical, bruce and john ought to duel to the death for…amy, was it? For her honour!

Then, the other gal should join a convent, and bruce, live out his days as a hermit attempting to find peace after the blood he’s spilt, despite the fact that it was john who pushed him into it, and actually, in a freak accident, fell upon bruce’s blade!\

amy, now a millionair heiress, spends her days in quiet luxury in paris, donating million to the poor and orphans, and even sets up a society to take in the battered women and widows. (the widow’s need not be battered. I suppose amy might as well set up a seperate society for them while she’s at it).

And ***that ***is what they should do.