Relationship with someone younger?

[catholickitten]

Hello everyone

It’s been a long time since the last time I posted anything in here, and I appreciate all the advice I got the last time (I followed it, and that’s why I’m here again)

So, here’s the thing…

I’ve been in this catholic dating website for a while now, and I wasn’t much active in it in the last couple of years (since I thought I’d just let God let me know what was the path to follow next), and then, this young man contacted me there, he’s 20 and I’m 26.

He seems really mature for his age, smart, kind, and pretty responsible (he’s already graduated from college and is currently working hard), not to mention nice and all, devout to the church…

But well, I don’t know if it’s because it’s more common to find older men dating/courting younger women that it seems weird to me that someone that young would be interested in me, and I seem to be more on the cautious side…

We have exchanged many long Private Emails by now on the website, but I’m sure it could escalate to using Messenger or maybe phone calls, who knows… (we are from different countries btw)

So, my question is…

Should I let this go on? I mean, is it wise to even consider anything with someone 6 years younger?

Besides age and distance, I don’t see any red flags yet. He’s nice really.

 

[Eucharisted]

If you were 40 (no offense), I’d say the relationship would be a little creepy. But a six-year difference is not abnormal. He might even need an older woman in his life, who knows.

 

[jcjennie]

Well he’s still pretty young, barely out of high school. I married my husband when I was 27 and he was 22. It’s almost 12 years later and he still seems immature to me sometimes. I don’t think that 6 years difference is unreasonable, but I would use caution because he is still only 20. From my experience, I would be worried that he’s not mature enough for a real life relationship with you.

 

[brittrossiter]

I think you are getting good advice here. Take it slow, and take some good time to learn all about this gentleman. A six year age difference, at your age, is actually quite a big difference. Ten years from now, perhaps not so much.

I know that when I was 20, I thought I knew everything and thought that I was as mature as I could possibly be, and far more so than those around me. Bah! Were I a female being courted by a copy of my 20-year-old self, I would be very very cautious.

 

[shonza]

I don’t think six years is such a big age gap.
I’ve dated men far older than myself and found no problems.
Also both my brothers are with older women closer to the age gap you are talking about. My 22 year old brother just had a baby girl with his 27 year old fiance.
And my 26 year old brother just celebrated his 1st wedding anniversary with his 31 year old wife.

If you get on with this man then why not just see what happens.
If it’s meant to be then it will be! Don’t worry yourself with a six year age difference.

 

[iluvmybabies]

I think it goes both ways…I mean if you think about it there are many women that marry men 5,10,15 years older then they are…Why can’t women date men younger? I probably wouldn’t date someone that was 20 years younger than me, or 15 or 12 for that matter…But I don’t think dating someone that’s 5,10 years younger is a bad thing…My dad’s best friend is married to a woman whom’s 14 years younger, they have been married for 15 years…so far so good… I mean there are tons of couples whom get married man is only 2 years older and they end up in divorce etc so I mean it’s the same risk no matter what.

Just take it slow and keep on becoming friends…If it’s meant to be it will be! Good luck and God bless…

 

[srlucado]

Hello everyone

It’s been a long time since the last time I posted anything in here, and I appreciate all the advice I got the last time (I followed it, and that’s why I’m here again)

So, here’s the thing…

I’ve been in this catholic dating website for a while now, and I wasn’t much active in it in the last couple of years (since I thought I’d just let God let me know what was the path to follow next), and then, this young man contacted me there, he’s 20 and I’m 26.

He seems really mature for his age, smart, kind, and pretty responsible (he’s already graduated from college and is currently working hard), not to mention nice and all, devout to the church…

But well, I don’t know if it’s because it’s more common to find older men dating/courting younger women that it seems weird to me that someone that young would be interested in me, and I seem to be more on the cautious side…

We have exchanged many long Private Emails by now on the website, but I’m sure it could escalate to using Messenger or maybe phone calls, who knows… (we are from different countries btw)

So, my question is…

Should I let this go on? I mean, is it wise to even consider anything with someone 6 years younger?

Besides age and distance, I don’t see any red flags yet. He’s nice really.

Well, your age difference is an issue, but frankly, I’d think the geographic difference is the greater one.

My rule of thumb about these things is that when there’s a great difference in ages, it either forces one person to act older, which is unfair, or it forces the other to act younger, which is pathetic. In your case, I’d say you’re pretty close, and will only grow closer.

In other words, I wouldn’t worry about it.

 

[Sr_Sally]

I have the biggest concern with the fact that you met online. I am very cautious about online dating, just don’t think it is a good idea for anyone.

Added to that your geographic distance and your age difference that you seem to be questioning and I’d say go VERY, very slow with this. Do not consider this an exclusive relationship at all and continue to meet and consider men in your area who you may be more compatible with.

 

[OLHope]

Another dating and age thread! I knew we were due for this about now.

On online dating:

Here’s my two cents, I was on one of these Catholic sites for a few months, not bad if you want to meet someone completely new. Just like anyone else, you must take time in dating to meet that person and everything they are about. That means getting to meet their family, friends, relatives, and church acquaintances. However that would be down the road.

Meeting on a dating website. Oh, yes it can be bad. However if it is Catholic centered and you have the talent to see whether their head and heart are in the right places. Go for it. It really is not any better than meeting someone at a pub, club, party, and/or even church sometimes. Either way, you still must learn about that person. Yes, you do not know who are dealing with right off the bat, however it is very helpful to not get attached in cyberspace, they are just a click to the trash bin if you are not interested, or they do not write the right blurbs correctly, grammatically, or nicely…again, it up to you! Your tastes and preferences will not mirror those of another, go for the person that stands out to you.

 

[OLHope]

Dating and Courtship:

You, right now, if interested, need to know him. By doing so, yes, talk on the phone! Use MSN! Best to keep communication going and figure out what you are dealing with. You should be able to ask questions and learn about the person as openly and honestly as possible, but you too, must do this, in turn. Fair’s fair! This is what Catholic dating is about, and better yet, having the distance keeps you focused and controlled without having to be there in person. Some cons about this is that neither of you know what the other is doing or pursuing being in different areas, and usually if they are using these sites, then sometimes they could still be talking to and/or searching other people. Also, if they are from other countries, I worry about them trying to find a Visa/Greencard. How Catholic is this person?

Once you know him well enough, and are confident about his maturity, goals, responsibilities, persona, etc…, then the next step is to have him meet everyone, and you must meet people he is around, no loners, no one who says I have no friends or family or clergy…, that is fishy. This begins Catholic courtship and then you have to talk about the distance, someone has to give in to the other’s area or make plans to find common ground. Also, I never introduce to the family unless there are long term commitments discussed, hence for me, no one got that far yet.

 

[OLHope]

About the age issue:

Six years, no biggie! I plugged in a general search on a Catholic site once, and it focused in on five years around my age, which ironically is the standard I set about ten years ago when I felt I was ready to date. Good thing is you are both in your 20’s to figure all this stuff out ahead of time. The more time you talk, the faster you get to know each other, but like many have said here, take it slow, and you both have time for that. Age is just a number, and we all have our own preferences. It is more important to see if he has his intentions in the right place, and when and if you pursue courtship then you will see after dating if all the things he says about himself hold true in conjunction to what his acquaintances say about him. I would not rule out checking to see if he got that law degree from John Marshall or Drama degree from Julliard. Anyone can talk himself or herself up a good game, but whether they are who they say they are is only for you to seek out on your own time and resources.

I know this was specifically on just the age thing, but these things always have a way of going out of its main subject, so I tend to give a little more to ponder on. Hope this helps some.

 

[catholickitten]

I have the biggest concern with the fact that you met online. I am very cautious about online dating, just don’t think it is a good idea for anyone.

Added to that your geographic distance and your age difference that you seem to be questioning and I’d say go VERY, very slow with this. Do not consider this an exclusive relationship at all and continue to meet and consider men in your area who you may be more compatible with.

Oh, definitely… I don’t consider this exclusive or even serious yet, I can see that the distance (apart from the age gap thing) makes it even less likely that this will succeed, but, you never know, so I wanted to ask people’s opinion’s 1st. Believe me, I AM on the cautious side that’s why I’m here hehe…

 

[love4sure]

I’m no expert on dating…but…

You should be careful with a statement like “he is mature for HIS AGE.”

When you look at someone 6 years younger than you, (in my opinion) you tend not to expect him to be “too” mature…so when you see a little (even a tiny) bit of maturity in him, it really pops out and attracts you.

What matters is whether he is mature enough for YOU or not.

Just my two cents…

 

[kevinsgirl]

I met DH online (Ave Maria Singles) and he’s 7 years older than me. We also had quite a bit of distance between us…but it all worked out!

I agree with the posters who say to take it slow, keep your eyes open, and see where God may lead you!

 

[catholickitten]

I’m no expert on dating…but…

You should be careful with a statement like “he is mature for HIS AGE.”

When you look at someone 6 years younger than you, (in my opinion) you tend not to expect him to be “too” mature…so when you see a little (even a tiny) bit of maturity in him, it really pops out and attracts you.

What matters is whether he is mature enough for YOU or not.

Just my two cents…

You’re right…

But now, thinking about it… Not that I’m THAT mature haha! , sometimes he even sounds more mature than me…

But we’ll see where this is all heading to…

 

[catholickitten]

I met DH online (Ave Maria Singles) and he’s 7 years older than me. We also had quite a bit of distance between us…but it all worked out!

I agree with the posters who say to take it slow, keep your eyes open, and see where God may lead you!

That’s the one I’m using actually…

I didn’t want to mention it since I don’t know the rules about being specific with other websites (specially dating ones, I didn’t want to sound like I was promoting or something hehe)

Thanks for the advice (btw, I’m glad you found your husband in such a great website )

 

[SMHW]

All I can do is say the “In general” stuff that you probably already know.

In general… women mature sooner than men. It’s evens out by the late 20’s.

In general… age differences become less significant as the ratio of that difference to the ages of the parties decreases. (That’s 0.272727 for him and 0.230769 for you. In two years those ratios will be 0.2500 and 0.214286. I personally would be very cautious when one of those ratios is greater than 0.25 which will be the case for two more years.)

In general… the greater the number of differences between the two people (age, culture, education, location, religion, family of origin, etc) the more careful those people should be when discrening the suitability of the other as a mate.

“In generals” are just what they claim to be: generalizations. They don’t account for exceptional circumstances and exceptional people.

 

[catholickitten]

All I can do is say the “In general” stuff that you probably already know.

In general… women mature sooner than men. It’s evens out by the late 20’s.

In general… age differences become less significant as the ratio of that difference to the ages of the parties decreases. (That’s 0.272727 for him and 0.230769 for you. In two years those ratios will be 0.2500 and 0.214286. I personally would be very cautious when one of those ratios is greater than 0.25 which will be the case for two more years.)

In general… the greater the number of differences between the two people (age, culture, education, location, religion, family of origin, etc) the more careful those people should be when discrening the suitability of the other as a mate.

“In generals” are just what they claim to be: generalizations. They don’t account for exceptional circumstances and exceptional people.

So many numbers! :bigyikes: … faints :stretcher:

I (kinda:hypno: ) get what you mean though… Thank you!

 

[flyingfish]

Six years is not a very big age difference, I wouldn’t let it stand in the way of a relationship. Might even be good for a life spent together since men die younger.

 

[sanctamaria17]

It’s funny, one of my best friends is three years older than I am and for the past two years (since the day we first met, actually, hahaha), everyone thought for sure we were dating (even though I was dating someone at the time not anymore though). Of course, I freaked out because I was eighteen (a very YOUNG eighteen, I should add) and he was twenty-one and our relationship was definitely big brother/little sister for awhile (I was very naive, very innocent, and unsure of myself, he was already a man, had spent time abroad, was old enough to drink, etc). We’re not dating, but now I’m nearly twenty and he’s nearly twenty-three and it doesn’t feel so huge anymore. We definitely relate more as equals now that we’re BOTH in our twenties and I can definitely feel the gap closing. If something were to happen, it wouldn’t be as shocking. It is funny because other than age, we both are Catholic, into music, same field/same major, same friends, same ethnicity, political views, both very similar personality wise and grew up in a similar area (found out that his family is actually not too far from mine). OK, now I know why people think we are together!! Even though we’re not!

If he’s right for you, go for it:thumbsup: As long as you’re not committing a felony by being with him, age isn’t but a number in my book.