I
icouldusehelp
Guest
Hello,
I am 20 years old and a student in college. My girlfriend of 3 years attends the same college that I do. As I prayed for clarity about God and the hope of an active presence working in my life, I have realized that I love this girl. I am young, but I try to approach every aspect of my life with a reasonable approach. I try to think clearly when I act, and pray although I usually feel like only the wall hears. I feel that I love her with the same love that any good practicing religious man would demonstrate towards his wife. I want these feelings to lead to the beginning of the rest of my life with her.
Now for a background on religion and my first question. I was raised in the Catholic church, and my parents have always been active members of this church. At around age 14, during the years where I was being led to become a member of the church through confirmation, I told my Dad that I did not want to be confirmed. He was furious, and dismissed my remark as childish banter. My reasons were shaky, essentially my “faith” was clouded with doubts regarding the validity of religion, and basic questions which I now view as very important to developing any real kind of connection to God. Regardless of the stability of my concerns, I was sincere.Yet, months later I became a member of the Catholic church to avoid the confrontation of my doubts about my parents’ religion. This categorized the next 6 years of my life; avoiding confrontation.
My first question: Am I a legitimate member of the Catholic church, or was this lack of commitment an untrue entry into the church? This answer is important, but I don’t necessarily want the answer to go in either direction.
Now back to my girlfriend. We have had premarital sex for 2.5 years of our relationship. She also uses birth control. She is a member of the Methodist church and claims to have come to know God through it, although she must just ignore the sex issue because the Methodist’s position is in line with that of Catholics regarding sex.
I have struggled most of my life to seek God in whatever form he participates in in this world. Were I to fully accept Him, I would want to follow what Catholics teach to fully pursue this eternal happiness and love which knows no boundaries. I truly want this in my life, I want my parents to be right. I want to die and experience after my eyes close for the last time. Yet I also want to spend the rest of my life with this girl I have grown with and loved these few years. The latter hope makes much more rational sense to me, and is something I know is possible.
If I were to accept the Catholic teachings, this beautiful relationship which we have built will be questioned. I will be forced to confront her about our sexual habits, and I fear that she will respond negatively to this confrontation because we have grown in a society that is ok with what we do. I feel she will have no reason to follow what Catholicism asks of her, and Im scared that this confrontation could take her away from me. Why would I risk my entire relationship which is extremely healthy and functional by today’s standards because a group claims to know what God wants of us. I am too young for marriage, I can’t afford it and having a child would be equally difficult. Why should I confront this now?
Many esteemed Catholics go through the age and experiences I am in and enjoy them without care for their Christian roots. Then after they find the girl and marry, it is convenient to practice Catholic principles. I do not want to live my life by half measures. But I certainly know that this story is not so uncommon. The sacrament of reconciliation will take a firm resolution to amend a behavior and give the person a clean slate. This seems unfair. That just because I want Catholicism to be right and Im not willing to live life as a hypocrite I am forced to go on a forum to ask advice and consider destroying an absolutely wonderful relationship. How many people my age claim to be catholic yet do the same things I do and remain happy members of the church. I feel like this is just turning a blind eye, and it is unfair.
If God exists, and Jesus Christ was sent to die for our sins and exemplify the love which would give everything up for the sake of another, not the mushy emotional love, then shouldn’t I demonstrate that love for the woman Id like to one day marry? If the pursuit of this God that is taught by Catholicism requires that I potentially destroy this perfectly functional life I have created, I am scared to pursue Him any further.
Any advice?
I am 20 years old and a student in college. My girlfriend of 3 years attends the same college that I do. As I prayed for clarity about God and the hope of an active presence working in my life, I have realized that I love this girl. I am young, but I try to approach every aspect of my life with a reasonable approach. I try to think clearly when I act, and pray although I usually feel like only the wall hears. I feel that I love her with the same love that any good practicing religious man would demonstrate towards his wife. I want these feelings to lead to the beginning of the rest of my life with her.
Now for a background on religion and my first question. I was raised in the Catholic church, and my parents have always been active members of this church. At around age 14, during the years where I was being led to become a member of the church through confirmation, I told my Dad that I did not want to be confirmed. He was furious, and dismissed my remark as childish banter. My reasons were shaky, essentially my “faith” was clouded with doubts regarding the validity of religion, and basic questions which I now view as very important to developing any real kind of connection to God. Regardless of the stability of my concerns, I was sincere.Yet, months later I became a member of the Catholic church to avoid the confrontation of my doubts about my parents’ religion. This categorized the next 6 years of my life; avoiding confrontation.
My first question: Am I a legitimate member of the Catholic church, or was this lack of commitment an untrue entry into the church? This answer is important, but I don’t necessarily want the answer to go in either direction.
Now back to my girlfriend. We have had premarital sex for 2.5 years of our relationship. She also uses birth control. She is a member of the Methodist church and claims to have come to know God through it, although she must just ignore the sex issue because the Methodist’s position is in line with that of Catholics regarding sex.
I have struggled most of my life to seek God in whatever form he participates in in this world. Were I to fully accept Him, I would want to follow what Catholics teach to fully pursue this eternal happiness and love which knows no boundaries. I truly want this in my life, I want my parents to be right. I want to die and experience after my eyes close for the last time. Yet I also want to spend the rest of my life with this girl I have grown with and loved these few years. The latter hope makes much more rational sense to me, and is something I know is possible.
If I were to accept the Catholic teachings, this beautiful relationship which we have built will be questioned. I will be forced to confront her about our sexual habits, and I fear that she will respond negatively to this confrontation because we have grown in a society that is ok with what we do. I feel she will have no reason to follow what Catholicism asks of her, and Im scared that this confrontation could take her away from me. Why would I risk my entire relationship which is extremely healthy and functional by today’s standards because a group claims to know what God wants of us. I am too young for marriage, I can’t afford it and having a child would be equally difficult. Why should I confront this now?
Many esteemed Catholics go through the age and experiences I am in and enjoy them without care for their Christian roots. Then after they find the girl and marry, it is convenient to practice Catholic principles. I do not want to live my life by half measures. But I certainly know that this story is not so uncommon. The sacrament of reconciliation will take a firm resolution to amend a behavior and give the person a clean slate. This seems unfair. That just because I want Catholicism to be right and Im not willing to live life as a hypocrite I am forced to go on a forum to ask advice and consider destroying an absolutely wonderful relationship. How many people my age claim to be catholic yet do the same things I do and remain happy members of the church. I feel like this is just turning a blind eye, and it is unfair.
If God exists, and Jesus Christ was sent to die for our sins and exemplify the love which would give everything up for the sake of another, not the mushy emotional love, then shouldn’t I demonstrate that love for the woman Id like to one day marry? If the pursuit of this God that is taught by Catholicism requires that I potentially destroy this perfectly functional life I have created, I am scared to pursue Him any further.
Any advice?