What do you mean by “distance” yourself? Do you simply mean to keep your mouth shut because when she asked for advice and accepted it she didn’t take it, and now she’s not likely to ask? Good choice. If she asks again, you can just say, “You know what I’m going to tell you about living with a guy who is not your husband, let alone a guy who is still somebody else’s husband, and failing to pay your rent when you have the money to pay it. You know the right thing to do. Don’t ask me. Do it, or don’t do it, but don’t ask me when you know the answer.”
If you mean you’re going to give her some version of the silent treatment, I’d predict that either a) she won’t notice because she is too wrapped up in her own life or b) she will notice and she’ll decide she doesn’t need you and your harping, anyway. Besides, the silent treatment is covert social aggression. Not nice, and it produces a certain paranoid feeling in people it is aimed at, which is the black nasty gift that keeps on giving.
No, it is not harsh to stay off of a topic that is only going to make you say something you wish you hadn’t or something that does more harm than good (because good advice is not good when it won’t be taken) or else just bite your tongue through. If that makes spending time with your relative difficult, it is not too harsh to back off on spending time with her for the sake of mutual recreation. You’ll probably both do better with others, for that. It is a nice time to bring some fun into the life of someone going through a hard time, but some forms of charity are not any great gift. Give something nice, or don’t give it at all, even if the gift is your presence.
Do not expose her to covert aggression such as shunning or gossip, to contempt, ridicule, name-calling, or anything like that. That is harsh, unproductive, and uncharitable.
