Religious burnout - precipice of despair

Status
Not open for further replies.
S

scrupulousrvrt

Member
After coming back to the Church 1-2 years ago, I wouldn’t have thought I would experience burnout from constant devotions and dry prayer. Nor would I realize that everything I do would be a sin in some way, shape or form. Couple that with Asperger’s Disorder, GAD and fear of change and you’ve got a recipe for a nuclear bomb!
I was recently informed on this forum that I must either become a Saint or burn in hell which only makes matters worse. With dry prayers I hardly even do and scrupulosity that makes the faith life impossible, I’m at a crossroads between Despair and living an extremely bare bones faith life. I ran screaming back to the Church and I feel like running screaming back out of it.
 
This is a medical issue, not a spiritual one. Ask your pastor about Catholic physicians and therapists in your area.
 
scrupulousrvrt said:
After coming back to the Church 1-2 years ago, I wouldn’t have thought I would experience burnout from constant devotions and dry prayer. Nor would I realize that everything I do would be a sin in some way, shape or form. Couple that with Asperger’s Disorder, GAD and fear of change and you’ve got a recipe for a nuclear bomb!
I was recently informed on this forum that I must either become a Saint or burn in hell which only makes matters worse. With dry prayers I hardly even do and scrupulosity that makes the faith life impossible, I’m at a crossroads between Despair and living an extremely bare bones faith life. I ran screaming back to the Church and I feel like running screaming back out of it.
Click to expand...
I can sort of relate to how you feel, although I don’t think to the same degree.

Do you ever wonder if your prayers even amount to anything or whether anything can result from it? Or whether you’re just talking to a wall?

Christian faith demands perfection, in deed AND thought, and all I see for myself is constant failure to live up to the standard.

Other people at church seem to be at peace. All I think is, “Why can’t I be like such and such? What is wrong with me? I am judgmental, cold, indifferent, irritable, and wicked.”

When I am tempted with despair, I say to myself, “If I stayed Protestant, I wouldn’t feel constant guilt and burden.” Then I feel guilty for thinking such things.

::sigh:: I can’t do anything right, and I will never amount to anything.

I am cynical and pessimistic about not only spiritual life, but also about work. Other people seem more optimistic and pleasant.

Does any of that sound familiar?
 
It sounds all too familiar. I’m extremely pessimistic about things in general, even before I came back to the Church, but now I hardly have the energy to do anything religious. Everything just gets dryer and dryer and this car has run out of gas.
 
scrupulousrvrt said:
I was recently informed on this forum that I must either become a Saint or burn in hell which only makes matters worse. .
Click to expand...
I am sorry that someone said this to you, that was not right to do.

Perhaps you are trying too hard. More does not equal better. Maybe you should meet with your pastor or priest and tell him what you told us. He will be best able to advise you on where to pull back, or how to help your prayers not be so dry.

May God bless you and keep you near to Him.
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
Remember St. Therese: Small deeds with great love.
Yes, talk to your priest to see if you are trying too hard to be perfect instantly.
God does not want you to do something beyond your strength and burn out.
 
I too, am sorry that someone said you MUST become a saint. However, they may have meant that we must STRIVE for sainthood. We should all try to reach such a state of holiness, but it isn’t an easily attainable goal. We are all “works in progress” when it comes to spiritual growth and it is a life time endeavor. You just do your best when it comes to living a God centered life. Most of us stumble, fall, get up and journey on. Just utilize your GPS. God…Prayer…Service(as in servant of the Lord).

I hope it wasn’t me that made you despair. If so, I apologize. If not me, I apologize for anyone that made you uncomfortable.

Know this: We all have our dry times in prayer and in spiritual growth. The greatest saints did, too. For many, we struggle right up to our last moments. The most important thing to remember is to continue to struggle with our inner faith and battles. God sees how you try and only God can judge our efforts, so don’t give up. Peace and prayers for you intentions and needs.
 
It wasn’t you Mary Estelle, so don’t worry about it:) I think I try a little too hard (as my confessor tells me) and I crash and burn. I have a moral pendulum that swings between laxity and scrupulosity, and nary shall it stop. I sometimes wonder to myself this, “A lax conscious can always be corrected, but a scrupulous conscious can hardly -if ever- be corrected”. That’s where my journey lies. Either Sainthood or burn for eternity and if you’re not a Saint, then you will burn (somebody else’s words, not my own). If the pendulum swings one way for a time, then it will swing the other.
I also agree that we must strive for Sainthood, I just sometimes wish it weren’t so hard. The narrow ROAD seems like a TIGHTROPE with hurricane winds blowing every way. I just hope that I’m given my last rites if I am going to die, if death doesn’t take me instantly.
 
We can’t be perfect. We were not designed to be perfect. Even Adam and Eve were not perfect. They were given free will or the ability to make choices, for good, bad or evil. That is what most of us do-make choices. Choice makes us who and what we are. We are the Children of God, created in His Image, but not clones.

So we strive. To be a saint is to reach a degree of holiness. Some are more capable of reaching the near the top of the mountain than others. Even Jesus, being fully man, had His moments of despair, esp. in the Garden of Olives. He must have time of frustrations, too, when His chosen Apostles were just to dumb to “get it.”

So…you see, your in good company. The very best of company. Sometimes I think that to be scrupulous is a segment of anxiety and anxiety is a mode of dealing with deep problems that often go way back into our childhoods. It is an effort to be perfect when we can not be perfect, but can strive for holiness instead.

I know this probably does not make a lot of sense to you or to many, but it is the best I can deduct about life. I am not an expert, so forgive me for my lack of clarity. Peace.
 
I understand we can’t be totally, Jesus only told us to be perfect in Charity (somebody correct me if I’m wrong). It just gets so difficult (almost impossible) to want to do the things you want but be unable to for fear of it being a sin. To tell you the truth, I had such fervency that I thought my Faith was unshakeable. Now I come to find out is that it can change. It’s as if no matter what I try to do, the spiritual car gets refueled, runs on fumes and then stops. When you’re exhausted from constantly praying devotions and told “don sturp, or the debul wil git u!” or something along those lines, all I can do is pull a Vietnam-vet thousand yard stare.
 
scrupulousrvrt said:
It wasn’t you Mary Estelle, so don’t worry about it:) I think I try a little too hard (as my confessor tells me) and I crash and burn. I have a moral pendulum that swings between laxity and scrupulosity, and nary shall it stop. I sometimes wonder to myself this, “A lax conscious can always be corrected, but a scrupulous conscious can hardly -if ever- be corrected”. That’s where my journey lies. Either Sainthood or burn for eternity and if you’re not a Saint, then you will burn (somebody else’s words, not my own). If the pendulum swings one way for a time, then it will swing the other.
I also agree that we must strive for Sainthood, I just sometimes wish it weren’t so hard. The narrow ROAD seems like a TIGHTROPE with hurricane winds blowing every way. I just hope that I’m given my last rites if I am going to die, if death doesn’t take me instantly.
Click to expand...
You can correct a scrupulous conscience. I was tormented by scruples as a teen. I occasionally get a twinge of irrational guilt now, but nothing I can’t handle.
 
scrupulousrvrt said:
I understand we can’t be totally, Jesus only told us to be perfect in Charity (somebody correct me if I’m wrong). It just gets so difficult (almost impossible) to want to do the things you want but be unable to for fear of it being a sin. To tell you the truth, I had such fervency that I thought my Faith was unshakeable. Now I come to find out is that it can change. It’s as if no matter what I try to do, the spiritual car gets refueled, runs on fumes and then stops. When you’re exhausted from constantly praying devotions and told “don sturp, or the debul wil git u!” or something along those lines, all I can do is pull a Vietnam-vet thousand yard stare.
Click to expand...
You’re trying too hard, and it sounds like you are relying on your feelings. We all go through a honeymoon stage in our spiritual lives when God seems very near and we are certain about everything. And then, in time, such feelings no longer come to us. We think we need to do more devotions, more charity, more, more, more. But no. What we need to do is rest in God and let the Holy Spirit work silently in us instead of trying to make something happen. As long as you pray daily, attend Mass, love God and neighbor, and are open to God’s will, you are fine. You don’t have to “keep it up” by doing this, that and the other thing. You only need to trust that God has your life in his keeping, and so go on quietly and simply living your life.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top