Religious Freedom & Contraceptive Mandate In Marriage

[wynnejj]

Religious Freedom & the Contraceptive Mandate In Marriage

How does one handle a marriage where one partner insists on contraceptive practices?

Frankly, I haven’t the foggiest, so I’m asking people to weigh in.

What made me think of this is a post that I made in another thread about the US bishop’s special request for a prayer campaign to change American culture to protect Life, Marriage & Religious Liberty. Afterwards it occurred to me there may be a reason why contraceptive practices are not generally challenged at the communion rails.

The discussion of receiving Holy Communion unworthily may be setting this discussion way off topic. How did we get here?

It seems it started with the proposition that a prayer campaign for Life, Marriage & Religious Liberty may be too little, too late. Especially if the prayers are for American society, when there appears to be a need to Evangelize Catholics first. Then it turned towards addressing the hypocrisy of widespread contraceptive use in the Catholic community, when in fact most of the issues related to the prayer campaign originate from contraceptive practices in American society following the predictions of Humanae Vitae.

The proposition that I am making is that we have to make pains to stop the perceived & practiced policy of permitting desecration - making profane that which is sacred - as it relates to our own Catholic complicity in the sexual revolution by not challenging contraceptive practices at the Holy Communion rails. I am not talking about convicting, condemning or policing. I am talking about making clear that reception of Holy Communion unworthily when widespread contraceptive practices appear to be the norm, not the exception, implicitly professes that Holy Communion is not sacred and that the sexual revolution has effectively rendered the truths of the Catholic Church as subject to change in American society.

I’m done. I’m not interested in the Holy Communion topic further as it will tend to go off topic.

 

[Pug]

Are you thinking it might be that priests don’t say much about contraception because it is unusual for a couple in the pew to both be on the same page, so it might be that the wife who hears and agrees with the priest can’t really do anything about it anyway, because her husband is not on board?

I wonder how much contraception is like other practices between a couple. Some practices are disallowed even if the spouse requests them from the partner, because they are not marital relations. Is contracepted sex like those, or is it real marital relations?

 

[wynnejj]

Pug,

I was thinking that

1. The priest has an obligation to tell the congregation that receiving Holy Communion when living in mortal sin will bring down severe judgement. Yet, one can be forced or coerced into a situation where the fear of temporal consequences is so overwhelming, and therefore the sin is really mitigated down to a venial sin for forced action under duress. So, the problem becomes how does a priest meet the problem of describing culpability in contraceptive practices in marriage.
2. Is a marriage partner who is being forced or coerced obligated to exercise their religious liberty - conscience rights - in the same way as the bishops feel obligated in the “marriage” of Church & State?
3. How does the Catholic Church give witness to our moral views about the theology of the body if we continue to be silent from the Sunday pulpit and communion rail when the silence on the contraceptive issue implies that we are confused about our sexual mores?

 

[SonCatcher]

1. Is a marriage partner who is being forced or coerced obligated to exercise their religious liberty - conscience rights - in the same way as the bishops feel obligated in the “marriage” of Church & State?

The Catholic spouse (i.e. the spouse who wishes to hold to Catholic teaching regarding sexuality) cannot actively participate in contraception. He/She might engage in marital relations knowing his/her spouse is contracepting, however.

That is, if the husband wants to contracept, the Catholic wife may not take the pill or use any other female-specific contraceptives. Neither may she buy condoms for her husband. If he wears one, however, she need not refuse him on those grounds.

The staff apologists have addressed this from time to time.

The government, however, is threatening civil penalties unless the Church purchases contraceptives. That is akin to the dilemma of the asker whose wife threatened him with divorce if he didn’t get a vasectomy (fourth link above).

 

[MarcoPolo]

This may be the pertinent text:*ADEMECUM FOR CONFESSORS CONCERNING SOME ASPECTS OF THE MORALITY OF
CONJUGAL LIFE
Pontifical Council for the Family

Pontifical Council for the Family

1. Special difficulties are presented by cases of co-operation in the sin of a spouse who voluntarily renders the unitive act infecund. In the first place, it is necessary to distinguish co-operation in the proper sense, from violence or unjust imposition on the part of one of the spouses, which the other spouse in fact cannot resist.46 This co-operation can be licit when the three following conditions are jointly met: a) when the action of the co-operating spouse is not already illicit in itself;47 b) when proportionally grave reasons exist for cooperating in the sin of the other spouse; c) when one is seeking to help the other spouse to desist from such conduct
   (patiently, with prayer, charity and dialogue; although not necessarily in that moment, nor on every single occasion).

59 “Holy Church knows full well that not infrequently, one of the parties is sinned against rather than sinning, when for a grave cause he or she reluctantly allows the perversion of the right order. In such a case, there is no sin, provided that, mindful of the law of charity, he or she does not neglect to seek to dissuade and to deter the partner from sin” (Pius XI, Enc. Casti connubii, MS 22 [1930], 561.*Now that must not be used as an excuse. The victim partner must be active in getting the other partner to desist.

 

[Pug]

1. The priest has an obligation to tell the congregation that receiving Holy Communion when living in mortal sin will bring down severe judgement. Yet, one can be forced or coerced into a situation where the fear of temporal consequences is so overwhelming, and therefore the sin is really mitigated down to a venial sin for forced action under duress. So, the problem becomes how does a priest meet the problem of describing culpability in contraceptive practices in marriage.

I think the delicacy of the matter and the need to get a personalized answer that both parties understand, along with the likelihood of being misunderstood combine to make it a difficult topic for a successful sermon of average length. I think it could be done well when meeting with a couple several times in preparation for marriage. I think one could reiterate easily during a single sermon/homily the duty not to receive communion if one has not gone to confession for mortal sins. I’ve seen this happen on numerous occasions.

1. How does the Catholic Church give witness to our moral views about the theology of the body if we continue to be silent from the Sunday pulpit and communion rail when the silence on the contraceptive issue implies that we are confused about our sexual mores?

I think the idea that my nation has that Catholics regularly practice contraception is hurting our witness. Either it is a true idea or a false idea. If false, we need to change the idea. If true, we need to take clear steps to support our people in doing something different. They’ve done something in this direction since the time when I got married. At least now you can get some info about NFP from the diocese and not have to hunt it all out from various secular sources.

 

[Pug]

This co-operation can be licit when the three following conditions are jointly met:

What does that red part mean? Why did it not simply say “is licit” when blah blah?

 

[wynnejj]

I think the delicacy of the matter and the need to get a personalized answer that both parties understand, along with the likelihood of being misunderstood combine to make it a difficult topic for a successful sermon of average length. I think it could be done well when meeting with a couple several times in preparation for marriage. I think one could reiterate easily during a single sermon/homily the duty not to receive communion if one has not gone to confession for mortal sins. I’ve seen this happen on numerous occasions.

I think the idea that my nation has that Catholics regularly practice contraception is hurting our witness. Either it is a true idea or a false idea. If false, we need to change the idea. If true, we need to take clear steps to support our people in doing something different. They’ve done something in this direction since the time when I got married. At least now you can get some info about NFP from the diocese and not have to hunt it all out from various secular sources.

 

[wynnejj]

The Catholic spouse (i.e. the spouse who wishes to hold to Catholic teaching regarding sexuality) cannot actively participate in contraception. He/She might engage in marital relations knowing his/her spouse is contracepting, however.

That is, if the husband wants to contracept, the Catholic wife may not take the pill or use any other female-specific contraceptives. Neither may she buy condoms for her husband. If he wears one, however, she need not refuse him on those grounds.

The staff apologists have addressed this from time to time.

The government, however, is threatening civil penalties unless the Church purchases contraceptives. That is akin to the dilemma of the asker whose wife threatened him with divorce if he didn’t get a vasectomy (fourth link above).

Thank you for the links. I wasn’t aware that marital relations were allowed as long as the faithful Catholic does not in any way use, purchase, or encourage the practice and takes pains to object, discourage, and educate his/her marriage partner in the practice. This throws a different light on my confusion as to why the topic doesn’t seem to have a public expression.

 

[wynnejj]

This may be the pertinent text:*ADEMECUM FOR CONFESSORS CONCERNING SOME ASPECTS OF THE MORALITY OF
CONJUGAL LIFE
Pontifical Council for the Family

Pontifical Council for the Family

1. Special difficulties are presented by cases of co-operation in the sin of a spouse who voluntarily renders the unitive act infecund. In the first place, it is necessary to distinguish co-operation in the proper sense, from violence or unjust imposition on the part of one of the spouses, which the other spouse in fact cannot resist.46 This co-operation can be licit when the three following conditions are jointly met*: a) when the action of the co-operating spouse is not already illicit in itself;47 b) when proportionally grave reasons exist for cooperating in the sin of the other spouse; c) when one is seeking to help the other spouse to desist from such conduct
   (patiently, with prayer, charity and dialogue; although not necessarily in that moment, nor on every single occasion).

59 “Holy Church knows full well that not infrequently, one of the parties is sinned against rather than sinning, when for a grave cause he or she reluctantly allows the perversion of the right order. In such a case, there is no sin, provided that, mindful of the law of charity, he or she does not neglect to seek to dissuade and to deter the partner from sin” (Pius XI, Enc. Casti connubii, MS 22 [1930], 561.Now that must not be used as an excuse. The victim partner must be active in getting the other partner to desist.

This document explains much that I was confused about the Church’s position. I was under the impression that the faithful Catholic might be required to just say NO.

 

[wynnejj]

I think the delicacy of the matter and the need to get a personalized answer that both parties understand, along with the likelihood of being misunderstood combine to make it a difficult topic for a successful sermon of average length. I think it could be done well when meeting with a couple several times in preparation for marriage. I think one could reiterate easily during a single sermon/homily the duty not to receive communion if one has not gone to confession for mortal sins. I’ve seen this happen on numerous occasions.

I think the idea that my nation has that Catholics regularly practice contraception is hurting our witness. Either it is a true idea or a false idea. If false, we need to change the idea. If true, we need to take clear steps to support our people in doing something different. They’ve done something in this direction since the time when I got married. At least now you can get some info about NFP from the diocese and not have to hunt it all out from various secular sources.

What has been bothering me for the longest while is really two things:
(1) Since widespread use of contraception is prevalent and near 100% reception of the Holy Eucharist occurs at Sunday Mass, why is there so little mentioned from the Sunday pulpit on the subject.
(2) Since abortion has been legal for so many years and again 100% reception of the Holy Eucharist occurs at Sunday Mass, why is there (at least in my experience) so little occasion to offer a prayer petition on the matter. (Of course, this will change if the bishop’s special request for a prayer campaign for Life, Marriage & Religious Liberty gains traction).

The net effect has been to give a false witness to me/others(?) to suggest that reception of the Holy Eucharist does nothing to stop widespread use of contraception or correct an apathetic response to our abortion policy. The behavior suggests that sexual revolution is here to stay right in the “practicing” Catholic community. It is scary.

So it seems to me that there has to be some widely & publicly promulgated, easily accessible & understood response that reaches all the Catholic community on just what we are expected to do. For instance, if I’m not mistaken, the rules of what a married partner can do under a “contraceptive mandate” from the other partner is not spelled out in the CCC. How does a lay person give witness to another lay Catholic if they confide their belief that contraception is personal choice … no comment … see a priest for the secret formula of what you can & can’t do? No, I think that Catholic policy on limiting family size, marital relations under contraceptive mandate conditions, etc all needs to be preached from the pulpits and taught from the catechisms in a clear, understandable way.

The lack of easily accessible & understandable materials on how to respond to the sexual revolution in public witness does nothing for Catholic public witness to the sexual revolution, except make all Catholics look confused … which they are.

 

[wynnejj]

What does that red part mean? Why did it not simply say “is licit” when blah blah?

Yes. It suggests that there are further conditions that render the situation illicit, despite meeting the enumerated conditions that might make it licit. What are they?

 

[MarcoPolo]

What does that red part mean? Why did it not simply say “is licit” when blah blah?

I think it means the same thing. It can be licit under these conditions… is all they are saying. That’s the way I read it.

 

[MarcoPolo]

I was under the impression that the faithful Catholic might be required to just say NO.

The way I read the document, they are required to say no - it’s after the violating partner refuses that “no” that this comes more into play.

 

[edwest2]

Religious Freedom & the Contraceptive Mandate In Marriage

How does one handle a marriage where one partner insists on contraceptive practices?

Frankly, I haven’t the foggiest, so I’m asking people to weigh in.

What made me think of this is a post that I made in another thread about the US bishop’s special request for a prayer campaign to change American culture to protect Life, Marriage & Religious Liberty. Afterwards it occurred to me there may be a reason why contraceptive practices are not generally challenged at the communion rails.

Too many people get into a marriage and find out only after the ceremony, what the other person is really like, what they expect from marriage and what they want to do regarding having children.

Too many just go for the hotness, have sex before marriage and get the details after the ceremony. So this question should never be a question for Catholics who are dating and considering marriage.

To my brothers and sisters in Christ: If you are in a relationship now and are talking about marriage, get the answers NOW. Since everything has gotten so messed up over the last 40 years about male-female relationships, too many are assuming “I’ll just do what my friends are doing” instead of acting like mature adults. Sex is last on the list of things to do. It should happen on your wedding night as opposed to previous ‘test drives.’

Face it, only a tiny part of your day will be about having sex. The bulk of it will be about work, getting food, clothing and paying for shelter, not to mention paying the utility bills, and maintaining a car, doing laundry, preparing meals, etc.

Ask the other person: “If we get married, what do you expect?” Your faith and what the Church teaches are first in line. If you don’t believe the same things, then what? If she wants/expects money for clothes, jewelry and trips, and a big house plus an expensive car, and your income is less than 150K a year, who will pay for all that? Heck, 200K a year is probably more realistic. Unless you want to be in debt up to your eyeballs and living from paycheck to paycheck and juggling a dozen credit cards, you may be looking at a nice but totally unrealistic person.

There is no contraceptive mandate. Just ask the other person if they want to or are contracepting and go from there.

Peace,
Ed

 

[wynnejj]

**Religious Freedom & the Contraceptive Mandate not only applies to the national level and the marriage level, but also the parish level.
**
In a sense, many parish priests seem to be under a “contraceptive mandate” by the laity where they are forced (I’ll leave you & take the kids) or coerced (I’ll stop supporting you) to maintain relations for the sake of the Catholic family, thereby engaging in relations that contracepts God’s seed of truth about sexual morality and resulting in limiting God’s children and contributing to dysfunction in God’s family. Of course, there is spiritual abortion too when the Catholic community receives the Holy Eucharist in a state of mortal sin. So where is the requirement to object, dissuade & educate the active contracepting partner? Should a parish priest demand his right of religious freedom within the walls of temple, saying that he will not comply with the “contraceptive mandate”? Or should he avoid divorce for the sake of the kids? With young adults leaving the Catholic school systems, finding their first serious love, then choosing to contracept & cohabit & stop attending church … well, maybe what we are talking about is not divorce but annulment … that is a relation between clergy & dissenting laity whose bond is null & void.

 

[edwest2]

It is also clearly laid out here.

vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html

This whole mess started in 1968 when radicals and dissidents inside and outside the Church rejected Church teaching and defied the Pope’s authority, creating an open scandal.

We need a return to:

1. Dating without sexual intercourse.
2. Zero cohabitation that involves sexual relations or not, since there are those who delude themselves that living together before marriage is OK. There is no valid reason to do it, and it is an open scandal that tells society, “See. Even Catholics are living together before getting married.”
3. Courtship. This is where the falling in love and this ‘might’ lead to marriage part begins. Regardless, you meet her family and she meets yours.
4. Engagement. If both parties reach this point, they must talk about their beliefs, their expectations, children and plans and hopes. Traditionally, the suitor goes to the young lady’s father and asks permission to marry his daughter. Her father, having been his age once, understands all the emotional/hormonal stuff, and will ask the practical questions, like “How do plan on supporting my daughter? Where will you live?” and so on.

If you’re Catholic, this is all “not to be entered into lightly.” You have to make sure both of you are on the same page, and that you have things in common aside from the hotness/sex part, because in your free time - not having sex - you will need to get along, and if she’s not compatible with you in non-sexual ways, you’ll be leading pretty separate lives.

Peace,
Ed

 

[Pug]

What has been bothering me for the longest while is really two things:
(1) Since widespread use of contraception is prevalent and near 100% reception of the Holy Eucharist occurs at Sunday Mass, why is there so little mentioned from the Sunday pulpit on the subject.

I agree that it ought to be mentioned a bit more often. Of course, I find it irritating when it happens, because it is wasted on me (because I am not using it and won’t in the future) and because they don’t treat it in depth to the level that seems necessary, but so what? Surely it isn’t wasted on other people. I wonder if priests ought to ask about it in confession. I’ve had one priest directly ask me if that needed to be confessed as well in addition to the other stuff on my list. But I’ve only ever had one priest do that. Perhaps those who use contraception don’t attend confession? Or perhaps priests try to leave people in good faith or something during confession? Check out that link given to you earlier, the vademecum, and it talks about something like that somewhere. I’ll look for you…

Here is something of the sort from it.8. The principle according to which it is preferable to let penitents remain in good faith in cases of error due to subjectively invincible ignorance, is certainly to be considered always valid, even in matters of conjugal chastity. And this applies whenever it is foreseen that the penitent, although oriented towards living within the bounds of a life of faith, would not be prepared to change his own conduct, but rather would begin formally to sin. Nonetheless, in these cases, the confessor must try to bring such penitents ever closer to accepting God’s plan in their own lives, even in these demands, by means of prayer, admonition and exhorting them to form their consciences, and by the teaching of the Church.
I don’t know if this is in any way relevant to your concerns or not, but I offer it for you to mull over. Read the 2 paragraphs before it also, if it interests you.

But I don’t think one can easily cover the rules about what to do if your spouse is forcing contraception upon your relationship in a homily, as I said before. Better done one on one or one on two. Well, one could mention the rules, but I think they need to be talked about personally with the person who has the contracepting spouse, so they get support. That is the specific thing I thought was beyond a homily, not contraception itself. That is well within a homily.

(2) Since abortion has been legal for so many years and again 100% reception of the Holy Eucharist occurs at Sunday Mass, why is there (at least in my experience) so little occasion to offer a prayer petition on the matter. (Of course, this will change if the bishop’s special request for a prayer campaign for Life, Marriage & Religious Liberty gains traction).

Interesting. For years and years our parish has had a petition about it. Not really for abortion using the word, but that our country and politicians or whomever respect life from conception to natural death, so it hits abortion and euthanasia. Maybe not every week anymore, but still often. Now we are praying for religious freedom after every mass, and by that they mean this mandate thing and such.

I agree that we might need clear homilies on authority and our duty concerning it. I’m not sure most Catholics understand the extent (or lack thereof) of how they can disagree with authority, like on contraception. I’m guessing they mostly think it is okay to disagree with the Church on this topic and to act on that disagreement, in fact that they ought to act on it. I don’t know, though.

It is horribly hard to take when one hears those polls about contraception usage, and even harder when the faithful in the pews tell you they think confession is not relevant to Catholic life.

I agree with you that some nice, accessible materials in the narthax or hall or pamphlet rack would be good. Something that actually covers what a family needs to know on the topic, and not some vague, pseudo inspiring, uh, unhelpful tract.