Religious/pre-postulancy preparations

  • Thread starter Thread starter SaraJones
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

SaraJones

Guest
Hi, I’m Sara. I’m 15 and discerning my vocation as a religious, with a strong interest in Poor Clares. I live at home with my mother and father (Dad is deployed in the Army), and my older brothers have left home. My mother’s sister/my aunt is a Franciscan and often stays with us.

I want to ask whether others have involved their parents in their discernment process? Have they directly assisted you to prepare?

I recently informed my mother of my vocation discernment and how seriously I was pursuing it. I’m hoping to attend a Poor Clares retreat, as I very much love the story of St Francis and St Clare.

My mother has been very supportive. She is very proud of me. But she has been asking whether I’m giving enough of myself or mature enough to be a Poor Clare, which is a strict order. As I don’t know, my mother has been insistent that I start to prepare now for becoming a postulant, so I’m prepared. This has resulted in some big changes in my life.

My mother wants to homeschool me so that I am not deflected by high school diversions like boys. Also, she wants my aunt to move in and tutor me in my spirtitual development as a potential postulant, where I am weak unlike many on the forum.

At home, I now:
  • attend daily and have daily prayer times
  • practise daily mortifications
  • do not watch any TV (have more chores to do!)
  • have limited time on the internet (have to keep this short!)
  • otherwise practice obedience/docility to my mother and aunt.
Also, in order to prepare for the PC habit, my bedroom only has a crucifix, desk, bed and book shelves. I spent last weekend going through my closets and donating my fashionable clothes to thrift and goodwill stores. My clothes are now dark dresses, skirts, jumpers and white blouses. I have two pairs of brown roman sandals that I wear (and love!). My mother also cut my hair into a short bob. I’m better placed to discern when I have given away worldly things.

I’m really looking forward to what lies ahead. Would appreciate any discernment advice from other girls in my position. Has anyone else done this with their parents? What books do you read?

Sara
 
I don’t know if homeschooling is necessary, but it sounds like you have a very good mother if she is preparing you in all those ways. I’ve never heard of parents doing that pre-postulancy. It could be a very good idea. Keep us updated.
 
Good morning. Thanks for responding! I have to be quick.

My mom is very involved as I’m her daughter and she supports me all the way. She is not pushing me but wants me to be better prepared - it can’t hurt.

My mom wants to homeschool me because she thinks Catholic homeschool is more healthy for me as a Catholic and for my vocation than public school (and no pressure to conform and no boys).

Also, as my Franciscan aunt will spend time with us, she will have more time to develop me in spirituality, where I’m weak compared to others. I feel somewhat ignorant in non-Bible writing when I visit this forum. I guess mom and my aunt also think homeschool would aid me in developing docility and selflessness.

I don’t mind being homeschooled. One of my school ‘friends’ told me last week that I now look like a dork (jumper dress, sandals and bobbed hair = dork). But my homeschool friends from my parish are really great and understand my situation.

I would love to know what other girls interested in postulancy/religious life, especially Poor Clares, are doing to prepare.

Sara
 
Wow your parents are really supportive! Good luck with your vocation discernment. I think the homeschool thing sounds like a good idea . I wish you luck and God’s blessings.
 
if you are discerning a religious vocation you should have a spiritual director–this is the constant advice and example of the saints. Ask your priest to appoint someone, or the order you are considering. Also meet with the vocations director of that order, or of your diocese, or whoever is the vicar for religious in your diocese for advice and direction.

you should not undertake any unusual or severe penitential or prayer practices outside the commonly prescribed ones of the Church–sacraments, scripture, lectio divina, rosary, chaplets etc, fasting and abstinence such as is prescribed for Lent, or anything that is contrary to obedience and duty owed to parents, since you are a minor. Anything outside that should be done only with permission of your spiritual director or confessor. A very common mistake with beginners is overdoing it, and trying to direct and discern their spiritual progress without guidance. The saints uniformly warn against this.

Your parents support is wonderful and a rare gift, thank God for it.

the purpose of mortifications is to help tame and control the inclination to sin, and to induce humilty and obedience to God’s will. that is why we must be extremely careful about assigning our own mortifications and penances, not going beyond what the priest permits. Modest dress is great, but if you are doing it with a lot of talk to others about why, making a show of your sacrifice, St Therese who guided young ladies like you in her order, would warn you that there is danger of vanity creeping into such choices. In fact, She would be great reading for you at this time. she also felt ready, at a much younger age than was permitted, to join the convent, and had to learn obedience and patience by waiting.
 
Hi, thanks for your post. I’m not sure how to respond.

I would appreciate your recommending what books I should read. As I mentioned I’m weak on spiritual knowledge beyond Bible and prayer.

I also would love to hear from others who are like me.

I can assure you that I’m not proud or vain by trying to live a more simple life. I’ve just had to explain it to friends/neighbours, especially as I baby-sit children. Also, I’ve been a shopper and fashion-obsesed, so recent changes are talked about.

My mom said to me, after we spoke with our parish priest, that my potential vocation could be lost if I were distracted by worldly temptations. I’m so happy now as I pray and discern and just want to find out more of what a religious’s life could be like.

Sara
 
Wow, great to see so supportive parents! And even more so your apparent willingness and ability to be so open to their help and suggestions.
 
Hi, thanks very much. Yes my mom is very supportive and my Franciscan aunt (who I am really close to) is great. The last 5 weeks has been really challenging for us, as I have been open with my family about my vocation and what I’m feeling I may be called to. It’s been a lot for them to deal with, as they didn’t think me a good girl. So I have been in this new routine in order to assist my discernment and to improve my Catholic life. As I said in my first post (gosh I hope I don’t seem too open), my life has changed as I discern.

To show you how loving and caring my mom is, this was what happened 4 weeks ago. Over a Friday night and Saturday, my mom and I ‘cleaned’ out my bedroom and I boxed up a lot of my clothes/posters/books/stuff for charity. We then went shopping for replacement/modest clothes/sandals. When I got home on late Saturday afternoon, we had this really special time together. Mom took me up to my room and helped me put my new stuff away, and dressed me in one of my new modest dresses and sandals. We then prayed the rosary together (I kneel but mom can’t and sits) in our home alcove, under Virgin Mary’s statue. Mom she said to me to stay kneeling. It was then she returned with a towel and some scissors and cut my hair short, as I’ve seen happens in convents. I felt so new. I started crying but it was happy tears. Mom said she was so proud of me and hugged me. When we picked up my aunt for vigil Mass, she also said she was proud and hugged me. We spent that Saturday and Sunday at Mass, in prayer and together discussing what I would be doing over the next 2 years, my homeschooling next year and my new routine.

I feel so loved. God has blessed me. Now to keep praying and discerning.

Blessings,

Sara
 
Wow. I’ll say a rosary for you. That sounds really great.

I wish I could have started the routine of religious life while I’m still at home. I am probably entering this Fall, but I can’t even get to daily mass during the school year because school is too early. And my parents certainly couldn’t homeschool me, and I share a room with my very secular brother. The room has about half religious imagery, half baseball paraphernalia, and half North Woods decorum (a theme my mom tried to push on our room, but which never really took):rolleyes: .

Still, God arranges things as best. Your arrangement sounds best for you. I am very excited to start next year, so your situation sounds really cool, but I think continuing to go to high school has been providential for me…I’ve gotten a really good education, being exposed to everyone has really helped me mature psychologically and come to terms with human beings (who, as a rule, I didn’t used to like very much), and sharing my vocation with friends and classmates I think has also inspired or at least been a good example for some of them.

May I ask why your aunt doesnt live in a convent? Because my grandma has a cousin who is a franciscan friar, but who has permission to live in his own apartment, though he still wears the habit, prays the liturgy, is under his superior etc. I never asked him why he doesnt live in a friary…perhaps their situations are similar?
 
I am also discerning a vocation to be a nun, though probably more in some type of missionary work/education/parish work setting - or whatever God wills. I recommend you go see the movie “Into Great Silence”. I just went to see it this afternoon, and loved it. It’s about Carthusian monks, out in the French Alps. The Carthusians are probably the most austere, strictest order of monks and are comparable to the Poor Clares, I would imagine. The director received permission to film it on site, at the monastery. He basically observed their daily life. No interviews, no narration. There are some subtitles, though not many since they don’t talk much. It’s amazing how they live their lives completely separated from modern worldly things, and everything is completely centered on God. When they’re working, be it chopping wood, cooking, gardening, it is done in silence. No talking, except in prayer/chanting, and I believe once a week they were allowed to have free discussion after dinner. But even then, the conversation was centered on God. Separated from the secular world. Hence the name of the movie. I recommend it to all Catholics, just so they can see what monastic life is like.
 
Hi Sara and God bless you on your journey!
My daughter is entering a contemplative cloistered Carmelite order next month and I was struck by some similarities- I only wish that I had been as supportive of her when she was beginning to discern her vocation as your mother has been with you. Are you an only daughter? It took her father and I awhile before we were fully on board, but God poured out his graces on us and we are joyous for her. She’s gone through much of the same process that you are beginning-- like wearing the very modest clothing and concentrating on spiritual reading. She’s also spent the last four years attending a strong Catholic college and meeting with her spiritual director regularly. Somebody else advised you to seek out a spiritual director which is essential, I think. My daughter recommends that you read “A Right to be Merry” by Mother Mary Francis, “…And You Are Christ’s” by Father Thomas Dubay and, of course, “Story of a Soul” by St. Therese of Lisieux. She found these particularly helpful in assisting her in her vocation. Anyway, we’ve spent the last couple of months packing up her things and getting her ready. She’s taken us on quite the journey. Good luck with yours!
 
Thank you to everyone who has posted. Thank you for all your kind words. I’m so happy at the moment.

To answer questions from posters:
  • I’m the youngest child - my Dad is a Colonel in the Army and my older brothers are Army officers and an ROTC cadet
  • my aunt is a Franciscan teaching sister
I’m very appreciative of what Aeniora wrote about her daughter and would like to learn more of her discernment if possible.

Also, has anyone been homeschooled?
 
SaraJones said:
Thank you to everyone who has posted. Thank you for all your kind words. I’m so happy at the moment.

To answer questions from posters:
  • I’m the youngest child - my Dad is a Colonel in the Army and my older brothers are Army officers and an ROTC cadet
  • my aunt is a Franciscan teaching sister
I’m very appreciative of what Aeniora wrote about her daughter and would like to learn more of her discernment if possible.

Also, has anyone been homeschooled?
Click to expand...
 
I’m very appreciative of what Aeniora wrote about her daughter and would like to learn more of her discernment if possible.

Hi Sara,
My daughter told us that she was thinking of becoming a nun when she was 13 (she’s now 22). We told her that she was very young and needed to be sure that this was God’ calling for her. Meanwhile, we encouraged her to experience the full tenage life. That included group dating and single dating (when she was of appropriate age of course) and going to school and church dances and other social activities with young people. She also attended the Life Teen program at our church. While she found that the program had many “progressive” ideas, she hooked up wth a very devout core group of young people there which led her to join an M.I. (Militia Immaculata, I believe is their full title) group that further helped in her formation and discernment. Ironically, she had only one year of Catholic school, her 9th grade, in which she was taught a number of heresies in the guise of religion class. She got a much better religious formation by attending public school where she was blessed with some remarkable stauchly Catholic teachers and friends. Also, her involvement in M.I. and the people she met through them were invaluable in their encouragement and prayers.

During this time, she dated and attended social events both at church and school. She had one rather serious relationship which only served to strengthen her vocation to religious life. The boy that she dated for a year is now also in the process of discerning religious life- the priesthood, so the relationship was very worthwhile for both of them. She read the books that I told you about before and many, many others and also busied herself with activities and groups at church and attended Mass and confession as frequently as possible.

After she graduated high school, she elected to attend a very traditional Catholic college that based it’s entire curriculum on exploring the Truth usign the Great Books as it’s “textbooks”. She also joined groups such as the Legion of Mary and attended daily Mass at school There she found a spiritual director and went on several trips visiting different orders to find the where God was calling her to be. She discerned that she was called to be a cloistered contmplative Carmelite in her sopphomre year, but it took another year before her Dad and I joined the bandwagon. For a variety of reasons, including selfish ones, we felt that a more active order was better. (Mostly, in the end it came down to what was better for us, not for her). Anyway, through her prayers and gentle persuasion, we came around and we are so very proud of her we could burst! She graduates from college next month and 5 days later enters a beautiful Carmel.

Also for what it’s worth in regards to your homeschool question, she always wished that she had been homeschooled because of all the secular distractions and bad influences. As a matter of fact, many who had gone to her college have been homeschooled up through high school. The key is, I think, having a good network of traditional solid Catholic groups to join so that you have like-minded peers as well.

I hope that this helps you and God bless you on your journey.🙂
 
I don’t think ‘the world’ can make you ‘lose your vocation’ as such…In my Benedictine convent we had one widow with 4 children (and many grandchildren) who entered our convent aged 56, we had several nuns who had entered in their 30s, one who entered after her marriage was annulled (she had no children), and one novice at the time (she’s a fully professed nun now) had lived with her boyfriend for 5 years, had even intented to marry before she discerned her vocation and entered our convent at the age of 27.

So, I personally don’t think shielding you from the world is quite necessary. The good Lord will call you if and when He wills, and if you truly have a vocation, you will answer that call.

Anna x
 
Sara, you are blessed, indeed, to have such support from your family.

There’s nothing wrong with homeschooling. I homeschool (this year being our last). I am teaching my boys to be lights to the world in public school next year. Don’t be a follower, be a leader and lead them to Christ by Christ-like example.

The changes that you’ve made toward Christ are for the better. People who know who you used to be will be shocked. That comes with the territory. You’re following Christ now, and that’s what matters.

Many women who enter the cloister have been found to be living that way of life (prayerful routine, etc.) before entrance.

Your mom is being solicitous toward your soul in wanting to “protect” you from worldly distractions. As long as you receive this with humility, it should work.

Which Poor Clare monastery, might I ask?

Blessings,
Cloisters
 
We are in the south (dad is in the Army), so am not sure when to start contacting religious for information. I don’t want to waste their time unless I have better informed thoughts.

We are currently focused on homeschooling for my final years in high school. My mother is in contact with homeschoolers in our area. I would like to make friends with our girls in a similar situation as mine.

My Franciscan aunt is tutoring me in Bible study and prayer. My aunt sends me writings and tracts in the mail and asks me to send her back my answers - it is all in cursive, so no computers! We then discuss what I have written on Sundays, and I get more writings to look at, such as St Therese. I can’t pretend to have been the best girl at this when younger but am trying to improve quickly! Hopefully other posters whose daughters joined would have seen improvement - or were they all holy early on? I sometimes feel I’m not worthy, though my aunt thinks I am doing well.

I think for me the hardest part of the last 2 months is change in my lifestyle to a simple, humble life. I have missed TV and am only allowed on the internet for 30 minutes each day and my browsing is limited. My mother kind of monitors what I do (in a loving way) and I’m trying to practice giving up modern conveniences. I do a lot of chores around the house (I have a timetable), which allows my mother to look into homeschooling and other matters for me. I do my studies in my now sparse room during the day and am still not used to the silence. It’s very good for prayer. Giving up fancy clothes is highly recommended and short hair is great. I have noted in church how poorly young girls dress. I’m not saying every girl should wear plain dresses and sandals like me but have some reverence! The weather may be warm but this isn’t an excuse.

Blessings,

Sara
 
Hi Sara,

My name is Lauren, I’m 21 and will be making my aspirancy this summer with the Dominican Nuns of Our Lady of the Rosary Monastery in Summit. We have an aspirancy period (2-6 weeks) before postulancy so formation is a little longer than typical. May God be praised for your beautiful vocation, and the Poor Clares are just lovely. When I first started discerning awhile ago I started dressing very plainly, with plain long skirts and modest hair styles (no straightening it or anything…just a simple bun) and I began wearing a Mantilla to Mass and Adoration. I also attempted to spend less time on the computer, no television, days of fasting, etc. to prepare myself. Unfortunately I took it all on too quickly and was not under any spiritual direction. I ended up getting ‘burnt out’ where I became bitter towards other people. When I stopped changing my appearance on the outside my heart became more loving and less conceited. So I’ve decided to change my heart and let the rest follow in due time.

I’m glad it is going better for you! I will keep you in my prayers.
Just a quick suggestion, if you haven’t started praying some of the Liturgy of the Hours might I recommend it? It sets a beautiful rhythm to life and prepares one for religious life.

God bless,
Lauren
 
SaraJones said:
We are in the south (dad is in the Army), so am not sure when to start contacting religious for information. I don’t want to waste their time unless I have better informed thoughts.

We are currently focused on homeschooling for my final years in high school. My mother is in contact with homeschoolers in our area. I would like to make friends with our girls in a similar situation as mine.

My Franciscan aunt is tutoring me in Bible study and prayer. My aunt sends me writings and tracts in the mail and asks me to send her back my answers - it is all in cursive, so no computers! We then discuss what I have written on Sundays, and I get more writings to look at, such as St Therese. I can’t pretend to have been the best girl at this when younger but am trying to improve quickly! Hopefully other posters whose daughters joined would have seen improvement - or were they all holy early on? I sometimes feel I’m not worthy, though my aunt thinks I am doing well.

I think for me the hardest part of the last 2 months is change in my lifestyle to a simple, humble life. I have missed TV and am only allowed on the internet for 30 minutes each day and my browsing is limited. My mother kind of monitors what I do (in a loving way) and I’m trying to practice giving up modern conveniences. I do a lot of chores around the house (I have a timetable), which allows my mother to look into homeschooling and other matters for me. I do my studies in my now sparse room during the day and am still not used to the silence. It’s very good for prayer. Giving up fancy clothes is highly recommended and short hair is great. I have noted in church how poorly young girls dress. I’m not saying every girl should wear plain dresses and sandals like me but have some reverence! The weather may be warm but this isn’t an excuse.

Blessings,

Sara
Click to expand...
Sara, if you feel comfortable doing so, please PM me off-board. I’m in the South, also, and might be able to help.

Is your aunt your spiritual director?

Are you familiar with the Phatmass Phorum? There are many girls your age who post there. I also co-own a yahoo group called Women in Discernment:

groups.yahoo.com/group/womenindiscernment/

HTH.

Blessings,
Cloisters
 
Hi, I have to be quick. I appreciate everyone’s comments.

I should point out that I’m very happy at the moment. I’m just trying to do my best. But I’m very happy.

I do not yet have a spiritual director as I’m still 15 and my mother and Franciscan aunt think I need to prove myself able to sacrifice and live authentically. I’ve never been a bad girl but have not always been all good. I’ve also been influenced by bad influences at junior high school.

So I’m starting with the basics for an aspiring postulant. My aunt calls it small steps. My next step after improving biblical knowledge is my religious writings knowledge.

I have a prayer and work routine that is spiritually rewarding and provides great happiness, comfort and solace (great word) in difficult times. My humility/docility training in behaviour and dress only adds to it - I’m serving more than just my mother when I clean or do chores. One of the small steps for me is accepting that material needs are not priority 1, I need to share and be more giving, and I need to be more disciplined. These are personal qualities I want and need to develop. So please understand this.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top