Religious Vocations and Boyfriends

[jeanne71350]

Hi there,

Well, I’m thinking that I might have a religious vocation to be a sister. God, Jesus, Mary, and the Saints make me the happiest person on the face of the Earth. I truly love everything about God. When I look at my future life, people say “Oh you’re going to get married.” but I don’t see it. There’s always a blank where my husband is. Then, I see Jesus. I really cannot love an earthly man as much as I love God. I’m slowly giving my heart, mind, soul, and body to Him. I want to be with the “perfect man”. That means, being married to Christ.

But, on the other hand, I’m seventeen. I’m lonely, and I miss the companionship of dating. I do have male friends, but it isn’t the same. I really want affection, because I really don’t get any from anyone else. I don’t think it’s very kind to start something that will have to end.

Can someone give me some advice here? I’m so confused.

Thanks
-Jeanne

 

[psalm139a]

Today I was listening to the Catholic radio station in my city, and the man on the air (no idea who it was) was talking about marriage and intimacy, and how people often expect their spouse to fulfill their deep longing for intimacy, and when that doesn’t happen, they think the spouse is the problem and get divorced. Only God can give us the intimacy we long for, and too many people make the mistake of looking for it in other people.

Starting a relationship if you’re sure about having a religious vocation sounds like a bad idea to me. You’re setting both you and your potential boyfriend up for disappointment. I agree that regular friendships aren’t the same, but your heart will never be satisfied with any relationship if you don’t look to God above all for fulfillment.

Sorry if I sound like I’m chastising you… I don’t mean to be. I’m probably telling you something you already know, anyway, but, in my own experience, I’ve found that sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else. You will be in my prayers.

 

[DihydrogenOxide]

Today I was listening to the Catholic radio station in my city, and the man on the air (no idea who it was) was talking about marriage and intimacy, and how people often expect their spouse to fulfill their deep longing for intimacy, and when that doesn’t happen, they think the spouse is the problem and get divorced. Only God can give us the intimacy we long for, and too many people make the mistake of looking for it in other people.

Starting a relationship if you’re sure about having a religious vocation sounds like a bad idea to me. You’re setting both you and your potential boyfriend up for disappointment. I agree that regular friendships aren’t the same, but your heart will never be satisfied with any relationship if you don’t look to God above all for fulfillment.

Sorry if I sound like I’m chastising you… I don’t mean to be. I’m probably telling you something you already know, anyway, but, in my own experience, I’ve found that sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else. You will be in my prayers.

Well said.

Jeanne,

Don’t be deterred by those feelings. I believe my vocation is not that of married life, either. Still, I get tempted to the effect that I feel like I need to have a boyfriend to fill the void. That was, until I became so much in love with God that I can see now that I don’t need that. The evil one will attempt to steer you away from your vocation from God. Don’t let him win. Keep going. Don’t just get a boyfriend to fill a void in your heart.

Mother Angelica once said to a caller on a live show complaining about being single, “Don’t worry, thank God that the man you could have married won’t have to marry you…the man that you may have wanted to be your husband may be thanking God for not marrying you.” xD Gotta love Mother…

Anyway, don’t fret about guys. The only person anyone really needs is God. Don’t feel bad. If it makes you feel any better, I’m single, I never once dated, and I’m 24. I never wanted to, because I truly believe God has made me for the single life or consecrated religious life. I have never had any interest in dating. You’re not the only one. In a new study, almost 1/4 of women in the US never marry. This is true for more so for men.

Don’t do it just because of peer pressure or society says you have to be dating all the time. It isn’t worth it, and you’ll never be truly happy while you’re doing something other than God’s will for you.

 

[prodigalson12]

When you are married, there will be an intimacy if both of you are fully committed to each other and to God, the likes of which cannot be paralleled. Having both together on the spiritual journey can be a wonderful thing as well, that added support and reflection together is invaluable. Yet, at the same time, what is it in your heart that’s calling you towards?

I’ve contemplated religious life myself, and part of me knows I’d do well with it, but part of me knows I’m geared towards marriage, and I can do both at the same time, yet won’t be going for a fancy title. We often think religious life is about becoming a priest, nun, monk, etc. and think that’s all there is to pick from. Research all of the different things you can do to serve our Lord, then decide from there what appeals to your calling best.

 

[Highwayhound]

Hi there,

Well, I’m thinking that I might have a religious vocation to be a sister. God, Jesus, Mary, and the Saints make me the happiest person on the face of the Earth. I truly love everything about God. When I look at my future life, people say “Oh you’re going to get married.” but I don’t see it. There’s always a blank where my husband is. Then, I see Jesus. I really cannot love an earthly man as much as I love God. I’m slowly giving my heart, mind, soul, and body to Him. I want to be with the “perfect man”. That means, being married to Christ.

But, on the other hand, I’m seventeen. I’m lonely, and I miss the companionship of dating. I do have male friends, but it isn’t the same. I really want affection, because I really don’t get any from anyone else. I don’t think it’s very kind to start something that will have to end.

Can someone give me some advice here? I’m so confused.

Thanks
-Jeanne

Karol Wojtyla had a girlfriend and was a good actor when he was young. When the Nazis invaded Poland Karol initially thought he would join the army. During all this he had moments of confusion too. God had other bigger plans for him.

Raymond Kolbe thought he would be part of the Polish army too. It was during his prayers that the Virgin Mary gave him a choice. God had big plans for him too.

Helena Kowalska was busy dancing when Jesus appeared to her and asked, “How long shall I put up with you and how long will you keep putting me off?” She left the dance and went to pray at the cathedral. God had plans for her too.

I guess my point is that some confusion is normal, but in the end if you read up on these three and their lives. They were all willing to listen to God.

I am not sure if this will be of any help for you.

God bless

 

[nunsense]

Hi there,

Well, I’m thinking that I might have a religious vocation to be a sister. God, Jesus, Mary, and the Saints make me the happiest person on the face of the Earth. I truly love everything about God. When I look at my future life, people say “Oh you’re going to get married.” but I don’t see it. There’s always a blank where my husband is. Then, I see Jesus. I really cannot love an earthly man as much as I love God. I’m slowly giving my heart, mind, soul, and body to Him. I want to be with the “perfect man”. That means, being married to Christ.

But, on the other hand, I’m seventeen. I’m lonely, and I miss the companionship of dating. I do have male friends, but it isn’t the same. I really want affection, because I really don’t get any from anyone else. I don’t think it’s very kind to start something that will have to end.

Can someone give me some advice here? I’m so confused.

Thanks
-Jeanne

If you truly believe that you are called by God to belong to Him alone, then you need to listen to this voice. But remember that you are also a (very young) human being, that humans are social creatures and we have a need for affection and friendship. God said it was not good for “man to be alone” and He wasn’t just referring to physical intimacy.

If you have a true vocation to religious life, then there will most likely come a time when God alone is sufficient for you (St Teresa of Avila) and you will be able to rely totally on Him for all that you need or desire, but until that time comes, it is perfectly acceptable to admit that you need the companionship and affection of others.

So, it would be good for you to try to find ways that you can interact with others in a healthy and supportive way. You can join social groups from your Church, support causes that speak to your heart, or do volunteer activities that allow you to help others. If you are really seeking just affection, then dating does not have to be the only answer. If you are experiencing more temptations from physical desires, then this is a whole different issue, and should be seen as a temptation and fought in that way.

If you are still wavering between the idea of religious life and marriage, then you should try dating with groups of young people rather than going out alone with someone. This will give you an opportunity to see if your vocation is indeed to religious life or to marriage. Remember that although life is a very special calling, marriage is a sacrament, and therefore essential to the Church. Both states are beautiful in God’s eyes. Prayers for your discernment.

 

[jeanne71350]

If you truly believe that you are called by God to belong to Him alone, then you need to listen to this voice. But remember that you are also a (very young) human being, that humans are social creatures and we have a need for affection and friendship. God said it was not good for “man to be alone” and He wasn’t just referring to physical intimacy.

If you have a true vocation to religious life, then there will most likely come a time when God alone is sufficient for you (St Teresa of Avila) and you will be able to rely totally on Him for all that you need or desire, but until that time comes, it is perfectly acceptable to admit that you need the companionship and affection of others.

So, it would be good for you to try to find ways that you can interact with others in a healthy and supportive way. You can join social groups from your Church, support causes that speak to your heart, or do volunteer activities that allow you to help others. If you are really seeking just affection, then dating does not have to be the only answer. If you are experiencing more temptations from physical desires, then this is a whole different issue, and should be seen as a temptation and fought in that way.

If you are still wavering between the idea of religious life and marriage, then you should try dating with groups of young people rather than going out alone with someone. This will give you an opportunity to see if your vocation is indeed to religious life or to marriage. Remember that although life is a very special calling, marriage is a sacrament, and therefore essential to the Church. Both states are beautiful in God’s eyes. Prayers for your discernment.

Thank you, that makes me feel better. I’m not looking for physical activity, just for companionship. I don’t want to be the girl without a date for prom, and I’d like to be able to go to the movies or whatever with my male friends and girlfriends. How will I know what God wants if I don’t look?

Thanks,
Jeanne

 

[TantumErgo]

First of all the fact that you feel you can not love a man more than Christ is a good thing, because even if you do get married, God should always be the one whom you love the most.

I too am struggling with discerning my vocation, as I have this strong desire to love someone and start a family. The problem is that I don’t know if I should sacrifice this desire and offer it up to God and become a priest. There are times I feel God is calling me to the priesthood, yet I always have this strong desire to one day have a wife.

I would say keep praying, pray for your future spouse and whether you marry a man, or marry Christ (as a matter of speaking) only good can come from your prayers.

I’ve been praying for my future wife for a year now, and although I still haven’t found her it helps to know that whether I marry her or the Church I am doing all that I can do at the moment.

 

[anode]

I would agree with Nunsense. There is no reason for you to feel compelled to "go steady’ or find a regular boyfriend at this stage. I would also encourage you to enjoy socializing with groups of girls or in mixed groups. This will also help to polish your social skills, which you need in any state of life, and you will have a lot of fun. I think that my younger daughter, who has always been very social, remembers being with her girlfriends as some of the best times of her life, and she continues with these friendships, despite having many boyfriends in the interval. Some of the best times of your life can be socializing with your friends in group activities. This is much harder to do when you’re married, because of other obligations, and because it’s harder to match up companionable couples.

One of the worst reasons for preferring religious life is because you wouldn’t have any kind of social life otherwise. Unless you are certain and actively discerning, there is no reason to cut off your social life, and even then you can keep it up --in a platonic way, as far as the men are concerned–until you actually enter.

 

[Pied397]

Thank you, that makes me feel better. I’m not looking for physical activity, just for companionship. I don’t want to be the girl without a date for prom, and I’d like to be able to go to the movies or whatever with my male friends and girlfriends. How will I know what God wants if I don’t look?

Thanks,
Jeanne

Jeanne -

As someone who never dated until I was in college, I was often confused by all the messages swirling around me. The best advice anyone ever gave me was that of a church elder. He stated, “when you stop worrying that you are pleasing God and start living, then you please God.” The best thing you can do, he went on to say, it to just “live your life. And if you are truly seeking after God and what He has in store for you, then it will [just] happen.”
These are words that I live by. At this point in my life, I would be the first to admit that I am far from perfect, but I am seeking after God daily and am, I suppose you could say, living in His will for my life.
I am now 22, working as an Environmental Scientist and am in a committed dating relationship with the most wonderful Catholic man I have ever met. This man edifies the relationship I have with God - there is no degradation of each other or our individual relationships with God.
We were never told that the decisions we had to make were going to be easy, we’re just told to make them. And like Dean, the elder said, if we are living our lives, we’re pleasing God.

Keep your chin up. You’ll be great.

Love in Christ,

Sarah

 

[marchoi]

Forgive me, but I laughed when I read the post… It’s just that, whenever I see the words “religious vocation” and “advice” in the same post, I automatically think, “Do you have a spiritual director?” So, that would be my first advice - if you’re thinking about a religious vocation, get a spiritual director to help you discern the Lord’s will for you.

That being said, I’d say just remember that even if you are called to marriage, your first and foremost love is for God. I once heard of a priest who was doing marriage prep and he asked the couple why they wanted to get married. When they answered, “He/she will make me happy, he/she will fulfill my life, he/she will be everything I need, etc. etc.,” he answered, “No. That’s not fair to your spouse. Don’t expect him/her to fulfill you. There’s a God-sized hole in everyone that only God can fill, and it’s an awful lot to ask of your spouse to fill that hole.” Ultimately, if you’re called to marriage, it is your job to help your spouse grow in holiness and your spouse’s job to help you grow in holiness. You are essentially working together in getting your family to grow closer to God, to allow God to fill that God-sized hole in your family.

Happy discerning!

 

[SummerK]

Hi Jeanne,
I agree with much of what everyone else said. I just thought I would add my bit of experience if maybe the Holy Spirit can use it to help you! Christ called me to both vocations - religious and married!
I got consecrated to God when I was 18. It was a hard step and took a lot of sacrifices, but I was very happy and loved having Christ as my “everything”. When you give your life to God he really does fulfill your heart. You might still have some pangs and cry or feel lonely at times, but deep down there is a lot of peace and happiness if you are doing God’s will. Christ’s love was very real to me and intimate. He is the most gentle and loving spouse, but his love is very different from human love.
After two years, much prayer and discernment and advice from my directors I realized that consecrated life was not my vocation. I had not made any permanent promises so I went home. Part of the discernment was knowing that I needed someone as my companion who could love me in a very tangible way.
Now I am 22 and happily married to a wonderful Catholic man for 7 months! I am very fulfilled in my new vocation and now I understand that this is the vocation through which God wants to show me his love. My husband makes me very happy with his friendship and love, but he does not fill me completely. Christ is still the spouse of my soul and always will be! My husband is is there beside me to help me find God, to love me and make sure that I always find my fulfillment in God. (and me for him of course!)
I still feel lonely sometimes and I still have an emptiness in my heart if I try to have my husband fulfill me completely. Its the same heartache I had when I was discerning, when I was consecrated and now that I am married. This heartache is really just God’s voice calling us to love him more and let him love us more!
I think you just need to pray about it and make sure that Christ is at the very center of your heart. Then once you are very united to Him, and in his own time, He will let you know what his Will is. No matter what he is calling you to he wants to have your entire heart without any reservations and I’m sure he doesn’t want to wait until you are married, or until you are a nun to have it! He wants it now! Then I would look into whatever orders you are attracted to and take a short retreat with them if possible to pray about your vocation. If you have any other questions about discernment I would be happy to share how God worked in my soul with my discernment!
I’ll be praying for you!