Religiously mixed marriages/ relationships

[Godefridus]

There is a slim (slim) chance I may go on a date with a young woman who has a lot of things going for her, but she is not religious. In point of fact, though she is very intelligent and articulate, she knows next to nothing about religion at all (she couldn’t even tell you the difference between Catholic and Protestant).

I’ve created a poll here to gauge what are Catholics’ real situations. Advice is great, but this way I can get a picture of how those of you in mixed marriages/relationships are coping.

EDIT: I can only have ten choices in these polls, so this poll focuses on the non-Catholics I most commonly encounter: protestants and irreligious.

 

[4Squarebaby]

I’m not Catholic, the wife is from birth. So I didn’t vote. She does not enter boards like this one and is not one to debate I was raised nominally Methodist but considered myself an atheist for 20 years before I was born again.

 

[RichT]

I didn’t vote either as I was not Catholic but my wife was when we married. We had no issues getting along when it came to religion, but I was strong in my faith as a Christian. I became Catholic just before our 2nd daughter was born. FWIW, my wife wasn’t really a practicing Catholic when we married, in fact, after RCIA, I ended up clarifying a lot of things she didn’t know about or understand. We have both grown to be strong active Catholics.

You situation seems much different. It wont hurt to have a date with this young woman. Heck that might be the only one. If you do, and more dates come about, I would just make sure she knows how important your faith is. She’ll either run, or show interest. Just take it one step at a time.

 

[Kit15]

I’m married to a baptized Episcopalian turned Agnostic and things are going…pretty well. We’re happy and I voted as such.

(EDIT: Well darn…actually I voted for “Dating a non-religious person and happy.” but that should be “married”…not dating.)

Of course I’m not going to say “WHOOPIIEEE Things are going GREAT!” because, yes, we do have the inter-faith thing going on and it’s not perfect (but is any marriage perfect?).

But we have it better than a lot of other couples.

First off…my husband isn’t an angry Agnostic. He’s not a bitter person who was driven away by the church. He just doesn’t really think about spirituality. But he obviously has some love for the Church. We were married in the Catholic Church, he will attend Mass with me when I need him to (either while we travel, holidays, or during times of crisis), he is interested in learning more about it and has is willing to take an active role in passing it on to our children. He’ll wake me up Sundays so I won’t miss Mass. Not to mention the fact he’s actually into this whole NFP thing. I can talk to him about God without feeling like he’s looking down on me. He may not think about his own spiritual well being, but he seems to care about mine.

To be honest, I’m not usually treated this way by Agnostics…

A lot of people get sucked into the romantic idea of seeing past each others differences and falling in love. But we see the inter-faith aspect for what it is: an obstacle. This isn’t like being inter-racial where appearances are the “problem”. This goes much deeper and is much harder to work out. But one thing my husband is well aware of is that God comes first and there are things I cannot compromise on. He understands this…many people don’t “get it” and this can lead to some real issues. People who don’t believe in God sometimes have issues playing second fiddle to a being they’re not sure even exists.

So I wish you the best of luck on your potential date. I hope she is a very nice girl. Just try to keep things in perspective.

 

[smellymelly]

I am married to a non Christian. We never really discussed religion prior to marriage other than that being married in the church and baptizing our children Catholic was a MUST. I came from a nominal catholic family so I really didn’t see the big difference. Well flash forward 18 years and there are lots of differences. I have stronlgy embraced my faith and he is still atheist. It bothers me tremendously.

He never deters me from raising our children catholic (actually , he is very supportive). I think that if he was at least Christian it would make our very good marriage, great.

I pray daily for his conversion and hope someday that it will happen. I do wish it was sooner rather than later as I can see his lack of faith affecting our children.

Pray for him.

 

[chevalier]

I wouldn’t skip a non-religious person, but personally I couldn’t ever have sex knowing potentially abortifacient contraceptives were being used by the other person. Similarly, a pro-choice belief is not a great aphrodisiac to me.

 

[rick43235]

Your poll had no choice that reflects my situation so I couldn’t vote either.

I was raised in the Lutheran Church but have not practiced any religion for years. Four years ago I married a Catholic. We attend mass every week and are active in our parish, and while I have considered “converting,” I haven’t taken the necessary steps yet. To be honest, although I find inspiration in the mass and I enjoy being part of the parish community, I can’t really say that I believe everything the church teaches.

By the way, we are VERY happily married.

 

[Thomas63116]

I’m a Catholic engaged to a Lutheran woman. I didn’t vote in the poll because we are somewhere between “dating” and “married.” Also, I don’t think “bothered by religious differences” and “happy” are mutually exclusive. Our religious differences are sometimes a challenge for us. But they are also an opportunity for us to learn more about ourselves and each other and grow in understanding.

 

[takers]

I’m Catholic and dating a man who believes there’s a God but doesn’t necessarily believe in organized religion. He prays often, reads the bible, and goes to church with me when he knows it’s important to me (not every time). The difference in religion is one that we’ve definitely talked about and something that we will talk about more before getting married and especially before having children. He knows my views on raising kids with religion and I know his.

I wouldn’t say that you shouldn’t date someone with no religious feelings, but just make sure that you know what your wants and needs are and let those be known. I wouldn’t say bring it up on the first date but after a few dates maybe talk about your religious views and get a better handle on hers. If they seem compatible keep going, if not bow out of the relationship sooner rather than later.