Relying on Faith, not feelings

[marlap2]

I am struggling sometimes with my emotions, specifically anger, desolation, self-loathing, and finding it hard to believe that God loves me, even though in REALITY you understand, He reveals His love for me so many times.

I have had some bad memories of my past, and although I am in a constant state of working on having a forgiving soul, however, sometimes I allow myself to have a pity party. Not at all a good thing, for although I may appear to keep these feelings to myself, feeling sorry for myself almost always leads me to a sinful state. It feels almost as if I am abusing my soul. On the outside I smile. On the inside, I struggle.

In the practice of examining my conscience I’m becoming more aware that my emotions are directly tied to these actions. My good and holy confessor reminds my not to rely on feelings to make decisions, but faith.

I believe that he is completely right, but what I am asking for is this: Are there any writings from various Saints or Early Church Fathers that speak on this? I really want to get a handle on this to grow in holiness, not allow myself to go into self-imposed exile.

I try to go to confession at least once a month, unless I am struggling, which is what I’m trying to get a handle on. Thinking around this, probably the best thing I can do is find a spiritual director. But in the meantime, I would love some saint/father direction.

 

[Stephanie_B]

I found The Works of St John of the Cross to be helpful reading.
Will let you know if I think of any others that I think might be helpful
Pax Christi +

 

[CAshtn16]

Hi

After my family’s health trials I discovered that I couldn’t rely on ‘feeling’ God with me, relying solely on such a thing made things ten times worse. I found two things, one was that you just had to hang on and believe, and the other was expanding my horizon in terms of where I saw God.

Looking back, I learnt that we can see God in everything and everyone around us. A kind word, a thoughtful gesture mightn’t seem much in themselves, but I quickly learnt that God acts in ALL people in ALL situations.

The other thing I would say is please don’t do what I did for years and base your self-worth on other people’s opinions of you. You are God’s child, that is what you are, and you have infinite worth in His eyes, you are totally unique. What others think of you is irrelevant, if they try and offer you their opinion of your worth, just know that God’s opinion is all that matters

 

[marlap2]

I found The Works of St John of the Cross to be helpful reading.
Will let you know if I think of any others that I think might be helpful
Pax Christi +

Thank you for your response, Stephanie. I have read lots of Teresa of Avila, but not St. John/Cross. Maybe it’s time

 

[Jvrlns]

I found The Works of St John of the Cross to be helpful reading.
Will let you know if I think of any others that I think might be helpful
Pax Christi +

LOL. You take those words out of my mouth. I find St. Johns “nothings” particularly helpful:

To reach satisfaction in all
desire its possession in nothing.

To come to possess all
desire the possession of nothing.

To arrive at being all
desire to be nothing.

To come to the knowledge of all
desire the knowledge of nothing.

To come to the pleasure you have not
you must go by a way in which you enjoy not.

To come to the knowledge you have not
you must go by a way in which you know not.

To come to the possession you have not
you must go by a way in which you possess not.

To come to be what you are not
you must go by a way in which you are not.