Remarriage after Divorce

[MJJean]

Hang in there, you’re not the only one who finds the legalism a bit hard to swallow. I don’t get why the Church feels the need to annul another religion’s marriages, but whatever. Don’t worry about your ex not being willing to participate. The ex’s don’t have to participate. When my mom obtained her annulment, they never found my father, and he never participated. He probably doesn’t even know the marriage was annulled. It didn’t take very long at all, just a few months. So hang in there :hug1:

No, exes don’t have to participate, but it’s faster if they do.

In my case, I was told that policy is a letter by certified mail and then he has 30 days to respond. If he does not respond, they send another letter and wait another 30 days before proceeding without his (name removed by moderator)ut. The delay if my ex doesn’t respond would be a total of 2 months. That’s a long time to add to an already long and difficult process, especially when waiting to be able to convalidate and receive Sacraments.

In the case of Century, the process to annul her husbands first marriage would be sped up considerably if the ex wife could be located and would be willing to assist out of human kindness. The ex-wife could easily obtain and send copies of her marriage certificate and her divorce papers showing that she had been married and divorced sans annulment through the Church before she married Century’s husband. Here that type of case literally takes a few weeks to process.

 

[Rence]

No, exes don’t have to participate, but it’s faster if they do.

In my case, I was told that policy is a letter by certified mail and then he has 30 days to respond. If he does not respond, they send another letter and wait another 30 days before proceeding without his (name removed by moderator)ut. The delay if my ex doesn’t respond would be a total of 2 months. That’s a long time to add to an already long and difficult process, especially when waiting to be able to convalidate and receive Sacraments.

Well, I guess my mom was lucky. She got her decree in 6 months. But then again, she wasn’t in a hurry and had time to wait.

 

[MJJean]

Well, I guess my mom was lucky. She got her decree in 6 months. But then again, she wasn’t in a hurry and had time to wait.

Good for your mom. I am very happy for her. Heck, I am happy for anyone that’s aready gone through the process and made it out sane

Location makes a difference, too. Average time in my diocese is 12-18 months if there are no delays such as former spouse or witnesses not responding promptly. Some areas have a 2-3 year average wait. And, of course, each case is different and circumstances surrounding first marriages may make it possible for the tribunals to make decisions faster.

 

[Rence]

Good for your mom. I am very happy for her. Heck, I am happy for anyone that’s aready gone through the process and made it out sane

Location makes a difference, too. Average time in my diocese is 12-18 months if there are no delays such as former spouse or witnesses not responding promptly. Some areas have a 2-3 year average wait. And, of course, each case is different and circumstances surrounding first marriages may make it possible for the tribunals to make decisions faster.

That’s crazy. It’s no wonder the number of cohabitating and civil marriages for Catholics has increased.

 

[MJJean]

That’s crazy. It’s no wonder the number of cohabitating and civil marriages for Catholics has increased.

It’s a problem, for sure.

I know a few lapsed Catholics who have returned to the Church recently and have run into a coupe converts like myself who became interested in Catholicism after the election of Pope Francis. I imagine this is going on on a decently large scale and I am guessing a lot of lapsed Catholics and converts are trying to annul previous marriages. So, a rather long process is made longer due to an increase in cases.

From my understanding, the tribunals take such a long time to review cases and make decisions partly due to slow responses from spouses and witnesses and partly due to a simple lack of personnel. It would be a wonderful thing if the Church were able to increase staffing and therefore increase the speed at which cases are resolved, but I am sure that there isn’t enough $$ to be able to do so. It’s a difficult situation for all involved.

Those of us waiting on annulments feel cut off from full communion with Church and are upset by the length of time it takes to get annulments and move forward in our faith and the Church is concerned for our spiritual well-being and unable to do much to help us without a tribunal budget increase that it cannot afford.

During my research I have also found that in some places in the US the wait is over 4 years because the diocese is small and woefully understaffed or very large and handling too many cases. I am anxious and frustrated at the thought of waiting at least 12 months, but I am grateful at the same time that it will likely only be 12-18 months when so many others have to wait much longer. Not to mention that it was/is painful to be married to someone for 10 years only to find out during the process of me converting and my husband coming back that we aren’t married in the eyes of God and the Church. Its sometimes very difficult to wrap my mind around a decade plus of personal, social, and legal reality not being a spiritual reality.

I know without a doubt that various circumstances surrounding my first marriage make it cut and dried invalid. I couldn’t imagine how difficult the process must feel for those that don’t have the same reassurance of their outcome. With so many being unaware of what makes a marriage invalid feeling that there is nothing they can do to come back or come into the Church and with the long waits for tribunals to render a decision I can see why so many Catholics abandon the Church to go to other religions and why prospective converts just throw up their hands and walk away.

 

[century153]

Hang in there, you’re not the only one who finds the legalism a bit hard to swallow. I don’t get why the Church feels the need to annul another religion’s marriages, but whatever. Don’t worry about your ex not being willing to participate. The ex’s don’t have to participate. When my mom obtained her annulment, they never found my father, and he never participated. He probably doesn’t even know the marriage was annulled. It didn’t take very long at all, just a few months. So hang in there :hug1:

Wow! Thanks for all the response. I have so much to say but I’ll make it short. First, we were not sure where his ex was – he was married for a very short time and never contacted again. But, when I got my annulment I started to research where she was and went on spokeo to get an address. When I started to prepare to fill out the forms at least I had an address. In my case, my ex did not respond to anything from the Archdiocese - in fact, he sent back the last letter with a note “moved overseas”. They contacted me to confirm – I called my daughter and she said it was not true but that he (my ex) thought they were harassing him. I relayed the message – they said they would give him (I think) 30 days to respond and then they would approve the annulment.

So, if that’s any comfort to anyone – if the ex does not or refuses to participate - it may be easier.

Anyway, after the annulment I was careful not to jump into submitting anything because of certain situations that concerned me. I did not get the peace in my spirit to go ahead with it. So, I waited. After two years I have been praying off and on about it and this month I felt I should go ahead. So, as I was preparing to begin the process I felt the Lord prompting me to go online once again and look her up (in my spirit I can’t believe I heard obituary - but I know I was aware of it). Anyway, I believe that was August 17 – I stalled and finally went online to begin looking her up again – just trying to find out if she was remarried. After about 1/2 hour or so – I pulled up - her obituary. She died on August 17 – one year ago. I began to weep - it was so overwhelming because I have been praying for her for some time now. May she rest in peace. I feel so sad. I called my pastor and told him and he has begun the process of disparity of worship and then we have to go to the rectory for a marriage investigation, After that – we will be able to have our marriage approved by the Church. I am so amazed and overwhelmed - it is very hard to express my feelings here. She was very young and had young children. It is heartbreaking – but I trust in God that He knows what He is doing.

 

[MJJean]

So sad that the ex has passed and leaves behind young children.

I am happy for you, Century, in that you’ll be able to have your marriage convalidated, though.

 

[Catholic_Austin]

I just came across this thread and wanted to follow up with a question relating to my experience.

My brother married in a civil ceremony a lady who was previously married and had a child with another man. She never got an annulment of her first marriage.

My brother and this lady have produced several children of their own.

Q1: Is it proper for my children to address this lady as their “aunt”?
Q2: Should I ever clarify this situation with my children? If so, what should I tell them?
Q3: Knowing that this lady has not annulled her first marriage, should we avoid uncomfortable situations where my brother and her are overtly holding themselves as husband and wife?

Thanks in advance.