Remarriage for survival

  • Thread starter Thread starter bayoubutterfly
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
B

bayoubutterfly

Guest
what about single mothers who find it necessary for survival to get remarried again, whether or not they are Catholic or have an annulment. Married couples have hard enough time financially. Can people in that situation be blamed for trying to survive with a roof over their heads by getting remarried? Just something I was thinking about and wanted to get opinions. I’m lucky enough to make it ok so far, but not every single mother has the same opportunities that I have had.
 
Not certain I understand what you mean by if they are Catholic or have an annulment.

Do you mean that a Catholic who is divorced but was in a vaild (or an uninvestigated) marriage, should they get invalidly married for money? I would never advise someone to enter a state of sin just for money.

Times are hard, people all need to learn to pull together with family and friends to make sure no one has to compromise their moral state in order to pay rent.
 
kage_ar said:
Not certain I understand what you mean by if they are Catholic or have an annulment.

Do you mean that a Catholic who is divorced but was in a vaild (or an uninvestigated) marriage, should they get invalidly married for money? I would never advise someone to enter a state of sin just for money.

Times are hard, people all need to learn to pull together with family and friends to make sure no one has to compromise their moral state in order to pay rent.
Click to expand...
**What she said:thumbsup:

Plus we have to factor in culpability. For a mom in that situation who also KNOWS that it would be wrong, it could be a mortal sin. A mom in that situation who either doesn’t know how wrong it is or doesn’t know it is wrong at all would be less culpable. Still sinning, but… not sure how to word it. Kind of like stealing is always stealing but there is a difference between stealing food and stealing an ipod. **
 
yes, that is what I meant, but also non-catholic Christians also. I just see so many single moms who don’t have child support and all and wonder how they do it. I know a big reason for remarriage in these cases is to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. I don’t know, just something I was thinking about. I know I wouldn’t make it if I didn’t have child support.
 
There are many people who live alone, who struggle to make ends meet. Marriage is sacred. It is a Sacrament. It is never to be entered into lightly.
Let’s move into the practical. Divorce is messy. It is expensive and often leaves both parties in debt. Instead of turning to Christ, a woman turns to another man. She sees him as a provider. This second man also abandons her. Perhaps he physically abuses her and her children. She is in a worse situation than before. Even if abuse does not occur, can she be any more sure that this second marriage will survive? Consider the children and the sense of rejection they feel when a second relationship fails. Remarriage is adultery. What is the message you want to send your children?
Widows do not receive child support.
 
bayoubutterfly said:
I know I wouldn’t make it if I didn’t have child support.
Click to expand...
**
You can’t know that. God has a way of taking care of those who strive to follow His will. Surprise money at just the right time. A friend who really steps up when it’s crunch time. Relatives who you never thought you could count on suddenly offering major help…etc etc etc.

There are many sad situations and obviously free will has a lot to do with it. So I’m not saying that every single mom who is down on her luck is that way because she refuses to lives according to God’s will… bad stuff happens to good people all the time. But that can never justify doing something bad in return.

But for Catholic divorced or single moms the bar is set higher (assuming they understand their own faith). She must do everything in her power to do what is right. So if that means seeking an annulment for a marriage that she is concerned was not valid BEFORE starting to date then that is what she needs to do.

Too many women (men too, but that isn’t the point) wait to have their marriage investigated because they aren’t “planning” on remarrying. Then they find a great guy, fall in love, and want to marry him. Then they do not get a declaration of nullity. Instant heartbreak and a recipe for sin since she will most likely want to proceed to marry the man she has fallen in love with and who can provide for her and the kids.

If we try to follow God’s order for life we will be more at peace.**
 
bayoubutterfly said:
yes, that is what I meant, but also non-catholic Christians also. I just see so many single moms who don’t have child support and all and wonder how they do it. I know a big reason for remarriage in these cases is to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. I don’t know, just something I was thinking about. I know I wouldn’t make it if I didn’t have child support.
Click to expand...
When you meet these women, you can be a great example of surviving the struggle. Maybe your calling is to help women who are in that terrible position?
 
kage_ar said:
When you meet these women, you can be a great example of surviving the struggle. Maybe your calling is to help women who are in that terrible position?
Click to expand...
you maybe right, because even though I will probably try to get an annulment, I may not want to ever get remarried even if I get it
 
Another way to look at the issue is to look at why you got married in the first place. Is financial support the reason? Or more likely, was it because you found a person whom you believed shared your values and dreams? Marriage is hard work. Regardless of financial security, it takes a lot of work from both partners in the relationship. It requires inviting God into the relationship.
 
KCtheMommy said:
You don’t KNOW it either.
Click to expand...
**
Never claimed to:confused:. Is there something wrong with pointing out that the Big Guy is in charge? If we try to do His will in our lives we will find peace. Maybe we will struggle financially, maybe we will go through some really terrible things… but time on earth is very short compared to eternity.**
 
I have a question. What if both of the potential spouses are aware of the woman’s reason to wanting to get married? Would it still make the marrige invalid?
 
smile2_me said:
I have a question. What if both of the potential spouses are aware of the woman’s reason to wanting to get married? Would it still make the marrige invalid?
Click to expand...
**If the ONLY reason she wanted to marry was for financial security, yes.

It doesn’t matter if the two people agree on something if it is objectively wrong. Like if both people decide to enter into a marriage while they have decided not to be open to having children. Invalid.**

If she is still validly married (in the eyes of the Church) to her ex then a new marriage could not be valid no matter what the couple’s intent.
 
smile2_me said:
I have a question. What if both of the potential spouses are aware of the woman’s reason to wanting to get married? Would it still make the marrige invalid?
Click to expand...
That is a very interesting question.

The Church requires these things of those seeking marriage (from the CCC in Italics below):

1625* The parties to a marriage covenant are a baptized man and woman, free to contract marriage, who freely express their consent; “to be free” means: *
*- not being under constraint; *
*- not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law. *

1626* The Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be the indispensable element that "makes the marriage."127 If consent is lacking there is no marriage. *

1627 The consent consists in a “human act by which the partners mutually give themselves to each other”: “I take you to be my wife” - "I take you to be my husband."128 This consent that binds the spouses to each other finds its fulfillment in the two "becoming one flesh."129 *
1628 The consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties, free of coercion or grave external fear.130 No human power can substitute for this consent.131 If this freedom is lacking the marriage is invalid.*

*************** end of CCC citation **************

As long as the parties involved meet the conditions set out above, a marriage can be valid. If they are free to marry, have full consent, knowledge of the permanance of marriage, consumate the marriage and are open to life in that consumation, a marriage of “convenience” can be vaild.

Contrary to popular belief, romantic love is not required for a valid marriage to be contracted.
 
Contrary to popular belief, romantic love is not required for a valid marriage to be contracted.

What is important for a marriage to be valid is free consent. It could be argued that marriage strictly for the financial support it might bring is not valid because the “financial need” is blocking the free will consent. In any case, how does being a gold digger, marrying for financial support, differ from prostitution?
What man wants to be married for his money? How long would such a relationship last?
 
well I have a few points:

One is that someone mention that widows don’t get child support. True, unless a life insurance policy is provided. However, a widow is allowed to remarry with no problem, so it isn’t the same as a divorce.

Second, up until very recently in the course of the human existence, romantic love was was not a main reason for marriage. Most marriages WERE for convenience because it took a family to farm land, etc, etc.

Again, like so many have said that they KNOW that according to Canon law their marriage was invaild, but for lack of information, etc, they are not able to get annulments. It’s a very slippery slope sometimes, IMO

PS, and when I say marry for money, I don’t mean a woman being a gold digger. I mean a woman who struggles to provide food and shelter for herself and her kids, but is a good woman and can be a good wife, she just happened to be divorce for reasons sometimes out of her control. It happens all the time. Not every has family to fall back on…it’s sad
 
We can go back to the words of scripture when Christ said that a man who divorces his wife causes her to commit adultery. Women at that time did not have access to work opportunities. They were dependent on family in order to live and survive.
Marriage, until proven otherwise, is considered valid and therefore indissoluble. With the focus on annulments, Matrimony as Sacrament is often overlooked. I recently read that 85% of divorced Catholics do not choose to seek annulments. Of those who do, half are granted (7%). In any discussion of marriage as Catholics, we need to look beyond the pragmatic and into the sacred. Despite the difficulties faced, many Catholics do choose fidelity to Christ and to spouses over what appears as a solution to either financial difficulties or loneliness. This faithfulness is not running away from the day to day realities of life that many face.
It is true that widows and widowers can remarry. There is no guarantee that they will find a new spouse any more there is certainty that a person will marry in the first place. A person can recognize the temptation without sanctioning marriage for financial support. No marriage should be entered into lightly.
 
DebChris said:
We can go back to the words of scripture when Christ said that a man who divorces his wife causes her to commit adultery. Women at that time did not have access to work opportunities.
Click to expand...
Exactly, and for women who do/did not have family to help, does/did God have more compassion and understanding for women who remarried for survival rather than they just wanted a different spouse. That is the key question I ask. 🙂
 
bayoubutterfly said:
Exactly, and for women who do/did not have family to help, does/did God have more compassion and understanding for women who remarried for survival rather than they just wanted a different spouse. That is the key question I ask. 🙂
Click to expand...
We can look at the compassion that Christ had for the Samaritan woman at the well.
Remarriage for survival still sets up the woman, no matter how noble her intentions, for continued heartache. This “self-sacrifice” is a failure in self-love. A woman who holds out against this temptation teaches her children a valuable lesson in personal value. There is more to life than financial security.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top