It is obvious that you are hurting, and the pain you are feeling is very real and quite debilitating so: Please call your doctor-
You might begin to feel better if you have some help dealing with the grief and depression you are feeling.
No one dies of a broken heart-do not let yourself continue to be a victim- forgive yourself, forgive your husband-you will be tied to him for the rest of your son’s life.
Most of all, beg God’s forgiveness that you are angry with Him and that you are falling into despair.
Your wailing about life not being worth living is an insult to God and to your son. Your life and that of you son belongs to God.
Dry your tears, trust in the Lord Jesus.
Things will get better-have patience with yourself.
Think about how your behavior is/can be affecting your son.
Not easy at all-but it is doable-
Be grateful for all God has given you.
Perhaps God has a different plan for you than the one that you want right now-
Praying for your family.
Peace be with you