T
tlwheel
Guest
Dear Friends,
My heart is breaking as I write this post. I thank you in advance for reading
this entire story and trying to help me in my search for answers. My parents were married many decades ago upon learning they conceived their first child out of wedlock. In that day, my father was Catholic and my mother was not. I do not believe that my father at that time was regularly attending mass or penance. Nor were his father and mother who were consumed by alcoholism through the young lives of their children. My father had not returned to the church until some years later after my brother and I were old enough to begin receiving the sacraments, my father felt he should go back to church and take his children and raise them in the faith. However, he was confronted with the issue of his
marriage to my mother who did not want to become Catholic. My father took all of
us one evening on a family outing to another local Catholic church so that he could
speak to the priest there and ask him some questions about this. My parents
wanted to be married in the Catholic church, but the church not only refused them,
they told my father he could not even receive the sacrament of penance or holy
communion ever again. Despite this my father took my brother and to church,
worked with the local priest to have us baptised when we were 10 years old, then
made us also attend Sunday School so that we would be able to have our First
Sacrament of Reconciliation and our First Holy Communion. At that time, I was too
young to understand what was happening. I continued in my Catholic training until
my father lost desire to continue going to mass and neither my brother or I went through confirmation.
Fast forward to year 2011, my parents are celebrating a milestone marriage anniversary. Upon attending my daughters (their oldest granddaughter) wedding this year, my father felt once again inspired to renew his faith and return to the Catholic church and begin going to mass. In addition, he and my mother wanted to try once again to have a wedding type service to renew their vowels in the Catholic Church. The priest they are working with is well past retirement age, but still serving this parish. He assured my father since he hadnt attended any other Catholic church or any church at all, his membership remained active. The priest agreed at first to do their renewal of vowels. Upon initially interviewing my parents, he asked them explicit details about their current physical intimacy in their marriage among other questions. Highly uncomfortable, my parents answered him because they respected he must have needed this information. He told them he needed a few things, an original marriage certificate from the courthouse where they were married and they needed 2 people to meet with him, to testify to their character. This was completed. Now several months after their initial interview, my parents have been faithfully attending mass every week and excitedly planning this service. They have been so happy and excited to be a part of the Catholic church to and have this ceremony. This was very special tine for my family to be at the church all my aunts and my father.This past week my parents decided that since the last person went to meet with the priest to attest to their character, they should go and find out costs of having the service to pay for the church use and organist, etc. None of this had been communicated to them after all these months. The priest, after learning they wanted to invite all of their friends and townspeople, the priest became highly upset. He expressed with great anxiety and scolding that they were only being permitted a quiet small ceremony no more than a few guests, my mother was to wear a normal dress, not anything like a wedding gown, and there would be no wedding march. My parents explained they did have to order invitations, and are already printed. He wanted to know exactly what was worded on them and scolded them again. He then called a few of his people, and told my parents they are to do nothing more with the church for now until they hear from him. My parents are distraught. They didnt know they were doing anything wrong. The amount of judgment and lack of concern is very concerning to me. Even more concerning to me is that my father has received no instruction to renew his faith sacraments, he still has not gone to confession and does not receive communion; nor has my mother been asked to join the Catholic church. I am now concerned that not only is this ceremony not going to happen, but that my father will forever give up on the church and his faith in Christ:crying:. I am also alarmed by this priest. I understand he has protocol he must follow. But for heavens sakes, why not talk to my parents about these protocols, and help them understand? Also, if my father were to pass away, which is of concern to me that he is ill and may be dying, that I will not feel comfortable that this Catholic priest or the church has any concern for him and will deny to perform a funeral service for him, especially since there seems to be no concern to help him renew his walk of faith. I am praying with many tears over this. It seems absolutely wrong to me that they would be treated so harshly and without compassion. Please help me understand why this may be happening and is there anything I can do to help? I have considered making a request to meet with this priest to act as a mediator and try to smooth out the situation, but I fear by his emotional reactions that he may be unwilling to discuss to any positive resolution. My father has told me that if this priest refuses to do the service, he does not want to try to appeal to the Bishop, of which I recommended, he says that even if the bishop helped him, he
felt there would be daggers behind his back and he would rather leave the church.
Please help! :crying:
My heart is breaking as I write this post. I thank you in advance for reading
this entire story and trying to help me in my search for answers. My parents were married many decades ago upon learning they conceived their first child out of wedlock. In that day, my father was Catholic and my mother was not. I do not believe that my father at that time was regularly attending mass or penance. Nor were his father and mother who were consumed by alcoholism through the young lives of their children. My father had not returned to the church until some years later after my brother and I were old enough to begin receiving the sacraments, my father felt he should go back to church and take his children and raise them in the faith. However, he was confronted with the issue of his
marriage to my mother who did not want to become Catholic. My father took all of
us one evening on a family outing to another local Catholic church so that he could
speak to the priest there and ask him some questions about this. My parents
wanted to be married in the Catholic church, but the church not only refused them,
they told my father he could not even receive the sacrament of penance or holy
communion ever again. Despite this my father took my brother and to church,
worked with the local priest to have us baptised when we were 10 years old, then
made us also attend Sunday School so that we would be able to have our First
Sacrament of Reconciliation and our First Holy Communion. At that time, I was too
young to understand what was happening. I continued in my Catholic training until
my father lost desire to continue going to mass and neither my brother or I went through confirmation.
Fast forward to year 2011, my parents are celebrating a milestone marriage anniversary. Upon attending my daughters (their oldest granddaughter) wedding this year, my father felt once again inspired to renew his faith and return to the Catholic church and begin going to mass. In addition, he and my mother wanted to try once again to have a wedding type service to renew their vowels in the Catholic Church. The priest they are working with is well past retirement age, but still serving this parish. He assured my father since he hadnt attended any other Catholic church or any church at all, his membership remained active. The priest agreed at first to do their renewal of vowels. Upon initially interviewing my parents, he asked them explicit details about their current physical intimacy in their marriage among other questions. Highly uncomfortable, my parents answered him because they respected he must have needed this information. He told them he needed a few things, an original marriage certificate from the courthouse where they were married and they needed 2 people to meet with him, to testify to their character. This was completed. Now several months after their initial interview, my parents have been faithfully attending mass every week and excitedly planning this service. They have been so happy and excited to be a part of the Catholic church to and have this ceremony. This was very special tine for my family to be at the church all my aunts and my father.This past week my parents decided that since the last person went to meet with the priest to attest to their character, they should go and find out costs of having the service to pay for the church use and organist, etc. None of this had been communicated to them after all these months. The priest, after learning they wanted to invite all of their friends and townspeople, the priest became highly upset. He expressed with great anxiety and scolding that they were only being permitted a quiet small ceremony no more than a few guests, my mother was to wear a normal dress, not anything like a wedding gown, and there would be no wedding march. My parents explained they did have to order invitations, and are already printed. He wanted to know exactly what was worded on them and scolded them again. He then called a few of his people, and told my parents they are to do nothing more with the church for now until they hear from him. My parents are distraught. They didnt know they were doing anything wrong. The amount of judgment and lack of concern is very concerning to me. Even more concerning to me is that my father has received no instruction to renew his faith sacraments, he still has not gone to confession and does not receive communion; nor has my mother been asked to join the Catholic church. I am now concerned that not only is this ceremony not going to happen, but that my father will forever give up on the church and his faith in Christ:crying:. I am also alarmed by this priest. I understand he has protocol he must follow. But for heavens sakes, why not talk to my parents about these protocols, and help them understand? Also, if my father were to pass away, which is of concern to me that he is ill and may be dying, that I will not feel comfortable that this Catholic priest or the church has any concern for him and will deny to perform a funeral service for him, especially since there seems to be no concern to help him renew his walk of faith. I am praying with many tears over this. It seems absolutely wrong to me that they would be treated so harshly and without compassion. Please help me understand why this may be happening and is there anything I can do to help? I have considered making a request to meet with this priest to act as a mediator and try to smooth out the situation, but I fear by his emotional reactions that he may be unwilling to discuss to any positive resolution. My father has told me that if this priest refuses to do the service, he does not want to try to appeal to the Bishop, of which I recommended, he says that even if the bishop helped him, he
felt there would be daggers behind his back and he would rather leave the church.
Please help! :crying:
