renewal of vows

[kristie_m]

Hi

My husband and I were talking the other day about what we wanted to do for our 10th anniversary. We’re planning ahead a bit, because we want to do something a little more meaningful than go out to a fancy dinner . I suggested that we renew our vows. But I’ve been looking at a lot of stuff on line, and it seems like that’s only done for “big” anniversaries, like 25th or 50th. Is ten years too soon? And what if we want to do it again at 25 years?

Also, I’m wondering what the procedure is for this? Is it generally done during the Mass, or something separate for just friends and family?

In my parish, each week before the final blessing, they’ll do birthday and anniversary blessings, but this does not include an actual renewal of vows, which is what we were looking for. Any advice? thanks in advance.

 

[Phemie]

Hi

My husband and I were talking the other day about what we wanted to do for our 10th anniversary. We’re planning ahead a bit, because we want to do something a little more meaningful than go out to a fancy dinner . I suggested that we renew our vows. But I’ve been looking at a lot of stuff on line, and it seems like that’s only done for “big” anniversaries, like 25th or 50th. Is ten years too soon? And what if we want to do it again at 25 years?

Also, I’m wondering what the procedure is for this? Is it generally done during the Mass, or something separate for just friends and family?

In my parish, each week before the final blessing, they’ll do birthday and anniversary blessings, but this does not include an actual renewal of vows, which is what we were looking for. Any advice? thanks in advance.

Talk to your priest.

Any occasion is good for a renewal of vows, but I wouldn’t do it too often or it becomes something less than special. In my parish they will do a renewal of vows right after the homily at any weekday Mass or the anticipated Sunday Mass.

 

[diggerdomer]

Talk to your priest.

Any occasion is good for a renewal of vows, but I wouldn’t do it too often or it becomes something less than special. In my parish they will do a renewal of vows right after the homily at any weekday Mass or the anticipated Sunday Mass.

Ditto.

Unfortunately, my wife and I wanted to do this to celebrate our 20th anniversary. We planned a weekend vacation and went back to the city we were married in, and called the Cathedral at which we were married to inquire about the possibility.

I am sad to say the priest never returned our call despite our voice mail and conversation with the person answering the phone. We went to Mass there anyway, of course, while we were in town, but we were both very disappointed at the lack of pastoral sensitivity.

Anyway, I’m not complaining but rather encouraging you to pursue what you think will be meaningful and beneficial for your marriage, regardless of any obstacles you might unfortunately encounter.

Congratulations and best wishes for your marriage.

 

[John_Lilburne]

…In my parish, each week before the final blessing, they’ll do birthday and anniversary blessings, but this does not include an actual renewal of vows, which is what we were looking for. …

I don’t think there is a Roman Catholic ceremony for the renewal of wedding vows.

The Book of Blessings has “Orders for the Blessing of a Married Couple”. It includes: “96. Then the celebrant invites the couple to pray in silence and to renew before God their sacred matrimonial commitment to each other.” (Book of Blessings, Liturgical Press, Minnesota, 1989, ISBN 0-8146-1875-8, page 21.)

Another part of the ceremony is: “Or if the couple renews the exchange of rings, the celebrant says the following prayer of blessing. …”. But there are no words given for the couple to say as part of this, except “Amen” at the end of the prayer.

Regarding when this blessing takes place, the Book of Blessings has:
“90 A major wedding anniversary, for example, the 25th, 50th, or 60th, is a fitting occasion for a special remembrance of the sacrament of marriage by means of the celebration of the proper Mass and prayers provided in the Roman Missal. [footnote 4: See Roman Missal, Ritual Masses: Wedding Mass, 2. The Anniversary of Marriage].”

It then explains that the blessing can take place in Mass or in a ceremony Outside Mass. Then: “92 A married couple may also request a blessing at a time other than an anniversary for the special needs of their lives or for such occasions as retreats or pilgrimages.”

 

[Phemie]

I don’t think there is a Roman Catholic ceremony for the renewal of wedding vows.

Yes there is. It’s included in the Marriage ritual book.

 

[FrDavid96]

The Collectio Rituum (a “pocket” version of the Roman Ritual) has a “Blessing for Wedding Anniversaries.” Although this isn’t called a “renewal of vows” there is a renewal of vows within the ceremony.

Sacerdos: N., do you renew and confirm your taking of N. here present for your wedded wife?

Sponsus: I do.

The same is repeated for the wife (of course!, but no need to type it out)

It’s a very nice blessing.

 

[John_Lilburne]

I don’t think a renewal of wedding vows is included in the Rite of Marriage book.

Which chapter?
Chapter 1: Rite for Celebrating Marriage During Mass.
Chapter 2: Rite for Celebrating Marriage Outside Mass.
Chapter 3: Rite for Celebrating Marriage Between a Catholic and a Unbaptized Person
Chapter 4: Texts for Use in the Marriage Rite and in the Wedding Mass

My other problem is the logic of repeating the vows. For example:
“N., do you take N. to be your wife? Do you promise to be true to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and honor her all the days of your life?”
The promise has already been made. There is a not an opportunity to reconsider.

However the rubrics for the ceremony for blessing the married couple include:
“93 While maintaining the structure and chief elements of the rite, the minister should adapt the celebration to the circumstances of the place and the married couple and the families involved.”

 

[Phemie]

I don’t think it is.

Which chapter?
Chapter 1: Rite for Celebrating Marriage During Mass.
Chapter 2: Rite for Celebrating Marriage Outside Mass.
Chapter 3: Rite for Celebrating Marriage Between a Catholic and a Unbaptized Person
Chapter 4: Texts for Use in the Marriage Rite and in the Wedding Mass

My other problem is the logic of repeating the vows. For example:
“N., do you take N. to be your wife? Do you promise to be true to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and honor her all the days of your life?”
The promise has already been made. There is a not an opportunity to reconsider.

I’ll look when I get back to work tomorrow, but I know it’s there since I looked it up very recently. Mine is the Canadian Ritual and it includes a section for anniversaries and renewal of vows. It’s a renewal, not a repetition of the original vows. The text is slightly different.

 

[Mattapoisett64]

Our 25th is later this year, and our priest has already offered to preside at a renewal of vows. But from this thread I’m getting a concern that doing so would be a liturgical abuse, or least an unapproved invention…

 

[Phemie]

Our 25th is later this year, and our priest has already offered to preside at a renewal of vows. But from this thread I’m getting a concern that doing so would be a liturgical abuse, or least an unapproved invention…

NO, it’s not an abuse, it’s a rite provided for by the Church and it’s particularly appropriate on major anniversaries.

 

[FrDavid96]

Our 25th is later this year, and our priest has already offered to preside at a renewal of vows. But from this thread I’m getting a concern that doing so would be a liturgical abuse, or least an unapproved invention…

If the priest is using an approved ritual, you have nothing to be concerned about, and everything to look forward to.

 

[FrDavid96]

This is from the Roman Ritual, Celebration of a Silver or Golden Wedding Anniversary

I think it’s fair to say that it might also be done on a different-year anniversary as well.

The Roman Ritual suggests that it be done at Mass, after the Gospel and a brief homily (and yes, it’s a suggestion not a requirement) rather than after the Mass is concluded.

Within this rite of blessing, we have the Renewal of the Marriage Vows

The jubilarians join their right hands and repeat after the priest, the man first:

I, N.N., reaffirm my marriage vow of twenty-five (fifty) years ago, and rededicate myself in the same spirit that I once took you, N.N., for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.

This is of course, a different version than the one found in the Collectio Rituum, so I thought it worthwhile to post both.

 

[tinalewis]

My husband and I renew our wedding vows every year on our anniversary or close to it. It is always special. We take photos and it’s a wonderful record of our married life. Up until last year we renewed our vows each year with the same Protestant minister who married us, but last year we were married in the Catholic Church. So, we’re renewing our Catholic marriage vows tomorrow at the regular weekday Mass. It won’t take long and it has so much meaning for us, especially since my husband just came into the church at Easter Vigil this year.

I highly recommend renewing vows - in fact I don’t know of any other way of celebrating a wedding anniversary. We always did it this way. My mother-in-law thinks I’m so clever as to be a bride every year. Now if only I could still fit into my original wedding outfit . . . .

 

[ewahawaii]

I am Catholic. My wife goes to Calvary Chapel, a non-denomination church.

We were married in a Catholic Church 7 years ago. My wife wants to renew our vows in her church on our 10th anniversary. In her words, “it’s only fair”. What is the Catholic Church stance on this?? Will it be ok to do this?

 

[bpbasilphx]

I am Catholic. My wife goes to Calvary Chapel, a non-denomination church.

We were married in a Catholic Church 7 years ago. My wife wants to renew our vows in her church on our 10th anniversary. In her words, “it’s only fair”. What is the Catholic Church stance on this?? Will it be ok to do this?

Since it’s not a sacramenetal act, I don’t see a problem.

 

[FrDavid96]

I am Catholic. My wife goes to Calvary Chapel, a non-denomination church.

We were married in a Catholic Church 7 years ago. My wife wants to renew our vows in her church on our 10th anniversary. In her words, “it’s only fair”. What is the Catholic Church stance on this?? Will it be ok to do this?

That really depends upon exactly what’s expected to happen. What I mean by that is that we can say that if a Catholic does what’s in the Catholic ritual books (like the anniversary celebrations quoted above) that it would be fine. But without knowing just what might happen at the ceremony you’re asking about, no one can actually give an answer.

It would probably be fine unless any of the following would apply:
–It’s done in such a way as to imply that the Catholic marriage wasn’t sufficient–that the marriage isn’t “complete” until the vows are said in both places. This usually only happens when a couple wants to make their vows again immediately afterwards (not likely after 10 years)
–It’s done in a way which implies that the marriage needs to be renewed (in other words, as if the first vows had somehow “expired”), or this is somehow a “new” marriage

The second point may seem unlikely, but I’ve often heard of this being done by couples who are having some problems, and want to repeat their marriage ceremony to “start over again.” Although that’s not what you’re asking about, a problem might arise in the words themselves.

Here’s what I mean. In the Catholic ceremony, one spouse says “I reaffirm my marriage vow…” or the priest says “Do you renew and confirm…”

If the protestant ceremony says “do you take… for your wife/husband” that would be a problem. A protestant community might not have a set ceremony for renewing vows, and the minister might simply say “let’s take the wedding ritual and simply repeat the same words.” That would be problematic, and quite frankly it’s the most likely thing to happen.

The bottom line is that you need to proceed with a little caution here, and ask just why are you doing this. Are you reaffirming the vows, or making new vows? The former is fine, the later is a problem.

 

[ewahawaii]

Thank you Father David. I fully understand your explanation. And I do agree that it will be REAFFIRMING our vows instead of making new ones.

I will definitely explain to my wife my stance.

Appreciate you getting back to me!
Aloha!

 

[Augusta_Sans]

My husband and I are working to reconcile after civil divorced (not annulment). I know it’s unnecessary, but would it be appropriate to ask our priest to perform blessing/ceremony of vow reaffirmation (as described here)? I don’t think we’re “ready” for it quite yet, but I know hearing me reaffirm my commitment to him would be a great comfort to my husband, especially considering the ordeal that our marriage has been through.

Does such a ceremony/blessing require witnesses? Does it need to take place inside a Church or associated with a Mass?

 

[FrDavid96]

My husband and I are working to reconcile after civil divorced (not annulment). I know it’s unnecessary, but would it be appropriate to ask our priest to perform blessing/ceremony of vow reaffirmation (as described here)? I don’t think we’re “ready” for it quite yet, but I know hearing me reaffirm my commitment to him would be a great comfort to my husband, especially considering the ordeal that our marriage has been through.

Does such a ceremony/blessing require witnesses? Does it need to take place inside a Church or associated with a Mass?

Whether or not it would be appropriate is much too personal a question for anyone to provide answers on an internet forum, out of respect for your privacy. It certainly might be appropriate, and sure you can ask the priest to consider it. I’m a little cautious here because this blessing is not intended to be something used by couples who are trying to “start over again” but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done as such. It’s something very personal that you’ll have to discuss with the priest.

There are no witnesses required. It doesn’t have to happen inside a church, and doesn’t have to be associated with a Mass (though it could on all points).

You might want to request the priest to do some other kind of blessing that would be more appropriate for “where you are now” as you continue to consider the reaffirmation of vows blessing for later.

 

[CSUNGerrie]

Hi

My husband and I were talking the other day about what we wanted to do for our 10th anniversary. We’re planning ahead a bit, because we want to do something a little more meaningful than go out to a fancy dinner . I suggested that we renew our vows. But I’ve been looking at a lot of stuff on line, and it seems like that’s only done for “big” anniversaries, like 25th or 50th. Is ten years too soon? And what if we want to do it again at 25 years?

Also, I’m wondering what the procedure is for this? Is it generally done during the Mass, or something separate for just friends and family?

In my parish, each week before the final blessing, they’ll do birthday and anniversary blessings, but this does not include an actual renewal of vows, which is what we were looking for. Any advice? thanks in advance.

It was my understanding that we renew our vows every time we are engaged in the marital embrace. You essentially, consummate the marriage once again by following the prescribed formula for a marriage found in Genesis. I may have misunderstood the idea. In any regard, if you want to check out the source here it is: biblechristiansociety.com/download download the file titled, “Marriage and the Eucharist.” It is an amazing! Catholic perspective in the two becoming one flesh.