Repressing my call 'cause I'm too young!

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Bebekoualy

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Hi everybody!

What a blessing to be there, I love this website and sharing is so good for me! (Sorry, this message was written when I was very upset and moved)

Well, let’s talk a bit about my problem… :gopray:
I’m nineteen, I converted two years and half ago, so that’s quite new. 😦 I was a pagan before.
I can’t deny the fact that I’m really attracted to religious life, especially a **contemplative **life.
I’m trying to find out for one year and half. I made several retreats, I spent a month to a monastery in England to improve my English & there was a monastic week…

I hang out at making retreats to the same place in my native country (France). I pray a lot, I spend at least 4 days a month to that place I really love and I can’t get rid of that feeling. I’m in love with that French monastery. ❤️ ❤️ I do my best to help the nuns by promoting them with Internet 'cause they dunno how to use it well, etc. I help them with voluntary work sometimes (handmade works like jam, etc.) and I pray daily for the community (but they might doubt it). I’m young. I can do lots of things they aren’t able to.

I’m young, only 19, but much more mature. People think I’ve seen a great deal of life 'cause of my painful past. The youngest in the community is 41. The oldest is 92. I’m quite afraid because there’s a big gap between us. They see me as a baby. That’s what the youngest member of the community told me, teasing me like usual. But at the same time, they all tell me that I’ve got an inner big strengh, that I’m very mature, etc.

I can’t help crying while thinking about some things. :tissues: My heart is bursting because I’m really in love, I do want to find out to that place. Why am I so in love? I can’t help going there, even if there are 3 hours in public transports just to have 1 hour of prayer.

I asked to go to the cloister just to “see” a bit their lives, and they didn’t let me in. :gopray2: That isn’t fair 'cause they let girls a bit older than I am (about 21) in, and the sisters are in other young people’s favour but not with me. They let unknown people in and not me, whom they know well.
As if they were discriminating me. They might think it’s too dangerous to let me in cause I might never want to go out. That’s what I was told.

I also heard : She isn’t discerning yet. She just reached legal age. She’s too young, she can’t find out now. She must finish her study and work a bit afterwards.

The point is that I’ve got to wait at least two years to finish my study. I can do that. But I’ve got to go abroad for one year, and it seems to be impossible to upset that equilibrium. I can’t stop going to that monastery. During the whole summer, I cried not to be there. I couldn’t find out if I were miles away. How can I go through that?

To work, that’s so hard to find a job, and I’ve no idea what to do! I wouldn’t start a job I dislike before going in. I can only become a teacher or a translator. A Teacher nowadays is like being murdered (esp. in France) cause I’m not strong enough. A Translator, you must be known, just like writer, artist, singer…

I don’t know what to do. It’s not fair to be so young! I’d like to be 3 years older! :nope: Tell me, please, why they’re so strict with me. Is is because it’s written in the Rule of St Benedict to repulse those who might have a vocational call?
 
Keep your eyes on Jesus Christ and all will be well!

I was in a very similar situation to yours. I was a convert, filled with love and zeal. I searched and studied various religious communities, but discovered the Sisters of St. Joseph was the one community that I really felt called to…go figure, this was the one community where the Sisters in charge (of vocations and formation) really did not seem to want me; they set up obstacles at every turn and actually said and did some hurtful things. They required that I graduate from college, set up my own apartment, and live “a year on my own” before they’d consider me to enter.
Now, of course, many of the “regular” Sisters (those not in charge of things) were VERY good and kind to me. Some even asked why I didn’t just go join a different community when this one was being “not very nice”. I said, “Because I AM a Sister of St. Joseph!” Many a tear was shed by me and by others during this seeming LONG time of trial (four plus years).

I graduated from college, got an apartment, lived a year “on my own” as a school teacher, and was finally allowed to enter. On August 6th, I celebrated ten years as a Sister of St. Joseph. I will assure you, good things come to those who wait…“like gold that is tested in fire”! 🙂 Many who have a very easy time with no struggle may leave with the first problem or disagreement…those who have been tested develop tremendous strength and reliance on the Lord; when He is all you have, you come to love Him more and more.

Hang on, live, love, and serve, and it will come to you…I’ve been there!

God bless!
 
Bebekoualy said:
Hi everybody!

What a blessing to be there, I love this website and sharing is so good for me! (Sorry, this message was written when I was very upset and moved)

Well, let’s talk a bit about my problem… :gopray:
I’m nineteen, I converted two years and half ago, so that’s quite new. 😦 I was a pagan before.
I can’t deny the fact that I’m really attracted to religious life, especially a **contemplative **life.
I’m trying to find out for one year and half. I made several retreats, I spent a month to a monastery in England to improve my English & there was a monastic week…

I hang out at making retreats to the same place in my native country (France). I pray a lot, I spend at least 4 days a month to that place I really love and I can’t get rid of that feeling. I’m in love with that French monastery. ❤️ ❤️ I do my best to help the nuns by promoting them with Internet 'cause they dunno how to use it well, etc. I help them with voluntary work sometimes (handmade works like jam, etc.) and I pray daily for the community (but they might doubt it). I’m young. I can do lots of things they aren’t able to.

I’m young, only 19, but much more mature. People think I’ve seen a great deal of life 'cause of my painful past. The youngest in the community is 41. The oldest is 92. I’m quite afraid because there’s a big gap between us. They see me as a baby. That’s what the youngest member of the community told me, teasing me like usual. But at the same time, they all tell me that I’ve got an inner big strengh, that I’m very mature, etc.

I can’t help crying while thinking about some things. :tissues: My heart is bursting because I’m really in love, I do want to find out to that place. Why am I so in love? I can’t help going there, even if there are 3 hours in public transports just to have 1 hour of prayer.

I asked to go to the cloister just to “see” a bit their lives, and they didn’t let me in. :gopray2: That isn’t fair 'cause they let girls a bit older than I am (about 21) in, and the sisters are in other young people’s favour but not with me. They let unknown people in and not me, whom they know well.
As if they were discriminating me. They might think it’s too dangerous to let me in cause I might never want to go out. That’s what I was told.

I also heard : She isn’t discerning yet. She just reached legal age. She’s too young, she can’t find out now. She must finish her study and work a bit afterwards.

The point is that I’ve got to wait at least two years to finish my study. I can do that. But I’ve got to go abroad for one year, and it seems to be impossible to upset that equilibrium. I can’t stop going to that monastery. During the whole summer, I cried not to be there. I couldn’t find out if I were miles away. How can I go through that?

To work, that’s so hard to find a job, and I’ve no idea what to do! I wouldn’t start a job I dislike before going in. I can only become a teacher or a translator. A Teacher nowadays is like being murdered (esp. in France) cause I’m not strong enough. A Translator, you must be known, just like writer, artist, singer…

I don’t know what to do. It’s not fair to be so young! I’d like to be 3 years older! :nope: Tell me, please, why they’re so strict with me. Is is because it’s written in the Rule of St Benedict to repulse those who might have a vocational call?
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I can really relate to your longing and to your search. “sr snowflake” posted some good advice. Also there are many things you can do in the meanwhile for instance …
  1. Obtain a Good Spiritual Director…[Not only to confirm your journey but to keep you on the right path and to be there for you in your low points and high points]
    Maybe confirm with your director that this is the community for you… if it is ask him [or her] what you might do in the meanwhile while waiting??? If you do have to wait?? What things might you do to fill your time??? ie get involved with vocations with your parish?? or catechetical work etc?? In other words seek outside confirmation that this community is for you?? If it is then as sr snowflake said??? be at peace and seek people who understand your path and can help you to grow in the meanwhile???
  2. Speak to the vocations director of your diocese… contacts help at this point… Are there groups of young women in your diocese looking into the religious life?? Apparantly you are going on retreats… however there may be people you connect with while you wait.
Not sure if my ramblings helped much but be assured I will hold you in my prayers each night as I pray for those discerning vocations peace and all good!
 
Be blessed for your very helpful answers.

Poor Clares Tobe, I’ve got a Spiritual Director, and he DOES help me, and I consider the community as the one I’m called to, and that’s what I tell him when I see him but I know I’ve got to confirm it, even if I always THINK about the community, *why should I do that, what’s the use of doing that if it doesn’t bring anything to the community? *etc.
But when outside (of my Spiritual Director’s office), I sometimes have doubts, and especially in the darkness. In my spiritual joys, I think about that community.

There are other young people like me, but only thanks to Internet. In my town, I know a very few (maybe two girls like me but I never see them 'cause I know them quite a bit). I miss that.

Those days, as soon as I’ve got money (thanks to my study) I can pay to stay to the guest-house, pay to get them postcards I make on my own with Internet and my camera (they can’t afford). I do my best with Internet (I ask -if they need a cooker- all over the web) Things they can’t do. Sometimes I spend days and days for them. I need that.
I also bring them joy, cause I’m so young and they are very enlightened by my presence (I can feel it) even if the Superior rejects me when I’m too close to their life.

I’m trying to get used to this catholic life before going in. I’m not used to spiritual fights, to dark periods… during which God seems to be absent. 😦

Every place I’ve been to (every monastery, other community) I thought about THOSE sisters, THIS community, and I can’t do otherwise. 😊

SisterSnowflake, thanks so much for your testimony!
It does help me very much! Now I know what a community can do to make sure that somebody is called by God. :bowdown:

I think I can overcome everything if God gives me the strengh, and I ask it every day. 🤷

Thanks, thanks, thanks so much for your messages! I feel so much better, and less lonely. :o
 
Read the life of St. Therese of Lisieux, Story of a Soul. She was also denied entrance to the Carmelite convent because of her age. She took it all the way to the Pope! Don’t give up. Many times God uses situations such as these to teach us patience. God bless you in your vocation discernment! :crossrc:
 
Teakafrog said:
Read the life of St. Therese of Lisieux, Story of a Soul. She was also denied entrance to the Carmelite convent because of her age. She took it all the way to the Pope! Don’t give up. Many times God uses situations such as these to teach us patience. God bless you in your vocation discernment! :crossrc:
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That is excellent advice… read the lives of the saints. especially st therese.

I was reareading some of your original posts,
  1. I see that you do have a spiritual director. That is a very good thing.
2)" I don’t know what to do. It’s not fair to be so young! I’d like to be 3 years older! Tell me, please, why they’re so strict with me. Is is because it’s written in the Rule of St Benedict to repulse those who might have a vocational call?"
*
I am not sure if this helps or not… but if I undestand your posting… you are looking at a cloistered community??? Remember that a cloistered community is of course an enclosed one… so they need to make sure that a new member will fit in?? This is both for the benefit of the new member as well as the current members. I myself needed to visit a number of different communites both when considering active orders and now in my search for enclosed communities… I would continue to stay in touch with them by all means, but also be very frank with your spiritual director and follow his leads… One assumes he has confirmed the fact that you have a vocation??? Now what steps is he urging you to take??? For instance retreats or visiting other communities??? Does he agree that this community is the right one for you?? Or is he urging you to visit others???
Perhaps if this community is considering you?? Perhaps they can suggest things you can do to stay close to them in the meanwhile??? Things like days of prayer? Or reading material perhaps on their rule??? Are there vocation days you might attend??? Maybe things on campus???
I can well understand the not wanting to wait… I am in a holding pattern until some student loans get paid off… keep praying …keep posting …hopefully others here might offer you encouragment also???
Blessings of Peace and All Good!*
 
I read History of a Soul in my mother tongue, and that book really touched me! St Therese of Lisieux is one of my best friends in Heaven!!! :love: She does really help me. She went through the same hardships as I do (suffered from the absence of her mother, had difficulty to make friends on earth…)
I also like very much Ste Bernadette (from Lourdes) who is quite a bit as shy as I am, and who is deeply in love with Mary, like I am. I love her life.

I’ve got lots of friends in Heaven, but I confess that I don’t take profits of it so much and I often complain of my loneliness whereas I’m surrounded all the time by their warm presence. :o

I shall read the lives of the Saints, I’m reading The Rule of St Benedict little by little once more, because I’m very close to its author, and he protects me very much from evil those days. I’m also really in love with St Bernard, who wrote amazing things that I’m looking forward to reading in French too! :heaven: They warm me so much! But I’ve got quite a few time… just the holidays… That’s not so much, cause at school I’m sooooo busy!

About my spiritual director… All he told me was:
  • Developing my skills (like singing, drawing, etc.) was a good thing when I evoked that I wanted to join a choir.
  • He also told me to carry on going to that monastery I’m in love with even if I don’t feel like doing it. At least once a month, because I promised I would do it.
  • PRAY, my penance (he is my confessor) is always to PRAY for those who are around me. The sisters, my friends, my enemies, my classmates… so that I got used to praying for my neighbours.
He never really advised me to do anything because he just sees I’m doing things on my own. I went to England 33 days to discern,(there was a monastic week) & I remained 3 weeks in a monk monastery to be with other young Catholics but also to discern… In every way I can’t help discerning, that’s within me. When I’ve got free time, I go to a monastery (any) or to THAT monastery, because when I’m anywhere else, I mourn not to be there… 😦 Strange… I miss them as if they were my own FAMILY. My Spiritual Director told me it was a sign. Full stop. (US:Period.)

The monastery I’m looking at is cloistered, indeed. I know how hard it would be for me to get used to such a life, but at the same time I feel so attracted! :blushing: I went to another quite cloistered monastery for one week, and I could bear it quite well; I think God would give me His grace, but I would have to make concessions.

There was a time I visited several convents, and orders. The only one I don’t know are the Carmel and the Benedictines (I know the Cistercians — but not the Trappists yet) and I’ll have to go to discover them. Not now, of course.

I can’t say I’m called, and my Spiritual Director neither. We don’t know, it’s hazy. I’ve to pray… & go through confirmation. :bible1: (probably in May) And to have time to think… think… like I did during the whole summer.
Now I can’t until All Saint’s Day (my first holidays), and then Christmas, and then in February… and not till Summer… So I’ve quite a few time and I can’t discern in so short a time!

I’ve got the intention to spend a whole week to that lovely monastery ❤️ during my “All Saint’s Day” time because I wouldn’t until two months. When I spend so long a time (I did it only twice) it is sooo deep and amazing!

No ‘young people’ knows that monastery, so there wouldn’t be any “monastic week” during which we might see the enclosure and go into the cloister for a while. I’m trying to make friends discover the place and I don’t know if there could be a monastic week until next summer. I pray for that. They need vocations so much! 😦 And I need to go closer so much (even if I’m not called).

My Spiritual Director thinks I’m in the right path, and I shouldn’t go astray.
I’ve noticed, - and it makes me smile - that the community really does its best to keep me close, even if they don’t let me go too close. The Superior helps me with all her might when I feel down. She let me read the Pope’s speech (if she hadn’t evoked it, I wouldn’t have thought about it). She told me to pray the Rosary (even 10 Hail Mary) before going to bed, gave me good advices to fight against enemies when I can’t sleep 'cause they disturb me. She backs me up very admirably. The youngest sister also helps me pretty much but she has a benevolent eye and says “I’m only nineteen.” cause she’s 20 years old older than me. Even the other sisters are so welcoming, and one called me “half-sister” once, and it was one year ago. I shed a tear discreetly.

All I have to do is WAIT, and PRAY, and FIGHT (cause it’s only that), and… and… and… try not to turn crazy. And CONFESS and POST here especially.

Thanks for your nice messages!
 
Bebekoualy,
  • Code: 
    Peace and All Good!
It seems that you are doing all that you can do for the moment. Keep praying for sure…[and please also keep posting for sure.]

One further thought comes to mind…mostly because I believe I missed it the first time I read through your post. The fact that you are a convert most likely also has an impact on your needing to wait…[prior to entering any order]… I can’t quote the exact legalities but in the case of a convert… yes there is a certain waiting period involved…* At any rate keep praying, keep visiting your monasteries, keep reading, and keep learning about the Church…blessings to you !**
 
Dear Bebekoulay,

If God has truly called you, He will bring it to fruition in his time.

Yesterday our parish had a retreat at a Benedictine house here in Phoenix. The Prioress told us how during a 30-day Ignatian retreat, God called her to build a new monastery–but it took 15 years to get to the point to actually start building.

Was this time wasted? No. Various things had to fall into place, and when they did, the monastery practically built itself.

Be patient.

In the mean time, you might want to ask Mother Thaisia, a departed Russian Abbess, to pray for you and your vocation. God clearly called her when she was a child, but she could not begin her vocation until she was in her 20’s. Yet, when she died, she was in effect the Abbess General of Russia. Her books were ordered by the Holy Synod to be kept in parish libraries, and used for monastic training.
 
Thanks so much for your answers!!! Be blessed! 😉 😉 😉

I’m going to buy the book you just evoked. It’s so good to make friends! (I know how good it is to see that we aren’t alone!)

I know that because I’m a convert that’s a problem 😦 and I’ve got to wait even more. Sometimes I really envy those cradle catholics who can just find out when 20 'cause they’ve been brought up that way. :ehh: Sometimes I felt distressed because I didn’t understand this injustice, but I know I’ve got to cool down till the day I’ll go to “my” convent.

Today, I gave very much joy. I gave lots of things I had made thanks to Internet and my cleverness. The Superior was amazed, and very pleased, and she thanked me warmly, and she wants much more now.

I feel so good. I can wait as much as it’s needed that way.
 
Hi again!

Just received the Abbess Thaisia book. It’s so marvellous, a big help! Fortunatelly I received it, I’ve been waiting for so long!

I’ve got hardships those days… I feel distressed, I’m in the darkness. I pray, hopeless.
Got the impression that my vocation is to be unhappy forever. That’s awful, I’m filled with doubts about God’s mercy and so on… !

I just can’t believe I’d be happy wherever I go. :hypno: I’m trying to get rid of that feeling, but I can’t!! I saw my Spiritual Father, he was sooo worried about me. Told me I could call him whenever I wanted if I needed so. I asked to appoint for next month cause if we didn’t I’d be so tempted that I wouldn’t take no appointment at all.

I was so tempted not to pray, not to meet my Spi Father anymore… I just wan’t to get out of that deep darkness. 😦

Please, do write me anything, it’d help me soo much!
 
First of all, bonjour!
I would try to write more in French, but I’m so out of practice that I would embarass myself.

I would just advize you to persevere. You’re young, and if this is truly your vocation, you have plenty of time to get there. Trust in God to take you where you need to go. I’m nearly 24, and just now starting to accept my calling to the priesthood. Plus, it will take 4 years before I can begin to answer that call and start my 7 year seminary training:eek: . It seems like a long time, but in the end it’s worth it if it’s for God.

Bon chance, et je vais prier pour toi! 😉

John
 
Bebekoualy said:
Hi again!

Just received the Abbess Thaisia book. It’s so marvellous, a big help! Fortunatelly I received it, I’ve been waiting for so long!

I’ve got hardships those days… I feel distressed, I’m in the darkness. I pray, hopeless.
Got the impression that my vocation is to be unhappy forever. That’s awful, I’m filled with doubts about God’s mercy and so on… !

I just can’t believe I’d be happy wherever I go. :hypno: I’m trying to get rid of that feeling, but I can’t!! I saw my Spiritual Father, he was sooo worried about me. Told me I could call him whenever I wanted if I needed so. I asked to appoint for next month cause if we didn’t I’d be so tempted that I wouldn’t take no appointment at all.

I was so tempted not to pray, not to meet my Spi Father anymore… I just wan’t to get out of that deep darkness. 😦

Please, do write me anything, it’d help me soo much!
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*You have many people who will be praying for you on your journey, myself included!

Be sure to keep your appointments with your spiritual director… those are so important. Next time you meet maybe you might ask him if there are spiritual books he might recommend to you… maybe some that are a bit of light reading… maybe biographies of the some saints which appeal to you?

You live in a land so blessed and rich in Catholic history… maybe some visits to some places of historical significance to the church might help inspire you also…
Blessings and Praying…:gopray: *
 
Bebekoualy said:
Hi everybody!

What a blessing to be there, I love this website and sharing is so good for me! (Sorry, this message was written when I was very upset and moved)

Well, let’s talk a bit about my problem… :gopray:
I’m nineteen, I converted two years and half ago, so that’s quite new. 😦 I was a pagan before.
I can’t deny the fact that I’m really attracted to religious life, especially a **contemplative **life.
I’m trying to find out for one year and half. I made several retreats, I spent a month to a monastery in England to improve my English & there was a monastic week…

I hang out at making retreats to the same place in my native country (France). I pray a lot, I spend at least 4 days a month to that place I really love and I can’t get rid of that feeling. I’m in love with that French monastery. ❤️ ❤️ I do my best to help the nuns by promoting them with Internet 'cause they dunno how to use it well, etc. I help them with voluntary work sometimes (handmade works like jam, etc.) and I pray daily for the community (but they might doubt it). I’m young. I can do lots of things they aren’t able to.

I’m young, only 19, but much more mature. People think I’ve seen a great deal of life 'cause of my painful past. The youngest in the community is 41. The oldest is 92. I’m quite afraid because there’s a big gap between us. They see me as a baby. That’s what the youngest member of the community told me, teasing me like usual. But at the same time, they all tell me that I’ve got an inner big strengh, that I’m very mature, etc.

I can’t help crying while thinking about some things. :tissues: My heart is bursting because I’m really in love, I do want to find out to that place. Why am I so in love? I can’t help going there, even if there are 3 hours in public transports just to have 1 hour of prayer.

I asked to go to the cloister just to “see” a bit their lives, and they didn’t let me in. :gopray2: That isn’t fair 'cause they let girls a bit older than I am (about 21) in, and the sisters are in other young people’s favour but not with me. They let unknown people in and not me, whom they know well.
As if they were discriminating me. They might think it’s too dangerous to let me in cause I might never want to go out. That’s what I was told.

I also heard : She isn’t discerning yet. She just reached legal age. She’s too young, she can’t find out now. She must finish her study and work a bit afterwards.

The point is that I’ve got to wait at least two years to finish my study. I can do that. But I’ve got to go abroad for one year, and it seems to be impossible to upset that equilibrium. I can’t stop going to that monastery. During the whole summer, I cried not to be there. I couldn’t find out if I were miles away. How can I go through that?

To work, that’s so hard to find a job, and I’ve no idea what to do! I wouldn’t start a job I dislike before going in. I can only become a teacher or a translator. A Teacher nowadays is like being murdered (esp. in France) cause I’m not strong enough. A Translator, you must be known, just like writer, artist, singer…

I don’t know what to do. It’s not fair to be so young! I’d like to be 3 years older! :nope: Tell me, please, why they’re so strict with me. Is is because it’s written in the Rule of St Benedict to repulse those who might have a vocational call?
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I believe Poorclaretobe may be correct in that a pilgrimage would renew your strength. How far away are you from Alencon or Lisieux? St. Therese and St. Bernadette are two wonderful saints that lived in your country. If that is not feasible, then I would recommend that you talk to your spiritual director about taking a retreat with a religious community to get back in touch with God and see if this is truly where He is calling you. Spend some time in Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament and just pray to Him to reveal your true vocation. It may not happen instantly, but gradually He will let you know the path you need to take to make you truly happy.

I’ve learned from experience that what we want is not always what God wants. I went to a retreat with the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus and was so sure that I was supposed to be there, but Jesus did not call me. I left and returned home angry and upset that I had expected to be called there and I wasn’t. But, in time, I began to see that it is because I was being called to the cloister. The funny thing is that I originally wanted to be a cloistered nun but I didn’t think I could do it. I have started creating a relationship with an order of Discalced Carmelite nuns who know my history of depression, but are still willing to accept me if I apply. They have been the best thing to happen to me thus far.

What I am trying to say is, open yourself up completely to what God is asking of you. If you limit yourself to just one order, you may be disappointed because it may not be where God is calling you. I know you like that order that you are involved with, but to be a successful religious, you have to leave your wants behind and do what God wants. Tell God the desires of your heart (I’m sure He already knows them anyway) and then let Him take it from there. If He is leading you somewhere else, that place may surpass your wildest expectations! Don’t miss out on something because you want something so bad, but it isn’t to be.

This may be God trying to tell you that you need to rely on Him more completely. I know it’s hard, but if you surrender to Him, He will not let you down. Don’t get discouraged my sister in Christ! Jesus would never let someone down who truly desires to do His will. Just trust in Him! Know that you are in my prayers, just like everyone who is discerning is. God bless you!
 
Bebekoualy said:
Hi everybody!

What a blessing to be there, I love this website and sharing is so good for me! (Sorry, this message was written when I was very upset and moved)

Well, let’s talk a bit about my problem… :gopray:
I’m nineteen, I converted two years and half ago, so that’s quite new. 😦 I was a pagan before.
I can’t deny the fact that I’m really attracted to religious life, especially a **contemplative **life.
I’m trying to find out for one year and half. I made several retreats, I spent a month to a monastery in England to improve my English & there was a monastic week…

I hang out at making retreats to the same place in my native country (France). I pray a lot, I spend at least 4 days a month to that place I really love and I can’t get rid of that feeling. I’m in love with that French monastery. ❤️ ❤️ I do my best to help the nuns by promoting them with Internet 'cause they dunno how to use it well, etc. I help them with voluntary work sometimes (handmade works like jam, etc.) and I pray daily for the community (but they might doubt it). I’m young. I can do lots of things they aren’t able to.

I’m young, only 19, but much more mature. People think I’ve seen a great deal of life 'cause of my painful past. The youngest in the community is 41. The oldest is 92. I’m quite afraid because there’s a big gap between us. They see me as a baby. That’s what the youngest member of the community told me, teasing me like usual. But at the same time, they all tell me that I’ve got an inner big strengh, that I’m very mature, etc.

I can’t help crying while thinking about some things. :tissues: My heart is bursting because I’m really in love, I do want to find out to that place. Why am I so in love? I can’t help going there, even if there are 3 hours in public transports just to have 1 hour of prayer.

I asked to go to the cloister just to “see” a bit their lives, and they didn’t let me in. :gopray2: That isn’t fair 'cause they let girls a bit older than I am (about 21) in, and the sisters are in other young people’s favour but not with me. They let unknown people in and not me, whom they know well.
As if they were discriminating me. They might think it’s too dangerous to let me in cause I might never want to go out. That’s what I was told.

I also heard : She isn’t discerning yet. She just reached legal age. She’s too young, she can’t find out now. She must finish her study and work a bit afterwards.

The point is that I’ve got to wait at least two years to finish my study. I can do that. But I’ve got to go abroad for one year, and it seems to be impossible to upset that equilibrium. I can’t stop going to that monastery. During the whole summer, I cried not to be there. I couldn’t find out if I were miles away. How can I go through that?

To work, that’s so hard to find a job, and I’ve no idea what to do! I wouldn’t start a job I dislike before going in. I can only become a teacher or a translator. A Teacher nowadays is like being murdered (esp. in France) cause I’m not strong enough. A Translator, you must be known, just like writer, artist, singer…

I don’t know what to do. It’s not fair to be so young! I’d like to be 3 years older! :nope: Tell me, please, why they’re so strict with me. Is is because it’s written in the Rule of St Benedict to repulse those who might have a vocational call?
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Hello. I’m 17 and intrested in becoming Catholic. I live in Ky. and can not become a convert of any religion until age 18 due to parentla restriciotns. They want to make sure we know what we get into and are highly against religious descrimination. My family is Pagan themselves too. Therefore, we do not go to church and I do more self-study of Scripture. I’ve always been drawn to the Christian religion since I can remember. I’m also considering becoming a nun. I hope we can become friends.🙂
 
the first test as well as the final test of a religious call is obedience, unquestioning, uncomplaining, without grumbling. Obedience to your religious superiors who represent Christ will be the foundation of your life in religion, should this prove to be your vocation. Your best preparation now is patient waiting, follow the advice you have been given re: completing your education etc., and preparing your self for life in general through experience of friendship and self-less service, and most especially care for the poor, materially or in spirit. If you have not already done so, begin prayerful daily reading of one section of the Rule of St. Benedict, or the rule of the order in which you are interested.

you might also benefit from reading the lives of saints who encountered roadblocks in their path to a religious vocation, such as St. Therese, St. Bernadette, Venerable Solanus Casey etc.
 
Yes, don’t worry, all of you… 😉 I’m feeling better, things ran smoother. :o I try to pray, to attend mass once a week at least, to remain in the choir, being faithful to my duty, to God, to my prayer.
I carry on going to that monastery but I dunno if I’m called there. I’m only thinking about my future: How to get the driving licence, how to be ready for my exams, which job to choose, etc.
I’m more down to earth! 😊

I just joined a spiritual group, young girls discerning like me. Providence itself sent them to me, and I’ll attend the first meeting in a couple of weeks. I’m so glad!

Tomorrow, I’m going to a Charismatic time, I don’t know about it at all, and I feel ready to discover completely new orders and new spiritualities.

I can’t go to an order without knowing the world before.
I want to travel, to discover the United States before my entrance.

Thanks Lord, you freed me from lots of chains! Ok, let’s be patient.

Abbess Thaisia is helping me soooo much with her life!!!
*
(I’ve got to go to Lourdes whenever I can, I want to go there at least once! Even to Lisieux!)*
 
duchess453 said:
Hello. I’m 17 and intrested in becoming Catholic. I live in Ky. and can not become a convert of any religion until age 18 due to parentla restriciotns. They want to make sure we know what we get into and are highly against religious descrimination. My family is Pagan themselves too. Therefore, we do not go to church and I do more self-study of Scripture. I’ve always been drawn to the Christian religion since I can remember. I’m also considering becoming a nun. I hope we can become friends.🙂
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How awesome! I hope that you can find a priest to give you some advice until you are able to enter the RCIA program… A program designed for New Catholics or Returning Catholics]

When I was in my teens I decided to convert also. Since I also needed to wait… I found that reading books on lives of the saints and [light reading] of church history helped me until I could formally begin the conversion process.
I hope you find many friends here… and am sure that as questions arise… that you will find much help.
Blessings
 
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