Request for radical sanation denied

[WingsOfEagles]

Here is a big one. Radical Sanitation validates your marriage back to the date of your legal marriage. At the date of your legal marriage you were not free to marry because as you have already stated you needed an decree of nullity. You were still married in the eyes of the Church. What you need to do is to have your marriage convalidated. Your husband does not need to convert to Catholicism to do this - he only needs to make the same promises he already has made.

I hadn’t picked up on the date discrepancy. If your previous marriage was not yet annulled when you remarried, then it isn’t a case of Radical Sanitation.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

There has to be more for a child at the Catholic church than simple Sunday Mass, or he will be lost to the Mormons.

Welcome to how I almost became Mormon. There aren’t.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I hadn’t picked up on the date discrepancy. If your previous marriage was not yet annulled when you remarried, then it isn’t a case of Radical Sanitation.

I believe the OP also has a first previous marriage that has not been annulled. ie, this marriage is the third. If that is true, than she needs to have the very first annulled as well before this current marriage can be valid.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Welcome to how I almost became Mormon. There aren’t.

Most individual parishes do not have as many activities as one ward does. However, an 11 yo should be in CCD.There is possibly a jr high youth group at the parish level. There are usually diocesean activities for jr high - including service projects, special retreats, and the like. Depending on when confirmation is in this diocese, that age could also be beginning a confirmation program (ours is 2 years long, usually 7th and 8th grades).

So if he were involved in all of that, plus potentially a youth choir, altar serving, and a boys group like Conquest, or parish Boy Scouts, he’d be busy enough.

 

[WingsOfEagles]

Most individual parishes do not have as many activities as one ward does. However, an 11 yo should be in CCD.There is possibly a jr high youth group at the parish level. There are usually diocesean activities for jr high - including service projects, special retreats, and the like. Depending on when confirmation is in this diocese, that age could also be beginning a confirmation program (ours is 2 years long, usually 7th and 8th grades).

So if he were involved in all of that, plus potentially a youth choir, altar serving, and a boys group like Conquest, or parish Boy Scouts, he’d be busy enough.

Exactly. There were plenty of retreats and things to do when I was in Jr. High/HS. At 11, he should definitely be enrolled in CCD.

 

[St_Francis]

I believe the OP also has a first previous marriage that has not been annulled. ie, this marriage is the third. If that is true, than she needs to have the very first annulled as well before this current marriage can be valid.

Would they not have dealt with the first marriage before dealing with the second?

 

[Irishgal49]

I can respect that you and your husband are trying to attend each other’s churches. However, it is your Catholic duty attend Mass and bring your 11 yo son (you can and should force him at this age-he’s still quite young to make these decisions on his own). I personally would avoid attending regular services with your husband. Perhaps, if his church has a family BBQ or something, that would be okay.

Instead of running around pushing one faith, how about a sit down with your husband and discuss the faith your son should be learning. He can easily go to a Saturday evening vigil mass and sunday with his dad BUT he needs to be clear who and what he will be.

I hope you stay but truthfully if I couldn’t take communion and was refused the way you were, I’d leave the faith. I pray that you can find some assistance. Since there has been a pastor change, discuss this with your husband and pastor and come up with an action plan. Then you will at least feel you have a path to take instead of being left floating in emotional confusion. God bless you, whatever you decide to do.

 

[Irishgal49]

Here is a big one. Radical Sanitation validates your marriage back to the date of your legal marriage. At the date of your legal marriage you were not free to marry because as you have already stated you needed an decree of nullity. You were still married in the eyes of the Church. What you need to do is to have your marriage convalidated. Your husband does not need to convert to Catholicism to do this - he only needs to make the same promises he already has made.

GREAT SOLUTION, but he may not agree to a Catholic wedding. I sincerely wish the family well but this is exactly why I will NOT marry outside the faith ever again. I was married to a Jewish man and kept kosher for 11 years. I lost my faith entirely. After the divorce and declaration of nullity I came home to stay. Its too hard to marry outside the faith.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Instead of running around pushing one faith, how about a sit down with your husband and discuss the faith your son should be learning. He can easily go to a Saturday evening vigil mass and sunday with his dad BUT he needs to be clear who and what he will be.

This child going to regular Sunday LDS sacrament meetings is dangerous to his faith and his soul.

 

[St_Francis]

Instead of running around pushing one faith, how about a sit down with your husband and discuss the faith your son should be learning. He can easily go to a Saturday evening vigil mass and sunday with his dad BUT he needs to be clear who and what he will be.

I hope you stay but truthfully** if I couldn’t take communion and was refused the way you were, I’d leave the faith. ** I pray that you can find some assistance. Since there has been a pastor change, discuss this with your husband and pastor and come up with an action plan. Then you will at least feel you have a path to take instead of being left floating in emotional confusion. God bless you, whatever you decide to do.

Nooooo! A person should not leave the Faith! Even if a person cannot receive communion, that is usually a situation which time will cure, even if sometimes it is a long time, or even years! And just because a person has been refused something they want is no reason to leave, either. They may need to persevere, they may need to accept, but why leave the truth, even if one cannot participate completely?

 

[Elizium23]

It is a bad reason, but it is a compelling reason nonetheless. I am a revert who came back to the Church full of excitement and vigor and wanting to volunteer for everything. I was kicked out of one parish entirely: I was told by the pastor, “Don’t ever come back here.” In my next parish I was suspended from choir for a stupid incident with another member.

I felt doomed to simply warming a pew forever, and I quickly fell away from practicing. I moved into a new parish territory and didn’t show my face there for several months. When I finally did, I went straight to the choir and joined so I didn’t have to sit in a pew. I gradually found out that this parish is the best one in the diocese for me, and I became more and more involved, and people accepted me here and encouraged me greatly. Since that time I have regained my faith and I don’t anticipate that any obstacle could make me leave again. But for me it has indeed been a rocky road, and it doesn’t surprise me in the least that someone in an invalid marriage could become disillusioned and fall away entirely.

 

[JGMendes4049]

It is a bad reason, but it is a compelling reason nonetheless. I am a revert who came back to the Church full of excitement and vigor and wanting to volunteer for everything. I was kicked out of one parish entirely: I was told by the pastor, “Don’t ever come back here.” In my next parish I was suspended from choir for a stupid incident with another member.

I felt doomed to simply warming a pew forever, and I quickly fell away from practicing. I moved into a new parish territory and didn’t show my face there for several months. When I finally did, I went straight to the choir and joined so I didn’t have to sit in a pew. I gradually found out that this parish is the best one in the diocese for me, and I became more and more involved, and people accepted me here and encouraged me greatly. Since that time I have regained my faith and I don’t anticipate that any obstacle could make me leave again. But for me it has indeed been a rocky road, and it doesn’t surprise me in the least that someone in an invalid marriage could become disillusioned and fall away entirely.

 

[WingsOfEagles]

Instead of running around pushing one faith, how about a sit down with your husband and discuss the faith your son should be learning. He can easily go to a Saturday evening vigil mass and sunday with his dad BUT he needs to be clear who and what he will be.

I hope you stay but truthfully if I couldn’t take communion and was refused the way you were, I’d leave the faith. I pray that you can find some assistance. Since there has been a pastor change, discuss this with your husband and pastor and come up with an action plan. Then you will at least feel you have a path to take instead of being left floating in emotional confusion. God bless you, whatever you decide to do.

For someone who describes herself as Catholic, this is disturbing advice. Keep in mind, this is the 11 yo step-dad, not bio-dad. You can’t be Mormon and Catholic at the same time. You just can’t. OP needs to be concerned for her son’s soul.

 

[St_Francis]

It is a bad reason, but it is a compelling reason nonetheless. I am a revert who came back to the Church full of excitement and vigor and wanting to volunteer for everything. I was kicked out of one parish entirely: I was told by the pastor, “Don’t ever come back here.” In my next parish I was suspended from choir for a stupid incident with another member.

I felt doomed to simply warming a pew forever, and I quickly fell away from practicing. I moved into a new parish territory and didn’t show my face there for several months. When I finally did, I went straight to the choir and joined so I didn’t have to sit in a pew. I gradually found out that this parish is the best one in the diocese for me, and I became more and more involved, and people accepted me here and encouraged me greatly. Since that time I have regained my faith and I don’t anticipate that any obstacle could make me leave again. But for me it has indeed been a rocky road, and it doesn’t surprise me in the least that someone in an invalid marriage could become disillusioned and fall away entirely.

What I was objecting to was that IrishGal said “leave the faith,” not leave the parish.

I am however, really shocked that you were treated that way. I guess some people need a lot of prayer, no?

 

[Irishgal49]

Nooooo! A person should not leave the Faith! Even if a person cannot receive communion, that is usually a situation which time will cure, even if sometimes it is a long time, or even years! And just because a person has been refused something they want is no reason to leave, either. They may need to persevere, they may need to accept, but why leave the truth, even if one cannot participate completely?

For me Jesus in the Eucharist is everything. If I cannot have Him then I can attend any church and get the exact same thing. To be cut off from the sacraments makes it the same as any other Christian Church. It sounds to me like she made some major decisions when she married an LDS and if her child is already being brought up in that faith then being blocked from the sacraments will probably be the death knell for her staying in the faith. If I couldn’t receive the sacraments then any Christian Church will do. It’s all about our sacraments to me.

 

[Irishgal49]

What I was objecting to was that IrishGal said “leave the faith,” not leave the parish.

I am however, really shocked that you were treated that way. I guess some people need a lot of prayer, no?

You and could be soul sisters. I suffer with a mental illness and the priest at my home parish cut me off of confession with him and refused to help me, offer counsel or anything. Looking back, I think he panicked. I talked to 2 other priests, both said it was lack of experience on his part and that he was wrong for what he did. I left the parish brokenhearted because I deeply loved the people. I am now in a HUGE parish and am going to receive training to be a Lector. I met a friend and the priest has 35 years experience. I made an appt and we talked honestly about all that happened and my issues. He is very comfortable setting parameters, which I gladly keep. I am always relieved when someone sets boundaries for me because I don’t know how to do that when I don’t feel well. Now I’m feeling great, and I have a home.

To throw a monkey wrench in it all, the old parish announced that the priest who wrote me off was moving! I prayed a novena he would move and on the 10th day he made the announcement. I doubt it was me, but it was rather shocking. The new priest is very kind. He’s gone out of his way to be nice to me and inviting me back. He’s also a canon lawyer and very smart. I love talking theology so the brainier the better in my book. We had a great discussion at the parish picnic on the dormition of Mary. I have a theology degree so it’s hard to find people I can talk to about beliefs I struggle with and have a good conversation.

Now I’m sort of torn but I attend things at both parishes. I sincerely believe you can attend another faith and go to heaven. Granted the fullness of the graces of the sacraments is in the Church Jesus established but …if I was going to face never having the sacraments, my heart would be too broken to stay. I went and sat in the car crying once when I couldn’t get confession and missed communion once. I could never take having Jesus there and not being able to receive Him. I hope that things can be resolved for the OP. I feel for her.

Lorrie

 

[WingsOfEagles]

It’s part of the Catholic belief system to not receive Eucharist if you have mortal sin on your soul. OP won’t be permanently cut off from the Eucharist, but she needs to figure out how to make her marriage valid.

 

[BettyBoop416]

From an emotional feel-good perspective, Mormons are at the top, and will suck you in with their kindness and warmheartedness, but that’s one of the ways they get their converts.

Gotta watch out for anyone displaying kindness and warmheartedness.

 

[dans0622]

Gotta watch out for anyone displaying kindness and warmheartedness.

Rather, “watch out” for “false prophets, who come to you disguised as sheep but underneath are ravenous wolves.” (Matthew, 7:15)

Dan

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Gotta watch out for anyone displaying kindness and warmheartedness.

That’s how Glenn Beck went from being raised Catholic to joining the LDS. He and his family went on a church tour, they “felt at home [there]” and his young daughter urged him that they should join that religion.

I spent a few years leaving an a Mormon city. I know how it is.