[request] The role of wife and husband on the family

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rainereli_rod

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Hi brother and sisters in Christ.

I have search through the web , the point of view of church regarding the role that a husband and a wife must fulfill on a marriage. But i have found so much information but from protestant doctrines , i would appreciate if you can show me some books/videos/sites that treat this topic from a Catholic point of view.

Thanks.
God bless you all.
 
The Catechism is a good place to start. You can read and search it online.
 
I’ve been trying to find that out since forever, and even people here have mixed opinions.

From my knowledge, the Church is pretty vague about it by saying things you probably know. Catholics themselves have different opinions. I’ve read opinions about how wives should submit in everything and husbands should lead (literal interpretation) to wives only submitting in a life-or-death situation and the husband and wive should do whatever that suits them.

I’ll be pleasantly surprised if you get an answer that is useful in this day and age without causing a lot of drama 🙂
 
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’** 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”**
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If the couple can’t, then it is like a business deal in that whatever works out detail wise may work like a pagan or atheist successful marriage
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If the couple can, then as Jesus said the details are not all that relevant.
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Lea101 said:
I’ll be pleasantly surprised if you get an answer that is useful in this day and age without causing a lot of drama 🙂
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I would really find some answer too , let’s say i didn’t had the best examples in my family. But I would really like to get some lights into this matter not to cause some drama but instead to be able to dissertate about some questions like, when is the right time for me to get marriage ? Which are going to be role ? What should i expect from my wife ? I am ready to fulfill my role ?. And those sort of things.
 
rainereli_rod said:
I would really find some answer too , let’s say i didn’t had the best examples in my family. But I would really like to get some lights into this matter not to cause some drama but instead to be able to dissertate about some questions like, when is the right time for me to get marriage ? Which are going to be role ? What should i expect from my wife ? I am ready to fulfill my role ?. And those sort of things.
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Just remember:
Marriage is 100-100, not 50-50.
You should wake up every day thinking:
What can I do today to make my wife’s life better? How can help her attain heaven?
How can I support her in what she needs?
And she should do the same for you.
Respect, Honor, Love, it’s all there in the vows.
Blind obedience? No. Discussion. pros and cons of choices, don and deciding TOGETHER.
Good luck!
 
Pope Pius XI’s encyclical “On Christian Marriage” is an excellent text. You can find it on the Vatican website. 👍
 
Protestants and Catholics live in the same world - in the modern world.
I have noticed that young people just married often can not afford to have a baby.
the mentality is formed according to which we can live happily and our personal comfort and convenience is above all, just because we have ‘‘excuse’’- the husband’s salary in the next 10-15 years does not allow us to have a baby, etc.
still it seems to me that the beauty of the Christian family is when a the husband has a decent paying job and can provide for his family,and no matter what people say - the idea of a woman-mother is a Christian idea.
I think in some countries, housing in the village becomes very Christian idea.
Having your own land where you can grow something and then feed a large family is just great. My thoughts may look primitive, but often the modern world puts young families in such circumstances that they forget about the important commandments of God and to adapt to the ‘‘minimum’’ dictated by the circumstances of life, instead of being ‘‘maximalists’’ and seek prosperity and ‘‘christian family rich in children’’.
 
Athanasiy said:
Protestants and Catholics live in the same world - in the modern world.
I have noticed that young people just married often can not afford to have a baby.
the mentality is formed according to which we can live happily and our personal comfort and convenience is above all, just because we have ‘‘excuse’’- the husband’s salary in the next 10-15 years does not allow us to have a baby, etc.
still it seems to me that the beauty of the Christian family is when a the husband has a decent paying job and can provide for his family,and no matter what people say - the idea of a woman-mother is a Christian idea.
I think in some countries, housing in the village becomes very Christian idea.
Having your own land where you can grow something and then feed a large family is just great. My thoughts may look primitive, but often the modern world puts young families in such circumstances that they forget about the important commandments of God and to adapt to the ‘‘minimum’’ dictated by the circumstances of life, instead of being ‘‘maximalists’’ and seek prosperity and ‘‘christian family rich in children’’.
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It is not required of Catholics to have many, many children. Married Catholics need to be open to life and to whatever number of kids God chooses to bless them with, be they none, few or many.
 
Sarcelle said:
It is not required of Catholics to have many, many children. Married Catholics need to be open to life and to whatever number of kids God chooses to bless them with, be they none, few or many.
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yes, i agree.
I was just thinking about the vision of the Christian family in abundance.
 
Athanasiy said:
yes, i agree.
I was just thinking about the vision of the Christian family in abundance.
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I’m not sure about a vision of the Christian family in abundance that involves giving each child as little as possible…

In fact, I have to say that as a mother, I don’t find that a very edifying vision of parenthood at all. It’s not really the vision of parenthood that we see in the gospels, where we see God as a generous father. See the parable of the Prodigal Son or Luke 11:

11“Which of you fathers, if your son asks forf a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Also, even in the US, a lot of children raised under those “minimalist” material circumstances bolt. And, even more unfortunately, some of the mothers bolt, too, because they just can’t stand it anymore.
 
One thing I think is important to keep in mind is that we can really be deceived by externals. The amount of stuff (or number of kids) or niceness of house etc etc doesn’t necessarily tell you much.

What matters is prayer, and love, and sacrifice. In the world we live in, that’s going to mean a lot of different looking marriages to “outsiders.” We have different gifts to help us glorify God, so we are not all going to be spouses in the same way, and that’s an OK thing!

I say this as someone who’s not into stuff and really hopes to have a large family, by the way. 😉
 
pensmama87 said:
**One thing I think is important to keep in mind is that we can really be deceived by externals. The amount of stuff (or number of kids) or niceness of house etc etc doesn’t necessarily tell you much. **

What matters is prayer, and love, and sacrifice. In the world we live in, that’s going to mean a lot of different looking marriages to “outsiders.” We have different gifts to help us glorify God, so we are not all going to be spouses in the same way, and that’s an OK thing!
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Yes!
 
The job of a spouse is to help the other achieve heaven and to help thier children achieve heaven.

That is done by prayer, leadership and sacrifice, submission and selfless giving by all parties involved.
 
pensmama87 said:
One thing I think is important to keep in mind is that we can really be deceived by externals. The amount of stuff (or number of kids) or niceness of house etc etc doesn’t necessarily tell you much.

What matters is prayer, and love, and sacrifice. In the world we live in, that’s going to mean a lot of different looking marriages to “outsiders.” We have different gifts to help us glorify God, so we are not all going to be spouses in the same way, and that’s an OK thing!

I say this as someone who’s not into stuff and really hopes to have a large family, by the way. 😉
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Couldn’t agree more! 👍
 
Thanks for the support and the information.

Reading the comments i couldn’t stop thinking the this is very overwhelming; it is not surprise to see how things are very messed up specially in extreme capitalist countries. and i wish the things were much simpler like before.

But i have catch some very good advices, and good resources , specially this

“Casti Connubii: On Christian Marriage”

I’m not marriage, but if is in God’s will call me to the Marriage minister, I expect to be ready spiritually and materially ready.
 
rainereli_rod said:
Thanks for the support and the information.

Reading the comments i couldn’t stop thinking the this is very overwhelming; it is not surprise to see how things are very messed up specially in extreme capitalist countries. and i wish the things were much simpler like before.

But i have catch some very good advices, and good resources , specially this

“Casti Connubii: On Christian Marriage”

I’m not marriage, but if is in God’s will call me to the Marriage minister, I expect to be ready spiritually and materially ready.
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Dear RR,

Glad you found these resources helpful.

You might also find it worthwhile to read the Vatican II document “Gaudium et Spes” (The Church In The Modern World), which has an excellent section on marriage which draws on (and expands on) Casti Connubii:

vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_const_19651207_gaudium-et-spes_en.html

(Scroll down to No. 46-52 for the relevant portions of the document.) 👍
 
pensmama87 said:
One thing I think is important to keep in mind is that we can really be deceived by externals. The amount of stuff (or number of kids) or niceness of house etc etc doesn’t necessarily tell you much.

What matters is prayer, and love, and sacrifice. In the world we live in, that’s going to mean a lot of different looking marriages to “outsiders.” We have different gifts to help us glorify God, so we are not all going to be spouses in the same way, and that’s an OK thing!

I say this as someone who’s not into stuff and really hopes to have a large family, by the way. 😉
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And it goes both ways.

I used to always assume that if a family was Catholic and lived in meager accommodations and was very frugal, it meant they were very pious, holy people (subconsciously). I learned, that some times, a family in poverty of who lives an austere life doesn’t do so because they are very spiritually deep, but because they simply have no choice, and despite the poverty, have as many issues as the wealthy family in Church. Some are in worse places spiritually that the wealthy. Being poor or wealthy simply doesn’t mean much.

I don’t think poverty, wealth, or the number of children tell us much (except for the fact that families with lots of children were obviously open to life, where as families with few children tell us nothing).
rainereli_rod said:
Thanks for the support and the information.

Reading the comments i couldn’t stop thinking the this is very overwhelming; it is not surprise to see how things are very messed up specially in extreme capitalist countries. and i wish the things were much simpler like before.

But i have catch some very good advices, and good resources , specially this

“Casti Connubii: On Christian Marriage”

I’m not marriage, but if is in God’s will call me to the Marriage minister, I expect to be ready spiritually and materially ready.
Click to expand...
So much for not judging a book by its cover…

Things are messed up all over, but it not because we are a (borderline) capitalist country. Europe has degenerated faster and farther that the US, and many of their economies are hardly purely capitalist.

I wouldn’t try and pin gender confusion, emasculated men, anatomically autonomous women, no fault divorce, and homosexual adoption on capitalism.
 
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