Requesting Advice

[Adam14]

Just a quick background…

I’m currently Lutheran. This September, I will start RCIA, with all intentions of joining the Catholic church. My wife was raised Catholic, but joined the Lutheran church at the same time I did a few years ago.

Recently, I’ve been speaking to my wife about this. One thing we’re both really big on, is going to church TOGETHER. We won’t have it where each of us goes to a different church. My wife is comfortable, and willing to go back the the Catholic church whenever I convert.

I’ve done a lot of “research” on Catholicism lately, and I’m looking forward to RCIA. I do need some advice from folks here though. My wife doesn’t mind going back to the Catholic church, but she has some reservations about a few things.

One of the big issues she has right now is this…She says the from her experience in the church, there is a constant feeling that regardless of what you do, you’re never good enough or never a good Catholic. She says that there’s always this guilty feeling that is placed upon you, from the church. For example, if she doesn’t go to confession every week, she gets the impression that she’s a terrible Catholic when she DOES go.

I’m a bit concerned, not because I think it will be this way when I convert, but because I don’t really know how to answer this. She’s been in the church all of her life, and I’ve only recenltly began my journey. So I can’t say…“it won’t be like that…etc”…becaues I really don’t know.

As I said earlier, I feel really good about my conversion, but I want my wife to feel as good about it as I do. I don’t want her to do it just for the sake of us both attending the same church.

Does anyone have any guidance for me with this? I don’t really know what to tell her about her concern, and it worries me. Please pray for us.

Thanks!

 

[bpbasilphx]

She says the from her experience in the church, there is a constant feeling that regardless of what you do, you’re never good enough or never a good Catholic.

**Your wife is right in one sense–we can NEVER be good enough on our own. That’s why there’s Jesus!

He Himself provides all the “good enoughness” we need.**

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

Just a quick background…

I’m currently Lutheran. This September, I will start RCIA, with all intentions of joining the Catholic church. My wife was raised Catholic, but joined the Lutheran church at the same time I did a few years ago.

Recently, I’ve been speaking to my wife about this. One thing we’re both really big on, is going to church TOGETHER. We won’t have it where each of us goes to a different church. My wife is comfortable, and willing to go back the the Catholic church whenever I convert.

I’ve done a lot of “research” on Catholicism lately, and I’m looking forward to RCIA. I do need some advice from folks here though. My wife doesn’t mind going back to the Catholic church, but she has some reservations about a few things.

One of the big issues she has right now is this…She says the from her experience in the church, there is a constant feeling that regardless of what you do, you’re never good enough or never a good Catholic. She says that there’s always this guilty feeling that is placed upon you, from the church. For example, if she doesn’t go to confession every week, she gets the impression that she’s a terrible Catholic when she DOES go.

I’m a bit concerned, not because I think it will be this way when I convert, but because I don’t really know how to answer this. She’s been in the church all of her life, and I’ve only recenltly began my journey. So I can’t say…“it won’t be like that…etc”…becaues I really don’t know.

As I said earlier, I feel really good about my conversion, but I want my wife to feel as good about it as I do. I don’t want her to do it just for the sake of us both attending the same church.

Does anyone have any guidance for me with this? I don’t really know what to tell her about her concern, and it worries me. Please pray for us.

Thanks!

I kind of know what she is talking about, but that feeling of guilt does not come from the church it comes from with in as sins( even small ones) build the need to rid our self of them also grows and we know that we should be going to confession more often to do so not going adds to the guilt ( wait of the sins).
That is how it is for me anyhow.

 

[Adam14]

She says the from her experience in the church, there is a constant feeling that regardless of what you do, you’re never good enough or never a good Catholic.

**Your wife is right in one sense–we can NEVER be good enough on our own. That’s why there’s Jesus!

He Himself provides all the “good enoughness” we need.**

I agree with what you’re saying. I realize, and I think my wife also realizes, that we are all wretched sinners, unworthy of God’s grace. And that Jesus paid our debt in full, so we can be with God.

But I think in my wife’s case, it’s more of a guilt trip from the church…giving the impression that if you don’t do exactly as you are taught, you’re not a good Catholic and things had better get turned around quickly or else…

But sure, we all fall short, regardless of how hard we try not to.

 

[ckempston]

I kind of know what she is talking about, but that feeling of guilt does not come from the church it comes from with in as sins( even small ones) build the need to rid our self of them also grows and we know that we should be going to confession more often to do so not going adds to the guilt ( wait of the sins).
That is how it is for me anyhow.

Yup, it’s the Holy Spirit doing what he came for:

John 16:7-8 But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, **the Helper **will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you. And **He, when He comes, will convict the world **concerning sin and righteousness and judgment;

 

[whizkid43]

Just a quick background…
One of the big issues she has right now is this…She says the from her experience in the church, there is a constant feeling that regardless of what you do, you’re never good enough or never a good Catholic. She says that there’s always this guilty feeling that is placed upon you, from the church. For example, if she doesn’t go to confession every week, she gets the impression that she’s a terrible Catholic when she DOES go.
!

Well, I was raised RC, left the RCC and have returned. I felt very similar to the way you’ve described your wifes’s feelings which the reasons I left the RCC. I’ll say this.

First, what other folks say about sin is true, make confession a priority, it really helps.

Second, it could come about by poor Catechesis and not really understanding the faith.

For me it was a little of both, I’ve been reading a LOT about the Catholic Faith much of the guilt was due to not REALLY knowing the faith. And the rest of guilt was my own junk…

I’d suggest starting with the Catechism of the Catholic Church, or at least the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

Welcome (and welcome back)!

 

[water]

But I think in my wife’s case, it’s more of a guilt trip from the church…giving the impression that if you don’t do exactly as you are taught, you’re not a good Catholic and things had better get turned around quickly or else…

I think she got the wrong impression. Through the Church and many great examples of many Saints, we learn their humility before God -we are all sinners. At the same time, they help us learn that God is love and we are loved.

To think that if you don’t go confession weekly or monthly, you are a bad Catholic is just wrong and the Catholic church never teaches you that. In fact, the Church requires you to at least go to confession once a year. If you are sinful and you are not a good Christian in general, then feeling bad about it can be only grace coming from God - who allow you to see the state of your soul and allow you to have desire to change.

I am currently praying everyday to know myself better - and when I realize how bad I am in different areas, I thank God for that. I learn this from different Saints.

I believe that if your wife can go to RCIA with you - learn again about her faith and what ACTUALLY the Church teaches …instead of what she thinks the Church teaches. It will be good for both of you to go through RCIA together; many couples have done that.

God bless on your journey home.

 

[1ke]

One of the big issues she has right now is this…She says the from her experience in the church, there is a constant feeling that regardless of what you do, you’re never good enough or never a good Catholic. She says that there’s always this guilty feeling that is placed upon you, from the church. For example, if she doesn’t go to confession every week, she gets the impression that she’s a terrible Catholic when she DOES go.

I think this is all in your wife’s head.

I am a convert and have never experienced this.

My husband is a cradle Catholic and has never experienced this.

 

[Lapell]

Here is one link which can help you, Adam:
www.chnetwork.org

 

[Adam14]

Thanks for all the help folks!

My wife wants to go to RCIA with me, and I think that may be the best thing to do.

 

[ralphinal]

This does have a positive sign. The fact that she feels guilt when she sins or goes against Church teachings is a sign of a properly formed conscience.

One reason this could occure is that the Catholic Church has a well developed theology, including understandings of sin and foriveness that many denominations do not have. In other words, you become more aware.

 

[water]

Thanks for all the help folks!

My wife wants to go to RCIA with me, and I think that may be the best thing to do.

That is awesome to know. At the same time, even if both are in the same class, don’t expect her to understand or totally agree with what you learn from the class right away or vice versa - it takes time and patience.

 

[Sepharad]

To the OP, not sure if you were aware of this yet but I think since your wife was a baptized Catholic, your marriage might need to be sanated too (sanatio in radice, meaning “a healing at the root”.) Its a way the RCC has of validating retroactively a marriage that was done outside of their jurisdiction, but would have been licit if they had done it originally.

You will probably also have to be conditionally baptized (though the modern church may have changed that.)

I’m sure if anything I’ve said is incorrect, someone who is Catholic can correct me on it.

 

[Adam14]

To the OP, not sure if you were aware of this yet but I think since your wife was a baptized Catholic, your marriage might need to be sanated too (sanatio in radice, meaning “a healing at the root”.) Its a way the RCC has of validating retroactively a marriage that was done outside of their jurisdiction, but would have been licit if they had done it originally.

You will probably also have to be conditionally baptized (though the modern church may have changed that.)

I’m sure if anything I’ve said is incorrect, someone who is Catholic can correct me on it.

Hi Sepharad…

Yes, she was raised in the Catholic church, baptised/confirmed. But we were married by a Catholic priest, so as far as I know, the church doesn’t see the need to convalidate our marriage.

I don’t think she has to be baptised again, since she was already baptised by the Catholic church. I was baptised by the Lutheran church, and from my understanding(and what I’ve been told), there is no need for me to get baptised again either.

Thanks for the comments!

 

[embertx3]

This does have a positive sign. The fact that she feels guilt when she sins or goes against Church teachings is a sign of a properly formed conscience.

One reason this could occure is that the Catholic Church has a well developed theology, including understandings of sin and foriveness that many denominations do not have. In other words, you become more aware.

Just a comment not an advice but this is so true. I wanted so much to believe in OSAS, bible alone, personal interpretation but my conscience just won’t allow me so I came home. I am always reminded of my sins and confession does keep me on the right track. It is not easy I sturggle everyday. Prayers for the OP and his wife. God bless

 

[Gabriel_of_12]

Just a quick background…

I’m currently Lutheran. This September, I will start RCIA, with all intentions of joining the Catholic church. My wife was raised Catholic, but joined the Lutheran church at the same time I did a few years ago.

Recently, I’ve been speaking to my wife about this. One thing we’re both really big on, is going to church TOGETHER. We won’t have it where each of us goes to a different church. My wife is comfortable, and willing to go back the the Catholic church whenever I convert.

I’ve done a lot of “research” on Catholicism lately, and I’m looking forward to RCIA. I do need some advice from folks here though. My wife doesn’t mind going back to the Catholic church, but she has some reservations about a few things.

One of the big issues she has right now is this…She says the from her experience in the church, there is a constant feeling that regardless of what you do, you’re never good enough or never a good Catholic. She says that there’s always this guilty feeling that is placed upon you, from the church. For example, if she doesn’t go to confession every week, she gets the impression that she’s a terrible Catholic when she DOES go.

**One thing you will learn in the RCIA is the word “concupiscence”, this is part of our fallen nature one experiences. Another thing that is very important is to understand and recognize that when your sin is absolved, it is gone forever, the blood of the lamb has washed you clean. We tend to not accept God’s forgiveness because of our grave sin and guilt, but you have to remember God loves you, and does not want you to carry any burden of sin, and put on the yoke of Jesus, he is next to you yoked, just follow him. Accept what Jesus did on the cross for our sins, and do not hold God in contempt, that he cannot forgive you, if you confess your sins.

The Catholic church recommends each Catholic member to go to confession minimum once a year, and more often if you fall into mortal sin. All our venial sins are confessed at Mass, and are taking up to the altar of God. There is just so much love in the Catholic church that God displays to us, we just need to learn them.

Penance is another one, when ever I have a problem with guilt from a confessed sin, I offer a penance other than the one given me, that may have physical attributes like walking for a day with a pebble in my shoe, to remind me, that God has forgiven my sin, and I am resolving not to repeat that sin no more with the help of the holy spirit. Completing a penance removes the stain of guilt for me.

Receiving the grace through the blessed sacrament is going to help overcome our fears. For who can be against us, if God is for us? Jesus does not want your wife to fear, for he has already overcome these obstacles for us, that is why Jesus states “do not fear” Once your in full communion with the body of Jesus Christ, I dont think, you will have this problem of guilt and fear, because it will change to fear of losing Jesus.

Another excercise to help with guilt, is to reflect and meditate on a crucifix for an hour or a set time. Look at him who has paid for all our sins. Can one deny this divine payment for our sins? for when you see the son of man lifted up, then you will know that “I AM”.

Get an understanding of the Communion of Saints doctrine, and you and your wife will know that you are never alone through your tests, trials and blessings.

Praying for you,

St. Peter pray for us, You knew the guilt it was to deny the lord 3 times when the crow crowed and Jesus looked at you with his wounded face from the blows from his accusers, But what a wonderful revelation you must of known when you learned that Jesus just paid the price to free you from your guilt and fears and that: Jesus forgave you, and off you went to uplift the faith of the other apostles who scattered, Pray for us, when we experience such guilt from our sins.

Our father…
Hail Mary…**

P.S, my son onced asked me, “why do you go to church so much because your holy”? I said, “no son, I dont go to church because I am holy or to become holy, I go to church because Iam a sinner”.

 

[Adam14]

Adam14;3942016:

Just a quick background…

I’m currently Lutheran. This September, I will start RCIA, with all intentions of joining the Catholic church. My wife was raised Catholic, but joined the Lutheran church at the same time I did a few years ago.

Recently, I’ve been speaking to my wife about this. One thing we’re both really big on, is going to church TOGETHER. We won’t have it where each of us goes to a different church. My wife is comfortable, and willing to go back the the Catholic church whenever I convert.

I’ve done a lot of “research” on Catholicism lately, and I’m looking forward to RCIA. I do need some advice from folks here though. My wife doesn’t mind going back to the Catholic church, but she has some reservations about a few things.

One of the big issues she has right now is this…She says the from her experience in the church, there is a constant feeling that regardless of what you do, you’re never good enough or never a good Catholic. She says that there’s always this guilty feeling that is placed upon you, from the church. For example, if she doesn’t go to confession every week, she gets the impression that she’s a terrible Catholic when she DOES go.

**One thing you will learn in the RCIA is the word “concupiscence”, this is part of our fallen nature one experiences. Another thing that is very important is to understand and recognize that when your sin is absolved, it is gone forever, the blood of the lamb has washed you clean. We tend to not accept God’s forgiveness because of our grave sin and guilt, but you have to remember God loves you, and does not want you to carry any burden of sin, and put on the yoke of Jesus, he is next to you yoked, just follow him. Accept what Jesus did on the cross for our sins, and do not hold God in contempt, that he cannot forgive you, if you confess your sins.

The Catholic church recommends each Catholic member to go to confession minimum once a year, and more often if you fall into mortal sin. All our venial sins are confessed at Mass, and are taking up to the altar of God. There is just so much love in the Catholic church that God displays to us, we just need to learn them.

Penance is another one, when ever I have a problem with guilt from a confessed sin, I offer a penance other than the one given me, that may have physical attributes like walking for a day with a pebble in my shoe, to remind me, that God has forgiven my sin, and I am resolving not to repeat that sin no more with the help of the holy spirit. Completing a penance removes the stain of guilt for me.

Receiving the grace through the blessed sacrament is going to help overcome our fears. For who can be against us, if God is for us? Jesus does not want your wife to fear, for he has already overcome these obstacles for us, that is why Jesus states “do not fear” Once your in full communion with the body of Jesus Christ, I dont think, you will have this problem of guilt and fear, because it will change to fear of losing Jesus.

Another excercise to help with guilt, is to reflect and meditate on a crucifix for an hour or a set time. Look at him who has paid for all our sins. Can one deny this divine payment for our sins? for when you see the son of man lifted up, then you will know that “I AM”.

Get an understanding of the Communion of Saints doctrine, and you and your wife will know that you are never alone through your tests, trials and blessings.

Praying for you,

St. Peter pray for us, You knew the guilt it was to deny the lord 3 times when the crow crowed and Jesus looked at you with his wounded face from the blows from his accusers, But what a wonderful revelation you must of known when you learned that Jesus just paid the price to free you from your guilt and fears and that: Jesus forgave you, and off you went to uplift the faith of the other apostles who scattered, Pray for us, when we experience such guilt from our sins.

Our father…
Hail Mary…**

P.S, my son onced asked me, “why do you go to church so much because your holy”? I said, “no son, I dont go to church because I am holy or to become holy, I go to church because Iam a sinner”.

Beautiful insight…thanks so much for sharing

 

[AlegreFe]

I’m currently Lutheran. This September, I will start RCIA, with all intentions of joining the Catholic church.

Oh my, … I get all kinds of emotions when I hear that someone is coming home.

http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i85/Alegre-Fe/Emoticons/CryHappytear.gif http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i85/Alegre-Fe/Emoticons/Clap.gif http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i85/Alegre-Fe/Emoticons/ha.gif http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i85/Alegre-Fe/Emoticons/FlowersSC.gif http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i85/Alegre-Fe/Emoticons/Huggo.gif http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i85/Alegre-Fe/Emoticons/Cry.gif
That last one is for wishing everyone was here in the Catholic Church.

Welcome home Adam. And welcome back “Adam’s wife.”

I am a cradle Catholic but at one point stopped going to Mass. It wasn’t because I thought the Church was harsh on me. I never thought that. It was pure laziness. http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i85/Alegre-Fe/Emoticons/Fear2.gif one of the deadly sins.

What I feel now is that the Church is here to help me. Whenever I feel any kind of guilt it’s a good thing. That’s God’s grace at work in me. I like that. I want to know when I’ve committed a sin. The only way I know is because of the guilt I feel. But I don’t take that guilt too far. I think “too far” is when people do the opposite of what they should do, and what we should do is go to Confession. Some people feel so guilty that they think God won’t forgive them. That is the devil at work. Satan wants you to think that your sin is too great for God’s mercy. Nothing is greater than God’s mercy. That is why I love the Sacrament of Confession.

In Confession we are cleansed of our sin. Not only is our sin gone, not only are we wiped clean, “born again,” white as snow… but our guilt is also taken away. If a person still feels guilty after confession that is his own mistrust of Jesus’ mercy. I am big on the Mercy of Christ. Just look at my siggy. I don’t know how you feel about images but I can post an url here so that you can print out this picture for yourself and your wife.

Image of the Divine Mercy

I only read a few of the posts but from what I read so far they have given you some great advice.

Pray for your wife. Come to RCIA with your wife. I think your wife will be fine once she knows that the Church does not want to condemn her for anything. What she might feel is God giving her a little loving nudge with His grace.

You’re in my prayers as you go through this part of your faith journey.

 

[AlegreFe]

I’m currently Lutheran. This September, I will start RCIA, with all intentions of joining the Catholic church. My wife was raised Catholic, but joined the Lutheran church at the same time I did a few years ago.

Did you & your wife join the Lutheran Church together before you got married? Or after? If it was after, in what church did you get married? This is very important to know.

 

[COLOS]

She says the from her experience in the church, there is a constant feeling that regardless of what you do, you’re never good enough or never a good Catholic. She says that there’s always this guilty feeling that is placed upon you, from the church.

I can identify with that. The first time I began RCIA I experienced much the same thing. Extreme, and I do mean extreme, guilt. Heavy, oppressive, smothering guilt from the life that I had been living.

The problem? I honestly did not have a real understanding of what God had done through His Church/Kingdom/Family. Studying some of the tenets of covenant theology, what the sacraments really are, and exactly who our God is, combined with His incredible Grace, is what eliminated the problem. Although, I believe His Grace was and is the true solution to the issue. Oh, and let’s not forget the Rosary!

Perhaps guilt is allowed to become extreme when one doesn’t really grasp the greatness of what The Lord has offerred us. Don’t know, really. Just a thought. Not saying that this applies to your sweetheart.