Required Confirmation Retreat

[Cherub]

At the parish my family has recently moved to, the youth are required to attend a confirmation retreat or are not allowed to be confirmed. The cost of the retreat is $120 per person, is 200 miles away at a camp in a neighboring state. Upon arrival, the students are separated from the group they came with and do not see them again until Sunday (it’s a weekend long retreat that begins on Friday.)
My question is, is it customary for a parish to require a retreat as a condition for confirmation? I’d never heard of this before. At the parish I moved from there was no such condition established whereby confirmation could be denied in this fashion.

Just curious.
Cherub

 

[Kielbasi]

Some parishes do require such a retreat, I think this is a relatively new phenomena.

There are parishes with different requirements for confirmation candidates, you may want to call around on that, its probably the road of least resistance as opposed to complaining about the retreat to the pastor or bishop.

 

[Orogeny]

Cherub:

At the parish my family has recently moved to, the youth are required to attend a confirmation retreat or are not allowed to be confirmed. The cost of the retreat is $120 per person, is 200 miles away at a camp in a neighboring state. Upon arrival, the students are separated from the group they came with and do not see them again until Sunday (it’s a weekend long retreat that begins on Friday.)
My question is, is it customary for a parish to require a retreat as a condition for confirmation? I’d never heard of this before. At the parish I moved from there was no such condition established whereby confirmation could be denied in this fashion.

Just curious.
Cherub

In my parish, students are required to attend retreats in 8th grade, 9th grade (pre-confirmation) and 10th grade (confirmation).

Peace

Tim

 

[puzzleannie]

a retreat is strongly recommended as part of Confirmation preparation, preferrable within a few weeks before the sacrament is celebrated. If properly planned and if the candidates are prepared for it carefully, and it is led by experience directors, it can be life-changing, and one of the most significant spiritual experiences for the candidate.

There is no way it has to cost money and involve an overnight stay, but ideally it should be at a location conducive to meditative relaxation, away from the normal place they have their classes or meetings.

If there is not adequate adult supervision (parents, not college kids) say one adult for each 10 kids of the same sex, don’t let your kid go near it. Know everything there is to know about the place, environment, those leading the retreat, and common sense security issues.

A word on expense: our kids had no trouble getting parents to cough up several hundred to a thousand dollars for travel involved with band competions, sports playoffs, livestock shows, rodeos and various other non-academic endeavors, but balk at a 30-50 dollar price tag for an lock-in close to home, to cover food and facility rental. Cannot get any parents as chaperones, so there will not be an overnight, although it is the one thing the kids beg for every year.

$120 is extremely reasonable for a weekend retreat, you are very fortunate. Price range for an average retreat center is $50 to 150 a night, depending on accomodations and food. If I could have paid somebody that much to take my kids for a weekend to a safe place 10-15 years ago I would have jumped at it.

If you do go along as a chaperone, stay with another group, give your own kid plenty of space, don’t hover, don’t participate directly in what activities he is doing. ideally, he should forget you are even there. resist the urge to force your kid into a discussion of what went on at the retreat until a few days, so he has a chance to process it, and wait until he is ready to talk about it.

 

[Cherub]

Thanks for the information. I don’t have a child who needs to attend the retreat, but was just curious about them in general because its something I’ve never noticed before. If my son had been raised in this parish and was scheduled for confirmation as part of that experience, he would have had to attend this, too. I just thought it was a little extreme because I’m not familiar with it. I was wondering what happens to kids who are of that age group and have moved here recently from elsewhere. With all the abuse scandals and things lately, I can understand a certain reticence from parents-- especially those who don’t know their new parish community very well yet-- and was thinking how it would feel to be in that situation.

 

[puzzleannie]

Your concern is very well placed. Any parent or teacher of teens can tell you horror stories about overnight trips and campouts. The parent should learn everything they can about those who are teaching and leading their children in any capacity, not just CCD, before trusting the situation. In our diocese only one priest (not from here, only here for a few months) has ever sustained a credible sex abuse allegation, and he has since fled the country. In the last 6 months in the county courthouse in this town a dozen cases of sex abuse of minors by teachers, coaches, band directors, and other school personnel have been tried, with minimal publicity. This is a wake-up call to parents.

 

[KCT]

Our church requires a retreat. If someone really puts up a fuss, they can be released.

Until we got our new YM, our confirmation retreat and program was mediocre. Dh and I got involved the years our older 2 were confirmed. I went on the retreat as an adult leader. Now that we have a new YM, we may let our next one go through the program w/o us!! —KCT

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Cherub:

At the parish my family has recently moved to, the youth are required to attend a confirmation retreat or are not allowed to be confirmed. The cost of the retreat is $120 per person, is 200 miles away at a camp in a neighboring state. Upon arrival, the students are separated from the group they came with and do not see them again until Sunday (it’s a weekend long retreat that begins on Friday.)
My question is, is it customary for a parish to require a retreat as a condition for confirmation? I’d never heard of this before. At the parish I moved from there was no such condition established whereby confirmation could be denied in this fashion.

Just curious.
Cherub

I would first contact the diocese and ask to have the official requirements for Sacramental Preparation (Confirmation) sent to you. Read and understand them. It is the Bishop who sets these requirements. If a “Retreat” is required and you cannot afford the cost the parish must provide a means for your child to participate. You and your child always have the ability to prepare for the Sacraments yourself and then request them from the Bishop directly. Canon Law protects this right.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

The issue I have against this is that one should not have to pay to recieve the sacraments.

By requiring a weekend retreat, that costs any amount, they are requiring that parents pay for their child to recieve the sacrament.

Just another reason I like the way we do things. Can’t send an infant on a weekend retreat.

 

[puzzleannie]

the sooner we return to the proper order and timing of the sacraments, preserved in your Church, the better, then I would never again have to deal with ninth graders dragged kicking and screaming to CCD. We provide 3 retreat opportunities each year, and teens also have to option to go to neighboring parishes for their retreats, most are less than $10 and that is for food, so they are being required to pay for food, not for the sacrament.

 

[SFAgal03]

In my diocese, Confirmation retreats are required, and depending on the parish, it might be more than one. I was confirmed in 2001 and went on many of ours offered, although only one was required. I think that the retreats are a worthwhile experience. It almost forces the act of confirmation to be more than classes and-dare I say it?!-fun. My brother is getting confirmed now at a different parish and he has to go on a retreat, too. Ours were led by youth ministers, not preists, so “Catholic scandal” shouldn’t be a major concern in my opinion. I hope that when my children get confirmed there are required retreats, too, so they can get more out of the experience.

~Kristi

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

puzzleannie:

the sooner we return to the proper order and timing of the sacraments, preserved in your Church, the better, then I would never again have to deal with ninth graders dragged kicking and screaming to CCD. We provide 3 retreat opportunities each year, and teens also have to option to go to neighboring parishes for their retreats, most are less than $10 and that is for food, so they are being required to pay for food, not for the sacrament.

I still am not sure I agree with this practice, that is requireing a weekend retreat before confirmation.

Even if they only have to pay for food, that is still money that they would not have to pay if the child stayed home.

Also the parents are responsible for their child, what if they do not want them to be away for a weekend?

Also according to Canon Law, specifically Can. 226 §2

Can. 226 §2 Because they gave life to their children, parents have the most serious obligation and the right to educate them. It is therefore primarily the responsibility of christian parents to ensure the christian education of their children in accordance with the teaching of the Church.

The parents have the responsibility. If the parent so choose, they should be allowed to not do this.

I am sure that if the parents take this up with the bishop, after all it is the bishop, in the Latin Catholic Church, who is the ordinary minister of confirmation, they could work something out.

Confirmation lies with the bishop, not the parish.

 

[kmktexas]

Many of the parishes in our diocese (Galveston-Houston) used to require retreats or lock-ins (overnights). With the implementation of the sexual abuse prevention/awareness guidelines, we were told at training that these would no longer be allowed. The two big obstacles were that the retreats included mixed gender groups and that parents were not allowed, even if they volunteered. One of the “rules” of the Veritas program (that’s what they call it here, it’s “Protecting God’s Children” in other places") is that a parent can alway visit or observe any parish sponsored activity that involves his/her child.

My own parish still has the retreat but it is a day long (no overnight) and parents are more than welcome to help and./or observe.

I would not allow my children to go on an overnight with members of the opposite sex without either myself or my husband along. The Vatican has issued documents regarding withholding of the Sacraments, especially Confirmation.

Annie, good point about the age. I was Confirmed in 4th grade along with my 3rd grade sister. This wasn’t an issue at all then and I would lay money that we were better prepared (the only real requirement) than many of the teens are now.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

kmktexas:

Annie, good point about the age. I was Confirmed in 4th grade along with my 3rd grade sister. This wasn’t an issue at all then and I would lay money that we were better prepared (the only real requirement) than many of the teens are now.

This is one of the issues I have with this.

First, confirmation should preceed First Eucharist.

Second, what “preparation” is necessary before confirmation? As we Byzantine Catholics chrismate (confirm) our infants right after Baptism and right before First Eucharist, is there any preparation really necessary?

 

[kmktexas]

David,

Correct me if I am wrong but I think we are talking here about the Sacrament of Confirmation in the Latin rite. The whole topic of Confirmation retreats wouldn’t make any sense if we were speaking of infant Confirmation (Chrismation).

In the LATIN rite, the ordinary (and the pastor) are responsible for ensuring that candidates for Confirmation are properly prepared with Catechisis and the the Candidates are properly disposed to receive the Sacrament. (CCC 1309, 1310).

Interestingly, there doesn’t seem to be any requirement in the LATIN rite that First Holy Communion precede Confirmation. However, neither can I find anything to support your contention that Confirmation should proceed First Communion. Either order seems to be acceptable as long as First Communion is proceeded by First Confession. In the LATIN rite, of course.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

kmktexas:

David,

Correct me if I am wrong but I think we are talking here about the Sacrament of Confirmation in the Latin rite. The whole topic of Confirmation retreats wouldn’t make any sense if we were speaking of infant Confirmation (Chrismation).

In the LATIN rite, the ordinary (and the pastor) are responsible for ensuring that candidates for Confirmation are properly prepared with Catechisis and the the Candidates are properly disposed to receive the Sacrament. (CCC 1309, 1310).

Interestingly, there doesn’t seem to be any requirement in the LATIN rite that First Holy Communion precede Confirmation. However, neither can I find anything to support your contention that Confirmation should proceed First Communion. Either order seems to be acceptable as long as First Communion is proceeded by First Confession. In the LATIN rite, of course.

Kritine,
You are absolutely correct, there is no specified order but if we look to the early Church we do see an order, Baptism, Chrismation, First Eucharist. If you look up the Sacraments of Initiation in the Catechism you see them layed out in a certain order.

**1212 **The sacraments of Christian initiation - Baptism, Confirmation, and the Eucharist - lay the *foundations *of every Christian life. “The sharing in the divine nature given to men through the grace of Christ bears a certain likeness to the origin, development, and nourishing of natural life. The faithful are born anew by Baptism, strengthened by the sacrament of Confirmation, and receive in the Eucharist the food of eternal life. By means of these sacraments of Christian initiation, they thus receive in increasing measure the treasures of the divine life and advance toward the perfection of charity.”

Seeing that the Church recoginizes infant chrismation and this was the practice in the early Church, even in the Latin Church at one point, are there really requirements that one be properly disposed for Chrismation. I know if adults come forward in our Church the priest will talk with them and teach them if he finds it necessary, so I guess the answer would be yes to my question.

But then again, as the priest is the ordianry minister of chrismation he is the one to make the determination.

What I think I find most trobleing here is that this is a parish thing, or so it sounds. The requirements should be universal across a diocese and again, I am against paying for sacraments.

 

[Nichevo]

Our parish requires an 8th grade retreat although we charge no fees for it. I am an 8th grade CCD teacher and I can say that the retreat truly helps us get a better perspective of whether or not a student is ready to be confirmed. Last year’s retreat helped us to see that one child wasn’t ready and needed more time to develop emotionally and spiritually before making the sacrament.

When you interact with a child once a week for an hour and a half or so, you get only a stilted and limited view. Seeing a child interact with their peers and other adults over a two day period allows you to see them when they aren’t always on their best behavior or putting on their best face. I am glad to have had the opportunity to do this and it has helped me to get to know my students better.

As far as safety issues go, our diocese conducts very thorough background checks of ***all ***who interact with children. From handymen to the Bishop, everyone’s fingerprints are on file and subjected to an NCIC Check.

 

[Orogeny]

kmktexas:

Many of the parishes in our diocese (Galveston-Houston) used to require retreats or lock-ins (overnights). With the implementation of the sexual abuse prevention/awareness guidelines, we were told at training that these would no longer be allowed. The two big obstacles were that the retreats included mixed gender groups and that parents were not allowed, even if they volunteered. One of the “rules” of the Veritas program (that’s what they call it here, it’s “Protecting God’s Children” in other places") is that a parent can alway visit or observe any parish sponsored activity that involves his/her child.

Hi, Kristine.

That’s not quite right. Galveston/Houston does allow overnight retreats. My confirmation class from Christ the Redeemer parish just did theirs this weekend and my son (pre-confirmation) did his in the middle of December. All adults and teen peer-ministers must have completed the Veritas program to be allowed to chaperone.

Peace

Tim

 

[asquared]

SFAgal03:

In My brother is getting confirmed now at a different parish and he has to go on a retreat, too. Ours were led by youth ministers, not preists, so “Catholic scandal” shouldn’t be a major concern in my opinion.~Kristi

A big proportion of abuse lawsuits against the Catholic Church, and also other religious bodies, involves lay persons - youth ministers, choir directors, school teachers, coaches, DREs etc. the mentality that kids cannot be trusted around a priest and that other leaders are by definition worty of trust because they are not priests are both fallacious.

 

[asquared]

ByzCath:

This is one of the issues I have with this.

First, confirmation should preceed First Eucharist.

Second, what “preparation” is necessary before confirmation? As we Byzantine Catholics chrismate (confirm) our infants right after Baptism and right before First Eucharist, is there any preparation really necessary?

as it stands now in the Latin rite, which we are discussing, the original order of the sacraments is restored in the RCIA. Whether the adult (canonically someone from the age of reason onwards) is preparing for baptism, confirmation, Eucharist or all 3, proper disposition and formation, including education on doctrine and Catholic teaching and morality, are required. I assume that if a non-Catholic or non-Christian adult were to approach an Eastern Rite Church, they also would be suitable instructed in the faith for a period of time before initiation to the mysteries.