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catholic79
Guest
Careful with the oil and lubricant suggests the OP sounds like she wants to avoid pregnancy 
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GraceDK
Guest
Of course it does.
Would you rather be described in a novel through the fantazy of some idiot, or would you take part in a porn-movie.
Would you rather your husband looks at porn or reads erotic novels?
You do know the answer to these things.
Fiction is fiction. Porn is something completely different which destroys real lives of people with real bodies. Comparing the two is ridiculous.
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mini_me640
Guest
I agree. The song of songs is very erotic and yet obviously not pornography.
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monicatholic
Guest
Sins against the flesh aren’t limited to pornography and adultery. Erotica, even the dimestore bodice rippers are designed for the singular purpose of sexual arousal.
One’s spouse deserves to be the source and focus of one’s sexual arousal.
The song of songs is about covenant and intimacy, including physical intimacy, blessed by God. Lots of big difference between that and heaving breasts and the young cowboys unbridled desire.
Yikes. Its not even good literature.
One’s spouse deserves to be the source and focus of one’s sexual arousal.
The song of songs is about covenant and intimacy, including physical intimacy, blessed by God. Lots of big difference between that and heaving breasts and the young cowboys unbridled desire.
Yikes. Its not even good literature.
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Richard320
Guest
Nothing much to add, but I was reminded of a saying
When it comes to sex, Men are like a blowtorch, women are like an oven.
When it comes to sex, Men are like a blowtorch, women are like an oven.
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mini_me640
Guest
I am not typically a fan of erotic or romance novels because I generally find them pretty silly. However, I might watch a romantic movie like the Notebook (yes I know it was a book first) which might get me thinking about romance with my husband. So I can see how a book could do the same for someone else. I agree it is a fine line between having something inspire you to intimacy with your spouse and having it get you aroused at the wrong object.
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nishkalank
Guest
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In early years a married couple commit mistakes on account of the novelty and the absence of "control" or sublimation But once you understand the "Theology of the Body", your perception changes. Then the fact that our husband/wife is a gift to each other and what matters most is LOVE that will always think about the partner's feelings, pain and pleasures , will reinin the mind. It will give us the necessary power to abstain The sex positions are decided by the couple with the above thoughts
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nishkalank
Guest
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I am unable to know whether I can contribute my opinion or experience in this page Kindly indicate whether I can
Nishkalank
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fpt
Guest
Information:
When wife and husband are okay for no marital act (complete intercourse) during fertile times of wife, because they use the methods of rythms for avoiding baby or spacing pregnancies for serious reasons or grave motives
Or
when the couple does not want (no intention of complete marital act),
they have the right to give physical affection between them. Wife can give physical tenderness to her husband, husband can give physical tenderness to his wife.
During these continence periods, they are spouses, they are not brother and sister: marital intimacy without sex is possible and totally okay, they need to find their creative abstinence. The marital intimacy without sex is morally okay, of course. Per se, there is no moral problem. They can caress each one with moderation, I mean in avoiding the orgasms.
For instance:
a kiss on mouth, a french kiss, a kiss on the forehead, a kiss on the hands, a kiss on shoulders, a kiss on the nose, a kiss in neck, a kiss on ears, a kiss on eyes, a kiss on feet, a kiss on chest, a kiss on breasts, a kiss on nipples, a kiss on the back.
The rubs on the top part of the body of each one;
The caresses on the top part of the body of each one;
Wife and husband can sleep together in the same bed very closely, even totally naked.
Massages between spouses for improving the bonding of love: sensual massage is not sexual massage.
They can speak very freely how to improve their sexual life: their desires, their wishes. It is a good moment for having a nice conversation about this topic and next days after to try.
If there is an accident from husband without intention (ejaculation outside), it is not a mortal sin or venial sin, per se, because the couple is trying to understand the reaction of their bodies and it is an accident.
By principle, we have not to see the sin (venial or mortal sin) everywhere. Scrupulism is a very bad thought. During these periods of time, to be far away to one to the other in the physical sense is not a solution.
Natural erection of husband does not automatically mean to keep going for having sexual intercourse;
Exitation of wife does not means moral obligation to keep going completly, even after sensual massage.
To be prudish, to be scrupulous, to be sad, to be flipped (full of stress) because of the fear of the sin. No no and no? Be careful, okay, but not like a nun, a monk, a single, a fiancé, a fiancée.
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fpt
Guest
Other information:
In the marriage, female has to understand the normal sexuality of her male.
In the marriage, male has to understand the normal sexuality of his female.
Wife is the teacher of the sexuality of her husband, she is also the professor of the sexuality of her husband, then she is the doctor and love’s master of the sexuality of her husband.
Husband is the teacher of the sexuality of his wife, he is also the professor of the sexuality of his wife , then he is the doctor and love’s master of the sexuality of his wife.
It is a reciprocal and mutual duty and a reciprocal and mutual right.
In the marital act, wife is teacher, professor, doctor and master and lover for her husband.
In the marital act, husband is teacher, professor, doctor and master and lover for his wife.
In the marital act, wife is also schoolgirl, student and follower of her husband.
In the marital act, husband is schoolboy, student and follower of his wife.
In the context of marital act:
Wife can touch the exteriors genitals of her husband in the context of marital act with her hands, her fingers, her lips of her mouth (kiss), her tongue, her mouth, her breasts, her body (body to body) as foreplay (preparation for stimulating before the junction of body), it is the role of wife as lover and as soulmate).
Husband can touch the exteriors genitals of his wife in the context of marital act with his hands, his fingers, his lips of his mouth (kiss), his tongue, his mouth, his body (body to body) as foreplay (preparation for stimulating before juntion of bodies, it is the role of husband as lover and as soulmate).
I want to share my understanding of the official catholic teaching on this topic in saying:
Marital act in dark bedroom is okay.
Marital act in the luminous bedroom is okay.
In the context of marital act, per se, wife cannot refuse to show her total nudity to her husband, because her nudity is for her husband.
In the context of marital act, per se, Husband cannot refuse to show his total nudity to his wife, because his nudity id for his wife.
Marital act during fertile periods of wife is okay.
Marital act during infertile periods of wife is okay.
In the context of marital act, wife has to respect her boby and her soul.
In the context of marital act, Husband has to respect his body and his soul.
In the context of marital act, Wife has to respect the body and the soul of her husband
In the context of marital act, husband has to respect the body and the soul of his wife.
In the context of marital act, husband has to respect the rights of his wife.
In the context of marital act, wife has to respect the rights of her husband.
In the context of marital act, sexual cooperation in the human fashion is the rule.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
I would advocate extreme caution when viewing images or reading even somewhat erotic literature. The arousal is normal - what haunts you afterward are the images that your mind creates. I have been very good at fantasizing, which takes your mind away from the actual marital embrace and turns the act into more of a masturbation than an act of unity. I was afraid there was no way for me to break this almost life long habit…If I read erotic literature I would be back into it. I guess it’s almost like an alcoholic - if I take one drink, I’m back to square one. I used to look at my father’s Playboy and Hustler magazines, so all of that history is easily reactivated.
However long it takes, stay focused on your husband and the immediate acts. Don’t insert an image into your marital embrace.
However long it takes, stay focused on your husband and the immediate acts. Don’t insert an image into your marital embrace.
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twoangels
Guest
Sometimes we talk about sexual sins in such terms that it sounds like we should be making every effort to repress our sexual drive while then expecting ourselves to engage in full blown sex on demand. Even though the Church clarifies that lust is not the sexual urge, its easy to internalize it as such.
I would say even viewing material that portrays sex in a positive light is not sinful. Afterall, if you have a young woman whose only been told frightening things about sex and whose only exposure to sexual imagry has been through accidently coming across graphic scenes of rape in film, how is she to learn to see sex in a positive light? Certainly this can be done abstractly, but the idea of sex being something positive then becomes merely theoretical.
Now, it is unlikely that you are in such an extreem situation. But that said, it should be recognized that arousal is not bad even if you are exposing yourself to sexual material. Discerning whether you are engaging in sin or not depends on your ability to decipher between lust and the sexual urge.
I would say even viewing material that portrays sex in a positive light is not sinful. Afterall, if you have a young woman whose only been told frightening things about sex and whose only exposure to sexual imagry has been through accidently coming across graphic scenes of rape in film, how is she to learn to see sex in a positive light? Certainly this can be done abstractly, but the idea of sex being something positive then becomes merely theoretical.
Now, it is unlikely that you are in such an extreem situation. But that said, it should be recognized that arousal is not bad even if you are exposing yourself to sexual material. Discerning whether you are engaging in sin or not depends on your ability to decipher between lust and the sexual urge.
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nishkalank
Guest
I have gone through all the comments. May I express my opinion and own experiences
When the novelty of sex in the initial year is over, we think of irregular things , sin etc. The best thing is to have some mental determination to contain oneself with lot of foreplay. the kissing of the whole body of the partner and specially breasts and upperpart of vagina by husband and the brests and genital of the husband by wife in a very slow process is good. The coming together must be with prayer first. sometimes on account of excitement , ejacullation may happen, but it is not intentionally and so no problem. The vagina may be very lubricant and a finger **** may give her joy. Also many poses can be adopted. When you have decided to have full intercourse, no contaception should be used. As loved or liked by both, missionary position or doggy position or any other position can be adopted, but no contaception should be used. When both are in climax always send up a prayer. As Bishop Fulton Sheen wrote, that is the time when God will be with the couple and if He wills a creation is done. Once the ejaculation happens, it should not be withdrawn immediately Both should tightly embrace and praise God. When we wanted to have one more child ( that was the fifth child...all other children were just born not with special desire), the embrace, the touch, the great foreplays and the great " becoming ONE FLESH" was really divine and celestial. Always think of God and the pure love to the partner. The thought of LOVE will make our acts divine
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another_seeker
Guest
It IS possible for a romance novel to have scnes of lovemaking and not be pornographic. Now, being overly graphic for the solce purpose of it isn’t what I’m talking about, but as someone who use to write porn, and lots of it? Yeah. It’s not the same thing. Just like a novel can contain a graphic depiction of violence, , a novel may contain a reasonable depiction of sex.
Gosh people on here seem to forget that sex is not the be all and end all of morality.
Gosh people on here seem to forget that sex is not the be all and end all of morality.
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Joseph6279
Guest
I would say your ends were good. But looking at images of sexual acts, even though though these were not actual photographs, was not a good means to that end. It doesn’t sound like a mortal sin because the image content was probably not of a terribly arousing type, and your intentions in looking at these were essentially good. But as you say it’s a good idea to take it to confession. As to being concerned about about how it will effect the priest, I really doubt such a story would be problematic for him. They’ve heard it all, and this would be pretty mild in comparison to what he’s heard many, many times in confession in the sexual sphere.
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fpt
Guest
It is a very good thought. That is a very good point of view.
Love, love love and always love is the key.
In the marital act, there are the love, the tenderness, the stimulations for the excitations of bodies, the conjugal creativity, the sensual pleasures, the sexual pleasures, the orgasms, the potential fecundation.
Marital act is unitive and procreative: Love, pleasures, orgasms, potential procreation and love.
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nishkalank
Guest
Are you kidding I can’t believe the church would condone graphic romances…
I feel there is no need for any sex therapist or any training for sex. Our forefathers did not do such training, but things went well. The present day problem is the belief that sex is heaven and the way to reach is through the object of wife/husband. First of all the union should be preceded by prayer . Read Ch 12 Tobias. Our concern should be to give joy to our wife/husband.But it should not be by using contraception. Foreplay is the best way to be together in ecstacy. Sometimes the wife gets orgasm or the husband gets ejaculation If the same is accidental and not intentional, it is not a wrong or sinful thing. The husband must be very careful as John Paul Ii says in the Theology of the Body, in that he should have very mature thoughts, feeling of sublimation and prayerfulness so that everything goes smoothly without that unwanted haste that creats unnaturalness and a feeling of being lost
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twoangels
Guest
Sexual dysfunction has always existed. Thankfully there is treatment, whereas before a woman with vaginismus would have just been condemn for denying conjugal rights and hating sex. An unconsumated marriage is the only valid marriage the Pope can dissolve. If the couple believes they would be able to consumate their marriage and marry in good faith, their marriage is valid. Sexual dysfunctions in men are more obvious in men than in women, but most unconsumated marriages do not deal in erectial dysfunction but in vaginismus. Vaginismus is completely treatible.
And one thing I learned with overcoming it is that sexual pleasure is necessary to engage in sex. The less pleasure a woman feels, the more uncomfortable and possibly painful sex can be.
That’s not to say lust doesn’t have to be avoided, but especially for a woman, lust is not about a lust for physical pleasure. As a friend of mind said, lust for women is more based on vanity. We want to be adored. The temptation to dress immodesty comes from wanting to get glances from men. Its not that they want to be demeaned. Most sexual fantasies women have are based on the idea of a bad boy recognizing something in you that immediately makes him reject his old ways and remain completely loyal to you. Romance novels often revolve around a woman having to choose between men who are completely obsessed with her. As my friend said, our temptation is to be idolized as goddesses. There is even an element within us where we want to be the savior of men, again replacing God. That’s why we tend to be attracted to bad boys. We want to save them. We want to convert them.
In regard to romance novels, they are the pornography for women regardless of whether they have sex scenes or not. Our lust is very different. Even secular sources have recognized that the popular “Twilight” books is a version of “abstainence porn.”
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Petra_Spahr
Guest
“I’m glad these forums are anonymous…”
First, your need to be anonymous indicates that you are overly inhibited with sexual issues and you should try to get over it. Note that I’m posting under my real name…
Everyone here can call me a cafeteria Catholic or whatever term you have for it, but my advice, based on my experience, is to stop practicing NFP and use something reliable as soon as you can. Otherwise, you are depriving yourselves of critical emotional bonding and replacing it with frustration and endangering your marriage. I will admit that I have a past not to be proud of, with many more sexual partners than my husband, but when we were married I became monogamous and practiced NFP. What a disaster! Using reliable birth control allows us to be spontaneously loving without worry. Finally, be TOTALLY open with your husband about your past, what you liked, and your fantasies. Your spouse is your best friend, if you can’t be completely open with him / her, something is wrong. It should serve as a source of excitement in your love life. So long as your activities are kept between the two of you. Good luck.
First, your need to be anonymous indicates that you are overly inhibited with sexual issues and you should try to get over it. Note that I’m posting under my real name…
Everyone here can call me a cafeteria Catholic or whatever term you have for it, but my advice, based on my experience, is to stop practicing NFP and use something reliable as soon as you can. Otherwise, you are depriving yourselves of critical emotional bonding and replacing it with frustration and endangering your marriage. I will admit that I have a past not to be proud of, with many more sexual partners than my husband, but when we were married I became monogamous and practiced NFP. What a disaster! Using reliable birth control allows us to be spontaneously loving without worry. Finally, be TOTALLY open with your husband about your past, what you liked, and your fantasies. Your spouse is your best friend, if you can’t be completely open with him / her, something is wrong. It should serve as a source of excitement in your love life. So long as your activities are kept between the two of you. Good luck.
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