Hi,
Not to mislead you, but what the title is trying to say is that there are people who may have resentment or doubts on my “calling”.
I don’t know how to say this, but my vocation journey has been very tough. After discerning my vocation (ie visiting a convent, intense visits to the Blessed Sacrament), I have chosen an apostolate that I want to serve as a religious sister - the Daughters of St Paul. Because I have experience in the media profession, and I am currently studying Communications. That is the congregation’s apostolate mission - in the “service of the Gospel media and culture”.
However, my parents were, at first, very sceptical. It seemed as though they did not really believe me when I said I wanted to enter the convent. I’m 26 years old this year. I am in the middle of applying to enter as an “outside postulant” due to my circumstances.
When I made the decision to enter, I was dating a guy who was very keen to marry me. He gave me a period of one month to “really think” about my vocation. So I did. In the one month, he gave his best in the relationship to make me change my mind about entering the convent. But my heart has been taken - to live the religious life for God. Marriage at this time is not on my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I do care about him.
I’m afraid that I have turned him into an anti-Catholic and anti-nuns because of my decision. After the one-month period is over, I told him my decision to apply to enter the convent. He was devastated. He deleted me from his Facebook, and most of our mutual friends. He posted anti-Catholic/Christian videos on his page, including writing anti-Catholic sentiments.
Since he has a business near my office, he knows mots of my colleagues as they also frequent his shop. Just recently, one of my colleagues told me that when my ex saw him, he said things like “I hate Catholics!” He also paid a “surprise” visit to my cousin’s office yesterday. My cousin said he looked very disturbed, as though he had “a lot of problems”. I don’t know if he’s immature to handle this situation, or if I really deserve this. Nonetheless, I have only myself to blame when I know I should not have said “yes” to his courtship, because deep in my heart I have a desire to serve the church for a long, long time. I am only acting on this desire just recently, because the call is urgent.
Anyway, men suddenly appear in my life. I rejected them all. My sights are set on consecrating my life to God. I have turned two of them into God-haters. I feel that it’s my fault now. And I am constantly praying for them, that they may be enlightened.
I also get the feeling that some people may doubt my “calling”. When people doubt me, I get influenced by their thoughts too. However, I remember that it is for God that I live, not men. Only God knows what’s in my heart.
This journey has, as my mum would say, peeled me in the process of purification, being reborn, transformed - it’s a painful journey. Sometimes I feel like giving up. But the will to endure, thanks be to God, is much stronger.
Thank you for your time. God bless you.
God bless u.