Reserved seating, exceptionally annoyed

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Allie1

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This past Sunday was my child’s First Holy Communion. This is typically a very packed mass, which we knew ahead of time. My husband, child, and myself arrived 45 minutes early. At the time of our arrival, the church was 1/4 full. however, individuals who were there. Were claiming large rows of the pews for their families, friends, relatives. Who themselves have not arrived. They were using song books to hang on the end of the pews, as a reservation sign to claim entire rows of pews for themselves.
The only truly reserved pews (with real reservation signs), were the 4 pews in the front of the church for the first communion children to sit.
As a result of this my husband and I, even though we had arrived early to a mostly empty church were forced to sit in a horrible area of the church, behind our church piano by our organ.

Here are my feelings about this.
  1. Song books are not reservation signs, they are song books.
  2. My thoughts are a pew is not taken until your buttocks is physically in it. This idea that an individual person can claim ownership of entire rows of empty pews. And shoo other parishioners away who are physically there to sit, is ludicrous.
Does anyone else, have these type of issues in their parishes? Is my annoyance unfounded?
 
It’s not unfounded, and we don’t have these issue because the pastor does not tolerate it.
When we have a small class, we assign one entire pew to a family, in alpha order.
Then, it’s the luck of the draw. (your last name initial)

For much larger celebrations, we reserve the pews for the children, and ask anyone who is not immediate family to go to the parish hall where the Mass is televised.

This frees up other pews.

Sometimes we ask parents to sit directly behind their children and other to sit wherever they can find a spot.
 
You are not alone here. I, myself, don’t have any experience with this situation, but I’ll bet more than a few DRE’s will chime in. I have a friend, a former DRE, who tells a story about a woman who tried to reserve seats at a First Communion Mass with police tape! That isn’t the only story she has either. I have no idea what the solution to this problem is short of arriving at the church the minute that the doors open for the Mass.
 
Your annoyance is not unfounded; That sounds very frustrating…
Recently I attended a first communion mass, and the first 4 pews were blocked off as reserved for the first communion people. No one else was reserving seats. That seems fair to me. Occasionally I will see a family saving a seat or two, but never a whole pew.
If that had happened to me, I might have sought out a person in authority, like an usher or possibly the priest (although he might have been incredibly busy) and asked him to intercede. It really isn’t fair that you should have had to sit so far away when you arrived so early.

Failing that, you could maybe have just sat where you chose, ignoring song books hung on the pews. To complaints, i would have said, “I’m sorry, but we came early to be sure and find seats. It’s not fair to save the whole pew.”

Now that the occasion has passed, perhaps you might bring it up to your priest, who could instruct the ushers to try preventing this in future, and maybe mention it in the homily. Our priest is not shy about bringing up housekeeping details.
 
Why didn’t you just sit wherever you chose. If somebody confronted you and told you the seat was reserved, just tell them your understanding is that type of reservation isnt valid.

Truthfully, your church should have Usher’s to take care of this sort of thing.
 
A wise priest once told some people complaining about this “what is important, the Sacrament or where you sit?”

At our parish, during FHC or Confirmation Masses, no one is allowed to take photographs EXCEPT for the professional photographer and videographer. There are ushers who keep people from getting out in the aisle to snap pictures. Every parent knows they will receive professional photos and a video of the entire event.
 
Actually we did sit in a seat, and we were approached by the lady who had reserved the pew for herself, who herself was adamant that we must leave our spot. The conversation was getting heated, when we acquiesced and left the seat. Mainly at the urging of my husband (I am admittedly much much more stubborn than him), because he and I truly don’t want to get in a heated argument with our fellow parishioner actually INSIDE the church before mass.
As far as the ushers go, to tell you the truth. I tend to never see them until they’re actually sitting people after mass starts.
 
Right. Few ushers actually USH. LOL
They simply hand out bulletins and take up the collection. The parishioners tend to have to fend for themselves.
 
I wanted to thank everyone for their responses thus far and ideas to approach my pastor with regarding this issue. Writing it out like this actually feels very therapeutic.
 
Well that is so unfortunate. Sort of like the bullies get the good seats, eh?

I would approach the pastor so there are some good groundgame rules established way before the event, then a lot of volunteer ushers who can keep things in line.

I am so sorry you had to deal with that!
 
Our parish does not try to have all the children making their First Holy Communion do it at the same Mass.

The time to address this would be at the training for First Holy Communion. Tell the families very clearly to inform their “entourage” that no one is going to be allowed to come ahead of time to reserve more than the one seat other than their own. But yes, you have to have the ushers come early enough to inform people on the limit to seat-saving.

This is not any different than the situation at the most-packed Christmas Eve Mass. If the ushers don’t help people to find seats and inform those trying to save an inordinate amount of space that they are out of bounds, then this is what happens. It is not a good idea to have people trying to find a seat confront the squatters on their own.
QwertyGirl said:
I would approach the pastor so there are some good groundgame rules established way before the event, then a lot of volunteer ushers who can keep things in line.
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If I had had to back down when up against this kind of rudeness in order to avoid having a shoving match inside the church, I would tell Father about the situation that took place. It is bad enough it happened this year; it should not ever happen again.
 
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Not sure, but might part of the problem be that a lot of people attending aren’t Catholic or aren’t practicing catholics? They may be perceiving the event more like a pageant, as awful as that sounds. I don’t know how you fix that.
 
What you dealt with was totally unfair.

That said people get jerky about seats.

People have told us that our small children don’t need seats. Sorry, but I’m not going have a 30lbs toddler on my lap the entire time, and neither is my husband. And most defiantly not my 10yo niece!!! Go find another seat, we were here first. My kid can sit, they get a seat, period.

Palm Sunday one year when I was nursing, my husband sat with some of our kids and I went to the big cushy couch in the back. Someone tried to MOVE MY BAG that my husband used to reserve my seat and argued with him that he couldn’t reserve seats. Fortunately, an usher pointed out other seats.
 
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maybe the problem (and i have seen this sort of thing) could be resolved if the parish “accepted” reserved pews for a cash donation…
 
Brittany said:
I hate to sound brute, but I find it silly to complain like this. It’s such a small matter, where one sits. See this inconvenience/annoyance as an opportunity to offer up suffering and grow in patience
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I would imagine witnessing one’s child’s first communion is a huge milestone for a Catholic parent. I don’t know that it is unreasonable to expect parents could sit closer. Families don’ thave to sit altogether for this sort of thing. I would say parents up front, the rest of the family farther back. I totally get why it is a big deal.
 
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QwertyGirl said:
Not sure, but might part of the problem be that a lot of people attending aren’t Catholic or aren’t practicing catholics? They may be perceiving the event more like a pageant, as awful as that sounds. I don’t know how you fix that.
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Yes, I think this is very true. While, some might be practicing parishioners, it’s often a bigger issue with guests.

So I typically think of it like this: “don’t be the reason the seat savers don’t come back to mass”
 
My parish cracked down on it. As it is, we’re so big and crowded that we’re probably violating some fire codes, lol! But no, they don’t allow seat-saving at major Masses or events.
 
The problem with this type of thinking is that a person becomes a doormat and bullies get whatever they want. Yes, some things can’t be changed and we need to offer them up.

But to allow a situation like this to continue is also wrong. Admonishing to sinner is also a Catholic teaching.

Coming here to get the opinion of others is a good thing, and will save future parents of First Communicants from this situation.
 
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