I raised my son as a single Mom. He is 18 now and on a gap year near my brother across the country, who has an intact family with 4 boys around his age. And I’m glad he is getting to spend time with an intact family, that he is related to! I valued the time we got to spend around intact families I was single-parenting him, too. I always wanted him to experience how it is supposed to be, so that when he starts planning his own family life someday, he those memories and a desire to make that happen. So I suggest that. Spending a bit of time around healthy, intact, functioning families. Even though it can also make you sad that you don’t have that!
We tried boy scouts for about three years. It was a good troop with good leaders so I think that offered positive role models, too. The leaders of his troop were good decent people with basic Christian values so his exposure to them was good. It was rather lonely for me, though. I met nice and good people but it was a challenge to my sense of belonging, and I’d get weary of being one of the few “mom-only’s” in “sea” of dads supporting their boys.
That was a challenge, but there are *many *challenges being a single parent, and you just have to live with it and suffer thought it and rely on God for comfort (He will not let you down for if you depend on Him!) and know that, among the hard days, there are good ones, too. And sadnesses are something special to offer-up to God! A single-parent can have a huge batch of offerings for the Lord!
Scouting was also challenging to juggle with the normal running of a single-Mom-home, with working, and homework, and then add badges and all the requirements! So when we moved, and my son’s schedule got busy with his new interest of wrestling in the new school, I was glad to be done with it. However, If he had wanted to stick with all in a new troop I would have supported him for sure.
So next it was wrestling. His school district was strong in this sport, and he started in 7th grade with no natural talent for this sport, but the workouts were brutal and he was willing to stick with it so I supported it. I learned something of the sport (which looked to me just like “fighting” at first
) from the other parents in the stands, and eventually understood the sportsmanship of it! I know he learned a lot over the years in this sport about all kinds of male things, sportsmanship and what have you. It was a demanding sport and he was very committed to it, which I admire. I always felt a bit out of place around this sport but my job was to chauffeur and feed and clothe! (I also served the team in fund-raising events, etc.) Once again, at these events, spending time around other intact families made me more aware of my alone-ness, which was not comfortable. But, what can you do?
You have to do the right thing for you child, and a lot of it is just getting through it.
So, I recommend a sport. The time spent in the involvement was certainly not spent getting into trouble! He was too busy for that!
Also I recommend wrestling now that I know the sport even though I never woudl have picked it. As much is its all contact, its not bashing into each other like football. The injuries are not nearly as much. Parents whose boys did other sports as well, like football or soccer, favored this sport for its discipline, hard work,* and * bodily safety.
Also hard to find where we lived was a good parish, but we found the good ones, and so, his being able to know, listen to and have Mass served by and to confess with good, holy priests is another good thing I feel I did right. We did not have close, extra-special relations with them, but to have them in our lives as priests we knew I know was a good thing. I always hoped for more in the church, like a great youth group, great Catholic education, and was very disappointing not to have this, but this was not possible where I was. But I did the best I could, and choosing to go to parishes that had good priests was a very good choice.
I want to say that there are not too many ways to do a great job being a single parent. This was a challenge for me that wants to do everything GREAT, particularly parenting! I was on track with GREAT before the divorce: I was stay-at-home, had nursed, attachment-parented, was homeschooling, and doing extras like was making and canning good food for our family - all kinds of things - and it all stopped with divorce and I was thrown into this world of making it as a single parent, including back to work, barely being able to pay rent and bills, sometimes I even had to use childcare which I had COMPLETELY avoided til then. I had no dreams or vision on how to do single parenting well, and I honestly don’t think there *is *a way to do it remarkably well. Just, “the best you can” is about all you can strive for. Sink or swim, just do what you can.
Parenting is important, and the reality is, we don’t all have the means (not just financial means) to be as fantastic as we want. Sometime we just have to* do *it. One of my favorite sayings is
“If something is worth doing, its worth doing poorly”. Its a useful thought for me who likes to do things excellently. For me there is a temptation to not do things I cannot do well. But some things are worth doing anyway! Like parenting. Its a great calling! If I had a chance to do my life over and had only two choices, to single parent or not parent all, in spite of the struggles, I’d choose the good thing, to parent.
The other thing I recommend to your friend is to dedicate her sons to Our Lady. I did that and still do that after every Mass for my son. Whenever I feel I have been inadequate, I remind myself that I have asked Our Lady to make up for what I have not done, and to especially keep him under Her mantle of protection. Which is a pretty amazing gift to give your son(s). better than anything else I could have done.
)
And I could feel His amusement. As if he grinned with me. And I knew it was only the grace of God that came to me through that prayer that I was able to see the slight as a valuable gift.