Respect during Mass

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GoneAstray

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As I have mentioned in previous posts, I am a lapsed Catholic who has returned after quite a few years.

I’ve already mentioned people attending Mass while obviously suffering from colds and flu and then shaking hands with everyone. I carry hand sanitizer and I use it. They should stay home, IMHO.

Then there are people who have conversations during the entire Mass.

Last weekend was another first for me.

During Liturgy of the Eucharist, a man’s cell phone rang. Loudly. He answered it while leaving the church. He then stood in the vestibule with the cell phone on speaker and carried on a conversation which everyone could hear both sides of.

And it wasn’t an emergency but a social call. I know this since I could hear everything that was said.

Does this kind of thing happen often now? It was extremely distracting.
 
GoneAstray said:
As I have mentioned in previous posts, I am a lapsed Catholic who has returned after quite a few years.

I’ve already mentioned people attending Mass while obviously suffering from colds and flu and then shaking hands with everyone. I carry hand sanitizer and I use it. They should stay home, IMHO.

Then there are people who have conversations during the entire Mass.

Last weekend was another first for me.

During Liturgy of the Eucharist, a man’s cell phone rang. Loudly. He answered it while leaving the church. He then stood in the vestibule with the cell phone on speaker and carried on a conversation which everyone could hear both sides of.

And it wasn’t an emergency but a social call. I know this since I could hear everything that was said.

Does this kind of thing happen often now? It was extremely distracting.
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Hi, there.

At least in my experience, fortunately, such inappropriate behavior occurs rarely.

It’s sad how people do not think of the significance of their location and the moment. In short, much of our behavior is based on our own self-absorption.

At the Mass, it is a definitive time to be absorbed by the representing of Christ’s sacrifice, of course. I make all conscious effort to turn off or silence any electronic devices. I actually use my iPhone during some readings to gain access to them when a missal is not available, but that is the extent of my involvement there. (This CAF thread talks about the pros and cons of using the new reading technology, which, too can cause distraction.)

Most distractions simply require people to think ahead and think appropriately. Some that come to mind:
  • Crying or boisterous children. Know that your child may be loud and have some treats or toy to help. Do leave the congregation if the child becomes repeatedly loud; this is a serious distraction.
  • Cell phones. Keep them off. If you are using them, it better be for the readings only. Others may not understand that you are using them for readings, so go “old school” and get a missal book if available.
  • Dress. My pet peeve is when people wear their sports team jerseys to Mass. You’re about to spend only one hour with the Lord, yet you’ll be going to spend 5 hours+ time this week with your football team? There’s a sense of bad priorities when you show what’s really on your mind, and it’s not God.
As I said, however, such misbehavior depends on the pastor and the general behavior of the parishioners. The “monkey-see-monkey-do” lemming mentality that makes people speed when driving applies here. Don’t be a monkey. 🙂

But I have faith. People do learn, eventually, of what’s important.
 
At our parish, everyone is reminded immediately before Mass begins to silence their cell phones and pagers and that the next hour or so belongs to God. One time that I remember, a homilist answered someone’s cell phone for them. As I remember, he let the caller know that they’d reached their party during the homily, that they were currently speaking to the homilist, and that they’d have to call back later. He then turned off the cell phone, handed it back to its owner, and went on with the homily.

Once, when a cell phone went off right after the Agnus Dei, the main celebrant waited until the time for announcements and then ratted out his concelebrant for not turning his cell phone off!

I will leave you to imagine what would happen to a cell phone user who was as rude as what you’re describing. I’m guessing that we’d all find it memorable. :rolleyes: 😃

As for colds and the flu, every fall our pastor tells the parish unequivocally that not only does everyone have an automatic dispensation from him to miss Mass when they have a serious communicable disease, but that he considers it a sin to show up and spread it around! STAY HOME!! Period!! He’s diabetic, so it goes without saying that he knows well how serious it can be to be knocked down with a flu bug.

The parish will go without naming, but a deacon friend of mine is currently waging a campaign to get the choir at his church to keep talking both at a low volume and to a minimum immediately before and after Mass. (As nearly as I can tell, this last thing has been an issue more or less since the Counter-Reformation.)
 
This reminds me of two cell phone occaisions during Mass. One time someone’s cell phone went off in the front row in the middle of the homily. The priest stopped mid-setence, took a deep breath, and then said, “If only I had a gun.” I couldn’t tell if he meant that he would shoot the phone into a thousand pieces or the person.

Another time (again, during a homily) he told someone, after her cell phone rang, that it would be a $50 fine. He then said that he has the authority to collect it since he is a firefighter chaplin and has certain rights and priviledges of firefighters (including issuing fines). He then took out his badge and displayed it to everyone saying that he was serious. I bet she was so embarrassed she probably kicked in some extra money when the collection plate came around.
 
Dear GoneAstray,
I sympathize with your above complaints on many levels, and since my experience just two days ago (Sunday), I’ve been meaning to call attention to a need in the Church, while it is oriented toward renewing the liturgy. But before that, to address your concerns, yes…

(1) People who are sick are creating a hazard for others, not just an inconvenience. You will not know whom you might have infected by mingling: some may have compromised immune systems!

(2) Constant coughing (inability to control because sick) is disruptive to others (praying, listening to prayers, listening to a homily). That is the second courtesy/charity reason not to attend.

(3) At one church I attend, the Eucharistic Ministers use hand sanitizer immediately before distributing. And those are healthy ministers. How much more should the consciousness be of those who are ill! I see no problem with the rest of the congregation – any congregation – arming themselves with hand sanitizer.

(4) I try to avoid physical contact now during the “exchange of Peace.” Actually I usually avoid Masses with that practice to begin with. But when that’s not possible, I’m now bringing hand sanitizer. Whether or not people are ill, it continues to be clear to me when people do not wash their hands. Men are especially guilty of this. (Sorry guys.)

(5) Use of a cell phone during Mass, or even inside the church at all, is inexcusable. A person can’t refrain from checking it for a lousy hour? (“You could not watch with me for one hour?” asked Jesus.) Look, if anyone feels so inconvenienced by non-access to their 24/7 phone, do us all a favor and don’t do any favors to God or us: just…stay…home.

On Sunday 2 days ago, a couple came in very late to Mass, and had the nerve to sit in the front pew (I was also sitting in the front pew, but I wouldn’t have done so and climbed over people, drawing attention to myself, had I arrived so late!) It would have been fine to sit in front had they not been distracting. The guy pulled out his cell phone/ Blackberry/ whatever to check his messages during Mass! Then, not even having been there, obviously, during the full duration, he and she are so impatient to check in again, that they take a second look shortly after communion. And shame on her for joining in the activity. (His phone.) Talk about distracting – right next to me!

So, long story much shorter, while the Vatican and its various deputies are retranslating the Latin now, and also making liturgy more uniform (hopefully), it’s time for a renewal of the individual’s disposition. I’m not going to trash V2 because I thought some beautiful stuff came out of there, but I will say that the one thing I truly regret (or maybe it’s just society at large, unrelated to misinterpretation of church reform), is the casual, hyper-informal attitudes at Mass. Again, please stay home if you’d rather be somewhere else. Those of us who look forward to this at minimum of once/week are being dealt an injustice to be in the company of anyone or any unit of several, who show by their behavior just how non-engaged they are. It’s not a social event. Not a recreational event. Not a media event. If you physically saw the face of Christ in front of you, I doubt very much that you would behave as you now do at Mass, in the same presence of Christ, though invisible there.

GoneAstray,
Your opening post sort of continues an earlier discussion on a thread called Pajama Church recently. All people who want to behave informally at Mass, please gather yourselves together and open your own parish, with a priest who feels similarly.

If you’re too bored to listen to academic lectures, don’t go to college. This is a free country.
If you can’t keep your mouth shut for approximately 2 hours, don’t go out to a movie in a public theater; rent a DVD.
If you have no disposition to orient your mind and body toward a reverential attitude, don’t go to Mass.

In all these public settings, people who are properly behaving deserve to attend with like-minded people, and do not deserve having rude people derail an experience which depends partly on the uniform behavior of others.

So with reform comes a corresponding need for the Church to show the way. One way might be to return the vestibule (“foyer”) to its former purpose, which was to prepare the parishioner to enter the sacred space. Before Mass, there’s no need for it to be misused as a social space. We should be recollecting our intent, gathering our mind and body (devoid of accessories) prior to opening the inner doors of the church and the inner doors of our minds and hearts!

Most people drive to Mass. Those that do have absolutely no reason to bring along their cell phones, off or on. Mine stays in my car, where it belongs during Mass. Those on public transportation should be turning theirs off before they step into the church.
 
If a young child is simply just giving out a few random cries here and there, then it doesn’t really bother me. If they are screaming and crying like they are dying, then it does become bothersome and they should be taken to the cry room. Some parents just let the child scream and scream and cry and they simply don’t do anything about it. Secondly, cell phones. Like the above posters said, you can wait an hour (sometimes a little less, sometimes a little over) to check your phone. Masses like Palm Sunday, Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Sunday, Christmas, etc…you should know Mass will be a little longer than usual, so you should brace yourself not to be able to check your phone for an hour and a half to two hours. Thirdly, people coming in late. One man at our church came in last week (2/21) and the week before (2/14) right when the priest is giving the EMHC the Eucharist! That is unacceptable. Fourthly, talking during Mass. Mass is not a social time, but it is a time to be social with our God (through prayer and song.) Not a time to be social with our friends and family members. It is distracting for those trying to have full, concious, and active preparation for the Mass. Imagine going to someone’s house for their birthday party, completely ignore them, and talk with your other friends.
 
Cell phones in church are a pet peeve of mine. No one, and I mean no one, needs to talk on the phone while in church. In the case of a doctor on call, e.g., the phone should be set to vibrate and the person should probably stay toward the back where he/she can go outside to take the call if absolutely necessary. And of course the speaker should be off. All of it comes under the heading “common courtesy” if nothing else.

I recall an incident a few years back where someone had his infernal phone on and it rang during Mass. Of course he answered it (perish the thought that it could wait) and proceeded to get up and pace up and down the aisle, all the while having a conversation. The priest (it may have been the Vicar General) stopped in the middle of a prayer, and told him to “shut the phone off, now.” The guy terminated the call and went back to his place. The phone rang again and, yep, he answered it! The priest stopped again and told him to get out. At the end of Mass the lector made an announcement that all cell phones were to be turned off or at least set to vibrate before entering the church. The following week the rector went further: signs were posted and an announcement was made that the ushers would escort anyone with a ringing cell phone (or anyone talking on a cell phone) to the door. We haven’t had problems with cell phones since.
 
I’m very glad to read the responses here. I thought maybe because I had been away from the Church for so long this is now the way it is and I just needed to somehow tune it out.

But I see that’s not true. Other people find it aggravating too.

I plan on talking to the priest about it. He’s been on retreat.

And that’s kind of funny because it seems when we have visiting priests, the behavior is a lot worse. Kind of like when you had a substitute teacher in school.
 
I go home every night by Commuter train and over the past 12 years I have watched the advent of cell phone, ipod, iphone, blackberry use grow and having the opportunity to observe people and their usage of these devices I can only come to one conclusion…these devices are as addictive as drugs or alcohol.

People enter the train, find a seat, and quickly haul out their device, and then a strange things happens…when they connect, their demeanor changes and they show all the signs of getting high! When they cannot connect, their demeanor changes and they show all the signs of being down!

We are now slaves to these devices and we cannot help using them, even during Holy Mass. We’re hooked and can’t stop! So when you see somebody using them even at Mass, the devices are more important to them then even God…they’re addicted.

I have often said to my Wife: even with all their possibilities for good, these devices are the worst things we could have created for ourselves!
 
Good for you, GoneAstray, for opening this, because you are being righteously validated here, as you see. We lay people who care about our precious worship and prayer time, should speak up and lead the way, and the clergy and hierarchy will be most happy to follow.

This should become part of the overall church reform, part of catechesis, part of preaching. And if anyone objects, we need to point them to the rules even in a court of law. Seen anybody talk lately in Court? Pull out a cell phone? You can be thrown out, if you do. It’s considered essential to the respect of the proceedings to shut off mouth, cell phone, and even in my jurisdiction – newspapers! (too loud, apparently). Court is quieter than the unsung, unspoken parts of the Mass. Sad, really.

malphono, one would think that in the church I mentioned, what you experienced would also happen, as it is the most reverential of the weekend Masses; it’s late at night, and there’s a reminder on the large screen to turn off all pagers and cell phones because “God doesn’t need those to communicate with us.” Until recently, that has worked beautifully. So I’m finding myself in unfortunate agreement with Alex that some people can’t let go of their devices, and in so doing, they are one of the group I mentioned in my previous post that are not ready for Mass.

We need to leave behind all inward and outward attachments when we walk into Mass. Whether devices are addictions or night, they are at the least attachments. It’s embarrassing really. Children have an excuse for needing their toys: they’re easily bored and it is their legitimate nature to be attracted to stimulation, but adults? Think about it: You need your toys during Mass. I think that would be a great theme for the pastor to develop.
 
EasterJoy said:
At our parish, everyone is reminded immediately before Mass begins to silence their cell phones and pagers and that the next hour or so belongs to God. One time that I remember, a homilist answered someone’s cell phone for them. As I remember, he let the caller know that they’d reached their party during the homily, that they were currently speaking to the homilist, and that they’d have to call back later. He then turned off the cell phone, handed it back to its owner, and went on with the homily.

Priceless.

Once, when a cell phone went off right after the Agnus Dei, the main celebrant waited until the time for announcements and then ratted out his concelebrant for not turning his cell phone off!

I will leave you to imagine what would happen to a cell phone user who was as rude as what you’re describing. I’m guessing that we’d all find it memorable. :rolleyes: 😃

As for colds and the flu, every fall our pastor tells the parish unequivocally that not only does everyone have an automatic dispensation from him to miss Mass when they have a serious communicable disease, but that he considers it a sin to show up and spread it around! STAY HOME!! Period!! He’s diabetic, so it goes without saying that he knows well how serious it can be to be knocked down with a flu bug.

The parish will go without naming, but a deacon friend of mine is currently waging a campaign to get the choir at his church to keep talking both at a low volume and to a minimum immediately before and after Mass. (As nearly as I can tell, this last thing has been an issue more or less since the Counter-Reformation.)
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malphono said:
Cell phones in church are a pet peeve of mine. No one, and I mean no one, needs to talk on the phone while in church. In the case of a doctor on call, e.g., the phone should be set to vibrate and the person should probably stay toward the back where he/she can go outside to take the call if absolutely necessary. And of course the speaker should be off. All of it comes under the heading “common courtesy” if nothing else.

I recall an incident a few years back where someone had his infernal phone on and it rang during Mass. Of course he answered it (perish the thought that it could wait) and proceeded to get up and pace up and down the aisle, all the while having a conversation. The priest (it may have been the Vicar General) stopped in the middle of a prayer, and told him to “shut the phone off, now.” The guy terminated the call and went back to his place. The phone rang again and, yep, he answered it! The priest stopped again and told him to get out. At the end of Mass the lector made an announcement that all cell phones were to be turned off or at least set to vibrate before entering the church. The following week the rector went further: signs were posted and an announcement was made that the ushers would escort anyone with a ringing cell phone (or anyone talking on a cell phone) to the door. We haven’t had problems with cell phones since.
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Wow. I’d like to have seen that, but it’s perhaps a bit of selfishness on my part to have seen someone like that get the admonition they deserve.
Alex2008 said:
I go home every night by Commuter train and over the past 12 years I have watched the advent of cell phone, ipod, iphone, blackberry use grow and having the opportunity to observe people and their usage of these devices I can only come to one conclusion…these devices are as addictive as drugs or alcohol.

People enter the train, find a seat, and quickly haul out their device, and then a strange things happens…when they connect, their demeanor changes and they show all the signs of getting high! When they cannot connect, their demeanor changes and they show all the signs of being down!

We are now slaves to these devices and we cannot help using them, even during Holy Mass. We’re hooked and can’t stop! So when you see somebody using them even at Mass, the devices are more important to them then even God…they’re addicted.

I have often said to my Wife: even with all their possibilities for good, these devices are the worst things we could have created for ourselves!
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Satan has very subtle ways of getting at us, doesn’t he?
 
I am so big on non-use of cell phones, I just leave mine in the car when we attend Mass. Whatever and whoever is waiting can wait until after I have met the Lord.
 
Alex 2008

I’m glad someone else sees it too - about the cell phones, etc…this internet is addictive also. We must be on our guard always. I refuse to get a cell phone - this computer is bad enough.
Gone Astray

My heart goes out to you as I’m in the same boat you are. I’m against parish hopping as a rule, but sometimes you have no other option.
 
In my parish, there is no excuse for a ringing cell phone, as we are politely reminded to attend to them before Mass starts.
In a sad commentary on our society,😦 we are now also reminded to “refrain from text-messaging”. And yes, I actually saw this happen from the Ambo when I was a lector. Someone sitting in the front row- texting away! uuuggghhhh!':bigyikes:

People who have “coversations” during Mass are also a very big distraction to me. I fnd it very disrespectul and rude, and often think these are the same people who go to the movies to “talk”!:banghead:

As far as children go, any child under 3, what ever they do really does not bother me. I actually heard a priest once say to a mother of a very young infant who was crying “Don’t you take that baby out of here! Listen, everyone, this is the same sound that our Lord Jesus made serveral times in His life, this should be music to our ears!” Needless to say, I never thought of a baby crying during Mass as a distraction ever again!:love:

After about age 3, however, I believe, a child should be able to sit still and be quite and know that they are in “God’s House” and that we need to be quite and prayerful, etc, for an hour. I know many children that age who can watch TV, silently and without squirming for that long, church should be no different. This is how I was raised, and though I have no children of my own, if I did they would be taught the same respect.

IMHO the problem here is catechesis, or the lack there of!😦
 
Lol I am sorry but as bad as all your stories are about the rudeness in Mass, they hold nothing compare to the Mass at my parish. 1) it’s PACKED always. 2) Late arrivals ALWAYS and they always come in through the front. 3) Always a LOUD crying baby 4) There is always someone sick around. 5) Parents don’t control their children, they are always playing or using vulgar language 6) Every Mass at my parish has at least one person who’s style of dress leaves very little to the imagination :eek: 7) Have seen people not eat the Sacred host, upon receiving it and eat it on the walk back 8)CELL Phones! Even after we give the announcement to shut them off before mass begins 9)Holding hands during the Lord’s prayer 10) People talk after taking communion and distract those in prayer and there are so much more. The last thing I saw was a girl next to me chewing gun and blowing bubbles with it :eek: I really just don’t get it!

What’s worse is that I can’t ever say anything because I am always told that I am judging and that I should be happy that these people are at mass. Even my parents have gotten upset at me when I’ve mention this. I don’t even talk to my priest after the way he reacted when I mention about the TLM.
 
I always turn off my cell phone before entering the sanctuary… but ONE time… apparently it turned back on in my pocket and… go figure… rang right in the middle of the consecration. 😊 I could have died. ugh…

I now leave it in the car. 😉
 
I wonder if anyone besides me heard or watched Thursday’s EWTN Mass homily. It was precisely about this subject! (Behavior, deportment, dress, cell phones, everything). It was great. Father ‘Told It Like It Is.’

I definitely think we need more public talk about this – sometimes in homilies, sometimes elsewhere. The level of awareness needs to be raised significantly. I loved the part where he talked about dressing the same way that you would going to your local Bar and Grill (casually, disrespectfully, without consciousness).
 
For the sake of your faith and salvation, please attend a Traditional Latin Mass. It will change your view of the Mass completely.
 
w2bp88 said:
For the sake of your faith and salvation, please attend a Traditional Latin Mass. It will change your view of the Mass completely.
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The form of the Mass does not magically mute or silence cell phones, children or other technology. By your sentence you seem to imply that attendance in the Extraordinary Form is somehow more special over attendance at the Ordinary Form. I see this as a fallacious conclusion, although I appreciate the meaning behind it.

That said (as I’m not trying to steer the topic off), the relative stronger emphasis of reverence in the EF may be good for OF attendees as the number of distractions may be proportionally fewer at an EF Mass.
 
[edited]

And the front-row cell phone incident (I think I mentioned earlier) occurred at a late-night candlelight Mass. I was surprised to see such disregard at this Mass, and I feel for the first time now that I have to ask the priests to mention expectations publicly. People lack such self-control for one hour, once a week, that they can’t be media-free. Amazing. Apparently we are controlled by our gadgets. How sad. The irony is that they’re supposed to make our lives easier, but for too many, these are just another form of slavery to the goods of the modern world. When you can’t let go, you have a problem.
 
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