All you need to do is go to confession and talk it over with your priest.
Yes, it’s disrespectful. Yeah, that’s sinful. But the level of culpability if you have mental concerns, and your father does as well can mitigate all of it. It’s still sinful, but you need to speak to your confessor about it.
I don’t know why people are so reluctant to go to confession. they are there to help you, absolve you if your are truly contrite, and it gives you the grace to be strong in the next similar situation. It’s a win win situation. Just go. You’ll feel so much better.
Go. Speak from your heart. The priest is well equipped to assist you.
God bless.