Respecting religion

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Hello,
I am engaged to a Catholic woman who I’ve been with for 2yrs. I go to mass with her from time to time (when she goes) and I have even brought up going to mass on occasion. I feel like I respect her religion, but she thinks I do not. What can I do to show her that I respect her religion?
I’m not willing to convert, I am not affiliated with a religion though. I am very analytical about religion and like to ask lots of questions and dig into details, which i try to shield her from. However, it comes out when she talks to me about religion. She thinks I hate religion because of this and I don’t hate it. I just like to question to better understand and she doesn’t understand this.
Please help.
Thank you!
Cheers
capsci
 
Go to RCIA. You don’t have to convert, but you can ask all the questions you want. However, I would get recommendations from a good, orthodox priest that you can trust, because some RCIA programs are terrible.
 
I think it was Albert Einstein that said, “If you aren’t able to explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.”

Perhaps she is not as grounded in her Faith as she would like to be, and feels threatened by your questions. Perhaps you come across a little forceful or argumentative in your questioning. More than likely, it is a combination of both. 🙂

I like the advice you were given about attending RCIA. You are not required to convert, but it is a venue where you are welcome to ask your questions and also get some good materials to learn about our religion. I also think this forum is a wonderful resource, because you will get a lot of answers from Catholics at varying stages of their spiritual development and journey. You will sometimes get a little bit of snarkiness in replies, but for the most part we are a friendly, understanding and well learned bunch who are happy to put our two cents worth in. 👍
 
Tell her what you just told us, if you haven’t already.
 
It’s one thing to respect the person and the role religion plays in their life. Respecting religion itself is a different matter entirely.

I dated and married an agnostic. I’ve been where your girlfriend seems to be at. It’s the “I don’t like organized religion” vibe. So many people don’t like “organized religion” it’s become cliche. So cliche that I’ve come across people who can’t wrap their heads around the idea that you could be agnostic simply because* you don’t know what to believe* than because you don’t want to be affiliated with some group. If you’re not part of any religion, you must have something against the concept somehow.

While my then-boyfriend gave me no such reason to believe that this was the case with him, I harbored suspicions that deep down he pitied me for being a Catholic. When we talked about this, he had this look of total horror on his face at the thought that he did or said something to me to gave me that impression. I’ve never suspected him since.

For example, it’s important to watch what you say about OTHER people and their religions too. The words “bible thumper” and “religious nutjob” are not in my husband’s vocabulary. He’s very gracious to people who people who evangelize by going door to door. He appreciates the guts it must take to visit total strangers like that not knowing whether or not they will be greeted with hostility. Don’t treat your girlfriend like she is the exception to some pre-concieved idea of what a religious person is like. Trust me when I say that hearing “everyone in your faith is a hypocrite except you” won’t make her feel better…

Is there anything about Catholicism that you admire? My husband actually admires the fact that the Catholic Church is so organized with a hierarchy. If there is only one truth out there, it is important to unite under a single banner like that. During our marriage prep classes, he was also very impressed with what he learned about Theology of the Body and how much logic and intellect went into the Church teachings about sexuality (he devoured the textbook in one day). It’s not hand-waved aside with a “because God said so”.

I think RCIA is a good idea even if you have no desire to convert. If you can’t do the classes, I’ve heard nothing but good things about the book “Catholicism for Dummies”. However I have heard very few good things about “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Catholicism”.
 
capsci said:
Hello,
I am engaged to a Catholic woman who I’ve been with for 2yrs. I go to mass with her from time to time (when she goes) and I have even brought up going to mass on occasion. I feel like I respect her religion, but she thinks I do not. What can I do to show her that I respect her religion?
I’m not willing to convert, I am not affiliated with a religion though. I am very analytical about religion and like to ask lots of questions and dig into details, which i try to shield her from. However, it comes out when she talks to me about religion. She thinks I hate religion because of this and I don’t hate it. I just like to question to better understand and she doesn’t understand this.
Please help.
Thank you!
Cheers
capsci
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My husband could have written this. He’s not religious either but he goes with me to church. RCIA helped him understand Catholicism and it helped me understand that he does accept my faith, even if he himself doesn’t adopt it.

If your fiance keeps pushing maybe suggest she speak to her priest. I’m sure he’ll remind her that we all have freewill and the only person that can bring someone to God is God. Good luck and blessings on your wedding!
 
RCIA is a big committment of time and is good in some parishes, and a gooey, huggy Kumbaya mess in others. For starters you might want to simply buy a copy of “Catholicism for Dummies” and leave it on the table for her to see. Oh, and read it too! It’s an awesome intro to all things catholic written in plain English.

P.S. Don’t be tempted to substitute “The Idiot’s Guide to Catholicism” due to it being on the 80% off discount rack. There’s a REASON it is there…
 
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