Responding to a derisive attitude

  • Thread starter Thread starter dog_lover90
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

dog_lover90

Guest
Hello,

I have made the decision to join the Catholic Church. What is the best approach for dealing with someone who is very close to you but seems to be very defensive about my choice of religion? This person does not like established religion (but is a Christian) and I’m trying to approach the conversations very lightly through prayer and thought because I don’t want our relationship to suffer, but at the same time I would love for this person to understand and one day join the church as well. Is it better to just tell someone the truth, then let them decide and not keep bringing it up, that way they don’t feel like they’re being pressured? I don’t want to pressure this person.

This is the approach I feel that God is leading me towards, but does anyone have any advice on what to say when this person brings up the Church again? I want to come across as knowledgeable and sincere, which is what I am trying my hardest to be. This person’s exposure to people in the Catholic Church has been poor in the past. What I mean by that is that this person has mostly dealt with self-righteous, judgmental Catholics, which is what I am striving NOT to be, because those are the opposite attitudes that Jesus preached.

Thank you and God bless you
 
EDIT:

I was not able to edit my post by the time I noticed this, but the title should be “defensive” attitude, not derisive. Autocorrect did that
 
😃 I would approach this carefully. I have relatives that are unenthusiastic about Christianity. I have found that saying little is the best. I respond briefly to inquiries. Before becoming a Catholic I was convinced Catholics were legalistic and superstitious. Most but not all of the ex-Catholics I met in my Evangelical church tended to be petty, lax in morality, or had emotional problems. Then I met a couple of my mother’s Catholic friends. They were kind and cheerful in the face of adversity. That made me reconsider the Catholic Church.

😉 So what I would recommend is acting more like my mother’s friends and skip preaching. By the way you are in for quite an experience this coming year.
 
I agree that words in these situations can sometimes just lead to escalation. Let them see it in your actions. That should be the greatest testimony.
 
We all have to deal with people like your friend and it can be very tricky to find the right way to proceed. Depending on your friendship and other issues you have worked through you will probably find honesty couple with sincerity your best approach. Tell them what you have told us, you believe God is calling you but you want this friendship to remain intact. Unfortunately, many of us have had bad experiences with fellow Catholics, we are human. Tell your friend you intend to be a good Catholic who finds peace and love through your faith, ask them to please give you a chance to follow the path you believe God is calling you to follow. But, in the end, follow the path that God is calling you to above all else. I will pray for you!
 
dog_lover90 said:
Hello,

I have made the decision to join the Catholic Church. What is the best approach for dealing with someone who is very close to you but seems to be very defensive about my choice of religion? This person does not like established religion (but is a Christian) and I’m trying to approach the conversations very lightly through prayer and thought because I don’t want our relationship to suffer, but at the same time I would love for this person to understand and one day join the church as well. Is it better to just tell someone the truth, then let them decide and not keep bringing it up, that way they don’t feel like they’re being pressured? I don’t want to pressure this person.

This is the approach I feel that God is leading me towards, but does anyone have any advice on what to say when this person brings up the Church again? I want to come across as knowledgeable and sincere, which is what I am trying my hardest to be. This person’s exposure to people in the Catholic Church has been poor in the past. What I mean by that is that this person has mostly dealt with self-righteous, judgmental Catholics, which is what I am striving NOT to be, because those are the opposite attitudes that Jesus preached.

Thank you and God bless you
Click to expand...
I just attended a conference with sessions by Father Larry Richard who discussed this very thing. He stated the best and really the only way to get someone into the Church is to love them in. That is to say that whatever we do or say must be done in an attitude of love as that will speak more to them than our words. I would tell this person at the beginning of the converstion that “I know that you are worried about me because you love me and are scared that I’m making a big mistake and I love you for that” At the same time I would assure them that you are not taking this step lightly but are being led by the Holy Spirit. Then I would lay out the reasons you are joining the Catholic Church. A good book to read would be Scott Hahn - Rome Sweet Home as he faced the same situation with his family and friends. (Many who later became Catholic!)
 
The very fact that you are converting speaks volumes to your friend. Henceforth, it will be the way you live your life and the way you respond to your friends queries that will be important. You don’t need to (and probably shouldn’t) bring things up again yourself…you’ve already done this, and coupled with your example, wheels will be turning in your friend’s mind and soul.

Don’t expect immediate results. Leave room for God to work. And pray!

I have a friend who left the Catholic Church and became a Presbyterian about 20 years ago. It has taken that long for her to start to take more interest in Catholicism again (she had really bad catechesis when young). She’s attending a Catholic Mass on Sundays (not receiving Holy Communion) but still has doctrinal problems. But I have great hope that she is on her way.
 
I have found that generally the best approach is to live out your faith as an example. There is no need to hide your faith, but you don’t have to be “in your face” about it or bring it up at every opportunity, either. You’ll find a balance. Be yourself, with your newfound joy and faith. “Preach the Gospel; use words when necessary.” 😉

When this person or others make comments (positive or negative) and/or ask questions, then you can respond accordingly. I’ve found that if we bring it up, it tends to feel as though we’re pushing (even when we aren’t), and they will resist much of what we say (sometimes even things they previously agreed with). Also, if it’s a negative comment or an insult, I usually just calmly say, “What makes you feel that way?” And then really listen to the answer. As a friend, I want to help them discover the faith, peace, and joy that I have, but I have to remember that I can’t force them to make the journey, nor can I make it for them.

Don’t offer too much more information than necessary, or you may overwhelm them.

It’s not that you want to hide your faith or avoid the topic by any means; you just want to give them time to process the information a little at a time. Remember, it’s not usually a one-time, win-them-or-lose-them deal; it’s a journey and a process. If you plant the seed and then try to put *all the water it will ever need *on it all at once, you’ll drown it and it won’t grow. 😉
 
Thank you so much everyone for your advice, thoughts, and most importantly, your prayers.

Some of the advice you guys have given is exactly what I thought might be a good idea, and through prayer, guidance of the Holy Spirit, and hearing the same thing from other people I feel more confident about how to approach the situation.

Jesus said the spread the gospel to everyone, but what I have trouble with is the best way to approach this task. I know kindness and love go a long way (actions speak louder than words).

God bless you
 
dog_lover90 said:
Thank you for the advice!

What do you mean by this?
Click to expand...
I am sorry for the delay. I was involved in a little job hunting. 😛

When I went into RCIA I was expecting to just go into Mass and then attend a weekly evening session. I figured I’d learn some of the Catechism and so forth. Well, I experienced all sorts of things. The RCIA group bonded socially. We attended Mass together even when it wasn’t required. Some of the leaders openly denied Church Doctrine. We attended all sorts of church functions. We discovered some of the elderly parishioners would sit in our reserved seats. I was totally frightened at the Sacrament of Reconciliation. We learned quickly which substitute priest was the worst. I discovered how wonderful Daily Mass was. I also discovered that most of the parishioners had no intention of talking to me during social events. I learned I loved the Midnight Mass at Christmas and The Easter Vigil. The good and the bad.

Of course, I may hate the Sacrament of Reconciliation but find it valuable.:ouch:
 
I would be very enthusiastic and willing to share why it is that I was converting tho Catholicism. A perfect chance to begin a conversation. I would suggest reading the Acts of the Apostles and how the early Church was full of zeal to share the Truth of Christ. We are given grace and truth in order to share it with those who lack it; the small flame of a single candle can spread the light across the entire world. Thus Christ said:
  • “I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled!–Luke 12:49-56*
 
My daughter has brought a former agnostic into the Church, as well as a former anti-Catholic atheist (who now attends daily Mass.) She’s only 20. Much of the advice given above is what she did.

In general…these two were friends, and she was a friend to them. Catholicism came up because it was important to her. She didn’t preach, but when they had questions, she was prepared with answers. When you do answer questions, show the love in the Church teachings. It can look like Catholicism is just full of “rules” if people don’t understand the underlying reasoning behind Church teachings.

Ultimately, these two came into the Church for a lot of reasons, but one comment they both made is that the Church has an answer and a reason for everything.

It took awhile. It was two years for one, four years for another. Just be patient. Be caring to your friend, but also show the joy you have in following God through His church. It is always good to have people look at you and want what you have.
 
dog_lover90 said:
Hello,

I have made the decision to join the Catholic Church. What is the best approach for dealing with someone who is very close to you but seems to be very defensive about my choice of religion? This person does not like established religion (but is a Christian) and I’m trying to approach the conversations very lightly through prayer and thought because I don’t want our relationship to suffer, but at the same time I would love for this person to understand and one day join the church as well. Is it better to just tell someone the truth, then let them decide and not keep bringing it up, that way they don’t feel like they’re being pressured? I don’t want to pressure this person.

This is the approach I feel that God is leading me towards, but does anyone have any advice on what to say when this person brings up the Church again? I want to come across as knowledgeable and sincere, which is what I am trying my hardest to be. This person’s exposure to people in the Catholic Church has been poor in the past. What I mean by that is that this person has mostly dealt with self-righteous, judgmental Catholics, which is what I am striving NOT to be, because those are the opposite attitudes that Jesus preached.

Thank you and God bless you
Click to expand...
It seems it is unfair of another person to bully you about your decisions and your choice – that’s what it seems like to me. I sense that you may even be happy about your decision and it’s good to exude that attitude.

You (like all of us) have a duty to evangelize others and maybe you could say something like “you don’t seem ready to commit to joining the church.” Maybe you can help this person admit to themselves what his/her hangup is. You may be doing more good for this person than you realize, even if you don’t see the immediate results.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top