Response to relative who wants her wedding in our backyard

[ElizLeone]

Thank you to all of you who provided such wonderful (name removed by moderator)ut! I am preparing my message to our niece tonight, in order to relay the news that we cannot host either the wedding or the reception at our home. Thanks for all the great food for thought, as it has really helped me to flesh out how best to approach this delicate situation.

Gratefully,
Elizabeth

 

[Mom_of_5]

Please let us know what happens. We can only hope that she will marry in the church, but then, if she does, will she actually practice her faith and raise her children Catholic? It is important that if she does marry in the church she does it for the right reasons, not just so she can have her reception in your back yard. I say a prayer for you tonight.

Love and peace, Mon of 5

 

[boppaid]

Simply tell her that Catholic Canon Law does not allow her to have the wedding in your backyard. That she will learn the details during the Marriage preparation process and when they meet with her pastor.

After the wedding in the Catholic church, you would be happy to have the reception in your backyard.

How can she expect this girl to get married in the Catholic Church? It doesn’t even sound like she’s catholic, aside from her infant baptism! No communion, no reconciliation, no confirmation, etc. They won’t marry her in the CC anyway, will they?

I say offer to have the reception.

 

[decn2b]

I say offer to have the reception.

What is the reception for? What kind of message is that sending.

Is it saying? " *Hey, even though I believe that Jesus Christ is King of Kings and is in fact the Pascal Lamb. Even though I take my faith as the core of my existance and my life. Even though I value the institution of marriage as one of the greatest gifts covenentally created by god, in which, we as humans are given the grace to actually participate in action with god to bring forth, in cooperation with God, his greatest creation, that is,… Man. Even though I value the fact that God has entrusted me with the very lives of my children which includes fostering, teaching and protecting them in the very faith I hold as the core of my existance. Though I do not recognize my nieces marriage as contradictory to my faith and her choice in not to include God in her life and relationship with a man of which she intends to procreate and bring forth new human life.Yes I am indeed willing to risk the impression it will have on all who see me in cooperation with somthing that flys in contrast to meaning of Marriage which I hold. It doesn’t matter to me the impression of which will have potentially serious impact on my childrens growth as Christians and on my very niece who has not had proper catechsesis on much of anything let alone the concept of what Marriage is. I am willing to risk it simply to be nice to my niece." *

To me having the reception is like throwing a big celebration for somthing that you personally consider contrast to your belief system.

Bad feelings aside…would you throw a big party for your niece if she found out she had cancer? Such a lifestyle perhaps is actually much worse than cancer. Cancer is only a temporary situation. Eternity comes to mind here.

Having the reception is in a tiny way your validation of her lifestyle.

 

[AuntMartha]

To me having the reception is like throwing a big celebration for somthing that you personally consider contrast to your belief system.

Yes, I agree with this.

Think of it this way: What if the niece was having a “neo-pagan” wedding - would you feel right about hosting the reception for that? Hosting the wedding/reception is a huge step up from someone attending a wedding (and there are some wedding ceremonies that even attending would be a problem for some). It’s sort of like an endorsement of the non-religious marriage. So if the wedding or the reception that celebrates that wedding does not jibe with one’s beliefs, it is really unacceptable to go ahead with hosting it in one’s home.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

How can she expect this girl to get married in the Catholic Church? It doesn’t even sound like she’s catholic, aside from her infant baptism! No communion, no reconciliation, no confirmation, etc. They won’t marry her in the CC anyway, will they?

I say offer to have the reception.

The Church will most likely have her attend an adult Sacramental preparation program, in addition to the Marriage preparation. The she would receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation, First Holy Communion and Confirmation before the Sacrament of Marriage.

Since she was Baptized Catholic and it seems has not formally left the Catholic faith, she is still bound by Canon Law.

 

[kage_ar]

Dear Neice -

When your parents made the decision to baptize you in the Church, this was more than a pretty ceremony.

On that day your mom and dad, your Godparents and the Christian Community made solemn voes to raise you in the Faith.

At that time, you became a Christian, a member of Christ’s visible body on earth - the Holy Catholic Church. That membership brings great blessings and great responsibility. The grace of that Baptism has remained on your heart.

One of the responsibilities we have as Catholic Christians is to abide by the Canon Law of the Church. There are laws that govern how and where marriages take place. The wedding as you have proposed does not fit into those laws. Knowing what a loving young woman you are, I am sure you would not want us to viloate both those laws and our Faith.

Should you wish to further discuss this great Faith, please call me anytime.

Enclosed is a book that may further explain - Love, Auntie Dear