Responsibility to Parents

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BlueEyedLady

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I see a lot of conflicting statements on this site regarding the responsibility an adult child has when it comes to making life choices that go against their parents values. For example, adult children are called “selfish” for the position they put their parents in when they when they live with a significant other, marry someone of a different faith, raise children outside of the Catholic faith, come out as gay, etc. If that is the case then what is a child’s responsibility when it comes to living out their parent’s values?

What about when it comes to lesser things such as moving across the country to raise a family?

Where is the line between an adult living their own life and being “selfish” towards parents?
 
I suggest the Catechism section on the Fourth Commandment as the starting point for the answer to this question.

vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM

One should also ponder that decisions to **sin **and decisions of **prudential judgment **are not equal decisions and therefore do not enjoy the same legitimacy nor response from parents or those on this board.
 
1ke said:
I suggest the Catechism section on the Fourth Commandment as the starting point for the answer to this question.

vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM

One should also ponder that decisions to **sin **and decisions of **prudential judgment **are not equal decisions and therefore do not enjoy the same legitimacy nor response from parents or those on this board.
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Of course not. And there are absolutely things that my child could do that would not get a good response from me. If my kid were to drop out of college, abuse drugs, or abuse the welfare system you can believe I would be upset. But I wouldn’t say that they were being selfish or failing in their responsibilities or duties to me.
 
Or even if my child married a convicted child molester, white supremacist, or southern Baptist. I would be worried, disappointed, and sad, but I wouldn’t say that my child betrayed our family or acted selfishly simply because they are not obligated to make decisions that line up with my values or beliefs.

Interestingly enough, my mom thinks it’s selfish that I won’t move back to the area I grew up in.

Everyone has their own thoughts and views, and my guess would be that it depends on your perspective, that of the child or parent in this scenario.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Or even if my child married a convicted child molester, white supremacist, or southern Baptist. I would be worried, disappointed, and sad, but I wouldn’t say that my child betrayed our family or acted selfishly simply because they are not obligated to make decisions that line up with my values or beliefs.
Interestingly enough, my mom thinks it’s selfish that I won’t move back to the area I grew up in.

Everyone has their own thoughts and views, and my guess would be that it depends on your perspective, that of the child or parent in this scenario.
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An adult does not have to obey his parents–they do not have authority over him. However, the adult son or daughter should not shame the parents by publically engaging in or advocating sin.
 
St_Francis said:
An adult does not have to obey his parents–they do not have authority over him. However, the adult son or daughter should not shame the parents by publically engaging in or advocating sin.
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That’s an outlook that I have a hard time with. My mom didn’t believe in being ashamed of her kids (and trust me, my brother tried 😉 ). Even when she didn’t agree with what she did her head was held high on our behalf, and she always reminded us that no matter what she was proud to be our mother.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Or even if my child married a convicted child molester, white supremacist, or southern Baptist. I would be worried, disappointed, and sad, but I wouldn’t say that my child betrayed our family or acted selfishly simply because they are not obligated to make decisions that line up with my values or beliefs.

Interestingly enough, my mom thinks it’s selfish that I won’t move back to the area I grew up in.

Everyone has their own thoughts and views, and my guess would be that it depends on your perspective, that of the child or parent in this scenario.
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I’m sure southern baptists would appreciate being lumped with a child molester and racist. :rolleyes:
 
defenderoftruth said:
I’m sure southern baptists would appreciate being lumped with a child molester and racist. :rolleyes:
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No no no no no. Ok, that was bad. Poorly thought out and bad. I wasn’t using them as an example because I think they’re bad people or evil in any way. I used them because they tend to have very, very different values and outlooks than I do. Kind of like if the child of a Catholic married an atheist.

So sorry for any offense taken.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
That’s an outlook that I have a hard time with. My mom didn’t believe in being ashamed of her kids (and trust me, my brother tried 😉 ). Even when she didn’t agree with what she did her head was held high on our behalf, and she always reminded us that no matter what she was proud to be our mother.
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It’s an old-fashioned concept, that’s true. But imagine how parents of adult children feel when their children commit some spectacular crime that makes national headlines. Everywhere they go, people stare at them, and some people might even be rude to them. And even years later, they go on vacation and someone recognizes the name… Notoriety, I guess, is a better word than shame–i put it into quotation marks to differentiate the concept from the sort of thing that your mother was talking about, altho I suspect that the dismay you would feel if your child married, say, a bank robber, would be the same thing under a different name.

There are several reasons for the change: the freudian elimination of shame, rampant individualism, and the reduction of activites considered shameful.
 
Part of honoring our parents means that we do not bring dishonor to them, even as adults.
 
I wonder about this as well. I might have to move overseas someday. I’m an only child but would feel so guilty for leaving my parents behind. They always say to do whatever makes me happy and they’ll support me with any decisions I make but I just don’t know how I could leave them 😦 Maybe move to the other side of the country but is it ok to move to the other side of the world? 🤷
 
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