Responsibility to Report Something that happened a long time ago?

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PeteZaHut

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I posted this in another thread aleady, but wanted to get some more opinions.

This is an awkward situation to bring up online.

When a was pretty little (I’m guessing 7-10 years old), me and 2 other kids were being babysat for the night. The babysitter, an older male, who I am pretty sure was a teenager at the time, convinced us to play strip poker with him.

Being the age that I was, I didn’t fully realize the wrong that had happened. It being about 10 years later now, I would hope that he would have time to mature and realize that isn’t the kind of thing you should do. I would also hope that he was going through a stage of changes in his life that had him confused.

Is this something I should do something about now? I am 99% sure who this person was, and I guess I could talk to the other two people involved if it really came down to it. It’s just an uncomfortable situation. I don’t feel any need for revenge or anything, I just don’t want to be morally responsible for not reporting something that I should.
 
i don’t know my priest very well and wouldn’t be real comfortable talking with him about something like that.
 
I think you should talk about this with your parents. As a mother, if this had happened to my son, I would definitely want to know. And yes, you do have a responsibility. He may have been, and still be, doing this, so other children could be put at risk. Your parents (who hired him) should know so that they can question this young man and possibly his family if necessary. I sympathize with your wish not to ‘bring ill’ onto another but you didn’t ask for this young man to put you into the situation, did you? HE was the one who caused this situation, not you. And it is likely that he needs some kind of help in which case you would actually be helping him, not harming him, in the long run. God bless you.
 
Tantum_ergo said:
I think you should talk about this with your parents. As a mother, if this had happened to my son, I would definitely want to know. And yes, you do have a responsibility. He may have been, and still be, doing this, so other children could be put at risk. Your parents (who hired him) should know so that they can question this young man and possibly his family if necessary. I sympathize with your wish not to ‘bring ill’ onto another but you didn’t ask for this young man to put you into the situation, did you? HE was the one who caused this situation, not you. And it is likely that he needs some kind of help in which case you would actually be helping him, not harming him, in the long run. God bless you.
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This is good advice. You wrote 99% sure. One thing you don’t want to do is make accusation about the wrong person. This is the type of thing that can ruin an innocent person’s life.

This needs to be addressed, though, by your parents.
 
One thing that’s got me thinking is should he be held accountable now as an adult for something he did as a teenager?
 
I pray for you Pete.

My wife was abused many years ago by more than one person.

One was a rape by the father of the children she babysat for. The other was much worse.

She dealt with many years of personal conflict and feelings of guilt and shame. She was a young girl at the time. Something she lacked was a stable home life. If you have that I would recommend as others have is an honest discussion with your parents.

Best of luck and my prayers are with you.
 
Pete, he is to be ‘held accountable’ if he did wrong, whether he did it as a toddler, a child, a teen, a young adult, or an old man. Wrong is wrong. However, there are certainly differences in the way that we are held accountable which can depend on things like our age, our capacity, etc. You can be sure that if this is brought up, his age (and yours also) at the time of the incident will be taken into consideration. But please, talk to your parents. And God bless you.
 
PeteZaHut said:
I posted this in another thread aleady, but wanted to get some more opinions.

This is an awkward situation to bring up online.

When a was pretty little (I’m guessing 7-10 years old), me and 2 other kids were being babysat for the night. The babysitter, an older male, who I am pretty sure was a teenager at the time, convinced us to play strip poker with him.

Being the age that I was, I didn’t fully realize the wrong that had happened. It being about 10 years later now, I would hope that he would have time to mature and realize that isn’t the kind of thing you should do. I would also hope that he was going through a stage of changes in his life that had him confused.

Is this something I should do something about now? I am 99% sure who this person was, and I guess I could talk to the other two people involved if it really came down to it. It’s just an uncomfortable situation. I don’t feel any need for revenge or anything, I just don’t want to be morally responsible for not reporting something that I should.
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What you’d also need to consider is whether or not the man was an older teenager, and if he told you children afterwards to “be quiet or else” or to not tell your parents? Also do you think this man could be still carrying on this activity?
 
I don’t still talk to this person today. Last I heard, he had dropped out of college and started working in a grocery store. I’d estimate he was about 14-17 years old. I wouldn’t think he’d be in the kind of situation to do that again. I am pretty sure he wouldn’t be working around children or anything. Anyway, I would hope that someone wouldn’t continue something like that and would regret doing it as a teenager.
 
Have you ever considered confronting him with it?

(I am really sorry, I am not sure if this is wise advice, just a thought.)
 
:twocents:(for what it’s worth) What He did was very wrong. I think you should accept that what he did was wrong, so that you can forgive him. If you don’t accept that what he did was wrong, you will excuse him, and you will not see the need to forgive him. This will not help you much.

When I have to approach someone to correct them, I always try to do in the way our Lord Jesus prescribed, (which might help If you DO decide to approach him with it.)
**A Brother Who Sins Against You **
"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.
But if he will *not *listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’
If he refuses to listen to them also, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
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"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
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“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”** (Matt. 18:15-20).**
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God bless you, hope you get some resolution on the matter!
 
I think this might hinge a bit on why you did not tell your parents immediately. Were you threatened if you told? Did anything beyond stripping naked occur? Did it happen more than once? I do agree with the others that this should be discussed with your parents. You are still a minor and they need to take the responsibility off your shoulders.
 
I had never really understood that anything wrong had happened when I was little. No, nothing beyong that occured, and it only happened once. I, myself, was never even naked.
 
PeteZaHut said:
i don’t know my priest very well and wouldn’t be real comfortable talking with him about something like that.
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Talk to him in confession. He cannot talk about it outside the box without your permission and then he can only talk to you about it if you give him permission and you can always hide behind the screen if you wish:)
 
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